Chakotay x Harry
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Pairing: Chakotay/Harry Kim
Theme set: Epsilon
Rating: G-R. Seriously. If it wasn't my copious-yet-tasteful use of the f-word, you could probably read these aloud on daytime TV!
Author: dramashark
Warnings:: Casual m/m sex? Swearing? Snarky Ensigns? :D I'd ask you not to read it if you're under 17, but you know what you're doing. Don't you? (DON'TCHA!! *snap* Don'tcha wish your girlfriend 1sen-tence was HOT like mine, don'tcha!!) If you're sneaking online for slash, may the Force be with you.
Notes: Aside from the requisite Chak/Kim, there's also some implied Chakotay/Paris and Paris/Kim. And, you know... the occasional obscure pairing reference that I can't even begin to describe here. Timeline varies, which means that not only are these not in order, they couldn't even be ripped from the same fic.
#01 - Motion
Harry fancies himself as an intrepid science officer; a fantasy easily interrupted by the fact that he's amazed by the simplest things -- the subtle forward push of warp travel, airless space sliding over aerodynamic shielding -- and he'll imagine that he's the first person to discover this, and in this make-believe world Chakotay's there: sometimes the Commander and sometimes the Captain, but always in control.
#02 - Cool
Torres was the first one to jump to conclusions -- correct ones, I'll admit, but still -- and after we'd gone on break she'd managed to corner me on deck three, grinning like a fox, to tell me to go take a cold sonic shower, and that she'd wouldn't mind making an excuse to the Captain for us if I decided to grab a certain someone and make it a long, hot sonic shower instead.
#03 - Young
It was ridiculous that I couldn't tell him what was wrong; ridiculous that I was still a green Ensign after almost seven years in the Delta Quadrant and despite the horrifically large voids of space we'd ventured through, we hadn't yet encountered a culture who would, say, kidnap all of Voyager's male crewmen and force them to have sex with each other to survive, so that maybe I'd at least have had some experience with this sort of thing.
#04 - Last
Chakotay finished with a deep breath and I just stood there, stunned, while an awkward silence passed between us that seemed to last hours and could have taken down a Borg battle cruiser if it wasn't kept under containment.
#05 - Wrong
I found it subtly ironic that after four years on this damn ship, the only time I'd ever taken a wrong turn was when I was trying to alternate between tearing Harry out of his uniform and walking us both to my quarters-- screw you too, intuition, screw you too.
#06 - Gentle
He was rambling again, Chakotay decided, and stopped Harry with a gentle hand on his mouth-- predictably, Harry shut up, but his mind was racing even faster than he'd been rambling, wondering what was going to happen next what was going to happen next where is that hand going this is the first time Chakotay's touched me in any way in a long time ever.
#07 - One
He would have hated for me to admit it, but I wasn't sleeping with him for the reason that he thought; I wasn't in love with him, I didn't think he was the one, and I most certainly didn't want to get into a serious relationship-- but all of this went unsaid and unnoticed, because probably the one thing we had in common was that we didn't actually want to hurt each other.
#08 - Thousand
The thousands of possibilities ran through my head, and I tried to prepare myself for each and every one of them-- except, of course, the one that actually happened.
#09 - King
A really bad habit I'd recently started: comparing Chakotay to 18th century Earth royalty-- the similarities were there, seriously; all the random nobility and selflessness and bravery and commanding ability-- it just made me more and more obsessed with him, and I started to become increasingly worried that one day, perhaps due to lack of sleep or just absentmindedness, I'd address him on the Bridge as "Yes, Sire."
#10 - Learn
After a couple of Tom's attempts to teach Chakotay and I about the finer points of warp travel, I decided that there was something to be said for my Operations post after all-- maybe I didn't get all the glory and glamour when we evaded a Vidiian mothership for the umpteenth time, but at least I didn't have to deal with enigmatic engine fluctuations and minor course corrections and, God Forbid, steering through plasma storms at Warp Nine.
