Colours and Scents and Explanations
After writing that post all about my shopping trip and my half splurge and half practical purchase I wanted to talk about a few things. First of all, it's all about the colour. I miss it, Gawd do I miss it. I don't miss being able to see spacific people or places or things, as my detailed vision was neverr steller, but I do miss colours, especially bright vivid ones. I think one of the reasons that I like VB and buy it, is that their patterns are beautiful, fun, not drab or austere like leather bags, even high end ones can be. I like to picture them. I like to know that people going by and seeing them might appreciate a particular colour or smile for just a second because of the chearful yellow in Bali Gold or might feel a tiny fleeting moment of tranquility from the pretty blue in my Bali Blue bag, and so on. I'm not trying to make guys think I'm sexy, or employers think I'm efficent or a go-getter, I'm not trying to be "in" with my peers. I want people from the old homeless dude on the corner to the toddler running past to see the colour and think for a moment about something emotional, not necessarily even happy, it could be sad, deep, interesting, amusing, comforting, whatever. People who have perfectly usable vision walk around like blind sheep all day and any sensory element that can break through their jaded apathy or their frantic rat-race mentality is a good thing. I know that if I could still see my bags I'd once in a while just pick up my wallet and take a moment to look at the yellow and think of bright yellow floaties on me as I splashed happily around in someone's backyard pool when I was 4 or of bright lemon slices lazily drifting in home made iced tea on my mom's portch on Berwick street while the windchimes chimed and the morning doves coo coo cooed. Would someone see me and think I was weird/high/retarded? Perhaps. Do I give a damn? Nope. You bet I don't. People still look at me funny when I pick up a plush animal from a toy store shelf and rub it against my cheek, stop to sniff the aroma of a bite of food just about to enter my mouth, take the time to stroke and run my hands down the length of a silk dress. I don't know if they think I'm pathetic, trying to make up for my lack of sight, if they think I'm being melodramatic either to gain the attention of men or to elissit sympathy from the general population, or if they think I'm "special" and that these sensory joys are my only sollace in a world lacking intellectual and meaningful adult in-put. Probably all of those things have crossed people's minds over the years, and they can all collectively shut the fuck up.
I love living, experiencing life, and I want other people to take the time to taste what they're eating, to look at what they're passing, to think about what they are hearing and smelling as they pass through this world. Unless I'm going into a hospital or the home of someone I know is super prone to migraines, I want them to smell my perfume, whether they like it or not, hopefully it will rouse them momentarily from their day-to-day lack of observance. I'm not going to begrudge sighted people the colours and light I miss, but I'm damned if I'm going to let them take it for granted, or if I'm going to stop caring about what colours I surround myself with. I'd love to take the time to find just the perfect colours and textures of clothing, but that would be extremely costly, time consuming and as I gain or lose weight, things would have to be replaced or given up. It doesn't matter if I way 350 pounds or 110, I can always use the same purse, the same backpack, the same handbag. One thing I do not do, that really sort of disgusts me when I see it, is have a different VB handbag for each outfit I own. I know some women who actually do this. A. I can't aford it and B. Even if I could, I would never waste money on doing something so frivilous. I also know women who wear colours they don't like because it is popular or people tell them it suits them, even if they hate it. Grow a backbone. If you like it, wear it, if you don't? Then leave it for someone who does genuinely like it, and spend your money on a charity or on something for yourself that you will at least enjoy.
I don't go out of my way to conform, but I don't go out of my way to be different either. VB is pretty popular, but I like it because of the colours, the quality, the style and the product, and I buy it because I like it, not because it's in fashion. If it went out of style, I'd keep buying it. High healed shoes for instance. I don't like them. They make me feel like an empty headed barby doll, they hurt my feet, they make me feel off balance, they are often quite pricy, they make a sexist statement in some situations and styles that I do not want to endorce, and I am already overweight, and on the taller side of average, I don't need to loom or tower over my female peers anymore than I already do. I don't want to look or feel like the jolly green jiant holding the arm of a 110 lb 5 ft 2 in woman who is helping me out or hanging out with me.
I can appreciate really nice things and quality without going over the top. Is VB much more classy then pleather bags from Walmart? Indeed it is. Is it Channel, hundreds and hundreds of dollars for one bag? Absolutely not. I want quality, but I do not insist on luxury. That's how my collection is too, middle of the road. I know some people who can't afford, or who can afford but don't think they deserve more than 1 purse, or a purse worth more than 10 dollars from the discount shelf, or who just don't care what their bag says about them, how it looks, if the labor practices to make it were fair, if the materials are steardy and quality and will last, they just buy whatever, toss it when it breaks and then get another cheep bag. I am also not one of those people who buys a whole new colour or pattern every season, or has a different bag for each outfit in their closet. I do have a different colour for each season, but I go by natural callinder seasons, and some Wiccan or Pagan ideas about what each season calls for, and I use the same bags each year, just rotating them each season. I do not follow the fashion seasons, I do not look at what is "hot this season."
