Death Note: Matsuda&L; Gamma
Title: As It Was
Fandom: Death Note
Pairing: Touta Matsuda & L
Theme set: Gamma
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Death Note and all related characters and elements are trademarks and copyright of their lawful owners.
Warnings: Actually, nothing serious. However, be ready for mentions of addictions, light swear, attempts in crack and hints for non-proclaimed relations. Oh, and tense crazily switches from past to present and back to past again… and punctuation is just strange. Also, I spelled Light’s name as “Raito” here. If that’s annoying, I beg your pardon.
Author's Note: Tired of all sorts of unbelievable perversions which are sometimes kinda cute on a daily basis in the fandom, I tried very hard to avoid any BL-related stuff in this piece of work. Possibly I failed. But still hope I did manage to write the guys in character.
[02] Hero
When the door swung open and L turned out to be an odd lad of indefinable age (yet apparently younger than himself), Touta was sort of disillusioned: the guy looked absolutely not like a genius of detection, ready to save this world, but like a druggy - and what was more, a high one at the moment.
[19] Candle
“Well, so, L isn’t that kind of a man…” - but it doesn’t really matter now, with sparse snowflakes slowly whirling outsides, hot coffee stirring in a cup, and vigorous blaze in Ryuzaki’s wide eyes arousing firm assurance of success in this - oh, so much dangerous! - case.
[07] Wings
After several meetings, Matsuda's first impression got a reliable proof: L did drugs... or, well, it could be called so by stretching a point... because intensity of his mental activity was clearly directly proportional to amount of sweets and caffeine he consumed.
[42] Talk
To a confused "Erm, L... sorry, Ryuzaki... but- just how much candies can you take a day?!" Ryuzaki answers that it's food for the thought, not for satiety, and innocently adds there would be no harm for Matsuda-san in trying the same.
[09] Red
"I need to call Watari," addresses L no specific person and reaches his hand out; he doesn't turn back to look - he almost feels how Matsuda first knits his brows, looks huffily around, then silently sighs, and after a few seconds his plain red cell-phone lays in the palm of the world-famous detective.
[43] Search
They both avoid unnecessary touches, - due to upbringing, due to personal experience, - so when their fingers accidently come into contact above the bowl with sugar cubes, they both feel uneasily, even if their reasons are absolutely different.
[50] Breathe
Ukita enters the room and starts asking something aloud, but Matsuda hushes him down in a fairly untypical impolite manner; when Ukita goes on with a Hey, man, WTF? speech, Touta silently points at the armchair where Ryuzaki is sitting in his regular way - legs bent and a thumb in his mouth - but with eyes shut close, head reposing on his knees and breath deep and peacefully measured.
[33] World
A few months passed under L's authority, and Touta's living, plainly ordinary even so, was gradually reduced to a restricted range of investigative activities along with petty serving job and ambiguous pleasure of spending every second day and night within the walls of hotel rooms.
[10] Drink
Matsuda attempts to persuade L that they definitely should take a little break and go out, like, to a park, - because it's spring, after all, it's sakura blossom! - but L shuts him up in a moment saying that, the case apart, he's pretty well acquainted with Japanese traditions to know that all the words about "admiring the scenery under the canopy of flowering cherries" are nothing but a specious excuse for getting drunk in the fresh air instead of a crowded pub.
[15] Silk
“They fetter my limbs and shackle my mind,” states L and flatly refuses to change his usual loose clothes to something more appropriate for the entrance ceremony, leaving Matsuda in utter confusion as the young officer genuinely believes that a proper exterior ensures more than three quarters of success.
[16] Cover
From under his own shroud of shock Matsuda somehow notices that, despite all the efforts to control himself, Ryuzaki is visibly trembling, and feels a sudden urge to hug the hunched detective, to shelter him from furious Aizawa, to soothe him (and find some comfort for himself), - but when Ryuzaki raises his head up, his face is cool and deadpan as usual.
[20] Talent
"Your visual representation of Kira is highly convincing, Matsuda-san," said Ryuzaki absolutely impassively, and Touta could not determine for sure if that was a praise or a reproach.
[27] Fall
Positively, everybody was surprised at Ryuzaki’s strange reaction on the message, but only Matsuda run up to him and anxiously asked if he was all right.
