Most Days; Jared/Jensen
Most Days
Summary: Most days are okay for Jared. But one day was not most days.
Rating: R-ish
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Word Count: 3,126
Warnings: handjobs, ooh!
Author's Notes: written for
unamaga on Porn Friday. My first attempt at Jensen/Jared, so yeah. Go easy?
So, this is how it went.
Most days, Jared wakes up in an all right mood. He's not overly cheerful or out-going, since it's way too damn early in the morning to even be thinking, but hell, he's going to a job that he loved and the heating in his apartment was on the fritz again, so he was happy to be in warm trailers before running out for a shoot in the freezing Canadian weather that locals perceived as 'it gets worse'. Jared still had a hard time getting used to that.
Most days, Jared gets to the set early. He flirts with the giggly make-up artist, goes over his lines and - if he can - chats with Eric all before Jensen even arrives. Jared will clap him on the back, grinning from ear to ear, as Jensen stumbled to his chair and groaned for a cup of coffee. Jensen wasn't a morning person at all and Jared liked to revel in that fact, bouncing from place to place and challenging Jensen to a quick game on the PlayStation or a quick run to get the blood flowing. It was sort of funny to watch Jensen give Jared a venomous death glare from his seat on the ground, or in his chair, or wherever he happened to fall that particular morning - it always looked like he was on drugs. Jared only played on it more, calling Jensen an addict, knowing well that Jensen won't - actually can't - run after him.
Most days, Jared will be shooting for close to eighteen hours, with short breaks in between. He'd trudge to his trailer for a fifteen minute nap, hoping his energy would revitalize before Eric calls him back. He'll tug at his wardrobe, always aware of his appearance, and most of the time Jensen will smack him across the head for being annoying and obsessive compulsive. He'll run over his next lines, get into his place where him and Sam collide as one (Jensen usually snorts when Jared mentions this place), move where he needs to go and listens intently to what people say. He does what he needs to do and enjoys it. Especially when he gets to sit in the car; that's always the best.
Most days, Jared phones Sandy after work, just to let her know he's okay and that he'll drop by her place during the weekend. He usually brings a movie or two, a bottle of vodka for the lady and a case of beers for himself. He goes to bed with Sandy on his mind, thinking of her smile and her voice and all those stupid little sentimental things Jensen always bugged him about when the conversation switched to Sandy.
Most days, Jared eats with ravenous fury on his lunch break. Jensen always gives him the oddest looks. He'll laugh with his mouth full, make hand gestures to get his point across and shove a Subway foot-long into his mouth. Jensen usually just picks at some Gummy Bears and Jared ends up eating them too.
Most days, Jared says good-bye to Jensen at the end of a long day as he tries to find the right place for his keys to fit. Jensen will wave - a modest and tired look on his face - but something else will light up in his eyes. Entirely different from what his body language would give off. But Jared would push it from his mind, knowing that on most days he only had a few hours asleep before most days started up again.
But one day; one day was not like most days.
- - -
That one day started out as most days; Jared was in an all right mood. He got to work fairly early. Jensen was half-an-hour behind him, as usual. The make-up girl was talking about her dogs again and how she and Jared should walk their dogs together one of these days. Jared just smiles sweetly, as usual, and never says anything.
But what happened on most days ended there because Jensen was indifferent as he walked onto their latest location, dressed completely to Dean, but still looking like Jensen on any normal day - worn down and tired, like the world was barging down on him too quickly. But something was off; Jensen was fidgety, distant. He didn't stand too close to Jared; he shifted awkwardly when Eric told him to get closer to 'Sam'. Jensen didn't oblige to Jared's challenges nor did he even look Jared in the eye when he talked to him. Jared wanted to ask Jensen what happened, but by the way Jensen kept himself a safe distance away, Jared thought that maybe it wouldn't be best to ask.
For lunch break, Jensen didn't even show. Jared sat sullenly with the rest of the crew, picking at his lunch. The comforting familiarity of Jensen's ever-present bag of Gummy Bears now gone left a small void deep in Jared. Once he gave up on eating, Jared walked to his trailer, with the thought of a small nap on his mind. Until he saw Jensen standing by his trailer, just outside the door, his back facing Jared.
"Hey, Jensen!" Jared called as he turned on his heel.
Jensen looked over his shoulder, eyebrows slightly raised. "Oh, hey."
"Where were you at lunch? I've run out of my own Gummy Bears," Jared teased.
Jensen shrugged. He turned half-way towards Jared before stopping and leaning against the trailer.
"What's wrong?" Jared asked, genuinely concerned; he laid his hand on Jensen's shoulder, but he shrugged it away.
"Nothing."
Jared frowned. "Come on man, you were out of it today. You couldn't even stand next to me! I'm not diseased."
"I know that!" Jensen shouted, slapping a hand to his face. "God, just - leave it, alright?"
"Hey, Jen, man -" Jared started, but Jensen waved him off as he began walking away. "Jensen!"
Jared didn't phone Sandy after work. Jensen was still incredibly distant and it was bugging Jared for all the right and wrong reasons. He told himself to leave a message after she fell asleep, but he knew he'd never get around to it.
