11 minutes of shame

[1st_psychic_kid]

There were some things in college that Sam wasn't too proud of. Making an eleven minute video of himself jerking off for a few extra bucks was one of those things. He had been a while since he had even thought of Stanford or that video and he just expected the thing to get lost on the internet with the rest of the millions upon millions of other

Comments

[10years2theday]

"Oh, you can't fault me for this one, little brother." Dean looked up from the screen and flashed him a very amused grin. "This was already on your computer and I didn't put it there."

Snooping on Sam's laptop was one of the most amusing parts of his day. Sometimes he found boring shit. Sometimes he found gold. Today was one of those days he struck gold. Sure, it wasn't the raunchiest video he'd ever watched, but there was something mesmerizing -- and incredibly familiar -- about this guy laying there, jerking himself off for that long. The dude had some self control.

"If I'd known you liked watching dudes get themselves off this much, Sammy, I'd have offered you a show."

[1st_psychic_kid]

Sam set down his bag and paused as he heard the quiet moaning. His eyes widened to about the size of dinner plates. "It was what?" Oh no... Oh God no. He fumbled and tripped over himself as he hurried his way towards Dean and the laptop. He quickly snatched it away from his big brother.

"Why did you... What.... No," he said grasping for the computer, desperately trying fit himself between Dean and the computer screen. "Dean, don't go through my shit!"

[10years2theday]

Dean's laugh turned confused and he wrapped his arms around Sam's waist to pull him down into his lap. He propped his chin up on Sam's shoulder and peered at him. "What's the problem? It's tame, dude. Not like I found your secret stash of bestiality porn or something."

[1st_psychic_kid]

"Yeah I know," he answered as he was plopped into Dean's lap. "But... Not this one, okay?" He slammed the screen shut when his slightly shaking fingers wouldn't work the damn mouse controller.

"Just... Don't go through my stuff," he insisted, covering his red face with both hands. "And how did you find that! It was password locked!"

[10years2theday]

Sam was taking this way harder than Dean expected. Geez. It was, like, the tamest porn video he'd ever seen, too. "Dude, come on..."

He reached up to try and pry Sam's hands off his face. "Your passwords are pretty easy for someone who knows you as well as I do. Quit changing the subject. What's so bad about this video?"

[1st_psychic_kid]

When Dean pried Sam's hands off his face, his cheeks were so red they could have rivaled a fire engine. His eyes managed to look at every object in the room except Dean. He just... Couldn't look at his big bother right now. "I just... Why'd you gotta go through my shit. You know I don't like it when you go through my shit..."

He knew he was rambling and probably seriously bright red but he was just nervous. Sam quickly unplugged his laptop's charger and fit his computer snugly against his chest, his lungs filling and ridding themselves of their contents quickly. "Dean... Don't... Just.... No.... Okay? Please?"

[10years2theday]

"Okay, alright! Geez. Relax, Sammy." His brother was having a freaking meltdown over a porno. That was not usual. Some eyerolling and huffing, sure, but a full on panic attack? That was cause for concern.

An idea was niggling in the back of his head, but... it couldn't be. Right?

He wrapped his arms around Sam and held him back against his chest. "Calm down. Whatever the problem is, it can't be that bad, alright. Breathe, dude."

[1st_psychic_kid]

"Yeah... It's not that bad. It's... It's okay," Dean's arms were always comforting and he knew he should probably tell him what they whole freak out was about but.... Nope. His lips were sealed. "just... No more going through my shit."

Fantastic. Now he had to move around files and somehow come up wth a password that Dean couldn't figure out. That was gonna be really hard. He slowly loosened his grip on his laptop, but he didn't let go of it completely. Not till he was out of Dean's lap.

[10years2theday]

Dean had a decision to make here. He could let it go, let Sam relax, and then try to bring it up again. Or, he could just jump in now and get it all over with. Normally he was the wait it out sort, but this seemed like something that might be better to get it done now.

