omg, i updated!!

[1shotjunkie]

Fast Forward, Rewind (Part Two)
Summary: Things start to unravel when Jensen moves into Jared’s living room and asks Jared to come back with him to Hollywood.
Fandom: RPS (Jared/Jensen; future!fic)
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jared/Jensen (featuring CMM, TW and MR)
Word Count: approx. 9,870
Warnings: male/male, sexual scenes
Author’s Notes: this couldn’t have taken me any longer, could it?

( Part One (Chapter I - VI) )

Part 2 (Chapter VI - Chapter X)

Chapter VI
This time he’s gonna blow it,
Cause he’s dancing with his ego
flesh mechanics : placebo

The problem with Chad was just about everything.

He was obnoxious and self-righteous and really did think too highly of himself. He had that aura about him that pissed you off the instant you met him and made you wonder how girls could still throw themselves at his feet like he was God himself. He couldn't get over bleaching his hair after he did that one time for One Tree Hill and it made Jared’s gag reflex work over time whenever Chad showed up with his crow's feet and wrinkles creasing in his forehead and bleached blonde crop adorning his head like a badly made crown.

People still couldn't get over the fact he dumped Sophia Bush - Jared couldn't get over it either, but Chad did end up dumping Mackenzie a few years after for some hooker he met while he was tanked out of his mind. Jared remembered driving him home and Chad professing his love for the unnamed woman - Chad never did find her, but suffered a terrible headache and Mackenzie's wrath the next day, and for days after that.

But even with all the crap he got caught up in with Chad, Jared could never imagine having anyone else as his best friend, which made their entire friendship even more fucked. Even if Chad was inconsiderate and had the ego the size of Texas, Jared knew he could trust him.

So it wasn't surprising that Jared found himself phoning Chad most every night with his own personal update on the turmoil Jensen was unknowingly creating. He recapped the day over the phone and Chad would listen intently - or not so much - and give his view, which consisted mostly of a snide remark and bitching about how Jared needed to grow a pair of balls.

“You’re thirty-something,” Chad said one day when Jared had phoned him after a day of work and there was still more to analyze on Jensen.

“Thirty-three,” Jared corrected him.

Chad clicked his tongue. “You’re thirty-three and still calling your friend for dating advice on a past boyfriend. And I can’t even believe I’m saying boyfriend. How long has it been since you talked to Sandy?” Chad paused. “Not to mention, you’re in community college.”

“I don’t talk to Sandy anymore,” Jared answered simply, taking a glass from his cupboard and filling it with water from the tap. “Look, Chad, you’re the only person I’ve kept in contact with. You know how hard it is to make friends in this business.” Jared took a breath. “And on my break from school right now, so lay off.”

“The business you no longer belong to, so don’t go around saying this business like you’re still part of it.”

“Shut up, Chad, you get my point,” Jared muttered, getting frustrated with Chad’s knack at totally missing the point of everything. “I thought I’d gotten over him. But here I am, wanting to - to -”

“Fuck him cross-eyed?”

Jared choked on a mouthful of water, spitting it all over the kitchen counter. He could hear Chad laughing. “I do not want to fuck him cross-eyed!”

“Yeah,” Chad said breathlessly. “Sure you don’t.”

Jared paused as he wiped up the mess with his t-shirt. “Fine, not yet. God, Chad, use your upstairs brain once in awhile.”

“I do,” Chad said mockingly. “I just prefer the downstairs one. You’re the guy with all the ideas, what are you gonna do?”

“I lost all my brilliant ideas when I turned thirty,” Jared muttered through gritted teeth. “I need some insight from a person on the outside.”

“Do him,” Chad said blatantly.

“Is that all you can say about this?” Jared demanded crossly.

“Look, I don’t know what you should do. It’s a tricky situation, but if Jensen’s back and hasn’t made a move yet, maybe all he wants is for you guys to be friends.”

Jared mulled over this, biting his lip. “You think so?” Chad did have moments where he said something Jared could actually take seriously.

“It’s been years, Jared. He’s probably bigger than he ever imagined and though you’re a great guy, the man has priorities,” Chad said quietly, like he was trying to let Jared down easily. No matter how he worded it, it still hit Jared like a brick wall or a whale sitting on his chest and all the analogies were stupid anyway because he had never thought that Jensen would turn out to be like that and there was absolutely nothing to describe that realization.

“Priorities,” Jared repeated. His fingers clenched into the counter top and his nails were aching from the pressure.

“Yeah.” There was a drawn out, tensed silence before Chad cleared his throat. “Jared, I’m sure Jensen loved you once upon a time, but things change. People move on. You’re important to him, no doubt, if he actually wanted to talk to you again. But if he wanted something more, he would’ve tried to get a hold of you long ago.”

Jared’s chest tightened as he switched the phone to his other ear. “Uh-huh. Well, when you know what that feels like, you can call me back and try to tell me this is okay.”

“Jared -”

Jared slammed the phone down before he could hear Chad try to defend himself; it wouldn’t have made a difference anyway. He spent the rest of the day with his head in his hands, debating whether or not he should call Jensen. It was never such a life or death decision before, but Jared was walking on thin ice and one simple gesture could send Jensen back to California and out of Jared’s life permanently.

Chad flew into Vancouver that weekend, showing up unannounced and unwelcome at Jared’s apartment, but Jared couldn’t have turned him away if he wanted to. Chad never apologized for the comment he made, which made Jared even more livid, but he knew Chad would never say sorry for something that was right. And Jared knew Chad was right, he just didn’t want to admit it. Not because Chad could claim victory (which he would in time) but because it would take away Jared’s fraying hope of him and Jensen. It was the last grip-hold Jared had on his entire life; everything else just seemed to spiral out of control.

Jensen stopped by that weekend too and Chad made an ass of himself, but Jensen seemed to enjoy it. He stayed for a few beers, laughed for a while and Jared tried not to look at him too much as to let him on. It got easier as the night went on when Jared decide to hide himself in the tiny kitchen; Chad had to drag him out, not really kicking and screaming, but there was some quiet grunts and Jared trying desperately to elbow a drunk Chad in the ribs.

