I think I know.....but then again.....

[1st_death]

You've told me that it's okay that I still have feelings for you
If that's the case, then why do I feel selfish by having these feelings?
Why do they make me feel guilty?

I've tried to talk to you, but you're always busy, and I, well...I'm no good at letting you in when I should
And I've noticed that when I do manage to talk to you, it's always at the most inopertune time, and then you get upset, which makes me hate me even more

Why does loving you make me hate me so much? What do I find wrong with caring? Why do I seem to think that caring for you is something that I need to punish myself for?

I know you have a girlfriend, and I know you care for her and she makes you happy.
I don't want that to end for you, I want you to be happy. And I know that you won't leave her for me, nor would I ever want you to.
Though sometimes....honestly...I wish you would

And then I hate me again
I hate that I'm so selfish

I hate that I try to keep everyone else happy at the expense of my own happiness

I'm just soooo confused
I know everything's my fault

I know that you can tell that I'm upset
But when you ask what wrong I always say nothing

Truth is, nothing means everything

Nothing is everything, nothing is the only everything I've ever had

And everything is wrong
Everything is always wrong
It hasn't been right since I messed up
Since I was too afraid to fix things and so instead I ran from them
I ran from you

And I hate myself for it
I want to find the magic rewind button
I want to fix everything
And I know I can't
And I know that it's only going to get worse

I wish I could talk to you

I wish for so many things

Unfortunatly that's all they are

Wishes