[25] Mask
Phone contact was terminated, young officer's drooped figure left the field of vision available from the window, and L snorted and put a note in his mind to be ready for another spell of mute but poorly camouflaged sentiments of Matsuda’s distress.
[39] Overwhelmed
The methods Ryuzaki's inclined to use often verge on cheating, and right now it's an obvious, undisguised contravention; but "It's the Kira case" and "It's mere a necessary part of investigation", Touta endeavours to convince himself as he stares in wide-eyed horror at the screen showing a petite fragile figure nailed to a plank like a butterfly treating by some crazy naturalist.
[18] Dream
They have been working diligently all day round and finally dropped off to slumber right on their seats; but only one of them has pleasant dreams, infers Ryuzaki in passing, casting a quick glance and going on watching the monitor, as far as only one of them is not frowning but smiling in his sleep.
[23] Fire
Sometimes L allows himself a finely veiled taunt towards Matsuda and feels perfectly contented when the dull-witted man occasionally catches the hidden meaning of his words.
[37] Lies
Lying, misleading, leaving things unsaid - that’s L’s customary practice, a useful (a life-saving) rule he’s not going to break, and he doesn’t care a damn for those who overestimate themselves to the point of trying to disapprove him using so illogical concepts as decency and conscience.
[12] Temptation
At times, when Ryuzaki reaches a higher vexing level of freakish rudeness, a sacrilegious desire secretly occurs to resentful Touta: "Pluck up your spirits and throw a punch at that unscrupulous guy," - but he invariably retreats, oppressed with mixture of natural meekness, cowardly conscience and subordinating respect.
[44] Hope
…After all, he was their miracle, their sacred cow and guiding star all in one, and Matsuda was willing to forgive Ryuzaki’s whims as far as that man provided them the opportunity to fight and a slim chance to overcome evil.
[34] Formal
Excited Matsuda reaches his hand for a microphone, L - suddenly - yells and hits him to stop, and Matsuda starts back looking obviously stunned and hurt; Aizawa doesn't really care, but a cursory thought crosses his mind: what did offend his junior workmate most of all: a force-involving demonstration of superiority, an underlying reason of the act, or an unceremonious form of address?
[13] View
Ryuzaki knows for certain that Yagami is Kira, but cannot establish it, while Matsuda knows in his heart of hearts that it's just impossible, and though it is said that extremes meet, this key stumbling-block would never be overcome.
[21] Silence
He'd love to talk to Ryuzaki for once not about the case - but the man has no fancy for pointless chatting; he'd love to ask Ryuzaki something meaningful - but he's long since learnt it's hopelessly to expect a simple answer; he’d love to please him with just anything - but he knows the only thing that’ll make Ryuzaki happy is proving Raito-kun a horrible mass-murderer; so they just sit, watch endless records and keep silent.
[30] Body
Reclining heavily against a couch and gently stroking his bulging and a little aching stomach, Matsuda sadly muses that this time, Ryuzaki was mistaken: getting stuffed with damned cakes sure would hardly improve his own intellectual faculties and raise them even a bit nearer to L's level, and the only result he can achieve through that kind of a diet is growing stout very soon.
[49] Lock
“We cannot keep her under lock and key any longer, so every time she leaves the building, I need eyes and ears to mark her every motion, and I want you to do it,” told Ryuzaki drowsily over the shoulder and left Matsuda to anticipate the prospects.
[01] Ring
Matsuda doesn’t like the way Ryuzaki and Raito develop their relations, but he cannot step in to stop them from coming to blows (L would undoubtedly regard that as sabotage…), so he takes the role of referee to pacify inordinately heated masterminds instead.
[40] Whisper
Matsuda looks sympathetically at Raito (who’s sleeping on the desk burying his face in a crook of arm) and asks Ryuzaki in a low voice whether it’s really impermissible to let the boy stay alone at least at night in a bedroom kept under surveillance in 24/7 regime; Ryuzaki looks intently back at him and murmurs that yes, Matsuda-san is quite right: it’s impossible, therefore Matsuda-san should stop disturbing Raito-kun’s rest, and instead, he’d better go and sleep himself.
[28] Forgotten
Bearing in mind that, when possible, Matsuda always tries to be around him and Raito, humbly blinking at their digs, Ryuzaki presumes after pondering estrangedly on the riddles of that person’s behavior that maybe, it’s something about emotional attachment, and perhaps, it would be useful someday.