Chad was once again oblivious to the obvious and talked about North Carolina, and the mysterious hooker, and how many celebrities he almost slept with. Jared barely paid attention since he was there for most of the stories, but Jensen was caught on every word and the smile never left his face; Jared felt a little jealous, but tried not to let it show.

“What are you doing Monday?” Jensen asked as he waved a farewell to a fairly drunk Chad, turning to look at Jared. They were standing by the door and Jensen was leaning against the wall and Jared was trying not to trip over his own feet while standing still.

Jared clutched the door handle; if he wanted something more, he would’ve tried to get a hold of you long ago. “Nothing. Why?” Jared tried to keep his voice from cracking - nothing was going to happen, he told himself repeatedly. But the prospect of something still lingered.

Jensen shrugged on his coat, smiling lightly. “Well, our first - date didn’t go too well. I’d like a retry, if you want.”

“Yeah, sure.” Jared’s grip loosened on the door handle; his palms were clammy and covered in sweat.

“Hey, Ackles!” Chad called from the couch.

Jensen flashed Jared a wide, humored grin. “Yeah, Murray?” Jared called.

“Where the fuck are alluva your damn bodyguards?” Chad yelled, looking particularly bothered by the topic. “Shouldn’t they be, like, protecting you or somethin’?”

“They’re all sleeping,” Jensen called back. He looked back at Jared, clapping his shoulder. “Night, Jared.”

Chad threw up the rest of the night and flew out the next morning, suffering a tequila and gin hang over. Jared wasn’t sad to see him go, but the emptiness of the apartment was almost suffocating. Chad seemed to fill up a room no matter how much you didn’t want him to be there - and knowing that Jensen had been so close, Jared couldn’t help but feel like he had been given the short end of some fucked up deal.

-

It was another spiral downwards week, but somehow it seemed things were lifting at the same time.

The “date” wasn’t any better than the first, but at least the previous resentment wasn’t there. Just a hell of a lot more tension than either wanted. Jared got drunk that night with Jensen not doing a damn thing to stop him, suffered a hang-over the next day, missed work and got his first warning, which was usually one step below getting fired.

Jensen was quiet for the next few days and Jared bit his lip bloody wondering what he had done this time and wishing he wasn’t so whipped by a man he wasn’t even dating. At the end of the week Jensen called with a simple request - to spend the next month at Jared’s.

After convincing Jensen he was fine after he had dropped the phone, Jared couldn’t really say no. The next day, Jensen moved his one suitcase into the living room and Jared pulled out the very rarely used air mattress. Jensen seemed ecstatic at the idea of a one month sleepover and Jared was too, though his nerves were rather fidgety and didn’t want to be ignored.

Jared continued phoning Chad when Jensen was away filming, revealing all the stupid little things he read into and Jared was sure Chad was ready to put a bullet into his head, but Jared couldn’t contain himself. Jensen never noticed; he woke up each morning blissful and content, grinning like an idiot as Jared made breakfast and acting like nothing more than friends. And that’s all they were, weren’t they?

-

Chapter VII
You’ll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
23 : jimmy eat world

Jared’s alarm clock went off somewhat abruptly, scaring him out of his bed and onto his feet. He knew well enough to expect the insufferable beep most mornings, but that dream - Jensen right there - had been way too real. Jared managed to rub away the rest of the dream and focus on digging through the mess on his floor for his work clothes.

In the living room he heard movement and inaudible groans, but could tell they were upset and slightly aggravated. Jared suppressed his laughter as he pulled on his shirt, wandered to the mirror and feebly attempted to flatten his hair to his head. He gave up and headed to the kitchen when he heard a low growl rumbling down the hall.

Jared was greeted with puffy eyes and a weary smile that warmed his heart a little.

“Morning,” he mumbled as he stepped over the makeshift bed and nearly tripped on the pile of clothes on the other side. “Jesus, Jen. You’ve been here for a month,” Jared teased as he began moving around the kitchen, busying his hands with digging in the fridge and cupboards. “How long does it take to film a movie nowadays?”

Jensen glared over his shoulder but the effect was lost in the yawn that followed. “Why, you want me to leave?”

Jared’s heart skipped in his chest and he held onto tightly to the carton of eggs. He lifted his head from the fridge and smile forcefully - how could Jared ever want Jensen to leave when he just came back?

It was treacherous and time consuming, the entire ordeal - Jared hadn’t even thought twice when he agreed to Jensen’s request and some days, he wished he did. Because waking up to Jensen each morning and not being able to do the simplest thing like say good morning without wanting to curl up in Jensen was wearing on Jared.

“No,” Jared said, setting the carton of eggs on the counter and pausing. “Just wondering when you’re going to leave again.”

Jensen was just falling out of bed, arms stretched above his head, when he stopped only for a second; Jared had a full view of his bare back and saw the muscles clench underneath the smooth skin. Jared kept on preparing breakfast like what he had said didn’t affect the both of them and that the sight of Jensen freezing up wasn’t a big deal, when it really was. His hands shook as he cracked the eggs into a bowl.

“We need to talk about this,” Jensen whispered; Jared barely heard it.

“About what?” Jared said airily. Maybe, if he was lucky and the gods were on his side, Jensen would just drop it and Jared would learn to keep his damn mouth shut.

“Us,” Jensen said louder, clearer, this time. He stood and was facing Jared within seconds, the half-wall fortunately separating them. “We need to talk about us.”

“Us?” Now it was Jared’s turn to freeze. Well, I guess Jensen can read minds too. Or Jared was just that blatantly obvious. “There’s nothing -”

Jensen sighed. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, looking more tired than he did when he woke up. “Chad called me. He told me about you… and the phone calls.”

Jared let the egg slip between his fingers. He heard it crack milliseconds later and it seemed so much louder in the flat silence ringing in his ears. “He what?” Jared’s hands were shaking again; he brought them to his face but had no idea what to do with them. “Oh my God, I can’t believe - fucking bastard -”

Jared had no hope of getting out of this one alive. It was his own fault for trusting Chad, he knew that - he held so much hope in the guy, that he could’ve possibly changed, but Jared should’ve known he’d crack under the littlest bit of pressure. Jensen probably had to say no more than please and Chad would be retelling every phone call in the past month. Two months, if he wanted to go as far back as Jensen had been in Vancouver.

