Patrick/SpongeBob Stupidity
Fandom: SpongeBob SquarePants (pathetic, yes?)
Pairing: Patrick/SpongeBob (SICK! People writes SLASH about that show?)
Theme set: epsilon
Rating: 16+, I guess.
Warning[s]: slash, sexuality, language . . . um . . . I think that covers everything. OH!!! Poorly written and lacks any substance and/or creativity.
01 - Motion
Sometimes SpongeBob worried that if they didn’t keep the momentum up, Patrick would get bored and drop him faster than they’d started.
02 - Cool
Patrick realized deep down that anyone that made him feel so hot had to be totally uncool.
03 - Young
True, they were both exceptionally young, which, Patrick reasoned, was all the more reason to videotape every single encounter; he could sell it later on, and “barely-legal” always did well on the porn market.
04 - Last
Unintentionally, it had become a race of sorts; of course, SpongeBob was so sensitive and easily triggered that Patrick was almost always the last to come.
05 - Wrong
“Because using my spatula as a dildo is breaking several health code violations, Patrick!”
06 - Gentle
It fascinated, amused, aroused, and endeared Patrick to hear the soft hum of pleasure SpongeBob emitted whenever the starfish gently stroked his back.
07 - One
Frankly, Patrick was amazed that one sponge could tolerate so much penetration in a single hour.
08 - Thousand
Patrick prided himself on being the true pervert in the relationship, but he couldn’t keep up with the seeming thousands of orgasms his lover could have, if left uninterrupted.
09 - King
If Patrick had been king of Bikini Bottom, then that made SpongeBob queen, right?
10 - Learn
The hardest thing to learn had probably been giving head, due mostly to the sheer size of SpongeBob’s front teeth; but on the bright side, these same teeth felt very pleasurable nibbling at Patrick’s neck.
11 - Blur
The whole coming-out thing was sorta blurry for Patrick-although he DID recall his mother joining a support group, and his father . . . well, actually, his dad had sorta been hitting on SpongeBob (guess it IS genetic after all).
12 - Wait
After the whole “let’s wait until marriage” thing didn’t work out, they figured they might as well do it anywhere, at anytime at all (bathroom stalls, elevators, escalators, Mr. Krabs’s office, etc).
13 - Change
“I KNOW you think the bunny suit is cute, Patrick, but I really have to change into my work clothes now.”
14 - Command
Cue OOC SpongeBob moment number 117: “Patrick, shut the hell up and fuck my ass already!”
15 - Hold
Sometimes (albeit rarely), Patrick passed on the sex, instead opting for cuddling, clinging, hungrily grasping lest he lose his best friend forever.
16 - Need
“Patrick, I don’t even have nipples; WHY would I need glow in the dark nipple rings?”
17 - Vision
It wasn’t that he only saw SpongeBob; he just didn’t have any need to notice anything else.
18 - Attention
Patrick may have been a total space cadet, but edible underwear had the power to capture and hold even his attention.
19 - Soul
The term “soul mates” may seem cliché, but “totally enraptured with and absorbed in, as well as erotically fascinated with, heartbreakingly attached to, purely adoring, and in short, just plain in love” was too long an expression for everyday conversation.
20 - Picture
It was a good thing no one knew of the dirty thoughts running through the seemingly pure sponge’s mind throughout the day; hell, even Patrick would probably be a bit disturbed by the vividness of the loopy loofah’s mind-smut.
21 - Fool
Some people may call Patrick stupid, but he seemed to be the only one getting any ass in this town.
22 - Mad
SpongeBob may have been mildly insane, but the manic-depressant mood swings only heightened orgasm, as far as Patrick was concerned.
23 - Child
For a couple of kids, they sure were kinky (how many uses can YOU find for a jellyfishing net?).
24 - Now
“Come on, SpongeBob, you have a three minute lunch break; that’s plenty of time to suck me off; just think of it as a high protein lunch.”
25 - Shadow
Before any encounter, paranoid SpongeBob had to make sure Gary wasn’t hiding in the shadows, lest he taint his pet’s eyestalks with disturbing imagery.
26 - Goodbye
SpongeBob hated goodbyes, but he absolutely adored the kiss that accompanied the dread word.
27 - Hide
No matter where he went, poor Squidward couldn’t hide from the pukingly graphic, and never-ending public displays of affection.
28 - Fortune
SpongeBob wasn’t sure whether it was a gift or a curse that he’d fallen for his best friend; he DID know that if Patrick didn’t stop tracking mud in the house, it was going to be very misfortunate for the starfish.
29 - Safe
It was safe to say that Patrick was completely over his crush on Princess Mindy.
30 - Ghost
Patrick wasn’t huge on ghost stories, but he loved the fact that he was the one SpongeBob clung to when frightened.
31 - Book
“It’s not a porno, SpongeBob, it’s based on a book . . . and cock.”
32 - Eye
SpongeBob finally found the one thing more embarrassing than giving himself a black eye from opening toothpaste: getting a black eye from his boyfriend’s terrible aim.
33 - Never
Mr. Krabs would never acknowledge the blatant homosexuality of his number one employee, chalking it up as a side effect of “a full moon”, even while Patrick dry humped SpongeBob in the kitchen at midday.
34 - Sing
The follow up track to “I Wrote This” was the closest to a love song SpongeBob would ever get from Patrick.
35 - Sudden
The moment their relationship had jumped from friendship to “something more” had been so quick; all SpongeBob remembered was suddenly realizing Patrick’s lips were pressed against his own, and his hands were somewhere hovering around his lower region.
36 - Stop
“Golly, SpongeBob, I’m glad y’all are happy and all, but would ya mind NOT groping Patrick while yer talkin’ to me?” Sandy couldn’t mask her disgust, confusion, and slight jealousy.
37 - Time
“I don’t care how horny you are, Patrick-I will NOT have sex with you during my Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy time!”
38 - Wash
Patrick finally broke his lifelong vow of dirtiness one lazy afternoon; but how could he resist getting into a bubble filled tub when beckoned by SpongeBob?
39 - Torn
SpongeBob had been so tight their first time he had literally torn-but that’s why sponges had evolved to regenerate, right?
40 - History
It wasn’t historical, having a gay couple in Bikini Bottom (there was, after all, Squidward and Squilliam, and, according to recent rumors, Larry and Plankton); what WAS history was a starfish being with a sponge (race always tops gender, and species trumps all-of-the-above).
41 - Power
Patrick may have been the seme, but SpongeBob had the key to the condom drawer.
42 - Bother
SpongeBob was too in love to bother playing hard to get, and Patrick was too horny to bother holding back.
43 - God
“Patrick, do you REALLY think He hates us?” SpongeBob sobbed after being screamed at for forty five minutes regarding his sexual orientation in the eyes of the Lord by bigoted street preacher.
44 - Wall
“No, that isn’t mayonnaise, sir,” SpongeBob said meekly to his boss, regarding the dryed stain caked on the grill.
45 - Naked
Every time Patrick saw him naked, SpongeBob worried that he’d be pronounced inadequate in some way.
46 - Drive
Although SpongeBob didn’t have a license, he was more than capable of handling Patrick’s stick shift.
47 - Harm
The fact was, Patrick wasn’t only SpongeBob’s sole pleasure source; he was also the main cause of his pain.
48 - Precious
Hard to believe that Patrick had found something more precious to him than his Gummy.
49 - Hunger
Lick, suck, ejaculate, swallw, “Yeah, I had a feeling this was the secret formula.”
50 - Believe
SpongeBob wanted to believe that they could last forever, but subconsciously he knew that eventually he’d do something to fuck up everything.