#11 - Blur
This was exactly what Harry hated about one-night stands; a night of intense, no-holds-barred sex that passed by in an lust-filled incomprehensible blur (the passing stars outside of the window notwithstanding) and ended with you waking up cold, sticky, and alone-- he was going to get Chakotay for this, if it was the last thing he ever did.
#12 - Wait
We couldn't see through the darkened corridor, but both of us heard the scritching of footsteps that belonged to nothing human-- he held out a hand in front of me, silently warning me not to go forward, and I obeyed, both of us clutching our Starfleet Issue phasers like they could somehow get us out of this situation, diplomacy having failed.
#13 - Change
Tuvok decided that it was a good idea to have the Bridge shifts change periodically, and some of us actually got to choose which ones we wanted to stay on, which was one of the hardest decisions I'd had to make in a while; did I want Chakotay, or did I want the Bridge?
#14 - Command
I had a bad habit of having a fetish for things that would never happen-- I'd always wanted Chakotay to be a little more commanding toward me, but at the same time, I couldn't help being the best officer to him possible, so what the hell was he going to do, come up to me and say "Suck my cock or I'll pull rank on you"?
#15 - Hold
It didn't occur to me that there was a simple, easy solution to the whole thing-- no, like always, I was panicking because of situations out of my control and the only solution that I could think of was to throw myself in the brig, baton the metaphorical hatches, and hold out there until the whole Chakotay thing blew over like a pissed-off tornado.
#16 - Need
And it wasn't even a matter of seducing him anymore; I could tell just by the look in his eyes that he'd fold like a fucking desk chair if I made so much as an innuendo, let alone the confessions of lust I'd thought I would need-- he was in love, and that probably should have give me sort of warning, the whole don't-fuck-with-the-feelings-of-Ensigns-in-love thing, but someone had turned off the little red alert in my head and I moved in for the kill.
#17 - Vision
He slipped a blindfold over my eyes, a hand over my mouth, and I had nothing to focus on but him-his hands holding mine down, and his body against mine in the forced darkness.
#18 - Attention
And the upshot of it all was that he'd tricked me; the whole thing about Seven's "performance review" in the cargo bay was quite simply a load of shit that she'd delivered with alarming ease, and naturally I didn't question it and ended up being the only one there-- something Chakotay enjoyed, I'm sure, judging by the way he was making suggestive remarks and after ten minutes, more than one part of my body was standing at attention.
#19 - Soul
The first thing Chakotay tried to teach me about animal guides was that you can always find them, whenever you need them, by a quick soul-search; I say tried because what I really heard was that some sort of ancient-Earth deity would spiritually inhabit your body for perusal at any convenient time, which freaked me out enough that I kind of empathized with the fact that B'elanna had killed hers-- at the very least, she could be sure it wasn't out there somewhere, but as far as I was concerned, there was still a very angry otter out there with my name on it, and now I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking that it would find me.
#20 - Picture
That's what I hate about photographs developed in space-- they move, little cinematic figures in frames, and because of this one reprehensible fact, there's now a mini-movie of me leaning into Chakotay stuck into the Starfleet database forever.
#21 - Fool
I spilled out a pitiful apology that couldn't have been less smooth than one of Tom's emergency excuses: that I was a stupid, single-minded idiot that should have been concentrating on his duties and not on him, and I'd never bring any of this up again-- it was true, of course, but through the whole litany the only thing I hoped was that Chakotay would decide to prove me wrong.
#22 - Mad
Chakotay realized this was a lot more complicated than he'd thought when he'd pointed out that Harry, I'm your senior officer, and I just don't think it's appropriate -- and Harry had replied, no doubt in the angriest voice the Comm had ever heard, So Paris must fucking outrank you, then?
#23 - Child
The first time I wanted to phaser myself in the head out of sheer mortification was when I saw Chakotay teaching Ensign Wildman's daughter the specifics of Bridge operations and suddenly thought about what a good father he'd make-- thankfully, I didn't have a phaser actually with me at the time, or the Doctor would have gotten a crash course of removing human entrails from bulkheads.