Jared was pacing the kitchen, his eyes ready to pop out of his head and trying to figure out what the hell to do with his hands. He hated it when he didn’t know what to do with his hands - it drove him nuts. “I can’t believe he - did he tell you everything?”

Jensen nodded somberly. He looked rather placid for a man who knew that he was being practically stalked by his own ex-boyfriend. Jared wasn’t used to that look - especially not during this type of situation. Jensen looked rather nervous when Jared let the secret spill the first time. At least Jared could roughly tell what he was thinking then.

“You know everything.” Jared felt like punching a wall. Or Chad. “God.”

“Jared.” Jensen reached out for Jared, but he backed away.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll just - I have to go to work,” Jared muttered, pushing past Jensen. The door was in sight and he felt a flicker of hope of escaping.

“Not for another hour,” Jensen pointed out. Well, Jared knew that. “Come back here, Jared.”

Jared cringed. He turned around slowly, his head bowed and his hands at his sides. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to know and I trusted Chad and -”

“Jared, stop,” Jensen said, cutting Jared off.

Jared clamped his mouth shut, feeling smaller than his massive six-foot-four. He had no way to apologize to Jensen - nothing could make up for the fact that he was still in love with him. It was pretty much the best way to break up an already unsteady friendship and Jared always seemed to be finding those. Jared felt like crawling into a hole and dying. It would be far better than watching Jensen walk away again.

“I can’t even explain - Chad is such an asshole - please don’t go,” Jared said breathlessly. He didn’t mean to say it, but it came out without warning anyway like most things do. Jared caught Jensen’s surprised gaze. He breathed deeply. “Please don’t go.”

Jared didn’t notice he was pressing Jensen against the counter, his hands finding their way to his bare arms, until he was breathing down Jensen’s neck and angry tears were fighting their way past his shut eyelids. Jensen remained still, body stiff around Jared’s, breaths short and quick.

“Don’t,” Jared murmured, his entire body shaking; he brushed his lips against Jensen’s ear. “I don’t think -”

“Stop,” Jensen whispered, his voice ragged and torn at the edges.

Jared had to hold onto Jensen’s waist to keep his knees from giving out and the tears from spilling hot and messy. He wasn’t going to let this get the best of him - he just couldn’t watch Jensen walk away and know that once again his life was going to take a turn for the worst. He couldn’t relive those months again, especially not when he had Jensen so close.

Jared tried to push away. He’d ruined everything.

Jensen was wrapping his arms around Jared’s neck and pulling him closer. “I’m not leaving again. Not without you.”

Jared blinked. Was he going to let himself believe what Jensen was saying, even after all the years of silence? He had done it once before and got caught up in Jensen and everything he said - people had warned Jared, said Jensen would leave without warning. Jared obviously didn’t listen. He didn’t know if he could let himself fall for that again.

Large hands were warm and trembling at the sides of his face; Jared tried to look away, he didn’t want to know, but Jensen held his head still and wouldn’t let go. “I want this, Jared. As much as you do, okay?”

Jared blinked away the tears. “Okay.” Jared nodded. “Okay.”

It seemed too quick for Jared, almost like he didn’t even have to try at all. It was just a few choice words, a phone call and a promise and it was like they had never been apart.

It felt almost like it didn’t exist and it was just wishful thinking for the time being; it took longer for the reality of it all to set it and take hold then it did the first time around because it was still like all those secret hopes were never shared.

The first week was awkward and surreal; Jensen started sleeping with Jared and every morning Jared woke up wrapped up in Jensen’s arms, he always thought something had gone terribly wrong or he was still stuck in a dream. They didn’t go on a date to commemorate the event - they never even went on a first date. It just didn’t seem like they needed it.

The second week got easier, like falling back into a training routine or going home for the holidays. Jared got comfortable in his own skin again and he openly laughed for the first time in a long time. He didn’t have to sneak glances at Jensen anymore - he could stare as long as he wanted and Jensen didn’t mind. Jensen would smile and Jared wondered how he could ever doubt that the man wouldn’t keep his promise.

The third week, Jensen said that his filming was wrapping up and that Jared should came back with him to California for a while. Jared wouldn’t have known how to say no if it was the only thing he could say.

-

“It’s just a few weeks.” Jared opened his closet, holding the portable phone between his head and shoulder as he fingered through his shirts. “No, Mom, I know. Yes, I know. Just - yes, yes. It’s Jensen though, Mom.”

Jensen was sitting cross-legged in the corner of the bedroom, on the floor, a magazine spread out in front of him. He was shirtless and dressed down in sweat pants that were ragged and slightly torn - Jared remembered them from when they filmed Supernatural together. Jensen looked from under his glasses when his name was mentioned; he had a spoon stuck in his mouth and a half-empty yogurt in his hand.

Jared waved him off, pulling out a few more shirts and flinging them onto his bed. He sighed. “Look, Mom, I know. He just wants me to see his place. No, I just can’t fly up there for a few days, I’ve got no money! Jensen’s paying for everything.”

Jensen curled his bare toes against the wood floor and smiled broadly at the conversation that Jared was having. “She doesn’t trust me, does she?” he asked quietly.

Jared sighed and shook his head. He reached back into the closet, opening the drawers to get at his rarely used summer clothes. “I’ll call you everyday, I swear. Well, I’m sure he has lots of phones - I’m not six, Mom!” There was a pause in which Jared grabbed a handful of socks and dumped them onto his bed. “Okay. Fine. Love you too. Bye.” Jared shut the phone off with an aggravated sigh and threw it onto his bed amide the pile of clothes and unmade bed sheets.

“How was that?” Jensen asked mildly, flipping the page of the magazine with his free hand.

“My Mom says hi,” Jared said through gritted teeth and Jensen laughed. “It’s like I’m still a kid and you’re the boy with the skateboard tied to the back of a ten-speed bike and wanting to take me for a ride.”

Jensen shrugged. “Maybe I am.” He grinned slyly.

Jared leaned against the bed, shaking his head. He rubbed his eyes, trying to get the remaining sleep out, and stared out the window to more brick walls and paper thin slice of skyline. “She hasn’t trusted you since you left.”

