Anita Blake VH: Damian and Nathaniel
Fandom: Anita Blake
Pairing: Damian and Nathaniel
Theme set: Alpha
Rating: PG
Diclaimer: All things ABVH belong to LKH
1. Comfort
They all believe he has bottomless wells of calm, but some days he feels like Anita is draining those wells, filling them back up with her passion and rage; only Nathaniel’s quick smiles and brief pats on the shoulder when such thoughts bleed over through the marks make Damian believe they won’t abandoned him if his only commodity runs dry.
2. Kiss
When it was Nathaniel that pointed out what had changed to make him beautiful-that his lips were fuller, now matching his face-Damian feared how much the wereleopard had watched him, what he might want.
3. Soft
Standing beside Anita’s bed in the lycanthrope hospital, Damian and Nathaniel kept their voices down, and the steady murmur of their conversation began to calm the fear still screaming in their minds through the marks.
4. Pain
Damian will never understand how they both could have endured such similar tortures at the hands of men, yet Nathaniel can eagerly embrace what Damian violently fears.
5. Potatoes
After Damian teaches Nathaniel how to peel the potato so the skin falls off in a single unbroken piece, they finish the sack for the pard’s potato salad together, laughing as Damian explains why he had to perfect the art.
6. Rain
Nathaniel playfully shoves Anita off the back deck, into the rain and illumination from a floodlight, and shares a grin with Damian, earning them an Anita glare that somehow blames them for her choosing to wear a white t-shirt.
7. Chocolate
Damian’s made sure that Caleb knows what will happen if the little snot tells anyone that the stuffed gorilla Nathaniel gave him last Valentine’s Day-holding a heart that had been filled with chocolate Anita ate for him and wearing a neon pink jacket that says “Wild Thing”-sleeps in his coffin with him.
8. Happiness
Though Nathaniel was understandably leery of the swords (what with the incident at Narcissus’ club), he caved at Damian’s eager “It’s just like dancing,” and Damian was like a warrior on his first raid, or a modern kid on Christmas morning-bursting with excitement-now that he had a sparring partner again.
9. Telephone
They may pay for it later, but they’ve both been screening the house’s calls, completely in agreement that Anita doesn’t need to hear from Ronnie right now.
10. Ears
Neither of them needs preternatural hearing to catch Anita crying anymore, they feel the tears she buries beneath her anger, and their shared desire to comfort her draws them closer and closer together.
11. Name
He tries so hard to remember his real name, because Nathaniel asked and he wants to tell him-to give Nathaniel this when there’s so much else he can’t-but his famous control breaks and all he can do is cry, blood down his cheeks and Nathaniel’s hand on his shoulder, when he realizes she-who-made-him truly did beat it out of him.
12. Sensual
Damian knew, because he moved the same way for the women at Danse Macabre, that Nathaniel was purposefully adding just a touch of his routine to cleaning the kitchen this evening, but he couldn’t watch, couldn’t put the admiration in his eyes that he knew Nathaniel craved to see…he just couldn’t.
13. Death
After years of adjusting to the marks, Damian realizes what comforts him the most about them: if Nathaniel’s time comes, he can’t leave Damian behind like Perrin did.
14. Sex
Sometimes he wonders if Nathaniel had crossed the boundary first instead of him if he would be in her bed every night instead of the wereleopard.
15. Touch
He’s not sure, can’t remember, the exact moment Nathaniel stopped hesitating around him and began treating him like just another lycanthrope.
16. Weakness
He’s not sure, can’t remember, the exact moment he stopped being scared, stopped allowing his fear to keep him from enjoying, needing, Nathaniel’s touch as much as Anita’s.
17. Tears
Damian’s thumb brushes away Nathaniel’s tears and he wishes again-a thousand years of wishes-that he could take a sword to memories.
18. Speed
Damian knew he wasn’t getting over his hang-ups quickly enough, that his reluctance was hurting Nathaniel, but the wereleopard still somehow gave him space without making him feel abandoned.
19. Wind
They both agree that the best part of being preternatural is the wind in their faces, the freedom, the rush of flying through the air or across the ground.
20. Freedom
Anita still can’t believe they are ok with this-her “robbing them of their freedom through mind tricks”-and they just let her rant on and on about how she’s hurt them, let their minds comfortably rest against each other, and share the same thought through the marks-then hurt us until we die because this hurting is so much better than the ‘love’ others showered us with before.
21. Life
For a while, he figured his life wasn’t worth much if Anita could keep forgetting to feed for him, but then Nathaniel nearly drained himself to save that life.
22. Jealousy
He can’t help but wish he had the time, the love, with Anita that Nathaniel has; Nathaniel says he would feel the same.
23. Hands
They stand a mere step behind her, their hands linked, the marks wide open, silent but there, together, waiting for her to reach back for their free hands if she needs them.
24. Taste
It’s not the smell of vanilla, or rush of wereleopard that lingers on his tongue each time he pulls back from Nathaniel’s neck; it’s the taste of the summer before that last raid-sun and laughter all in the last batch of ale he and Perrin brewed together.
25. Devotion
It’s nice to not have to explain or rationalize, to be able to just look at Nathaniel and know he understands and accepts Damian’s adoration, need, for Anita, just as Damian accepts his.
