My little Southern drama
My eyes are almost swollen shut from crying----I hope I can type this without too many mistakes.
Ok-----I think my emotional outburst started this afternoon with a funeral train. Ok, you know, this is the train of cars that all have their lights on---they are the cars that go to the grave site. I was leaving the bank and there is a long train of cars with their lights on ----indicating a funeral. I did what I was ALWAYS taught to do. I pulled over and stopped. You stop. You think of the lost one. Dang it!!! ----you STOP!!!! I am merging to the side of the road getting honked at and the ugly looks------does ANYONE have RESPECT in the South anymore?? I am so damn Southern I don't even know if this is just a Southern tradition or a tradition everywhere out of general respect. But, regardless, I am on the side of the road doing what I was taught to do-------and I was APPALLED at the disrespect of others.
I will never forget as long as I live, when I was in the funeral train for my mother------there was an old man that pulled over AND GOT OUT OF HIS CAR AND BOWED HIS HEAD TO US as we passed by. I asked my Pawpaw what that was about-----he said, "he is paying respect for your mother". That statement has never left me. It was an honor I have NEVER forgotten. Where is our honor now?? Why did I get honked at and yelled at for pulling over?? When did we lose respect for each other----in life and death???
It all has sent me into a wave of emotion. I was on IM tonight with my Mawmaw (she so rocks with the technology!!)------and, I told her that I don't think I will ever find love and that I have other plans. She told me to turn it over to God. I have-----I told her. But, I could tell by what she said to me that she was heartbroken for me. It hurt my soul. I have disappointed them. She told me over IM that she was crying too. I was horrified. See----at my home----you make Mawmaw cry----and Pawpaw gets mad. You don't make Mawmaw cry-----oh, geez!!!
So, I called my Aunt. Call Mawmaw, I said-----make sure she is OK----I think I made her cry. Yikes!!! She knew the severity of this and got RIGHT on the phone.
Well, long story short. Everything is OK----but my little drama has granted me a visit from them in the next month or two. But, to be honest. I need it. I need my roots and my priorities realigned. I welcome the visit and the discipline (not the punishment kind---the training kind). I need and deserve it.
But, this brings me to the idea that I am thankful that I am Southern. I have been taught values-----from the funeral train to the complexities of love. My family stands behind me---but still it is a "tough love"-----I have been taught to work hard both professionally and personally to gain your rewards.
My Mawmaw literally told me tonight "Your Pawpaw and I are still mad for each other". Those were her words---"mad for each other"!! After over 50 years together------MAD!!!
Wow!! I just want to live up to you guys. Thank you for being my inspiration.