#24 - Now
I don’t know what I was thinking about when I said it, or even if I was thinking about anything at all-and if I was, it was probably along the lines of Janeway’s voice telling me that sometimes, opportunities present themselves, and if you don’t take them, then you can never get those kind of things back.
#25 - Shadow
I'd learned from experience what it's like when nobody trusts you; it turns you so inside-out that you don't know what's what anymore and your shadow is the one that leads…that's why I was determined not to betray Harry no matter what it took- you couldn't be a Commander with your shadow leading the charge into battle.
#26 - Goodbye
I wasn't as naive as he thought I was; he said it never had to end, but I knew we'd be saying goodbye once we got back to Earth-- which meant that I somehow knew we would get back, and for the first time, I wasn't all that excited.
#27 - Hide
For such a large ship, there were surprisingly few places to hide while trying to avoid awkward situations, and Chakotay always managed to find me, even on a particularly memorable and embarrassing occasion where I was crouched under an empty container in the cargo bay.
#28 - Fortune
Had Tom actually been taking bets on whether or not I’d actually do it (1900 hours, during his routine inspection of Engineering, when he bent over the alignment console) he would’ve been out a fortune.
#29 - Safe
For one nervous moment, I thought he was luring me into a false sense of security by making romantic conversation in the middle of Mess Hall-- the nervousness abated for a while and then came back in terrifying surges once I realized shit, nobody cares because everyone already knows.
#30 - Ghost
The series of events leading to our relationship was like something out of a fiction-- it felt way too good to be true, like some sort of deus ex machina had popped out of the ship's hull to fulfill its good deed for the millennia.
#31 - Book
The first sign he was moving in on me-I mean, he’d actually brought his stuff, and the offending objects were just perched on the table like an evil little omens; I wasn’t sure whether to pick them up and throw them away, or curse them from afar.
#32 - Eye
Some late-night shifts on the Bridge, Harry eyed the Commander's rank pips with a mixture of admiration and daunting impossibility; a Maquis, Starfleet's rebel enemy from the Badlands, somehow jumped to Commander, while Harry couldn't even scrape Lieutenant despite Janeway's insistence of his skill -- maybe it was destiny, he thought, but why couldn't I have been destined to become an Admiral?
#33 - Never
In his spare time, Harry created a holonovel full of scenarios that would never happen-- the most improbable one being where Chakotay found about the program, discovered his feelings, and confessed True Love (it was all based on 20th-century Earth romance novels he'd read that seemed believable enough)-- it was a wonder of programming, too: a holonovel inside of a holonovel, and he was really quite proud of himself for creating it, even if he felt guilty for running it.
#34 - Sing
It was a complete cycle of irritation-- the Commander and Mr. Kim were just sitting there, as nervous and appaled as two people could possibly be in such a situation, and I tried to hum a melody from Chopin to distract myself from it, which annoyed them even more-- if looks could destabilize holomatrixes, I'd be dead, and I had half a mind to not go near them at all and just run a sensor sweep from the other side of the room.
#35 - Sudden
The turbolift doors slid open with a quick quiet whoosh and I jumped back; ever notice how they always travel between decks faster when you don't want them to, like when you're on your way to scrub out plasma conduits, or -- hypothetically -- tongue-fucking with the Commander against a manual access point?
#36 - Stop
It was Harry's first time with another man, and Chakotay hovered on the edge of saying something ridiculous and cliché like "If you want me to stop, just tell me"-- but they both knew he didn't need to.
#37 - Time
I remember like it was yesterday-- Astrometrics, Deck 8, Section 29 alpha, and Harry thought it was completely impossible but I reminded him that it was only impossible like it was that we'd traveled through time and through subspace and that somewhere, there was another Harry Kim out there looking for us-- really, where was his sense of wonder?-- and I kissed him, right there under the revolving starcharts.
#38 - Wash
I'd always suspected it, but this time I knew for sure Janeway was fucking crazy-- we stopped at a trade station somewhere and she'd realized Voyager was coated in space dust, and who better to clean it than me and her best science officer, armed with relay scrubbers the size of toothbrushes?
#39 - Torn
Apparently it's all very predictable, and Tom knew it would happen the whole time-- first my crush on Tom would develop but not before I developed a sudden lust for Chakotay, and then I'd go through a long phase where I was torn between both of them but couldn't have either and had to spend a long, long time sanitizing the transporter room floor while I took my mind off of the possibilities of amazing sex... I guess when I'm done with this, I'll try and refrain from saying "Was I really that obvious?" and thus completing the cycle of predictability.
#40 - History
I'd been wondering for a while whether or not making out in the Jeffries tubes was a warning-worthy offense when Chakotay reminded me we'd already used up our warning-- we had a history of it, and I just grinned and hoped this history wasn't printed somewhere on my permanent record, like "ALERT: has casual sex with commanders, do not assign bridge duty!!"
#41 - Power
I'm not sure what triggered it, exactly... one moment I'm Lieutenant-Commander and the next the tension on the bridge was practically palpable-- I'm sure Tom felt better with Chakotay's attention redirected, for all the shit he would usually give him, but as far as power-struggles, I was way out of my comfort zone, and it was starting to make me very, very nervous.
#42 - Bother
After the first couple of times, Chakotay learned that when Harry said "I won't bother you" he really meant "I'll follow you around for a while and give you sad eyes until you sleep with me again"-- strangely enough, in a sadistic way, Chakotay actually sort of enjoyed the attention.
#43 - God
Dear God--
I've never been much of the praying type, but I figure now's a good a time as any...If you can hear me, please, please, please help me keep my hands off of Chakotay and Paris during the eight days we'll be stuck in the Delta Flyer together-- and if this is your sort of thing, if you stop me from getting spontaneous hard-ons when one of them brushes up against me, I promise I'll do anything for you, including breaking the Prime Directive and/or sacrificing small children over a bonfire nightly.
--Amen, Harry
#44 - Wall
It was only after I'd caught Ayala giving us a strange look in the corridor that I'd realized there was absolutely no connection between structural integrity and sound-conducive rooms-- either the walls might as well have been made from shield-reinforced rice paper, or one of us screamed a little too loud mid-coitus.
#45 - Naked
It just wasn’t the done thing, having your commanding officer visit your quarters when there was a very obviously naked statue of a Greek god in your living room; for a vague moment, I considered draping a sheet over the thing, but Tom got the idea at the same time and I could see the same expression of “Yeah, I’m screwed” mirrored perfectly on his face.
#46 - Drive
Harry wasn't a pilot, and neither was Chakotay, so naturally everyone was instantly suspicious when they heard him whisper to Harry "Want to go for a drive?"
#47 - Harm
I'd pretty much accepted I'd lost Harry after what happened to him and Paris in that Akritirian prison, but that didn't stop me from cornering Paris on his way out of the Bridge and telling him that if he hurt Harry in any way, I'd make sure he spent the rest of the trip home in an antimatter containment chamber.
#48 - Precious
Once Chakotay and I were officially boyfriends, I slowly started to become accustomed to the fact that everyone else was pairing off as well-- an acceptance that began to waver during a certain shocking display of lust in the Mess Hall that made me miss the good old days when Tuvok and Mr. Suder were unaware that the other existed, let alone that they were perfect for each other (damn those Vulcans and their violent mating rituals straight to hell) and I slowly began to appreciate just how precious time travel really was.
#49 - Hunger
Torres had shown me how to hack into the replicator logs a few days ago and I could do nothing but giggle at some of the strange requests the poor machines had been forced to follow-- the last ten for the one in Chakotay's quarters were, to say the least, amusing: a pair of slippers, an arts-and-crafts kit, and eight various types of Italian pasta dishes, all programmed at around 2300 hours....apparently, someone was a midnight snacker (Neelix would have been proud.)
#50 - Believe
He wanted to trust Chakotay; he wanted to believe him, but at the same time he couldn't help thinking that when he finally did learn to trust him then all he'd do was let Harry down-- so he lived in the small moments when Chakotay was trying to earn his trust and he'd allow himself to be convinced, if only for a second.
comments kill me. :> <33333
Pairing: Chakotay/Harry Kim
Theme set: Epsilon
Rating: G-R. Seriously. If it wasn't my copious-yet-tasteful use of the f-word, you could probably read these aloud on daytime TV!