[26] Ice
Though Chief has directly told him to leave the young men in peace, though Ryuzaki has given him to understand clearly that his concern is redundant and unwanted, Touta still makes cold compresses and hurries towards the room in strong hope that his good intention at least won't be regarded as 'just another idiocy'... and at the best, will earn him even the smallest bit of gratitude.
[14] Music
The Kira case has long since stuck in hiatus, and as far as there's no really serious work, Matsuda manages to browse through the data, to put occasional remarks in current sluggish discussion, and to listen to his iPod on the sly simultaneously, being quite certain that under his long locks nobody would notice the earphones; two metres further, snuggling up to the back of his chair, Ryuzaki surveys the room and depressively ponders over circumstances, sense and certain slackers unable to realize how annoyingly loud Amane is, even in her digital being.
[04] Box
“Hey, Ryuzaki, you’d better stop torment me with all your ‘I-know-you-are-Kira-just-because-I-want-it-be-so’ stuff, because - look, here’s Matsuda-san, and he fully agrees with me on this point, and together we can kick your ass without fuss - can’t we, Matsuda-san?” untypically cheerful Raito teases his composed partner, and Touta, who’s loitering with his papers the next desk, casts a scared glance at L, flushes and quickly finds an apologetic pretext to moult away and avoid the necessity to find a proper answer to that seemingly innocent question.
[36] Laugh
Matsuda's permanent intentions to 'ease too tense atmosphere' with unassuming jokes never succeeded in evoking even a shadow of wry smile on Ryuzaki's face; the most significant result of all his amusing remarks usually was a tired expression in detective's baggy eyes and a blunt request to go and fetch something essential (like one more cup of coffee).
[29] Dance
It’s hard to catch out L’s facial expression when he’s drawn into dancing with Misa-Misa and Raito around that imaginary stele of friendship, but Matsuda can guess it’s not about joy or pleasure, and something strange, foul and strong is gripping and eating his heart, though he never realizes that’s sheer jealousy.
[08] Cold
At first, the very idea of the century's greatest detective stooped to stand in need of their help - his help! - was so pleasing, so great in itself, that Touta didn't pay much attention to the attitude; but the more sleepless nights pass, the more work is done, the more progress they make - so the more L's frigid disregard wounds his pride.
[17] Promise
Seeing the young cop literally lays himself out to prove his usefulness, L can't dispel a foreboding feeling that it would end up to no good.
[35] Fever
His brains are calculating feverishly - "...keep smile and look calm, Touta, you miserable loser..." - interpreting Ryuzaki's allegorical inquiries in a trice and contriving careful wordings in answer; and never in his life a phone conversation has been so heavy and vitally important.
[24] Strength
Now, everything depended on many varieties of strength: one of Matsuda's psyche, muscles and vestibular apparatus, one of the mattress and men who held it, and one of L's self-control, his ability to hide the faintest hints on his actual anxiety about that reckless, stupid idiot.
[45] Eclipse
“We are observing nothing but an ordinary astronomical event, Matsuda-san... and furthermore, I strongly doubt whether it has anything to do with intensity of Kira’s activities…” remarked Ryuzaki with a sceptical smirk which was lost in vain - because, naturally, utter delight expressed on Matsuda’s face was radiant enough to substitute the sunshine currently overshadowed by the Moon.
[41] Wait
Ryuzaki may lack personal romantic experience, but he has eyes and he has brains; that's why the sight of Matsuda pacing around, wringing his hands and anxiously voicing impossible suppositions provides him all necessary hints to comprehend the reason.
[48] Unknown
L was a genius in many ways, one of which was his brilliant ability to manipulate people; they’ll never learn how much time did it take him to think out the whole plan, but it required the only casual remark creating a semblance of discretion to switch Matsuda's mood from "Only a madman would assent to that!" to "Please allow me do it!".
[46] Gravity
“You failed your task, hence you ruined my plan; you are dismissed; sayonara, Matsuda-san,” - and then Touta wakes up drenched in a cold sweat and realizes it was only a dream.
[47] Highway
Higuchi is riding at top speed on Route 1, watching Matsuda over embedded TV-set; Ryuzaki and Raito are following Higuchi by helicopter, tracing his way by GPS receiver; meanwhile, Matsuda has no idea of what's going on outside, - any second could become his last one, - and nothing else is left for him but to pin his faith on L's genius and to hope desperately that the good guys will win the race.
