Prompt Post: ROUND TWO
ROUND TWO IS CLOSED
<< ROUND ONE | ALL ROUNDS | ROUND THREE >>
Rules post.
Flat view.
ROUND TWO: Updates Post (WIPs only)
ROUND TWO: Fills Post (completed Fills only)
damalur's firstclasskink on Delicious.
Volunteers always welcome.
Please use the Discussion Post if you want to talk about community alterations or get my modly attention. Do not ( Read more... )
<< ROUND ONE | ALL ROUNDS | ROUND THREE >>
Rules post.
Flat view.
ROUND TWO: Updates Post (WIPs only)
ROUND TWO: Fills Post (completed Fills only)
damalur's firstclasskink on Delicious.
Volunteers always welcome.
Please use the Discussion Post if you want to talk about community alterations or get my modly attention. Do not ( Read more... )
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Charles can't sleep.
It's not that he doesn't want to. He just can't.
It's all too risky after the children--and Erik, oh lord--see his dream. It's just too much. He can't let anybody know. They'll lose all respect for him. All his dreams, everything he is trying to accomplish will be ruined.
He curses himself and his pathetic lack of control.
He's never had it, not really, not when he was a child, terrorized by his step father and brother--he could never just make it all stop. Not when his powers manifested for the first time when he was young and he spent all his time curled up in the bathroom crying and trying to just make it all go away.
He's scared all the time; he's been scared all his life, and that just won't do.
But he's scared to go to sleep.
He doesn't want to know what will happen the next time he dreams.
Charles' control has always slipped when he's asleep, especially in times of stress.
He shivers at night now, even when it isn't cold. Sometimes he feels hands on his body and feels sick. Sometimes he goes back to what he did when he was a child, curls up in the huge bath tub and cries with his hands over his ears.
Because even though he is grown now, he still feels like he did when he was just a little boy, like the world is a huge, heavy glass figurine that he has to hold in his arms, and they are tired and it slips but he still has to hold it because if he doesn't everything will just hurt more.
He lies awake at night in the days after bits of his dream were broadcast to the house and stares up at the ceiling, and sometimes falls into shallow, fitful sleep, but in the morning he is not rested (and how could he be?) and he feels like a doll has replaced him--a puppet--and he is just going through the motions of the day, tugging himself into place when necessary, exhausted.
(But he still smiles and he still says reassuring words and everybody wants something from him that he doesn't think he can give and everything is going so so fast he feels his head spin and other people's thoughts pour in before he blocks them again and he just needs control control control.)
+
Raven looks at him in a way that seems desperate.
Erik narrows his eyes and steeples his finger while they play chess, while Charles loses, making mistakes that are stupider and stupider each day because he is almost afraid, sometimes, to look Erik in the eye, even though he feels something for him, something he cultivated during their mutant finding road trip that has been inside him ever since, but that was back when he was calm, back when he was happy.
And it isn't that Erik doesn't make him happy. He does. But Erik makes him nervous, too.
Things are getting so complicated, and shouldn't he be feeling better by now, not worse?
+
He is right to be afraid of sleeping.
+
Four nights of sleeplessness and days of exercise and utterly exhausting communication finally make his body give out, and he falls into deep sleep at last.
+
Reply
He is back in the bar. It's seedy and underground, but it's close to the mansion and the bartender doesn't care much for cutting people off and doesn't judge the men necking in the corner as long as they're getting wasted, so it's a rather popular spot for those who know of it.
He is having fun.
The world is whirling and the lights are dim and bright at the same time, and he's having fun.
He tosses back another shot, and he doesn't usually let himself get so utterly trashed, but he's feeling pretty good about how things are going with the school and all his plans seem to be falling into place.
He's not looking to have sex, that's not really what he's there for.
A man buys him a drink. Charles is usually very suspicious of this--of, well, homosexuality, specifically his homosexuality--but all of his outward shame and inhibitions have been washed away by that wonderful elixir, alcohol.
He takes the drink. He hasn't been monitoring himself, can't remember how much he's had in the past couple of hours. A lot, he guesses, but he holds his alcohol very well, so some more won't do much.
The man walks over to him, and Charles feels himself flush as the man--and he is handsome and obviously attracted, Charles can feel the attraction pulsating through his body--smiles at him.
But there's something wrong about him, and Charles is a telepath, he has fantastic intuition even when he's had a bit much to drink.
That doesn't mean the intuition isn't slightly flawed at this point. But he does like Erik and thinks he might have a chance there, so he decides not to sleep with the man quite early on.
Charles' head spins round and round and round and suddenly there is a burst of light and then the man's arm is around his shoulders, and his mind is opened up and among all the thoughts comfortably pulsating in his brain he hears thoughts of lust and more and they're disgusting.
He laughs and tries to pull away, but suddenly everything starts to go darker and around him there isn't anybody but the man--and his face is blurred and without much detail, like a police sketch--and it is all gray.
Then he is, for a moment, outside. He sees the faint, blurred flicker of streetlamps. The man's arms are clamped tightly around him, and the edges of his vision are blurred and he's almost falling down.
And then he's struggling as he and the man are in a motel room, and then he is crying as his clothes come off and he wants to scream but all that comes out is hoarse begging and he can see and he already knows what the man is going to do before he does it, but it doesn't make it any better, and then there are blinding bursts of pain and he is sobbing and confused and "Professor! Professor Xavier! Wake up!"
And Charles is suddenly jostled awake, drenched in sweat and tears, trembling violently, and he looks into Sean's terrified, paper white, tear streaked face, and then looks over to the rest of the people in the mansion, all packed into his room, and vomits onto his comforter.
Reply
Reply
Reply
This is heartbreaking. Charles' insecurity and belief that he is too weak to be a steadfast example is heartbreaking, as well as exasperating. I can picture Charles profusely apologizing to everyone for his perceived shortcomings and everyone, Erik especially, trying to get him to stop and wanting to fix him--because Charles' is so broken, he just can't really see it yet.
This is just beautiful. But this can't end there, can it? I know that you've specified three parts with "--/3," but there is more to come, isn't there? Because Erik and the kids haven't yet tried to duct tape him back together yet, and they simply must! I hope there is more--not for my sake, but Charles'! ;-)
Reply
But thank you so much for the praise! I'm so glad people like this story.
Reply
Reply
This is very well written, and very sad. Just one question...
THAT'S NOT THE END RIGHT??? Because this is "3c/3" but...But I mean you can't possibly stop there right? Charles is still all...not okay!!! And he needs to be okay again! Erik and everyone need to make him okay!!!!!
Please tell me that's not the end. Please.
Reply
No, it's not the end. I miscalculated how long this fic would be.
Reply
Reply
this.. this can't be all, can it?
someone, please answer my prayers?
jeeez, my poor heart.
I'm begging you, update a few more brilliant and lovely, heartbreaking chapters. I love you .
Reply
Reply
I hope that there are more chapters!
Reply
Reply
I'm hooked :)
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment