Kirby left work... Ryan crossed my mind... This time forreals
Today (just yesterday) was such a dry day. Not only the store was totally dead because assuming everybody was out celebrating Chinese New Year, but it it was also Tash's & Kirby's last day at work. I was more upset about Kirby cause she was one of the few people that was nice to me when I first started work. She never gave me a hard time, ever, and the first time we met she always had a smile on her face and tries to make me feel comfortable.*sigh* I'm glad I met her though, I'm happy that she's moving on with better things in life and do hope she'll enjoy the career that she'll be making in the hopitals. As for Tash, I just wish her for the best.
I got home, watched TV like I usually do. Then I got bored so I decided to go on the net and whilst sending the Bona Pasogit pictures to Ria... Ryan just came across my mind. Maybe it was because of that 'Marc Dorsey-I Crave' song, whatever it was... felt like my feelings just rushed at once and realised that I've been in denial of pretending that I'm over him when I'm not. What the hell was I supposed to do? Not like he's here where I can be with him, and not like I'd be brave enough to meet him right now and let him know how I feel. Man I feel like such a high school kid. Most people my age shouldn't even feel like this. I used to tell myself I don't want to loose him as a friend, well it's not like we still keep in contact ever since he left anyway but I should've at least let him know how I feel...
I just checked out his new photos, and noticed that he took off the ones with his hot (ex)-girlfriend. I'm kinda glad they ain't together no more, though I wonder if he's happy though. I mean is he content? What's his life like there? Does he ever reminsce and think about me? Does he know how I feel? Or did he really feel how I felt in year 11, when the last time he hugged me? Ohh... if only we hugged more that day... if only we spoke more... if only we were doing the things those two best friends were doing--holding hands, sitting on each other's laps... hugged more... or maybe ryan was just saying that to make me do those things? aww I was such a fool for putting a distance between us. I just kept remembering that day... when I was by the phone talking to Paolo and he came up looking kinda scared as if he was about to say something... I tried to pull myself together cause I had a feeling on what he was gonna say. He stood right next to me with his back towards his friends as if he didn't want them to see what was happening. But my heart was beating faster and faster as he came on closer to me with that serious look on his face, like he was about to confess something he'd never done before. I just felt like I wanted to hug him and hold him right there and then, like how he hugged me when he first saw me after a long time in front of his friends, I just wanted to stay there as long as I could feeling the warmthness and comfortness of his body. I was stupid enough to lead the way back to his friends and what seemed like my pace was as fast as my heartbeat cause I was too nervous. He walked behind me throughout the whole time we hung out. I noticed he kept looking hard on the ground as we walked and I heard his friend said "Have you told her yet?" And I wished I could turn back time and give all the time that he needed to tell me how he feels. If I can see him again, I'd give him the biggest hug anyone could ever feel in their lives and start new memories to reminisce with. (And of course I'd have to be langsing when I see him). I just wish he still feels the same when he sees me... however long that may be...
Fantasia Barrino-Truth Is
[Bridge]
Now the truth is it hurts but I that the fault mines
'Cuz I let him go
Tried to get over it but it's messed up he's not mine (Because I know)
[Chorus]
(Truth is I never got over you
(Truth is) Wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) And when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) And it's killing me cuz now I know
(Truth is) And when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
Love always,
-C