The colour associated with Spring is yellow, so I have Bali Gold, a pattern with a ton of a really bright vivid yellow, not washed out cream, not ugly orangey school bus yellow. Bright beautiful rich sunshine yellow. Red is the colour associated with summer, but Raspberry Fiz features pinks ranging from quite light to ones with quite a lot of red in them, and reds are too dark and heavy to be predominant in my wardrobe at any time in my life. They don't suit me, they don't do much for me, and so I picked bright vivid happy pinks. For Autumn the associated colour is blue, so I picked Bali Blue which has another rich, beautiful shade, this time of blue, the element associated with Autumn is water and this blue I can picture and it reminds me of water and tranquility and that bitter sweet longing for summer's return while slowing down for the winter ahead. And, I just made Simply Violet my winter colour. Green is the colour associated with winter, and earth is the element that goes along with it, but green and brown are not colours I liked when I could see them, they do not particularly suit me, and they do not make me happy, they don't make me much of anything, so I chose Simply Violet because I love violet flowers, the scent and violet the colour, both of which make me think of cool or cold sensations, deep beauty that is grave, stately or contemplative, not bubbly, juvinal or superficial. I hate winter, I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and I didn't want to embrace winter with browns and greens, nor did I want to tirelessly and futily fight it with lemon yellow, frivilous pink, childish lime green, etc, that sort of wearing coconut fragrances in the dead of winter sort of thing. So I picked a colour that helps me to see the beauty, if not the comfort in winter. Instead of picking forest green or chocolate brown to make me feel warmer, which is a false warmth, or florescent summer and spring colours that only look forced in cold weather and make me long even more for what is months and months away. I picked a colour that reminds me of the bracing beauty of ice burgs in frigid arctic waters, the severe grace of ice clifs and the stunning splendor of miles of crystaline snow, undisturbed by human or animal just as dawn is breaking. It's a realistic aproach to finding something real and beautiful in winter, instead of embracing the whole winter culture or denying the existance of winter either.
Compared with owning a pair of shoes in every colour, having tons of outfits I wear only for special ocasions, designer jeans or buying new clothing every change of season even if I have perfectly fine clothing already apropriate for the temperature and weather conditions, having four sets of Vera Bradley essentials and letting that be enough, is very frugal. Is it noble, selfless and charitable? No, but it helps me have some self esteme about my appearance. There are a few things I genuinely like about how I look: my hair, my VB bags in really unique and brilliant colours, my hands and my colouring of skin and hair that makes my best colours bright yellows, lavendars, turquoise, lime green, hot pink, etc. Besides, until and unless my VB bags become unusable, I should have no reason to buy more once I have a full set of each colour, which I am close to now. That should not be for at least 5, but probably closer to 10 years as I take good care of my bags, and I rotate them, so 4 years of switching bags each season is like only using each bag for a year, so the wear and tear is minimal.
This has gotten sort of rambly, but these are some things I really wanted to talk about as I often feel judged because of the fact that we do worry about money and I own a 98 dollar back pack and a 50 dollar purse, nevermind that most of what I own was 10 to 60 percent off, always was bought locally or was bought online with free shipping and is well taken care of. I hope that if you got through reading this whole thing you might understand a little better how I think and what makes me tick, even if you still don't agree with it or like it, which is of course always your right.
I love living, experiencing life, and I want other people to take the time to taste what they're eating, to look at what they're passing, to think about what they are hearing and smelling as they pass through this world. Unless I'm going into a hospital or the home of someone I know is super prone to migraines, I want them to smell my perfume, whether they like it or not, hopefully it will rouse them momentarily from their day-to-day lack of observance. I'm not going to begrudge sighted people the colours and light I miss, but I'm damned if I'm going to let them take it for granted, or if I'm going to stop caring about what colours I surround myself with. I'd love to take the time to find just the perfect colours and textures of clothing, but that would be extremely costly, time consuming and as I gain or lose weight, things would have to be replaced or given up. It doesn't matter if I way 350 pounds or 110, I can always use the same purse, the same backpack, the same handbag. One thing I do not do, that really sort of disgusts me when I see it, is have a different VB handbag for each outfit I own. I know some women who actually do this. A. I can't aford it and B. Even if I could, I would never waste money on doing something so frivilous. I also know women who wear colours they don't like because it is popular or people tell them it suits them, even if they hate it. Grow a backbone. If you like it, wear it, if you don't? Then leave it for someone who does genuinely like it, and spend your money on a charity or on something for yourself that you will at least enjoy.