[05] Run
The intensity of investigative progress is notably speeded up after gaining the mysterious artifact completed with a creepy creature; it seems like everything grows better, including the zeal for accomplishing the work as quickly as possible… but even then, certain things didn’t change.
[31] Sacred
“Is there anything sacred to him?!” wonders Touta again and again; but L never listens to anybody but himself, and the limit of abuse is already exceeded.
[11] Midnight
When L went up the roof to meditate in the dark of the night, the last person he expected to find there was Matsuda; he stood leaning over the railings and peering into the pile of ever sleepless Tokyo’s lights, so deep in contemplation that when he finally noticed L’s figure, he seemed quite dumbfounded and began to stammer some sort of rubbish (“Oh, Ryuzaki… I’m here… kinda… couldn’t fall asleep, and… just all that...”), but Ryuzaki merely went up without a single word, and after a moment of awkwardness they mutely continued to look at the midnight city.
[06] Hurricane
Light glimmers - L stumbles - L falls - L fails! - and thunderstorm breaks out, and chaos breaks loose, demolishing, terrifying, and Matsuda wishes he could just huddle and shut eyes close - and so he does, swept over with irrational hope: We’ll be OK, please, let everything will be OK, - but frantic heartbeat rapidly counts time down - and nothing happens, so he tentatively opens his eyes...
[38] Forever
At first sight, nothing changed (Ryuzaki was cool, placid and unfathomable, showing his absolute disregard) - except the fact that now he was irreversibly dead.
[22] Journey
He didn’t know how much steps he passed from dedication to the cause to devotion to a person; it was a long run, and the more striking the sudden finish was.
[32] Farewells
Touta is sitting on a bench in the bare deserted park, a half-empty basket of crepes in his hands; his cheeks are smeared with cream and tears - but he senses none of these tastes.
[03] Memory
As it turned out afterwards, L had carried his precautions out perfectly and vanished in the past with no personal material reminders left, so the memory imprints (some glad, some bitter, but all striking and deep) were all Touta Matsuda saved from almost a year spent side by side with the Legend.
Fandom: Death Note
Pairing: Touta Matsuda & L
Theme set: Gamma
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Death Note and all related characters and elements are trademarks and copyright of their lawful owners.
Warnings: Actually, nothing serious. However, be ready for mentions of addictions, light swear, attempts in crack and hints for non-proclaimed relations. Oh, and tense crazily switches from past to present and back to past again… and punctuation is just strange. Also, I spelled Light’s name as “Raito” here. If that’s annoying, I beg your pardon.
Author's Note: Tired of all sorts of unbelievable perversions which are sometimes kinda cute on a daily basis in the fandom, I tried very hard to avoid any BL-related stuff in this piece of work. Possibly I failed. But still hope I did manage to write the guys in character.
[02] Hero
When the door swung open and L turned out to be an odd lad of indefinable age (yet apparently younger than himself), Touta was sort of disillusioned: the guy looked absolutely not like a genius of detection, ready to save this world, but like a druggy - and what was more, a high one at the moment.
[19] Candle
“Well, so, L isn’t that kind of a man…” - but it doesn’t really matter now, with sparse snowflakes slowly whirling outsides, hot coffee stirring in a cup, and vigorous blaze in Ryuzaki’s wide eyes arousing firm assurance of success in this - oh, so much dangerous! - case.
[07] Wings
After several meetings, Matsuda's first impression got a reliable proof: L did drugs... or, well, it could be called so by stretching a point... because intensity of his mental activity was clearly directly proportional to amount of sweets and caffeine he consumed.
[42] Talk
To a confused "Erm, L... sorry, Ryuzaki... but- just how much candies can you take a day?!" Ryuzaki answers that it's food for the thought, not for satiety, and innocently adds there would be no harm for Matsuda-san in trying the same.
[09] Red
"I need to call Watari," addresses L no specific person and reaches his hand out; he doesn't turn back to look - he almost feels how Matsuda first knits his brows, looks huffily around, then silently sighs, and after a few seconds his plain red cell-phone lays in the palm of the world-famous detective.