“I thought you didn’t trust me either,” Jensen said quietly. He turned the page, the paper crinkling ominously.

Jared’s heart pounded against his chest. He looked at Jensen who was still staring at the magazine. His eyes weren’t moving along the page anymore. “Well, you came back.”

“And that’s enough?” Jensen asked.

Jared really didn’t know if it was enough in the end, but it was working for now and that was enough. He walked over to Jensen and fell to his knees so he could look Jensen in the eye. “Sure it is. Or you would’ve been gone by now,” Jared added with a smile.

Jensen leaned forward and kissed Jared lightly before falling back against the wall, finishing off his yogurt with one tantalizing lick of the spoon. “You’d better finish packing - we have to be at the airport in a few hours.”

-

Chapter VIII
I haven’t been gone very long
But it feels like a lifetime
we are nowhere and it’s now : brighteyes

Los Angeles hadn’t seemed to change since Jared had packed up his tiny apartment and relocated to Vancouver. The streets were still crowded, the sun was still warmer than he could ever imagine and he still found the entire city able stop him in his tracks - he felt like that nervous twenty-something-year-old first making it to Hollywood.

The beauty of the trip down and the view of endless blue was somewhat masked by the fact that he was ushered off the plane by Jensen’s bodyguards and held back as Jensen made his way through the airport first. Jared stayed in the terminal, pacing the waiting area, mustering up all the patience he could until the bodyguard to let him go. Something to do Jensen’s publicist which made perfect sense because why would you want the world’s most eligible bachelor been seen accompanied by a nameless man? Jared understood it, but it didn’t mean he had to like it.

Jared hadn’t been in a limo for years, which was fine; he was rather taken back by the Hummer that he was led too. He tried not to seem to much a like a rag-to-riches cliché as he settled back into the leather seats and watched Los Angeles fly by at an impressive blur. He remembered a few places they passed - that one Thai restaurant he used to eat at every day, or that one store that sold the best vintage records. With each passing second, it all came back to him in currents; even every night he spent with Jensen still made his stomach do back flips.

“Where do you live, anyway?” Jared asked as they pulled off the freeway and onto a two lane road.

“Just a small place in Beverly Hills,” Jensen said.

Jared laughed tiredly. “It must be huge, then.”

Another half-hour passed until they pulled into Beverly Hills and were making their way down the twisting, winding road of the upper-class of the most elite celebrities. Jensen and his bodyguards chatted amiably and Jared tried to pay attention, but he couldn’t seem to concentrate with Jensen’s hand tucked into the back of his jeans, his thumb rubbing small circles on his back.

Jared hadn’t been wrong in his presumption - Jensen’s place was a palace, befitting of the gods. Then again, Jared had been living in an apartment for seven years and his parents’ house seemed like a mansion in its entire four bedrooms, two bathrooms glory. Jared stumbled out of the car, once again awe-struck and gaping up at the entrance way; it was stupid, in the sense that it was way over the top. The monstrous polished oak doors were enough to have Jared momentarily speechless. He was going to be eaten alive by a house, he was positive of that.

“I don’t live here permanently,” Jensen explained as Jared tried to keep his mouth closed. “I have a bigger place in Connecticut - I just live here during filming.” Jensen eyed the house, his nose wrinkling. “It’s kind of pretentious, don’t you think?”

“If a house can be pretentious,” Jared said. Jared had his fair share of huge houses and the elaboration on the presentation of said houses - he had been in the Playboy mansion and wasn’t that really enough? But Jensen’s house - it was just too much because he just couldn’t picture Jensen living there; it didn’t seem to fit him.

Jensen laughed. “Come on,” he said, waving Jared in, weaving past his bagboys to enter the house.

Dear God, he has bagboys, Jared thought, following Jensen through the large wooden door into what only could’ve been a larger front foyer that absolutely ate up everything and anything. Jared felt three feet tall and he rarely, if ever, felt like that.

“It was the only thing on the market,” Jensen went on talking about the house and wandering through the hallways, nodding at the maid, picking at the décor, and aligning pictures that had managed to fall lopsided. “I hate it, but I only really sleep here.”

“It’s hard to believe you even own two houses,” Jared admitted. He was trying to find the end of the roof, but the skylight blinded out any chance of finding the ceiling.

Jensen flashed Jared a cheeky smile. “Two houses, a cabin in the Hamptons and I am currently in the process of buying a penthouse in New York.”

Jared blinked, thoroughly surprised by this. “What the hell are you going to do in New York?” he blurted out.

“Pursue my modeling career,” Jensen said mockingly, throwing an irritated glance over his shoulder as he took a sharp right; Jared almost kept walking past. “I don’t know - is there ever really a reason to buy so many places?”

Well, great. He’s got his own bar too, Jared thought as he followed Jensen.

The room wasn’t anything special (but neither was the house in general, Jared realized, as soon as you get past the front doors) with dark burgundy walls, low ceiling lights and a bar, being a counter framing the rows upon rows of liquor on the mirrored wall that Jared was eyeing rather hungrily. He settled onto a bar stool as Jensen disappeared behind the black marble top counter.

“I guess I’m going to New York because… I can.” Jensen’s head popped up from behind the counter, holding up a glass. “You want a drink?”

“Thank God, please.” Jared sighed as Jensen poured him a gin and tonic and Jared went to inhaling the drink as soon as it was in his hand. “Are you your own bartender?”

Jensen shrugged as he began pouring his own drink. “I like making my own drinks. Besides, I’m not completely jaded - I don’t want to be spending money on a bartender who will only pour a drink a day. Not fair on the guy - or girl - anyway.”

Jensen raised his glass before drinking most of the mixture in one swallow, licking his lips pink and wet. He set the glass down and stared into the contents morosely.

“What happened to you, Jen?” Jared asked in a low whisper.

Jensen looked up from his drink, his eyes flickering dangerously. “What do you mean?”

“You used to be so different.” Jared sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I don’t know how to explain it, but you don’t seem right to me.”

Jensen laughed airily but his hand tightened around his glass as he raised it to his lips. “I’m not sick in the head, Jared.” He drank the rest and abruptly turned around to refill it, his back to Jared.

