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Fic: Axis On A Tilt (3/5)

[anonymous]

"Erik?" The way the corners of Charles's mouth were turned down only broadcasted his unhappiness. "Did I say something?"

"No," Erik said. Because the problem was that Charles had never really said anything at all.

---

He still took the Kawasaki around the city whenever he went back for a visit, but most of the time he tried not to because it only served to remind him of more carefree, happy times with Charles. He wasn't sure exactly when his feelings had started to change, but he hadn't been able to run when he realised he was with Charles practically every day, heading into the office together and going on assignments to DC together and sharing everything, from his breakfast to his ideas to his innermost demons, and Charles had accepted everything with open arms and an open smile. And that smile, the one that crinkled the corners of those sickeningly blue eyes, that had been Erik's downfall, and he had fallen anyway.

He stopped the bike somewhere around St. Mark's and had a bagel, and mostly he tried not to think about Charles's upcoming wedding in six weeks. A summer wedding, which would be perfect for Charles and Lilandra really, and Erik was angry with himself for not being happy for his best friend, and angry with himself for not saying anything earlier, and even if he had, how could things have changed if Charles had not felt the same? Although Charles was perfectly accepting of Erik's sexuality, the string of women in his life had never given any indication that he might have been inclined the same way.

That night, when they met up again in Chelsea near Charles's place, he asked Erik to be his best man again. "I don't want anyone else," he said, his eyes soft, and Erik realised he had been wrong in thinking it couldn't hurt any more. "Do you really have to be in Tunisia at that time?"

"I already accepted the assignment," Erik said, the well-rehearsed lie coming out as smoothly as the grunt of a gritty engine. "I'm so sorry, Charles."

Charles sat back, blinking rapidly. "It's all right." The polite smoothness of his tone made it obvious it was anything but all right. "I'll ask Hank."

"That will make Raven happy," Erik said. "Anyway, how are their twins?"

"Perfectly fine." Charles was still refusing to look at him. "Excuse me, Erik."

As he headed off to the men's room, Erik thought about how he wanted to smash the beer bottle, then stab his own throat with the broken, still foaming neck.

---

Erik was supposed to fly off the next day, and he had found a prospective buyer for the Kawasaki, so he wanted to take her out for one last ride. Charles said, "I'll come with you," even though Erik hadn't asked, ignoring Lilandra's dark grimace, and now they were both speeding along the road, Charles's arms tight around Erik's waist, and he thought that if it could always be like this, he wouldn't ask for anything more.

They stopped at somewhere in Union Square to get falafels, and after that they parked somewhere by the Hudson river and ate stoically, and Erik could feel the presence of his boarding pass in his jacket, burning a rectangular hole in his chest. "Anything you want from Tunisia?" Erik asked, although it was perfectly perfunctory because he wasn't going there at all, but he didn't need Charles to know that.

However, Charles surprised him with his answer. "You."

"Beg your pardon?"

Charles took a deep sigh. "Just come home safely, that's all." His voice sounded thick, funny.

"Okay," Erik said, not wanting to remind Charles that New York was no longer his home.