Author: dramashark
Warnings:: Casual m/m sex? Swearing? Snarky Ensigns? :D I'd ask you not to read it if you're under 17, but you know what you're doing. Don't you? (DON'TCHA!! *snap* Don'tcha wish your girlfriend 1sen-tence was HOT like mine, don'tcha!!) If you're sneaking online for slash, may the Force be with you.
Notes: Aside from the requisite Chak/Kim, there's also some implied Chakotay/Paris and Paris/Kim. And, you know... the occasional obscure pairing reference that I can't even begin to describe here. Timeline varies, which means that not only are these not in order, they couldn't even be ripped from the same fic.
#01 - Motion
Harry fancies himself as an intrepid science officer; a fantasy easily interrupted by the fact that he's amazed by the simplest things -- the subtle forward push of warp travel, airless space sliding over aerodynamic shielding -- and he'll imagine that he's the first person to discover this, and in this make-believe world Chakotay's there: sometimes the Commander and sometimes the Captain, but always in control.
#02 - Cool
Torres was the first one to jump to conclusions -- correct ones, I'll admit, but still -- and after we'd gone on break she'd managed to corner me on deck three, grinning like a fox, to tell me to go take a cold sonic shower, and that she'd wouldn't mind making an excuse to the Captain for us if I decided to grab a certain someone and make it a long, hot sonic shower instead.
#03 - Young
It was ridiculous that I couldn't tell him what was wrong; ridiculous that I was still a green Ensign after almost seven years in the Delta Quadrant and despite the horrifically large voids of space we'd ventured through, we hadn't yet encountered a culture who would, say, kidnap all of Voyager's male crewmen and force them to have sex with each other to survive, so that maybe I'd at least have had some experience with this sort of thing.
#04 - Last
Chakotay finished with a deep breath and I just stood there, stunned, while an awkward silence passed between us that seemed to last hours and could have taken down a Borg battle cruiser if it wasn't kept under containment.
#05 - Wrong
I found it subtly ironic that after four years on this damn ship, the only time I'd ever taken a wrong turn was when I was trying to alternate between tearing Harry out of his uniform and walking us both to my quarters-- screw you too, intuition, screw you too.
#06 - Gentle
He was rambling again, Chakotay decided, and stopped Harry with a gentle hand on his mouth-- predictably, Harry shut up, but his mind was racing even faster than he'd been rambling, wondering what was going to happen next what was going to happen next where is that hand going this is the first time Chakotay's touched me in any way in a long time ever.
#07 - One
He would have hated for me to admit it, but I wasn't sleeping with him for the reason that he thought; I wasn't in love with him, I didn't think he was the one, and I most certainly didn't want to get into a serious relationship-- but all of this went unsaid and unnoticed, because probably the one thing we had in common was that we didn't actually want to hurt each other.
#08 - Thousand
The thousands of possibilities ran through my head, and I tried to prepare myself for each and every one of them-- except, of course, the one that actually happened.
#09 - King
A really bad habit I'd recently started: comparing Chakotay to 18th century Earth royalty-- the similarities were there, seriously; all the random nobility and selflessness and bravery and commanding ability-- it just made me more and more obsessed with him, and I started to become increasingly worried that one day, perhaps due to lack of sleep or just absentmindedness, I'd address him on the Bridge as "Yes, Sire."
#10 - Learn
After a couple of Tom's attempts to teach Chakotay and I about the finer points of warp travel, I decided that there was something to be said for my Operations post after all-- maybe I didn't get all the glory and glamour when we evaded a Vidiian mothership for the umpteenth time, but at least I didn't have to deal with enigmatic engine fluctuations and minor course corrections and, God Forbid, steering through plasma storms at Warp Nine.
