(no subject)
my brain is filled with so much at this particular moment. all these emotions are hard to put into words and if i even manage to spill every single thought/feeling i have right now into this post it could take days of sorting out to even come close to a conclusion. i took a look in the mirror a little bit ago, and i saw much more than i bargained for. when i saw my face in the mirror, i saw all the decisions i've made over the last couple years growing into my features on my face. it was the most empty feeling i've ever had. it symbolized the path that i've chosen to take. i saw what i've become and it makes me sick to my stomach. i feel like i've seen misery first hand. in my face, i saw dispair. i need to get out of the same routein, the same nonesense that seems to be plaguing me. depression has become me. i'm a walk talking symbol of what not to make of yourself. i now have to dig myself out of the habits i've formed and try tomake positive habits second hand. i'm tired of longing for happiness and resorting to temporary fixes that only hurt me in the long run. i need to be happy. i need to stop pushing away everything and everyone. i'm iscolating myself and it's hurting everyone that cares for me. i've never in my life felt as depressed as im. unfortunetly i've felt like giving up on life as a whole and leaving the mess i've made behind. i just want to start over with every aspect of my life. i want to replace all the unhappy feelings i've had with good memories. memories that aren't blurred by my mistakes. it seems like everything i have is overshadowed by everything that i am now. i want to focus on being happy and being around people that care about me and love me. and that's it... just fixing all the wrongs and focus on being happy with the people that i love. this is me at my worst. feeling completely empty.. if i died today, i would've wasted my whole life. i'm tired of being a disappointment. i hate this feeling.