[43] Search
They both avoid unnecessary touches, - due to upbringing, due to personal experience, - so when their fingers accidently come into contact above the bowl with sugar cubes, they both feel uneasily, even if their reasons are absolutely different.
[50] Breathe
Ukita enters the room and starts asking something aloud, but Matsuda hushes him down in a fairly untypical impolite manner; when Ukita goes on with a Hey, man, WTF? speech, Touta silently points at the armchair where Ryuzaki is sitting in his regular way - legs bent and a thumb in his mouth - but with eyes shut close, head reposing on his knees and breath deep and peacefully measured.
[33] World
A few months passed under L's authority, and Touta's living, plainly ordinary even so, was gradually reduced to a restricted range of investigative activities along with petty serving job and ambiguous pleasure of spending every second day and night within the walls of hotel rooms.
[10] Drink
Matsuda attempts to persuade L that they definitely should take a little break and go out, like, to a park, - because it's spring, after all, it's sakura blossom! - but L shuts him up in a moment saying that, the case apart, he's pretty well acquainted with Japanese traditions to know that all the words about "admiring the scenery under the canopy of flowering cherries" are nothing but a specious excuse for getting drunk in the fresh air instead of a crowded pub.
[15] Silk
“They fetter my limbs and shackle my mind,” states L and flatly refuses to change his usual loose clothes to something more appropriate for the entrance ceremony, leaving Matsuda in utter confusion as the young officer genuinely believes that a proper exterior ensures more than three quarters of success.
[16] Cover
From under his own shroud of shock Matsuda somehow notices that, despite all the efforts to control himself, Ryuzaki is visibly trembling, and feels a sudden urge to hug the hunched detective, to shelter him from furious Aizawa, to soothe him (and find some comfort for himself), - but when Ryuzaki raises his head up, his face is cool and deadpan as usual.
[20] Talent
"Your visual representation of Kira is highly convincing, Matsuda-san," said Ryuzaki absolutely impassively, and Touta could not determine for sure if that was a praise or a reproach.
[27] Fall
Positively, everybody was surprised at Ryuzaki’s strange reaction on the message, but only Matsuda run up to him and anxiously asked if he was all right.
[25] Mask
Phone contact was terminated, young officer's drooped figure left the field of vision available from the window, and L snorted and put a note in his mind to be ready for another spell of mute but poorly camouflaged sentiments of Matsuda’s distress.
[39] Overwhelmed
The methods Ryuzaki's inclined to use often verge on cheating, and right now it's an obvious, undisguised contravention; but "It's the Kira case" and "It's mere a necessary part of investigation", Touta endeavours to convince himself as he stares in wide-eyed horror at the screen showing a petite fragile figure nailed to a plank like a butterfly treating by some crazy naturalist.
[18] Dream
They have been working diligently all day round and finally dropped off to slumber right on their seats; but only one of them has pleasant dreams, infers Ryuzaki in passing, casting a quick glance and going on watching the monitor, as far as only one of them is not frowning but smiling in his sleep.
[23] Fire
Sometimes L allows himself a finely veiled taunt towards Matsuda and feels perfectly contented when the dull-witted man occasionally catches the hidden meaning of his words.
[37] Lies
Lying, misleading, leaving things unsaid - that’s L’s customary practice, a useful (a life-saving) rule he’s not going to break, and he doesn’t care a damn for those who overestimate themselves to the point of trying to disapprove him using so illogical concepts as decency and conscience.
[12] Temptation
At times, when Ryuzaki reaches a higher vexing level of freakish rudeness, a sacrilegious desire secretly occurs to resentful Touta: "Pluck up your spirits and throw a punch at that unscrupulous guy," - but he invariably retreats, oppressed with mixture of natural meekness, cowardly conscience and subordinating respect.
[44] Hope
…After all, he was their miracle, their sacred cow and guiding star all in one, and Matsuda was willing to forgive Ryuzaki’s whims as far as that man provided them the opportunity to fight and a slim chance to overcome evil.
[34] Formal
Excited Matsuda reaches his hand for a microphone, L - suddenly - yells and hits him to stop, and Matsuda starts back looking obviously stunned and hurt; Aizawa doesn't really care, but a cursory thought crosses his mind: what did offend his junior workmate most of all: a force-involving demonstration of superiority, an underlying reason of the act, or an unceremonious form of address?