Jared didn't say good-bye to Jensen because he missed him after their day ended. One of the crew members told Jared that Jensen had already left, taking the SkyTrain back to his apartment. Leaving his beaten down rental car at the location, Jared caught a ride on the metric as dusk fell across Vancouver.
One day, just one day and everything seems different.
The train rattled on the tracks, shaking from side to side as it took corners and passed other trains. With his hands folded in his lap, Jared looked out the window, watching the city lights glow in the growing dark, though dark wasn't much of anything in a city of this size. The train was practically empty, save for a few teens keeping mostly to themselves in the back and an older couple almost falling asleep a few seats down from Jared.
Then, after a few minutes of watching the city come alive with red and yellow and blue, Jared spotted Jensen tucked in the corner, eyes also facing out the window. Jared stood and walked unstably over to Jensen as the train took a corner, grabbing onto the metal poles for support.
"Hey."
Jensen looked up at him; for a moment, his face was passive and then it went from shocked to subdued anger. "Are you following me now?"
"No." Jared paused. "Well, yeah, kind of - but only because I want to know what the hell's going on with you!"
"It's nothing!" Jensen whispered feverishly.
"You were acting weird today! Something's wrong!" Jared protested; he clutched tighter onto the pole as the train screeched to a stop and the old couple got off after blinking themselves awake. Jared waited for Jensen to stand and push him away, wondering if it was his stop, but when Jensen didn't move, he loosened his grip on the pole.
"You're always acting weird, but I never stalk you across Vancouver," Jensen hissed, looking back out the window when the train started up again, rolling down the tracks.
"It's not stalking if you can see me."
Jensen looked up with him, as though saying what the fuck? "Whatever! That's not the point."
"Why can't you just tell me what's wrong? It can't be that bad that you can't tell your friend." Jared smiled teasingly when Jensen shook his head and turned his head away more. "Oh, Jensen, are you keeping secrets again?"
"Dude, shut up." And he meant it.
The rest of the ride was quiet; Jared was still standing as the train came to a stop and Jensen stood from his seat, brushing past Jared as though he were nothing more than air. Feeling a little bit betrayed Jared stood swaying on the train, the cracked and muffled voice over the speakers filling the void of silence. In the background, the teenage girls watched with an animate interest. One poked her friend in the ribs and pointed at Jared, whispering feverishly. Their eyes widened exceptionally.
Just before Jensen stepped off the train, he looked back at Jared. Their eyes met and Jensen sighed, as though utterly exhausted with the entire world. "It's late." Jensen bit his lip. "You can stay at my place if you want. Since your car is... well, on the other side of the city."
Jared jumped off the train just as the doors closed. He looked back over his shoulder as it pulled away; the girls were staring out the back, their mouths wide Os. Jared wondered what they were thinking as Jensen led him away with a small tug on his hand.
- - -
Jensen's apartment isn't much; Jared didn't expect much. It was sad to admit, but he had never been to Jensen's apartment. Then again, he had never followed Jensen across the city to ask him why he was out of it that day at shooting. And it wasn't like Jensen was normally in it, but something about that one day made Jared worry. Maybe a little too much.
Jensen kicked off his shoes, letting them tumble across the chipped and scratched wood floor; he walked into the adjoined kitchen and living room, only split by a short wall that Jensen had conveniently turned into a bar. It was the first place he went, grabbing two glasses and a bottle of tequila. Jared grinned.
"Sit, make yourself at home," Jensen said, his back turned to Jared as he poured the drinks.
Jared took a seat on the couch, sinking into the plush cushions. He sighed gratefully, his legs twitching from working out the cramps and threw his arms above his head. He looked around dully, taking in the fair sized television set, a few old movie posters on the white walls and black curtains cutting off the sight of the city that flew by with no thought to time below.
"Nice place," Jared commented as Jensen came from around the wall, handed Jared his drink and took the chair across the couch.
Jensen shrugged. "It's okay."
Jared took a sip of the tequila, letting the sting warm down his throat. "So."
"There is nothing wrong with me and I'll keep saying it until you stop asking," Jensen said quickly, staring down into his glass, twirling the amber liquid around and around.
"I never asked."
Jensen looked up at Jared. Their eyes met again in that short moment of clarity and a burning deep in their eyes and minds that neither could distinguish or acknowledge.
"You really can't tell me?" Jared asked after he had enough of the silence that was thick and heavy between them.
"More like I don't want to," Jensen admitted sheepishly.
"Make me feel better."
Jensen shook his head, smiling to himself. He stood up, setting his glass down on the coffee table and whipped his hands on his pants. "There's only one bedroom, so either you or I can sleep on the couch."
"I can," Jared answered quietly, still shocked from the sudden twist in conversation.
"There's pillows and quilts in the closet." Then Jensen was gone, disappearing down the hall and into his room.
Jared stared at his tequila for a few minutes before downing the last of it and spreading out on the couch. He never bothered to go for pillows or blankets; he knew he'd be up most of the night anyway.