“I know you’re not, but this - the Jensen who used to hang out in shabby apartments and only drank in bars two blocks away would never have wanted this,” Jared said, sweeping his hand across the counter top, his fingers moving effortlessly. He glanced around the room, taking in the darkened walls and black and white photographs of nightclubs and city skylines before turning back to Jensen who had turned around. “This isn’t you.”

Jensen’s face clouded over and his eyes narrowed. “Deal with it, Jared, I’ve changed.” He downed his drink and slammed the glass roughly on the counter. “Christ, man - don’t you understand? I’ve moved on from that crap we did when we were twenty.”

“Right,” Jared mumbled, holding back a sarcastic laugh. “Because you have a cabin in the Hamptons.”

Jensen leaned against the back counter, folding his arms across his chest. “What’s the matter with you?” he hissed.

“Do you still call your mom every day? Like you used to? Man, Jen, I’d bug you every day for calling your mom, but she loved it.” Jared stopped at the look of frustration and passing guilt cross Jensen’s face. Jensen looked away. “And so did you. What happened to that guy?”

Jensen’s face contorted into something undistinguishable. “Drop it, okay? It’s not a big deal.”

Jared tried to reach out for Jensen’s arm, but Jensen shrugged him off and left the room with an irritated sigh. Jared didn’t like to believe the hype, but when you watch the celebrities walk the boulevards like saints for too long, it does change you.

-

Later that night when Jared thought it would be okay to face Jensen, he climbed into Jensen’s relatively small bed and carefully inched towards him. Jared could tell Jensen was purposely ignoring him; his eyes narrowed on the magazine and his fingers clenched around the paper.

“Jen,” Jared whispered as he snaked his fingers under the cover to grab hold of Jensen’s thigh.

“Yeah,” Jensen said through gritted teeth, his attention still focused on the magazine.

Jared sighed, withdrawing his hand, not really sure what he was going to say. He knew he had pissed Jensen off, hit a nerve that rattled Jensen more than expected. Jared tried to figure out what he was going to say, but he hadn’t get anywhere past crawling into the bed and just laying there.

“What?” Jensen demanded. The corner of his lip twitched as he turned the page.

Jared opened his mouth, ready to just talk until something right came out, but something caught his eye. He grabbed Jensen’s hand - earning him a yelp of complaint - and fingered the frayed black bracelet tied loosely around Jensen’s wrist. His mind stalled and all the words caught in the back of his throat.

“I gave this to you before you left,” Jared murmured. He remembered that day in such perfect detail, it almost hurt.

Jensen lowered the magazine. “Yeah, you did.”

Jared bit his lip; the bracelet had been a vain last attempt for Jensen not to leave, something Jared only did because he was desperate; not ready to let go. But Jensen still went, holding the bracelet in his hands. “You kept it.”

Jensen didn’t say anything, just stared at his wrist.

“I’m sorry,” Jared said loudly, sitting up and turning away from Jensen. “I didn’t mean to say all that -”

“It’s fine, Jared.” Jared glanced over his shoulder to see Jensen pulling his glasses off and looking down at them somberly. “Maybe I kind of deserved it. I guess I’ve changed.” Jensen reached out, tugging on Jared’s elbow. “Hey. Come here.”

Jared tentatively climbed into Jensen’s lap, taking Jensen’s hands in his own. He didn’t say anything for one of those weighted, lingering moments where time just stops and you’re left nothing but to consider everything placed before you. All Jared had to consider was Jensen and everything he had become - would he be willing to accept him or not.

“Do you phone your mom anymore?” Jared asked.

Jensen looked at Jared with an impish smile. “Twice a day.”

Jared chuckled lightly, leaning forward to press his lips to Jensen’s, wrapping his fingers around Jensen’s wrists. He seemed stiff for a moment, hands curling into loose fists, but Jensen relaxed, smiling into the kiss.

-

Chapter VIIII
You can’t swim in a town this shallow
You will most assuredly drown tomorrow
why you’d want to live here : death cab for cutie

There wasn’t much to Jensen’s Beverly Hills home in hindsight, but there was enough for to keep Jared busy for the next few days. The house was a two level wonder, adorned with souvenirs Jensen had collected on his travels and not much else. It was the simplicity that made Jared feel more comfortable than he had before; Jensen had never been one to buy useless stuff to fill empty space and there was a lot of empty space in Jensen’s house. But it seemed to be covered by the fact that you could hear Jensen laughing even from the upstairs balcony; it filled the house more than art and furniture and things ever could.

The pool in the backyard was Jared’s main attraction and he spent a couple of hours a day, at least, in it. It gave him a great view of the rolling hills spanned out behind Jensen’s home and secluded privacy that Jared had come accustomed to. Jared even managed to drag Jensen out onto the balcony one evening as the sun set and told him just to look at it; he wasn’t trying to be romantic or anything like that, but seeing the sun fall behind the hills made him feel on top of the world again.

They didn’t get many visitors over the next few weeks, besides Jensen’s manager and the forever dangling presence of his bodyguards; Jensen was gone most of the time anyway. Jared wandered the Sunset Strip and Rodeo Drive on those days when Jensen was away for last minute filming, interviews, promo shoots; things Jared once did. He was okay with it, he told himself that relentlessly, but there was always that sinking feeling that accompanied the long walks along the streets - whether it was being without Jensen or being without the fame that he once had, Jared didn’t know.

Jared never really missed the absence of adoring fans flocking at his feet every corner he turned. He didn’t miss the fact that he rarely signed autographs anymore (his doctor had warned him of carpel tunnel, so that was a good thing) and though he missed the feeling of being known, it wasn’t enough to leave a gaping hole, which happened to most ex-celebrities. But, if anything, Jared should’ve known there would be at least a few people willing enough to be fans of him for life.

Jared was wandering down the Star Walk of Fame for the hundredth time that week; he was pretty by the end of the month, he would have each name memorized in order. The place always amazed him. Who ever knew Bugs Bunny could reach the same status as Mel Gibson? The sidewalk wasn’t crowded, but he still managed to bump shoulders with frenzied tourists and aggravated locals; so when he walked straight into a solid frame, he barely looked up to apologize.