#11 - Blur
This was exactly what Harry hated about one-night stands; a night of intense, no-holds-barred sex that passed by in an lust-filled incomprehensible blur (the passing stars outside of the window notwithstanding) and ended with you waking up cold, sticky, and alone-- he was going to get Chakotay for this, if it was the last thing he ever did.
#12 - Wait
We couldn't see through the darkened corridor, but both of us heard the scritching of footsteps that belonged to nothing human-- he held out a hand in front of me, silently warning me not to go forward, and I obeyed, both of us clutching our Starfleet Issue phasers like they could somehow get us out of this situation, diplomacy having failed.
#13 - Change
Tuvok decided that it was a good idea to have the Bridge shifts change periodically, and some of us actually got to choose which ones we wanted to stay on, which was one of the hardest decisions I'd had to make in a while; did I want Chakotay, or did I want the Bridge?
#14 - Command
I had a bad habit of having a fetish for things that would never happen-- I'd always wanted Chakotay to be a little more commanding toward me, but at the same time, I couldn't help being the best officer to him possible, so what the hell was he going to do, come up to me and say "Suck my cock or I'll pull rank on you"?
#15 - Hold
It didn't occur to me that there was a simple, easy solution to the whole thing-- no, like always, I was panicking because of situations out of my control and the only solution that I could think of was to throw myself in the brig, baton the metaphorical hatches, and hold out there until the whole Chakotay thing blew over like a pissed-off tornado.
#16 - Need
And it wasn't even a matter of seducing him anymore; I could tell just by the look in his eyes that he'd fold like a fucking desk chair if I made so much as an innuendo, let alone the confessions of lust I'd thought I would need-- he was in love, and that probably should have give me sort of warning, the whole don't-fuck-with-the-feelings-of-Ensigns-in-love thing, but someone had turned off the little red alert in my head and I moved in for the kill.
#17 - Vision
He slipped a blindfold over my eyes, a hand over my mouth, and I had nothing to focus on but him-his hands holding mine down, and his body against mine in the forced darkness.
#18 - Attention
And the upshot of it all was that he'd tricked me; the whole thing about Seven's "performance review" in the cargo bay was quite simply a load of shit that she'd delivered with alarming ease, and naturally I didn't question it and ended up being the only one there-- something Chakotay enjoyed, I'm sure, judging by the way he was making suggestive remarks and after ten minutes, more than one part of my body was standing at attention.
#19 - Soul
The first thing Chakotay tried to teach me about animal guides was that you can always find them, whenever you need them, by a quick soul-search; I say tried because what I really heard was that some sort of ancient-Earth deity would spiritually inhabit your body for perusal at any convenient time, which freaked me out enough that I kind of empathized with the fact that B'elanna had killed hers-- at the very least, she could be sure it wasn't out there somewhere, but as far as I was concerned, there was still a very angry otter out there with my name on it, and now I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking that it would find me.
#20 - Picture
That's what I hate about photographs developed in space-- they move, little cinematic figures in frames, and because of this one reprehensible fact, there's now a mini-movie of me leaning into Chakotay stuck into the Starfleet database forever.
#21 - Fool
I spilled out a pitiful apology that couldn't have been less smooth than one of Tom's emergency excuses: that I was a stupid, single-minded idiot that should have been concentrating on his duties and not on him, and I'd never bring any of this up again-- it was true, of course, but through the whole litany the only thing I hoped was that Chakotay would decide to prove me wrong.
#22 - Mad
Chakotay realized this was a lot more complicated than he'd thought when he'd pointed out that Harry, I'm your senior officer, and I just don't think it's appropriate -- and Harry had replied, no doubt in the angriest voice the Comm had ever heard, So Paris must fucking outrank you, then?
#23 - Child
The first time I wanted to phaser myself in the head out of sheer mortification was when I saw Chakotay teaching Ensign Wildman's daughter the specifics of Bridge operations and suddenly thought about what a good father he'd make-- thankfully, I didn't have a phaser actually with me at the time, or the Doctor would have gotten a crash course of removing human entrails from bulkheads.