[13] View
Ryuzaki knows for certain that Yagami is Kira, but cannot establish it, while Matsuda knows in his heart of hearts that it's just impossible, and though it is said that extremes meet, this key stumbling-block would never be overcome.
[21] Silence
He'd love to talk to Ryuzaki for once not about the case - but the man has no fancy for pointless chatting; he'd love to ask Ryuzaki something meaningful - but he's long since learnt it's hopelessly to expect a simple answer; he’d love to please him with just anything - but he knows the only thing that’ll make Ryuzaki happy is proving Raito-kun a horrible mass-murderer; so they just sit, watch endless records and keep silent.
[30] Body
Reclining heavily against a couch and gently stroking his bulging and a little aching stomach, Matsuda sadly muses that this time, Ryuzaki was mistaken: getting stuffed with damned cakes sure would hardly improve his own intellectual faculties and raise them even a bit nearer to L's level, and the only result he can achieve through that kind of a diet is growing stout very soon.
[49] Lock
“We cannot keep her under lock and key any longer, so every time she leaves the building, I need eyes and ears to mark her every motion, and I want you to do it,” told Ryuzaki drowsily over the shoulder and left Matsuda to anticipate the prospects.
[01] Ring
Matsuda doesn’t like the way Ryuzaki and Raito develop their relations, but he cannot step in to stop them from coming to blows (L would undoubtedly regard that as sabotage…), so he takes the role of referee to pacify inordinately heated masterminds instead.
[40] Whisper
Matsuda looks sympathetically at Raito (who’s sleeping on the desk burying his face in a crook of arm) and asks Ryuzaki in a low voice whether it’s really impermissible to let the boy stay alone at least at night in a bedroom kept under surveillance in 24/7 regime; Ryuzaki looks intently back at him and murmurs that yes, Matsuda-san is quite right: it’s impossible, therefore Matsuda-san should stop disturbing Raito-kun’s rest, and instead, he’d better go and sleep himself.
[28] Forgotten
Bearing in mind that, when possible, Matsuda always tries to be around him and Raito, humbly blinking at their digs, Ryuzaki presumes after pondering estrangedly on the riddles of that person’s behavior that maybe, it’s something about emotional attachment, and perhaps, it would be useful someday.
[26] Ice
Though Chief has directly told him to leave the young men in peace, though Ryuzaki has given him to understand clearly that his concern is redundant and unwanted, Touta still makes cold compresses and hurries towards the room in strong hope that his good intention at least won't be regarded as 'just another idiocy'... and at the best, will earn him even the smallest bit of gratitude.
[14] Music
The Kira case has long since stuck in hiatus, and as far as there's no really serious work, Matsuda manages to browse through the data, to put occasional remarks in current sluggish discussion, and to listen to his iPod on the sly simultaneously, being quite certain that under his long locks nobody would notice the earphones; two metres further, snuggling up to the back of his chair, Ryuzaki surveys the room and depressively ponders over circumstances, sense and certain slackers unable to realize how annoyingly loud Amane is, even in her digital being.
[04] Box
“Hey, Ryuzaki, you’d better stop torment me with all your ‘I-know-you-are-Kira-just-because-I-want-it-be-so’ stuff, because - look, here’s Matsuda-san, and he fully agrees with me on this point, and together we can kick your ass without fuss - can’t we, Matsuda-san?” untypically cheerful Raito teases his composed partner, and Touta, who’s loitering with his papers the next desk, casts a scared glance at L, flushes and quickly finds an apologetic pretext to moult away and avoid the necessity to find a proper answer to that seemingly innocent question.
[36] Laugh
Matsuda's permanent intentions to 'ease too tense atmosphere' with unassuming jokes never succeeded in evoking even a shadow of wry smile on Ryuzaki's face; the most significant result of all his amusing remarks usually was a tired expression in detective's baggy eyes and a blunt request to go and fetch something essential (like one more cup of coffee).
[29] Dance
It’s hard to catch out L’s facial expression when he’s drawn into dancing with Misa-Misa and Raito around that imaginary stele of friendship, but Matsuda can guess it’s not about joy or pleasure, and something strange, foul and strong is gripping and eating his heart, though he never realizes that’s sheer jealousy.
[08] Cold
At first, the very idea of the century's greatest detective stooped to stand in need of their help - his help! - was so pleasing, so great in itself, that Touta didn't pay much attention to the attitude; but the more sleepless nights pass, the more work is done, the more progress they make - so the more L's frigid disregard wounds his pride.