“Padalecki?” came a curious and distantly familiar voice. “Jared Padalecki?”

Jared’s head snapped up to greet an ear-to-ear grin plastered across an aged, but recognizable, Michael Rosenbaum. “Mike?” Jared answered breathlessly, not sure whether to be happy or upset to see him.

Mike laughed, clapping Jared on the shoulder and pulling him into a tight hug. “Jay! It’s fucking good to see you!”

Jared had managed to gain his composure to hug Mike back before he was let go, still gaping up at the man. “Mike - holy Christ, you have hair.” It was really the only thing he could think to say.

“And you have barely any, from what I can remember,” Mike replied. “Cut off the mop, I’m guessing.”

“Yeah, A few months ago.” Jared ran his hand over his head consciously.

“Man, I didn’t know you were back in LA!” Mike exclaimed, wrapping his arm around Jared’s neck and dragging him down the sidewalk, the opposite way Jared was going. “I thought you were calling Vancouver home now, or that’s what Jensen had-” Mike clamped his mouth shut, looking sheepishly down at his feet. “I’m sorry, I -”

Jared laughed. “No, it’s all right, Mike. I’m actually staying with Jensen for a bit.”

The wide grin replaced the lucid look of guilt, eating up his entire face. “Ooh-hoo! Rekindling old flames, I see!” He waggled his fingers at Jared.

Jared shrugged, the smile on his face not able to leave. “I guess.”

“So, how’d he find you? Or you find him? Or whatever the hell happened,” Mike rambled tiredly, flipping his hand vaguely.

“He was in Vancouver, filming, and we just happened to stumble across each other in a coffee shop.” Jared knew that was only half-truth and the rest just a little more fabricated to save himself from the embarrassment of reliving the way he reacted to most everything Jensen did.

“Stumble?” Mike snorted. “I’m so sure about that. But, wow, you back in Hollywood! I would’ve never expected it, honestly.”

Jared sighed, glancing up as they passed the Kodak Theatre, the large building towering over them like a constant reminder that you were under they’re control and you’d always come back, always. No matter how hard you tried to run away from it. “Yeah, me neither.”

Mike stopped abruptly and grabbed hold of Jared’s shoulders with a dawning look on his face. “We have to get together - you, Jen, me and Tom, like old times.”

“Yeah, I guess we -” Jared stammered, still caught off guard by Mike’s forwardness.

“Great!” Mike exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air. A few people passing glanced at him oddly before moving on. “I’ll tear Tom away from Jamie, you tell Jen we’re coming.”

“Okay,” Jared said uncertainly. He was sure Jensen wouldn’t object, but how long had it been since Jensen talked to Mike and Tom? It could’ve been anywhere from days to months to years. Mike liked to jump on any opportunity to raid anyone’s house, so how could Jared know if they were still friends?

Mike was already blending into the crowd of shoppers and tourists, waving his hand above their heads. “I’ll be there around seven!” he called. “And don’t ask about Tom’s family or you won’t get away from him for the entire night!”

“Okay!” Jared yelled but Mike had already disappeared. It would prove to be an interesting night.

-

Mike arrived right at seven, dragging Tom behind him. Tom had changed, almost to a point where Jared wouldn’t have recognized him if he hadn’t know he was coming. Family-life and lack of Smallville seemed to give Tom a chance to let his weights and training go and he really let go. It wasn’t that he was huge - he was still in shape - but he definitely wasn’t Superman anymore.

“Good to see you again, Jared,” Tom greeted, hugging Jared around the neck with one arm. The smallest grin created wrinkles all over his face.

Jared tried to suppress his smile so he didn’t look completely idiotic. “Yeah, you too, Tom.”

Mike sauntered past Jared and Tom, pushing through to elbow Jensen in the ribs before he made his way down the hall, yelling something muffled and obscene in true Mike fashion.

They found Mike making himself at home in the bar, pouring concoctions more than drinks with any and every bottle that was within reaching distance. Tom perched himself on the bar stool, leaning forward on his elbows, like Jared had done the first time in the house - he didn’t sit at the bar anymore after that night.

“Since you’re wasting my alcohol, you can at least freshen me up a bit,” Jensen chided as he wagged his empty cup in Mike’s face.

Mike sneered but grabbed a bottle blindly and filled Jensen’s glass to a point of it spilling over the edge and onto Jensen’s hand. Mike laughed raucously as Jensen set down his glass and angrily wiped his hand dry.

“Thanks, asshole,” Jensen said airily before he wandered to the other side of the room and fell back into the large curved couch that seemed to almost blend in with the wall behind it. “Gonna sit down, Jay?”

Jared realized that he indeed was still standing and awkwardly made his way over to sit beside Jensen. He remained by Jensen’s side, feeling oddly protected as Jensen talked and laughed and he receded further into a quiet place. Jensen’s hand made its way slowly up his thigh, but he tried not to move too much. Tom and Mike didn’t seem to mind.

The night moved on in one of those slow but quick ways where you think time isn’t moving at all what with all the talking and drinking and listening, but it’s one in the morning before you make it to the kitchen for supper. Jared followed Mike and Jensen, falling into stride of an even more exhausted-looking Tom, as they raided the fridge in a drunken state that only left Jared not looking forward to the retching sounds he knew he’d hear all night.

He was glad that he didn’t drink, after all.

Mike and Jensen found ravioli in a can and made to cook it on the stove. Tom and Jared would’ve left, but Mike with a stove on a sober day was reason enough to chaperone the two messes as they slopped spaghetti sauce over the counter and giggled relentlessly. So they settled down at the dining table and occasionally glanced over to them to make sure there wasn’t sparks.

“How’s your family?” Jared asked in a fit of desperation for company after watching Jensen eat his ravioli and head back to the fridge alone for more - Mike had passed out on the counter.

Tom shrugged, his arms folded across his chest. “Good.”

Jared stared at Tom, really expecting more. He would’ve rather heard Tom go on and on about his kids and Jamie rather than have to interest himself with Jensen’s inaudible yells from behind the fridge door.

Tom caught Jared’s stare and sighed. He waved his hand helplessly before he gestured vaguely at Mike’s back and sighed again. “He thinks I’m happy at home and I am, sort of. I love my kids, but me and Jamie…” Tom looked even more tired; even aged beyond his years. Jared wondered how many kids he actually had. “I’m happier with him.”

