<333 matt is the best.
today was a much better day. last night i layed in bed for hours reflected on the past few months. recognising everything which has made me happy and upset. i have come to the conclusion that im a mush to emotional person.
i get very attatched to my life style and sometimes things go wrong. i have loved sabrina for far to long to let her just slip away because of a misunderstanding. its nice to know people feel the same away about you as you feel for them. i know have her back and im a lot happier.
ive decided im not going to have a boyfriend for a while. boy are just to complicated, and at this moment drama is not something i need.
i have cried alot these past few days. and i have decided that in the end it is the only thing which makes you feel better.
i dont feel as if ill ever be over "Him". but for the time being im not going to hate him. hating him only makes me love him more. and maybe later on under far different circumstances, we will be together. and happy again, just the way it was a year ago.
i have wanted to try drugs as a means to cope. i hear kenny explain how good they feel. kinda like sex. its so enticing. but i cant waste years of my life being hooked to heroin. i cant have any more regrets then i already do.
sometimes i feel as if i might become a cutter. its so ridiculous, to me, to think in that matter. i have always downsized people who do that. but since taking out my plugs i feel.... im not sure how to say it. but there is something relaxing about stretching open holes in your skin. just that feeling of your body tearing. it sounds like such a horrible thing. but it feels so good. i think im going to peirce my tounge. im running out of decent spots on my body, and my mother has always said if i did that she would kick me out. but i can find somewhere else im sure.
me being a vegan hasnt been working. i was doing so well, then the cravings became to hard to ignore. i lasted about 3 weeks. i feel like a horrible person eating other living beings. ill give it another shot, and hopefully this time ill last.
-xoxo-
i get very attatched to my life style and sometimes things go wrong. i have loved sabrina for far to long to let her just slip away because of a misunderstanding. its nice to know people feel the same away about you as you feel for them. i know have her back and im a lot happier.
ive decided im not going to have a boyfriend for a while. boy are just to complicated, and at this moment drama is not something i need.
i have cried alot these past few days. and i have decided that in the end it is the only thing which makes you feel better.
i dont feel as if ill ever be over "Him". but for the time being im not going to hate him. hating him only makes me love him more. and maybe later on under far different circumstances, we will be together. and happy again, just the way it was a year ago.
i have wanted to try drugs as a means to cope. i hear kenny explain how good they feel. kinda like sex. its so enticing. but i cant waste years of my life being hooked to heroin. i cant have any more regrets then i already do.
sometimes i feel as if i might become a cutter. its so ridiculous, to me, to think in that matter. i have always downsized people who do that. but since taking out my plugs i feel.... im not sure how to say it. but there is something relaxing about stretching open holes in your skin. just that feeling of your body tearing. it sounds like such a horrible thing. but it feels so good. i think im going to peirce my tounge. im running out of decent spots on my body, and my mother has always said if i did that she would kick me out. but i can find somewhere else im sure.
me being a vegan hasnt been working. i was doing so well, then the cravings became to hard to ignore. i lasted about 3 weeks. i feel like a horrible person eating other living beings. ill give it another shot, and hopefully this time ill last.
-xoxo-