[17] Promise
Seeing the young cop literally lays himself out to prove his usefulness, L can't dispel a foreboding feeling that it would end up to no good.
[35] Fever
His brains are calculating feverishly - "...keep smile and look calm, Touta, you miserable loser..." - interpreting Ryuzaki's allegorical inquiries in a trice and contriving careful wordings in answer; and never in his life a phone conversation has been so heavy and vitally important.
[24] Strength
Now, everything depended on many varieties of strength: one of Matsuda's psyche, muscles and vestibular apparatus, one of the mattress and men who held it, and one of L's self-control, his ability to hide the faintest hints on his actual anxiety about that reckless, stupid idiot.
[45] Eclipse
“We are observing nothing but an ordinary astronomical event, Matsuda-san... and furthermore, I strongly doubt whether it has anything to do with intensity of Kira’s activities…” remarked Ryuzaki with a sceptical smirk which was lost in vain - because, naturally, utter delight expressed on Matsuda’s face was radiant enough to substitute the sunshine currently overshadowed by the Moon.
[41] Wait
Ryuzaki may lack personal romantic experience, but he has eyes and he has brains; that's why the sight of Matsuda pacing around, wringing his hands and anxiously voicing impossible suppositions provides him all necessary hints to comprehend the reason.
[48] Unknown
L was a genius in many ways, one of which was his brilliant ability to manipulate people; they’ll never learn how much time did it take him to think out the whole plan, but it required the only casual remark creating a semblance of discretion to switch Matsuda's mood from "Only a madman would assent to that!" to "Please allow me do it!".
[46] Gravity
“You failed your task, hence you ruined my plan; you are dismissed; sayonara, Matsuda-san,” - and then Touta wakes up drenched in a cold sweat and realizes it was only a dream.
[47] Highway
Higuchi is riding at top speed on Route 1, watching Matsuda over embedded TV-set; Ryuzaki and Raito are following Higuchi by helicopter, tracing his way by GPS receiver; meanwhile, Matsuda has no idea of what's going on outside, - any second could become his last one, - and nothing else is left for him but to pin his faith on L's genius and to hope desperately that the good guys will win the race.
[05] Run
The intensity of investigative progress is notably speeded up after gaining the mysterious artifact completed with a creepy creature; it seems like everything grows better, including the zeal for accomplishing the work as quickly as possible… but even then, certain things didn’t change.
[31] Sacred
“Is there anything sacred to him?!” wonders Touta again and again; but L never listens to anybody but himself, and the limit of abuse is already exceeded.
[11] Midnight
When L went up the roof to meditate in the dark of the night, the last person he expected to find there was Matsuda; he stood leaning over the railings and peering into the pile of ever sleepless Tokyo’s lights, so deep in contemplation that when he finally noticed L’s figure, he seemed quite dumbfounded and began to stammer some sort of rubbish (“Oh, Ryuzaki… I’m here… kinda… couldn’t fall asleep, and… just all that...”), but Ryuzaki merely went up without a single word, and after a moment of awkwardness they mutely continued to look at the midnight city.
[06] Hurricane
Light glimmers - L stumbles - L falls - L fails! - and thunderstorm breaks out, and chaos breaks loose, demolishing, terrifying, and Matsuda wishes he could just huddle and shut eyes close - and so he does, swept over with irrational hope: We’ll be OK, please, let everything will be OK, - but frantic heartbeat rapidly counts time down - and nothing happens, so he tentatively opens his eyes...
[38] Forever
At first sight, nothing changed (Ryuzaki was cool, placid and unfathomable, showing his absolute disregard) - except the fact that now he was irreversibly dead.
[22] Journey
He didn’t know how much steps he passed from dedication to the cause to devotion to a person; it was a long run, and the more striking the sudden finish was.
[32] Farewells
Touta is sitting on a bench in the bare deserted park, a half-empty basket of crepes in his hands; his cheeks are smeared with cream and tears - but he senses none of these tastes.
[03] Memory
As it turned out afterwards, L had carried his precautions out perfectly and vanished in the past with no personal material reminders left, so the memory imprints (some glad, some bitter, but all striking and deep) were all Touta Matsuda saved from almost a year spent side by side with the Legend.