Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter - Richard Zeeman/Anita Blake -- Gamma
Regret
An Anita Blake story for 1sentence
by mhalachaiswords
Fandom: Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter
Pairing: Richard Zeeman/Anita Blake
Theme set: Gamma
Rating: up to R for sexual imagery
Notes: This is a series of Richard's thoughts on the ups and downs of his dysfunctional relationship with Anita. Vague spoilers up to the latest book published, Incubus Dreams.
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01. Ring
Richard never tells Anita that he kept the engagement ring he bought for her, to remind himself how stupid he is.
02. Hero
There are days that he wants to ask Anita if she has any heroes, but he lost the right to ask her that after he walked out on her.
03. Memory
The most treasured memory that he has of her is the enraptured and completely overwhelmed look on her face when he slid inside her body for the first time.
04. Box
After their last break-up, Richard put all of his musical movies in a box in the basement; he doesn't want any reminder of her close at hand.
05. Run
Of all the things he runs from, under the full moon, it is never his memories of her.
06. Hurricane
The force of Anita's passion is like a hurricane, blowing over all of his defences and careful barriers, until he lies gasping underneath her, thankful the storm had passed even as he wants to feel its destruction again.
07. Wings
He wonders what she'd look like with wings: large, black wings, perfect for the seductive fallen angel rising over his body.
08. Cold
Richard remembers how cold that walk to his car was, after he'd told Anita that she was too much of a monster for him to love.
09. Red
Red became Richard's favourite colour when he saw the colour of her lips as she slid her mouth over him.
10. Drink
He never drank, before he pushed her into Jean-Claude's bed.
11. Midnight
Four years ago, he'd hated being awake at midnight, but now it was the only time he could find her to steal hot, demanding kisses from her willing lips.
12. Temptation
She is temptation incarnate, the smell of her skin, the taste of her, the feel against him -- a temptation that Richard is willing to burn for.
13. View
She did a striptease for him once, blushing and half-shy, half-bold the whole time; he'd had to let her come to him because he didn't trust himself to touch her first.
14. Music
Even after all these years, Richard has never figured out what kind of music she liked, and it haunts him.
15. Silk
He hates any bed with silk sheets, because that's what Anita feels against her back when Jean-Claude makes love to her.
16. Cover
He lies still, feigning sleep, as Anita silently slips out from under the covers to dress and leave without a word.
17. Promise
Once, she'd promised to love only him, but he'd had to force her to see the monster, to drive her away.
18. Dream
Sometimes, she and her other men spill into his dreams; he wakes, gasping, with the feel of those other men's hands on his skin.
19. Candle
Her skin gleams in candlelight, all curves and softness, tormenting him with the knowledge that he's lost his right to keep her.
20. Talent
The only talent they really seem to share is the talent to tear each other's hearts to shreds and not know how to pick up the pieces.
21. Silence
The silence of Sunday afternoons, when he sits at home alone, staring at the empty television, is the most unfriendly noise he knows.
22. Journey
They've come so far, the both of them, learned and lost so much, and still they cling to the delusions that drove them apart.
23. Fire
He feels the fire of the bullet as it pierces her skin; he screams for her as she fights back; he holds her hand in the hospital as she heals.
24. Strength
She is strong, so strong, but he is still able to hold her down, hold her in his bed as she cries out beneath him.
25. Mask
She's getting better at pretending she doesn't love him any more; that emotionless mask perfected over years of hurt and pain.
26. Ice
The icy pallor of her skin stops his heart, the harshness of her breath as she struggles for air, loud in the hospital room... he will not let her die.
27. Fall
He'd always thought his fall from grace would come through temptation, or sin; he never realized that it would come with that horrified expression on her face when he told her she was a monster.
28. Forgotten
Every time he leaves her bed, he swears that he will forget the sweet smell of her skin.
29. Dance
As he watches Jean-Claude dance with her, uncertain and blushing on the dance floor, the jealousy within him twists like an red-hot iron poker.
30. Body
He loves her body; the way she writhes under him, how she clenches around him, how she holds him in her embrace when they are finished.
31. Sacred
He felt betrayed when she slept with Jean-Claude; as if she violated a sacred trust between them... but he can't blame Jean-Claude for her decision.
32. Farewells
Every time she leaves, he's so afraid he'll never see her alive again that he tastes cold metal on his tongue.
33. World
Sometimes, he tries to imagine a world without Anita, but the vertigo and nausea make him stop as soon as he begins.
34. Formal
Sometimes, after a round of intense make-up sex, he is formal and aloof when he speaks; it hurts her, but he can't find the words to say he was wrong.
35. Fever
Her skin feels chilled against his, when he has the full moon's fever upon him.
36. Laugh
When she laughs with him, he dies a little inside.
37. Lies
The biggest lie he tells himself is that she doesn't love him any more.
38. Forever
Jean-Claude's whispers of the fourth mark made him angry, but he knew it is the only way he'll be able to have Anita for all eternity.
39. Overwhelmed
Being with Anita is to have every sense overwhelmed, every part of his heart ripped open and stomped on, and he just can't get enough of her.
40. Whisper
Some nights, the memory of Anita's whispers against his mouth keep him awake, and drive him to drink a whole bottle of whisky just to numb the pain enough for sleep.
41. Wait
Some nights, he sits by the phone, knowing she isn't going to call.
42. Talk
They used to be able to talk for hours, but ever since Micah Callahan moved into her bed, he hasn't been able to find the words to tell her what he needed to say.
43. Search
He spent years searching for someone he could love unconditionally, but he never thought he'd let that someone flee into another man's bed.
44. Hope
Every time she comes back to his bed, he can't help but hope that she'll stay.
45. Eclipse
Under the eclipse of a shadowy moon, he sits by Anita's hospital bed, praying with every fibre in his body that she'll live to smile up at him just one more time.
46. Gravity
When she falls asleep, naked against his chest, she's so light that he wonders if gravity is just a fairy tale.
47. Highway
Driving down the highway, away from Anita's body and Anita's bed, is the sanest thing he's every done, and also the most fucking painful.
48. Unknown
Being around Anita is full of unknowns -- unknown danger and anger and pain; most of all, he doesn't know how she can make him feel this way.
49. Lock
He wishes he can lock his heart down, to take away her ability to destroy him with a single sidelong glance.
50. Breathe
Even after so many years, so much pain and suffering, the way she smiles at him takes his breath away.