26. Forever
He survived a thousand years of believing fear and pain were his forever; it still startles him when Nathaniel touches him and he remembers that his new forever is safety and love.
27. Blood
Finally, in a burst of new dominance, Nathaniel told Damian to get over his homophobic tendencies: “Feeding doesn’t mean either one of us will be ravaged by the other, so quit using me only for emergencies and start realizing I’m as much yours as Anita’s.”
28. Sickness
Even before the marks, when Anita brought Damian back from a cross-wrapped coffin and madness, Nathaniel took care of him.
29. Melody
Damian got Nathaniel a beta fish for his birthday since he hadn’t been allowed pets as a kid; Nathaniel named it Melody though he never would tell Damian why.
30. Star
Damian teaches Nathaniel how to navigate using the stars the same night that Nathaniel teaches him a song that names all fifty states in alphabetical order.
31. Home
Having Nathaniel now, having a brother again, makes Damian feel at home even though Anita still struggles with fully accepting Damian’s place in her life.
32. Confusion
Confusion overwhelmed him-why had he stepped between Nathaniel and where Asher sat trailing the wereleopard with hungry eyes?-but Nathaniel just gave his arm a gentle squeeze of thanks and an understanding smile.
33. Fear
Damian thought he knew fear, until he rested in Nathaniel’s arms, both of them struck by the rush of power, struggling against the afterglow of Anita’s feeding, unable to move much less stop Asher as they felt him extinguishing her spark.
34. Lightning/Thunder
Over time, Anita’s rage slowly seeps into both of them to varying degrees-the quick flash of erratic emotion in Nathaniel, the deliberate rumble of controlled emotion in Damian-and where one is roused the other immediately follows.
35. Bonds
He knew that the triumvirate bound them to the only person who could replace the protection Perrin once gave him, that Nicky once gave Nathaniel; it took him almost a year to realize that it had also given them the love and friendship of brothers-the parts of Perrin, of Nicky, that Anita couldn’t be.
36. Market
When Damian brings the first official pomme candidate home, Nathaniel’s fear that he is turning away from the triumvirate like a Richard-a fear which he’d hidden since the night Damian announced he was in the market for a girl-breaks through the marks, and Damian stops the search.
37. Technology
For his second Christmas in the garage apartment, Anita gave Damian a TV and DVD player and Nathaniel bought him a subscription to Netflix; the wereleopard helped him set it all up, showed him how to organize everything on the computer and promised not the tell anyone that Buffy the Vampire Slayer headed up his Queue.
38. Gift
He was last on Meng Dei’s list, wonders if he’s just a step above London on Anita’s, knows he’s just a dancer at Danse Macabre, isn’t even a Master in the kiss-but Nathaniel never forgets or overlooks him.
39. Smile
After the first few weeks in the new garage apartment, Damian realized what was missing and started going through the main house first so he could see Nathaniel smile at him in greeting and hear about his night.
40. Innocence
Nathaniel hides his experience behind an innocent, submissive face as well as Damian hides his emotions behind a calm mask; it’s a relief that the marks won’t let them pretend with each other.
41. Completion
Nathaniel touched him while Anita did, as Jean-Claude suggested, completing the circuit and making him feel more alive than he had in…no, he had never felt this alive, not even before he died.
42. Clouds
Nathaniel says that Nicky used to tell him stories about the shapes they saw in the clouds, and, in return, Damian tells him about the animals Perrin used to carve from driftwood and trade with the village girls for a kiss.
43. Sky
On nights when they are both alone, they find each other in their backyard, lie side by side beneath the stars and trade tales of Damian’s Odins and Nathaniel’s Charlottes.
44. Heaven
The wonder and delight in Nathaniel’s eyes when Damian talks about Valhalla returns to his heart a little of what he’d thought he’d lost-the love, the faith, the old ways, the warriors and gods.
45. Hell
And when Nathaniel asks, “Do you think I can go to Valhalla?” all Damian has to do is wonder why he’d want to for the marks to open and show him the angry priest, spittle flying from his mouth, yelling that they’re going to hell as thirteen-year-old Nathaniel leaves the abortion clinic with a pale Jeanie and angry Cass; it is the first hug Damian initiates, telling Nathaniel simply, “Yes brother, all warriors are welcome in those halls.”
46. Sun
Anita’s power can make him a day-walker, but he’d rather bask in Nathaniel’s warmth.
47. Moon
They sit on the deck steps, bathed in the full moon’s light, and watch the pard play, waiting for their Nathaniel to plop down wearily between them-head in Anita’s lap, tail flicking Damian’s face-and beg to be petted.
48. Waves
He thought all he remembered were the waves crashing against the cliffs of her keep; but Nathaniel’s joy-seeing and smelling through the marks what he’d never experienced in real life-dredged up the forgotten delight of dolphins riding the waves that rushed along his ship’s hull and reminded Damian how much he adored the open sea.
49. Hair
Nathaniel’s hair was just an inch shorter than Damian’s mother’s was, and its heavy weight coiled in his lap-the feeling clearer than her face after a thousand years-was worth pushing down old fears to ask Nathaniel if he could brush it.
50. Supernova
Her own rage, a thousand years of repressed emotion, fears born of what Morovren did…had others do…to him-looking down at the body, Anita figures they were all contributing factors and that this asshole who’d hurt Nathaniel would have been better off if she and her single bullet had found him before Damian had.