"So..." He asked, arms a little tighter around Sam. "When'd you film that? I think I would have noticed a camera in the room recently."

[1st_psychic_kid]

Sam's head shot up from staring at the table top so fast he thought he gave himself whiplash. "What?!" He tried to stand away from Dean, get out of his brother's arms but Dean's hold was firm.

"What? Dean," he scoffed, trying to play it off all cool like. But the problem was... when Sam tried to play things cool, he usually looked and sounded like a retard. "What? I... Dean, you're crazy. I wouldn't do that. If you think I would then... then you're crazy."

[10years2theday]

"Sammy, you know you can't lie to me worth a damn, right?" Dean kept his tone as gentle as he could. He didn't want Sam to think he was making fun of him. He was genuinely just curious about the tape and now about Sam's reaction.

For Dean, a tape like that would have been a point of pride. Hell, he'd do worse if he thought Sam would let him. He knew Sam was a little more 'normal' than he was, though. "Seriously, look at me, Sam. I'm not cracking on you or anything. I just want to know."

[1st_psychic_kid]

Sam swallowed nervously. He could totally lie to Dean if he wanted to. He had in the past, right? Right? ... Sam's eyes locked back onto the table, almost clutching to the laptop, determination etched onto his face. He was waiting for Dean to start in on the big brother teasing but... it never came. Dean just sounded honestly curious and he didn't know what to do with that.

His death grip loosened a little and his shoulders slumped, turning his head slightly to look at Dean for a moment. "It... It was a while ago... D-During college. I was short on cash and," he took a deep breath, trying hard to keep his lips moving. "and this seemed easy.... But it's the only one, I swear!"

He knew the laughing was gonna start up soon and all he wanted to do was somehow pull himself into a corner and beat his laptop to death. Stupid thing for letting Dean into his personal files.

[10years2theday]

No way! His baby brother made a sex tape? Dean was totally impressed. And slightly amused, but he was damned if he was going to show that when Sam looked like he was going to jump off a building at any minute.

"It's alright, Sammy." Dean tipped his head to brush a soft kiss against the side of his brother's face and along his neck. "I'm not judging you or anything. As long as you didn't get hurt doing it, it's alright."

He squeezed Sam a little tighter, sort of hugging him and his laptop really.

"There isn't anything wrong with what you did."

[1st_psychic_kid]

Sam and porn... They... didn't get along sometimes. Only sometimes though. There used to be times when Sam was that strung out where he couldn't get sex that he'd resort to porn but... only as a last resort. So the fact that Sam actually filmed something (even though it was by himself) was a shock. Even he couldn't believe that he went through with it.

"Yeah there is! I... Hundreds of people watched that... Watched me jerking off... I...," he trailed off, wanting to curl up in his big brother's arms and just hide there.

[10years2theday]

"So what? Nobody saw your face. It could have been anyone on that tape." Nobody who didn't know Sam's body as well as Dean did would have noticed a resemblance, anyway. That had been part of the draw for Dean. That and it was really fucking hot.

"Shhhh." He let go with one arm to reach his hand up and comb his fingers through Sam's hair softly. "It's okay. I promise, it's okay."

[1st_psychic_kid]

He just slumped in Dean's arms, trying not to squish him with all his body weight. Slowly, he released his death grip on his computer and put it back down on the table in front of them. He wasn't about to open it again but he knew he'd have to eventually to turn it off. Maybe even delete the damn video.

The hand in his hair calmed him down immensely. He was like a fucking dog that way. It would have amused him if he hadn't been in such an embarrassing position. He shifted his weight in Dean's lap, knowing he should go back to the door and pick up his stuff that he dropped.

His eyes were downcast, locking on the computer that betrayed him for the last time. "Yeah... I know. It's old so... it's probably not even being circulated anymore." That was probably true, yes but the number of hits the video got on the first day terrified him.

Smiling softly, he looked over his shoulder at his big brother. "So how long can I expect to be teased for this?"