I don't go out of my way to conform, but I don't go out of my way to be different either. VB is pretty popular, but I like it because of the colours, the quality, the style and the product, and I buy it because I like it, not because it's in fashion. If it went out of style, I'd keep buying it. High healed shoes for instance. I don't like them. They make me feel like an empty headed barby doll, they hurt my feet, they make me feel off balance, they are often quite pricy, they make a sexist statement in some situations and styles that I do not want to endorce, and I am already overweight, and on the taller side of average, I don't need to loom or tower over my female peers anymore than I already do. I don't want to look or feel like the jolly green jiant holding the arm of a 110 lb 5 ft 2 in woman who is helping me out or hanging out with me.
I can appreciate really nice things and quality without going over the top. Is VB much more classy then pleather bags from Walmart? Indeed it is. Is it Channel, hundreds and hundreds of dollars for one bag? Absolutely not. I want quality, but I do not insist on luxury. That's how my collection is too, middle of the road. I know some people who can't afford, or who can afford but don't think they deserve more than 1 purse, or a purse worth more than 10 dollars from the discount shelf, or who just don't care what their bag says about them, how it looks, if the labor practices to make it were fair, if the materials are steardy and quality and will last, they just buy whatever, toss it when it breaks and then get another cheep bag. I am also not one of those people who buys a whole new colour or pattern every season, or has a different bag for each outfit in their closet. I do have a different colour for each season, but I go by natural callinder seasons, and some Wiccan or Pagan ideas about what each season calls for, and I use the same bags each year, just rotating them each season. I do not follow the fashion seasons, I do not look at what is "hot this season."
The colour associated with Spring is yellow, so I have Bali Gold, a pattern with a ton of a really bright vivid yellow, not washed out cream, not ugly orangey school bus yellow. Bright beautiful rich sunshine yellow. Red is the colour associated with summer, but Raspberry Fiz features pinks ranging from quite light to ones with quite a lot of red in them, and reds are too dark and heavy to be predominant in my wardrobe at any time in my life. They don't suit me, they don't do much for me, and so I picked bright vivid happy pinks. For Autumn the associated colour is blue, so I picked Bali Blue which has another rich, beautiful shade, this time of blue, the element associated with Autumn is water and this blue I can picture and it reminds me of water and tranquility and that bitter sweet longing for summer's return while slowing down for the winter ahead. And, I just made Simply Violet my winter colour. Green is the colour associated with winter, and earth is the element that goes along with it, but green and brown are not colours I liked when I could see them, they do not particularly suit me, and they do not make me happy, they don't make me much of anything, so I chose Simply Violet because I love violet flowers, the scent and violet the colour, both of which make me think of cool or cold sensations, deep beauty that is grave, stately or contemplative, not bubbly, juvinal or superficial. I hate winter, I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and I didn't want to embrace winter with browns and greens, nor did I want to tirelessly and futily fight it with lemon yellow, frivilous pink, childish lime green, etc, that sort of wearing coconut fragrances in the dead of winter sort of thing. So I picked a colour that helps me to see the beauty, if not the comfort in winter. Instead of picking forest green or chocolate brown to make me feel warmer, which is a false warmth, or florescent summer and spring colours that only look forced in cold weather and make me long even more for what is months and months away. I picked a colour that reminds me of the bracing beauty of ice burgs in frigid arctic waters, the severe grace of ice clifs and the stunning splendor of miles of crystaline snow, undisturbed by human or animal just as dawn is breaking. It's a realistic aproach to finding something real and beautiful in winter, instead of embracing the whole winter culture or denying the existance of winter either.
Compared with owning a pair of shoes in every colour, having tons of outfits I wear only for special ocasions, designer jeans or buying new clothing every change of season even if I have perfectly fine clothing already apropriate for the temperature and weather conditions, having four sets of Vera Bradley essentials and letting that be enough, is very frugal. Is it noble, selfless and charitable? No, but it helps me have some self esteme about my appearance. There are a few things I genuinely like about how I look: my hair, my VB bags in really unique and brilliant colours, my hands and my colouring of skin and hair that makes my best colours bright yellows, lavendars, turquoise, lime green, hot pink, etc. Besides, until and unless my VB bags become unusable, I should have no reason to buy more once I have a full set of each colour, which I am close to now. That should not be for at least 5, but probably closer to 10 years as I take good care of my bags, and I rotate them, so 4 years of switching bags each season is like only using each bag for a year, so the wear and tear is minimal.
This has gotten sort of rambly, but these are some things I really wanted to talk about as I often feel judged because of the fact that we do worry about money and I own a 98 dollar back pack and a 50 dollar purse, nevermind that most of what I own was 10 to 60 percent off, always was bought locally or was bought online with free shipping and is well taken care of. I hope that if you got through reading this whole thing you might understand a little better how I think and what makes me tick, even if you still don't agree with it or like it, which is of course always your right.