(no subject)
I deleted my myspace account. And I really need somewhere to vent right now. This may be even the better way to do it seeing as though i'm almost certain everyone on my friends list doesn't go on this site anymore. And i'm really not trying to put someone on blast on myspace where everyone can see it. First things first, things have went real sour with me and chelsea. So that's what this will be about. If you're reading this and it doesn't interest you. Stop reading now.
For anyone unaware, chelsea and I are separated. She's living with my mom. Before she left, we were fighting too much and I felt it wasn't healthy for us and more importantly, unhealthy for the kids to be around. I don't want them to think our behavior was ok. So, because of this, chelsea went to move in with my mom. With the understanding it would give her the opportunity to work on herself and ultimately us as a family. During that time me and chelsea(mostly me) about taking it slow but still being committed to the greater cause which was us getting back together. During the time that chelsea's been at my moms, I've watched chelsea distance herself from me and watched her slowly start slipping into bad habits and behaviors. After many attempts to reach out, with only our best interest at heart I'd get the cold shoulder and ultimately ignored. She'll contest that she hasn't neglected herself. But I feel going out every night when she doesn't have the kids has grown to be too important for her. I'm worried she is using these nights to escape from her responsibilities. It would be one thing if it was one or two nights and she was handling her business during the day. But it's 3 or 4 nights. And she uses her days to recoup after being out until the early morning. In effect, she's neglecting herself, me and the kids. She's complaining about her situation but doing nothing to change it.
To make things even more difficult, I've came across different things that have shown she isn't being faithful to me. Nothing to prove she's sleeping with anyone but enough to know she's not concerned about my feelings. Now, chelsea is a master of hiding secrets. So although I havnt caught her sleeping with anyone, I can't put it past her. As they say, where there is smoke there's fire. And there has been a shit load of smoke. Chelsea has grown distant from me. The sort of way when you hear people say "I knew she was cheating, because of the way she had been acting towards me". I never knew what they meant but now I know the feeling. The feeling of being unwanted or un-needed by the person you love. The sad thing is, chelsea seems uneffected by this all and it hurts me so deeply. I've cried many nights missing her and thinking about the day we could make this work. And when I look at her, she is cold and distant. She's running from all of her problems as opposed to facing them head on. Just as she's done the whole time I've known her. I wish she understood how much I care about her and us. I wish she knew all I wanted was for her to care enough about herself to try and better her life. I have to work. Don't be suprised if this either gets revised or there are more posts to come.
For anyone unaware, chelsea and I are separated. She's living with my mom. Before she left, we were fighting too much and I felt it wasn't healthy for us and more importantly, unhealthy for the kids to be around. I don't want them to think our behavior was ok. So, because of this, chelsea went to move in with my mom. With the understanding it would give her the opportunity to work on herself and ultimately us as a family. During that time me and chelsea(mostly me) about taking it slow but still being committed to the greater cause which was us getting back together. During the time that chelsea's been at my moms, I've watched chelsea distance herself from me and watched her slowly start slipping into bad habits and behaviors. After many attempts to reach out, with only our best interest at heart I'd get the cold shoulder and ultimately ignored. She'll contest that she hasn't neglected herself. But I feel going out every night when she doesn't have the kids has grown to be too important for her. I'm worried she is using these nights to escape from her responsibilities. It would be one thing if it was one or two nights and she was handling her business during the day. But it's 3 or 4 nights. And she uses her days to recoup after being out until the early morning. In effect, she's neglecting herself, me and the kids. She's complaining about her situation but doing nothing to change it.
To make things even more difficult, I've came across different things that have shown she isn't being faithful to me. Nothing to prove she's sleeping with anyone but enough to know she's not concerned about my feelings. Now, chelsea is a master of hiding secrets. So although I havnt caught her sleeping with anyone, I can't put it past her. As they say, where there is smoke there's fire. And there has been a shit load of smoke. Chelsea has grown distant from me. The sort of way when you hear people say "I knew she was cheating, because of the way she had been acting towards me". I never knew what they meant but now I know the feeling. The feeling of being unwanted or un-needed by the person you love. The sad thing is, chelsea seems uneffected by this all and it hurts me so deeply. I've cried many nights missing her and thinking about the day we could make this work. And when I look at her, she is cold and distant. She's running from all of her problems as opposed to facing them head on. Just as she's done the whole time I've known her. I wish she understood how much I care about her and us. I wish she knew all I wanted was for her to care enough about herself to try and better her life. I have to work. Don't be suprised if this either gets revised or there are more posts to come.