#24 - Now
I don’t know what I was thinking about when I said it, or even if I was thinking about anything at all-and if I was, it was probably along the lines of Janeway’s voice telling me that sometimes, opportunities present themselves, and if you don’t take them, then you can never get those kind of things back.
#25 - Shadow
I'd learned from experience what it's like when nobody trusts you; it turns you so inside-out that you don't know what's what anymore and your shadow is the one that leads…that's why I was determined not to betray Harry no matter what it took- you couldn't be a Commander with your shadow leading the charge into battle.
#26 - Goodbye
I wasn't as naive as he thought I was; he said it never had to end, but I knew we'd be saying goodbye once we got back to Earth-- which meant that I somehow knew we would get back, and for the first time, I wasn't all that excited.
#27 - Hide
For such a large ship, there were surprisingly few places to hide while trying to avoid awkward situations, and Chakotay always managed to find me, even on a particularly memorable and embarrassing occasion where I was crouched under an empty container in the cargo bay.
#28 - Fortune
Had Tom actually been taking bets on whether or not I’d actually do it (1900 hours, during his routine inspection of Engineering, when he bent over the alignment console) he would’ve been out a fortune.
#29 - Safe
For one nervous moment, I thought he was luring me into a false sense of security by making romantic conversation in the middle of Mess Hall-- the nervousness abated for a while and then came back in terrifying surges once I realized shit, nobody cares because everyone already knows.
#30 - Ghost
The series of events leading to our relationship was like something out of a fiction-- it felt way too good to be true, like some sort of deus ex machina had popped out of the ship's hull to fulfill its good deed for the millennia.
#31 - Book
The first sign he was moving in on me-I mean, he’d actually brought his stuff, and the offending objects were just perched on the table like an evil little omens; I wasn’t sure whether to pick them up and throw them away, or curse them from afar.
#32 - Eye
Some late-night shifts on the Bridge, Harry eyed the Commander's rank pips with a mixture of admiration and daunting impossibility; a Maquis, Starfleet's rebel enemy from the Badlands, somehow jumped to Commander, while Harry couldn't even scrape Lieutenant despite Janeway's insistence of his skill -- maybe it was destiny, he thought, but why couldn't I have been destined to become an Admiral?
#33 - Never
In his spare time, Harry created a holonovel full of scenarios that would never happen-- the most improbable one being where Chakotay found about the program, discovered his feelings, and confessed True Love (it was all based on 20th-century Earth romance novels he'd read that seemed believable enough)-- it was a wonder of programming, too: a holonovel inside of a holonovel, and he was really quite proud of himself for creating it, even if he felt guilty for running it.
#34 - Sing
It was a complete cycle of irritation-- the Commander and Mr. Kim were just sitting there, as nervous and appaled as two people could possibly be in such a situation, and I tried to hum a melody from Chopin to distract myself from it, which annoyed them even more-- if looks could destabilize holomatrixes, I'd be dead, and I had half a mind to not go near them at all and just run a sensor sweep from the other side of the room.
#35 - Sudden
The turbolift doors slid open with a quick quiet whoosh and I jumped back; ever notice how they always travel between decks faster when you don't want them to, like when you're on your way to scrub out plasma conduits, or -- hypothetically -- tongue-fucking with the Commander against a manual access point?
#36 - Stop
It was Harry's first time with another man, and Chakotay hovered on the edge of saying something ridiculous and cliché like "If you want me to stop, just tell me"-- but they both knew he didn't need to.
#37 - Time
I remember like it was yesterday-- Astrometrics, Deck 8, Section 29 alpha, and Harry thought it was completely impossible but I reminded him that it was only impossible like it was that we'd traveled through time and through subspace and that somewhere, there was another Harry Kim out there looking for us-- really, where was his sense of wonder?-- and I kissed him, right there under the revolving starcharts.
#38 - Wash
I'd always suspected it, but this time I knew for sure Janeway was fucking crazy-- we stopped at a trade station somewhere and she'd realized Voyager was coated in space dust, and who better to clean it than me and her best science officer, armed with relay scrubbers the size of toothbrushes?