- - -
Hours later, Jensen's room light was still on. Intrigued, Jared snuck down the hall to investigate.
He sat outside the door, making sure to breathe slowly and quietly and tried not to move much. He heard audible gasps and wood scraping wood. Jensen was cursing, Jared could tell by the tone, but he couldn't make out what. Some grunts, another gasp and the slapslap of wet skin on wet skin. Jared cocked his head to the side, grinning. Oh God, Jensen...
"Oh God, Jared."
Jared was sure he was going to choke to death on the air around him.
"Fuck, fuck... Jared."
Jared gasped at the same time as Jensen. Fuck, fuck, Jensen.
"God."
Yeah, no kidding, Jared thought as he heard Jensen sigh.
A pair of feet hit the floor and Jared stood, not thinking of being heard, and ran back to the couch, falling on it just as the light from Jensen's room spilled into the hallway and bounced off the walls. The bathroom light flicked on and a moment, that door closed and Jared was sure he could breathe normally again.
What was he going to do? Was that the reason Jensen had been so indifferent? Jared thought it was rather quick - no forewarning, which he would've liked - and that it came out of absolutely nowhere. Running his hand roughly across his face, Jared thought about confronting Jensen. They could talk about it, resolve the matter and just go back to being friends. But Jared knew when something like that came between two people; nothing could be as it was before. It would throw off the entire works of things, putting a permanent kink in the before-relationship and the after, if they ever got that far.
Jared knew he couldn't carry the knowledge of Jensen's secret; but he also knew that he could never, ever tell Jensen he knew.
So when Jensen stepped out from the bathroom after the shower ran for an hour, Jared squeezed his eyes shut and faced away from the light, hoping Jensen wouldn't see the burning guilt on his face.
- - -
Most days weren't happening for Jared anymore. Not ever since the night at Jensen's.
He was late for work, he upset the make-up girl because he rarely talked in the mornings, he forgot his lines and Eric began to wonder if he and Jensen had swapped bodies. His PlayStation lay untouched for days, the paths in the woods unbeaten since he didn’t run anymore, and Sandy was leaving frantic messages on his answering machine, wondering where he was and why he wasn’t calling. He stopped eating too. He never said good-bye to Jensen anymore.
He sat in his one-bedroom apartment, far from Jensen and far from life, running the words over and over in his head that he had heard that night.
Fuck, fuck… Jared.
Fuck, fuck Jensen. Fuck.
It always ended with his hands wrapped tight around his cock, like it was the only way to let the need and desire and guilt and want go and maybe it was. Jared didn’t know anymore.
- - -
It was in Jensen’s trailer during their rarely used lunch break that Jared confronted Jensen.
It wasn’t for the fact that he couldn’t bare with seeing Jensen everyday, knowing what he did or that he was keeping a secret from his friend, but that he just needed Jensen so bad to make the need and the desire and the guilt and the want to go away. Jensen was the only that could make it come and go.
"The night I stayed at your house…" Jared started, knowing it had to begin somewhere. He knew by the look on Jensen’s face that he was beginning in the right place. "I heard you… I heard you saying my name.
Jensen stood unnaturally still, his eyes once again locked with Jared’s. His face flushed.
Jared closed the small gap between them, wrapping his hand around Jensen’s neck and pulling their faces together, teeth clicking and lips crushing against the other. Jensen was stiff, hesitant; Jared worried he had done something wrong, that he had heard wrong. But Jensen kissed hungrily like Jared was the last thing he ever wanted, fingers gripping tight onto Jared’s hair. Jared’s hips ground down into Jensen’s thigh, his half-hard cock pressing against his jeans.
"Is this what you didn't want to tell me?" Jared asked when he broke from the kiss, his hips still pushed against Jensen. "That you wanted this?"
Jensen looked up at Jared with wide eyes, as though questioning their motives. "I'm - I'm not doing it unless you mean it, not unless you want it... like I do."
Jared bit down on Jensen’s neck tenderly. "Would I be doing this if I didn't want it?"
And that was enough for Jensen.
- - -
Most days, Jared wakes with Jensen’s arms wrapped around his waist, holding their slick bodies close. He’s not overly out-going anymore, but does manage to smile sleepily and kiss Jensen down the side of his face when he wakes. He doesn’t worry about the heat anymore, since Jensen is always beside him. He knows he can get used to that.
Most days, Jared and Jensen are both late for work. He still chats with the make-up girl, but his eyes are always wandering to Jensen half-asleep in his own chair. Time he used to spend going over lines and talking to Eric, he now spends kissing Jensen behind the trailers until they’re called over. He doesn’t bug Jensen anymore because he knows he looks the same and he really doesn’t mind. They don’t run because they’re both exhausted (and no one seems to know why).
Most days, Jared spends his breaks in Jensen’s trailer. They try to be as quiet as they can.
Most days, Jared still phones Sandy after work because he doesn’t know how to say it’s over yet. Jensen suggests a threesome and Jared hits him over the head.
Most days, Jared doesn’t say good-bye to Jensen. He doesn’t need to - he always goes home with Jensen. Most days.
So, that’s how it goes now.
- - -