(no subject)
im convinced i have some form of esp. either that or i just overthink to eerie proportions.
i knew they were going to break up very soon.
that day i practiced my "surprised face" for when i would ask him about her, and he would tell me they broke up.
then when sasha called and said "i dont know if i should tell you this", before i had any real confirmation i said "i know." and we never even actually stated what it was that i knew. but i did know. how did i know. well there were obvious signs. but there was more.. a feeling.
so then he lures me (a very willing me) to his bed. and neither of us is very drunk. at all. and then he kisses me. i knew he was going to kiss me. i had a feeling.
god damnit. this is a horrible place to be back in. this is break up number 2 for him and rebound girl round 2 for me. and i just need some clarity. some honesty. something to be sure of this time, even if its just being sure that he really doesnt care. atleast then i can breath. atleast then i can be positive about his intentions and how i will handle them. but this up in the air. this gray area. this place between. i cant stay here. i cant let this happen again. but disrupting it.. talking to him about it. god, talking to him about it. i've had this same speech prepared for over a year now. this talk that ive needed to have with him. the us talk. the what the hell is this talk. the talk that could make or break his place in my life. why am i so scared of losing him. why am i convinced that that is even a loss. would it not be a great improvement. for some reason, the only thing that i am sure of, is that i want him around, no matter what the circumstances.
what a pathetic GIRL i turn into because of boys.
i knew they were going to break up very soon.
that day i practiced my "surprised face" for when i would ask him about her, and he would tell me they broke up.
then when sasha called and said "i dont know if i should tell you this", before i had any real confirmation i said "i know." and we never even actually stated what it was that i knew. but i did know. how did i know. well there were obvious signs. but there was more.. a feeling.
so then he lures me (a very willing me) to his bed. and neither of us is very drunk. at all. and then he kisses me. i knew he was going to kiss me. i had a feeling.
god damnit. this is a horrible place to be back in. this is break up number 2 for him and rebound girl round 2 for me. and i just need some clarity. some honesty. something to be sure of this time, even if its just being sure that he really doesnt care. atleast then i can breath. atleast then i can be positive about his intentions and how i will handle them. but this up in the air. this gray area. this place between. i cant stay here. i cant let this happen again. but disrupting it.. talking to him about it. god, talking to him about it. i've had this same speech prepared for over a year now. this talk that ive needed to have with him. the us talk. the what the hell is this talk. the talk that could make or break his place in my life. why am i so scared of losing him. why am i convinced that that is even a loss. would it not be a great improvement. for some reason, the only thing that i am sure of, is that i want him around, no matter what the circumstances.
what a pathetic GIRL i turn into because of boys.