Social Phobia
As a child of about nine years old, the fear of public restrooms was instilled in me by some middle-aged pervert at the Battlefield Mall. I'd just pulled down my pants for a quick Number 2 when I heard quick, heavy breaths coming from above my seat on the porcelain throne. When I looked up, quite to my horror, I saw a face, a man standing on the toilet in the stall next door trying to get a little peak over the beige (and aren't they always beige?) partition.
For years I refused the use of public restrooms, wouldn't even go at school, eight hours of piss toxins building up to be relieved only in the safety of the home. Later, I began experimenting, using public facilities only under dire circumstances. When I was finally old enough to get into bars, and when I'd had too much to drink before actually getting to the bar, use of the pisser hardly even fazed me. So drinking, and a couple drunken sexual encounters, eventually helped me to get over my phobia.
These days, I find myself giggling at bathroom wall grafitti. Today I saw one caveman-type carving that read, "The south will rise again into a multi-racial nation." Someone had come in later, it seems, and drawn an arrow to the "multi-racial" part and written "BULLSHIT."
My favorite of all-time, though, is one I found and photographed in a convenience store in Oklahoma. It said: "White is Rihgt [sic]."
God Bless America.
For years I refused the use of public restrooms, wouldn't even go at school, eight hours of piss toxins building up to be relieved only in the safety of the home. Later, I began experimenting, using public facilities only under dire circumstances. When I was finally old enough to get into bars, and when I'd had too much to drink before actually getting to the bar, use of the pisser hardly even fazed me. So drinking, and a couple drunken sexual encounters, eventually helped me to get over my phobia.
These days, I find myself giggling at bathroom wall grafitti. Today I saw one caveman-type carving that read, "The south will rise again into a multi-racial nation." Someone had come in later, it seems, and drawn an arrow to the "multi-racial" part and written "BULLSHIT."
My favorite of all-time, though, is one I found and photographed in a convenience store in Oklahoma. It said: "White is Rihgt [sic]."
God Bless America.