“Why haven’t you told him that?” Jared asked. Jensen screamed something at him: all he caught was his name and something about broccoli. “Whatever you want, Jen!”

Tom grinned lightly. “He’s happier without me.”

They were silent after that. Mike didn’t move from his awkward position on the counter top. Jensen was quiet for ten minutes, so Jared was forced to drag his leaded body down the hall to his bedroom. Tom helped him lift Jensen onto the bed and turn him over so he puked off the bed and onto the floor - Jared knew Jensen would be mad there was puke on his wood floors, but it was better there than all over him.

Back in the kitchen, Tom lifted Mike up in his arms; he obviously hadn’t lost his strength. Mike moaned slowly and curled into Tom’s chest, causing him to stiffen and look at Jared with wide eyes.

“Just take him home,” Jared said as Tom walked stiffly to the front door. Jared opened the door for him. “Talk to him. You might be surprised.”

Tom nodded. Jared could see his fingers shake. “See you later, Jay.”

Jared watched the sun rise dully through thick clumps of pollution and fog that wrapped tightly around the rolling hills; the sky was painted grey and gold and it seemed almost perfect as the sound of the city awakening swept through the trees.

-

Chapter X
I’ve been waiting on my own too long
And when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
this year’s love : david gray

Jensen’s movie came out a month later: the hype was intensified by entertainment news and his face was everywhere. Everyone knew it was going to be a box office hit from the beginning.

The rushed excitement that hung around Jensen for the days leading to the premiere was almost infectious; Jared would catch himself sometimes impatiently waiting for the night where he would be pushed back into the life he once lived, falling into the comfortable little niche where he’s noticed for only a moment before he’s just another face in the crowd.

Jensen spent his days on the phone or talking to his agent or his publicist or scheduling interviews for after the movie; Jared barely got a word in as Jensen slid past Jared without even batting an eyelash. Yeah, Jared understood. He had no other choice.
Jared didn’t wander the streets any more in fear of running into Mike again and having a repeat of that night. He hadn’t talked to Tom either but he was guessing it didn’t go over well and or didn’t it even go at all, which was much of surprise since Tom had a knack of keeping things bottled up until it was just plain unhealthy. Jared couldn’t really let himself worry: Jensen’s excitement pushed out basically any other thoughts Jared could’ve had.

“Only one more day, Jared.” Jensen crawled into the over-sized bed, his entire body trembling.

Jared rolled his eyes. “You’re like a damn six-year-old waiting for Christmas,” Jared muttered as he lifted the heavy covers and climbed into the bed.

Jensen frowned, wrapping his arm around Jared’s waist. “Why can’t you let me be excited?”

“I am letting you be excited. If I wasn’t, then you’d be tied to a chair with a gag in your mouth,” Jared said bitterly, but twined his fingers into Jensen’s.

“Ooh, sounds dirty. We should do that sometime,” Jensen murmured in Jared’s ear, hot breath making the hair on the back of Jared’s neck stand up.

“I’ll think about it,” Jared grumbled, turning over and pulling Jensen with him.

-

Jared hadn’t been a red carpet event since Supernatural ended and his career as an actor came to abrupt and self-imposed end. So, when he stepped out of the limo and the flash of camera lights blinded him momentarily and the high-pitched buzzing off a hundred reporters cut off any other sound, Jared only saw it natural to grab for Jensen’s hand.

“Not here!” Jensen growled, throwing a deathly look at Jared over his shoulder and pushed Jared’s hand away.

Jared stood by the limo, staring after the retreating Jensen, feeling a little dejected until one of the bodyguards had to give him a nudge. He tried to shake his head clear and keep his eyes off Jensen as he floated from reporter to reporter with ease and grace. Jared tried not to stumble over his own feet as some of the attention turned on him, the unknown man suddenly being friendly with Jensen Ackles.

“Sir, sir!” A microphone jabbed out in front of Jared, hitting him squarely in the stomach and causing him to stop. “What’s your name?”

The microphone was under Jared’s noise and several more cameras were clicking his way, other voices asking his name and where he was from and how he knew Jensen. He didn’t think he had changed that much but as time passed he was sure that he faded, blurred in the minds of others, and as others rose, he fell.

“I’m Jared Padalecki.” Jared shuffled his feet - he rarely, if ever, had to introduce himself because the only people he talked to knew him.

“Jared Padalecki? You mean Jensen’s costar from Supernatural?” someone asked beneath the crowd of burnt bulbs, flashes and microphones.

“Yeah. I came up to visit and -”

“There’s a rumor still circulating that you and Jensen were dating during the last few years of Supernatural, but you split when he left to pursue his acting career. Is that why you’re back?”

Within seconds, Jared’s heart was in his throat and pounding furiously against the back of his skull. Time slowed to a sickening pace; Jared chanced a look at Jensen. He was standing only a few feet away, signing an autograph and Jared tried to decide whether he tell the truth or not.

“Jared? Mr. Padalecki? Do you deny these accusations?”

Cold, nimble fingers gripped around Jared’s wrist and pulled him away from the hoards of reporters crowding around him. “That is all Mr. Padalecki has to say for now.” Shouts of indignation blurred with the motion of moving faces as Jared stumbled away from the reporters.

Jared glanced up the arm that was attached to him and saw the pursed lips and fine black curls of Jensen’s publicist, Maggie Henderson. Jared sighed with relief. “Thanks Maggie. You saved me.”

Maggie shot Jared a glare. “I’m not saving you, Jared,” she hissed, spitting out Jared’s name in a mocking tone. “I’m saving my client’s reputation as a ladies man.” She shoved Jared in front of another set of cameras, far enough away from the interrogating reporters and whispered into his ear as he smiled for the flashes, “You listen to me, pretty boy. There’s no way you’re walking back into Jensen’s life so easily and ruining his career by turning into a grade school teenager and telling everyone you two are dating. You two are friends to the public - nothing more.”

Jared nodded numbly; his heart was beating double-time as he walked the rest of the red carpet, pausing for short interviews and taking pictures. Maggie never let him out of her sight, her eyes glowering into his back so hard that he could feel it burn a hole in his jacket.