#39 - Torn
Apparently it's all very predictable, and Tom knew it would happen the whole time-- first my crush on Tom would develop but not before I developed a sudden lust for Chakotay, and then I'd go through a long phase where I was torn between both of them but couldn't have either and had to spend a long, long time sanitizing the transporter room floor while I took my mind off of the possibilities of amazing sex... I guess when I'm done with this, I'll try and refrain from saying "Was I really that obvious?" and thus completing the cycle of predictability.
#40 - History
I'd been wondering for a while whether or not making out in the Jeffries tubes was a warning-worthy offense when Chakotay reminded me we'd already used up our warning-- we had a history of it, and I just grinned and hoped this history wasn't printed somewhere on my permanent record, like "ALERT: has casual sex with commanders, do not assign bridge duty!!"
#41 - Power
I'm not sure what triggered it, exactly... one moment I'm Lieutenant-Commander and the next the tension on the bridge was practically palpable-- I'm sure Tom felt better with Chakotay's attention redirected, for all the shit he would usually give him, but as far as power-struggles, I was way out of my comfort zone, and it was starting to make me very, very nervous.
#42 - Bother
After the first couple of times, Chakotay learned that when Harry said "I won't bother you" he really meant "I'll follow you around for a while and give you sad eyes until you sleep with me again"-- strangely enough, in a sadistic way, Chakotay actually sort of enjoyed the attention.
#43 - God
Dear God--
I've never been much of the praying type, but I figure now's a good a time as any...If you can hear me, please, please, please help me keep my hands off of Chakotay and Paris during the eight days we'll be stuck in the Delta Flyer together-- and if this is your sort of thing, if you stop me from getting spontaneous hard-ons when one of them brushes up against me, I promise I'll do anything for you, including breaking the Prime Directive and/or sacrificing small children over a bonfire nightly.
--Amen, Harry
#44 - Wall
It was only after I'd caught Ayala giving us a strange look in the corridor that I'd realized there was absolutely no connection between structural integrity and sound-conducive rooms-- either the walls might as well have been made from shield-reinforced rice paper, or one of us screamed a little too loud mid-coitus.
#45 - Naked
It just wasn’t the done thing, having your commanding officer visit your quarters when there was a very obviously naked statue of a Greek god in your living room; for a vague moment, I considered draping a sheet over the thing, but Tom got the idea at the same time and I could see the same expression of “Yeah, I’m screwed” mirrored perfectly on his face.
#46 - Drive
Harry wasn't a pilot, and neither was Chakotay, so naturally everyone was instantly suspicious when they heard him whisper to Harry "Want to go for a drive?"
#47 - Harm
I'd pretty much accepted I'd lost Harry after what happened to him and Paris in that Akritirian prison, but that didn't stop me from cornering Paris on his way out of the Bridge and telling him that if he hurt Harry in any way, I'd make sure he spent the rest of the trip home in an antimatter containment chamber.
#48 - Precious
Once Chakotay and I were officially boyfriends, I slowly started to become accustomed to the fact that everyone else was pairing off as well-- an acceptance that began to waver during a certain shocking display of lust in the Mess Hall that made me miss the good old days when Tuvok and Mr. Suder were unaware that the other existed, let alone that they were perfect for each other (damn those Vulcans and their violent mating rituals straight to hell) and I slowly began to appreciate just how precious time travel really was.
#49 - Hunger
Torres had shown me how to hack into the replicator logs a few days ago and I could do nothing but giggle at some of the strange requests the poor machines had been forced to follow-- the last ten for the one in Chakotay's quarters were, to say the least, amusing: a pair of slippers, an arts-and-crafts kit, and eight various types of Italian pasta dishes, all programmed at around 2300 hours....apparently, someone was a midnight snacker (Neelix would have been proud.)
#50 - Believe
He wanted to trust Chakotay; he wanted to believe him, but at the same time he couldn't help thinking that when he finally did learn to trust him then all he'd do was let Harry down-- so he lived in the small moments when Chakotay was trying to earn his trust and he'd allow himself to be convinced, if only for a second.
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