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One day, Erik comes back and everything metal in the room shudders like the earth itself is afraid of him. Alex is sitting on the pull-out bed, reading a magazine he stole from the hotel shop. Erik paces, so Alex puts the magazine away.
“I’ve been thinking,” says Alex.
“Not now,” says Erik.
“I’ve been thinking that we should talk,” says Alex.
“Did you not just hear me?” Erik’s voice is practically a growl.
“What am I doing here, man? You’re never around -“
“Shut up, Alex.”
“We never talk about - about what we can do. You’re just always out looking for this stranger, this guy and I don’t know what you want me to do. “
“I don’t want you to do anything.”
“Why am I here? You pay for my food. You got me new clothing. Am I your pet? Is this some weird sex thing because I am not-“
“He killed my mother.”
Alex’s mouth snaps shut with a click of teeth and he stills. He doesn’t know much about Erik, but from what he has gleaned over the last few weeks, he has learned that if he wants to share something, he will do it when he feels like it.
“In - in the war,” Erik continues and Alex feels his mother’s lip in his hair. “He shot her. In front of me. And it isn’t,” he pauses, seems to be searching for the right word. “fair that he gets to keep breathing in this world and she doesn’t.” Alex looks away, doesn’t know how to respond to this admission because no, it isn’t fair and his mind gets stuck on that word. It isn’t fair and Alex’s eyes feel hot with tears, but he knows that if he closes his eyes, he will see the plane.
“My parents could have lived,” says Alex. “If they hadn’t been trying to save me.” He is smiling and he doesn’t know why. “I can’t - I don’t know how to balance that out.” Embarrassed, he rubs at his eyes with a fist and makes a beeline for the bathroom, shouldering past Erik, who looks like he wants to say something, but can’t seem to find the words. “I’m sorry I pressed you. I should have - I’ll just. Yeah.”
He turns the shower as hot as it will go and stares at his reflection in the mirror until the steam makes his face a blurry mess.
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