Inside Grauman’s Chinese Theater, Jared met up with Jensen and they took front row seats; Maggie sat her self down promptly beside Jared and as the lights went down and the curtain went up, she dug her perfectly manicured nails into his knees.

Jared grunted, jumping in his seat. Jensen glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, frowning. “Sorry,” Jared murmured, rubbing his knee when Maggie’s fingers disappeared.

“Behave, pretty boy,” Maggie hissed under her breath; her eyes shone brightly in the dark when she looked at Jared. He cowered in his seat as far as he could without it being noticeable.

Jared tried to pay attention to the movie, for Jensen’s sake, but he couldn’t keep his concentration on the screen - it kept flickering back to the red carpet and the reporters and Maggie and he just couldn’t follow the plot line. Jared could see Jensen beaming as the movie played on and Jared was growing restless to get out of the theater and just run. Somewhere; anywhere.

When the credits finally rolled and the sound of applause exploded into the high ceiling, Jared bolted out of his seat before the rest of the audience could rise. He waited on the lone side of the theater, under the shadow of a souvenir shop, watching Jensen shake hands with producers and directors and actors and actresses and on and on. He tried not to let the tightening feeling in his stomach rise and turned to face the other side of Hollywood as dusk fell.

“Jared?” A hand rested heavily on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Jared was wrapping his arms around Jensen’s waist and burying his face in Jensen’s shoulder before he could to stop to tell himself that half the world could be watching. “You’re not gonna leave me.”

“Why would I?” Jensen whispered, tugging at Jared’s arms away. He held Jared by the shoulder, concern flickering across his eyes as he searched Jared’s face. “What’s with you?”

Jared glanced over Jensen’s shoulder - Maggie was at a distance, drown out by the lights, but Jared could still see her dark eyes narrow. “Nothing.” Jared pulled away and laughed airily. “Just tired.”

And maybe he was a little tired - the neon lights seemed to make everything surreal and lonely looking. He was tired of Hollywood already and he had just gotten there. Maybe he was just tired of the fact that this place kept tearing away everything he once knew.

-

It was amazing how easily Jensen would cave. Jared managed to get Jensen to drive him halfway across the city so he could go to his favorite record store just because he was bored. Jared didn’t have to be very persuasive - Jensen seemed happy to get out of the house.

The day was warmer than usual for California and the girls walked around in bikini tops and guys were going shirtless. They drove with the windows down, letting in the hot sticky breeze blowing in from the ocean and mixing with the smell of exhaust and cologne. Jared’s hand was outside the window, riding the air currents just like when he was a kid. Something slow played on the radio, low and humming and rumbling deep and steady through the car. The ride didn’t seem long enough.

The store was small and cramped, but Jared couldn’t get enough of the place. It still sold vinyl records of all the eighties metal bands Jared tried to deny he wasn’t completely infatuated with. The forty-something at the counter nodded a greeting as they walked in, the cool blast of air making them shiver, and Jared was down the aisle, towards the back where he knew the records - his records - would be untouched. Jensen followed behind slowly, his fingers touching the edges of the covers gently, the plastic wrap crackling when he pressed too hard.

Jared was flipping through the N’s when he felt pressure against his back and the feel of hot fingers against hot skin made his finger pause at a Napalm Death album.

“I’m trying to concentrate,” Jared murmured. He felt Jensen shrug, his shoulders digging into his back.

“The eighties sucked for music,” Jensen pointed out coolly as his fingers crawled under the hem of Jared’s shirt and worked their way to his stomach.

“If you wanted to have sex, we could’ve stayed at home.” Jared stiffened when the sensation of Jensen’s tongue, wet and warm, and open mouthed kisses seeped through his shirt and crept down his spine. “We should’ve stayed home.”

“It’s more exciting in public,” Jensen whispered with a chuckle. “Drop the album.”

Jared let the plastic slide through his sweaty fingers and turned around slowly, Jensen’s hands guiding him. Jensen looked tired and determined as he worked his hands at undoing Jared’s shorts, his hands moving too fast for the humidity.

“Jen,” Jared panted. “Bad idea.”

“Great idea,” Jensen retorted, falling to his knees with a soft thud. Jensen looked at Jared through his eyelashes and smiled smugly, gripping tightly at the base of Jared’s throbbing cock.

Jared glanced at the counter - he saw the outline of the worker’s back and the grating pop of gum - and growled at Jensen. “Just do it.”

Jensen’s lips parted and his tongue darted out, wetting his lips, before he closed in around Jared’s cock and oh God. Jared tried to blink the sweat from his eyes, it was stinging so bad in the heat, and his palms slipped against the wood paneling as he leaned back to gain some balance. Sparks and ohgodyes fireworks flashed in the back of his eyes when Jensen’s fingers tightened and his tongue took a long, tormenting swipe up his shaft and over his head.

“God, Jen,” Jared bit out, shoving his fist in his mouth to keep from shouting. His knees shook and he felt his body grow lead-heavy.

Jensen laughed, lips sliding off sweat-slick cock with a pop that sounds exactly like the gum-snapping. “You look good like this,” Jensen whispered.

Jared growled, humming in the back of his throat. “I. Don’t stop.”

Jensen kissed where Jared’s skin dipped and stretched across bone, open-mouthed and wet, chuckling so it shook his body. He kissed a path back to Jared’s cock and licked his way to the head before he was sucking again and Jared could breathe.

It could’ve been seconds, minutes, hours until Jensen pulled off Jared, eyes shining with tears and licking his lips obscenely. Jensen rocked back on his heels, swallowing deeply as Jared shook and rubbed his face, trembling hands running through his hair.

Jensen crawled up Jared’s body, doing up the shorts and breathing hotly across Jared’s face. “We’re going to Vegas in a few days.” He wrapped his arms around Jared’s hips and pulled him close.

Jared was breathing hard and fast, something resembling adrenaline and fear coursing through his veins. “And what? That was your way of telling me?”

“No. I’m telling you now.” Jensen pressed his lips against Jared’s, rough and tangy when their tongues met. He smiled against Jared’s lips. “I just love to see you squirm.”