Goodbye
This is my goodbye. It has been quite the experience, to say the least, to say the very least. Over all though, You are Holy!
What will I miss?
I will miss the connection I had with so many of those people. The feeling after touching the wall, looking up at the clock, and realizing everything you had dreamed of the last few months had been accomplished. I will miss so many friends, even those that I never knew their names. I will miss the smell of chlorine. The fun equipment. The icy chill of the water in January. I will miss the hugs and the "congratualations". I will miss the dreams. The thought that there is something just beyond my reach. I will miss goal sheets, and time sheets. I will miss fun shirts and new swim suits. I will miss the tapering, the heart racing. I will miss my name being called out at finals. I will miss the cheering, the acknowledgement that I meant something to someone. I will miss being there for the team. Knowing my place. I will miss all of those little swimmers, as annoying as they were. I will miss the feeling after winning a race, and the feeling after losing by a hair. I will miss the look on my coaches face. I will miss being young, having the goals, and the anticipation for the future. I will miss the Olympics that I had in my mind. I will miss trying to get my National cuts, working hard, watching as my body becomes a machine. I will miss being able to eat 5,000 calories a day. Working so hard that I fall asleep on the stairs on the way to my room. I will miss christmas music during practice. The jet heaters that burned off all of Ross's leg hair. The Bender boys, my sexy men. I will miss playing water polo in a 70 degree pool. Running through feilds before practice. Getting so thirsty that I could almost drink the pool water. I will miss Jay, his face, his words, the thought that everything he wanted for me is gone. but then again, isnt this what he wanted. I will wishing people luck right before each race...hugging those afterwards. I will miss my pre-race prayers, Veggie Tales in the car on the way to Southeasterns. I will miss the last nigth of finals, so exhausted, so warm, and being pushed in every time by my coach. I will miss Dr. Groome's grin as I gave him a huge hug after the 100 fly. His jokes about me and Ms. Groome. I will miss the Oldies station and Kirsten having so much fun. I will miss my kick pull front snap. I will miss the talent he saw in me, whatever that is. I will miss thinking I had this specific purpose. I will miss having a secret. I will miss the twins thinking I was mormon. Katie's face when she saw me dancing at South Easterns. Her words of encouragement that summer. Knowing that no matter how foolish you are, and how awful of a person, someone loves you. I will miss Christine patting me on the shoulder. Scary Movie night at Chris's house. Getting so scared that his dad thought there was something seriously wrong with me. I will miss the long drives home from pensacola. I will miss being so hungry that i have to stop at burger king after practice. I will miss the drive to Nashville with Jeremy. Him calling me Abigator. Getting lost in the city. Making it there in 4 hours. Him offering me ice cream, me refusing, and him discussing the silliness of diets with me. I will miss me talking about how great the Tracy Caulkins pool is, him walking in there and laughing at me. Tee Hee for the small town girl. I will miss getting kicked in the butt before each championship by Kelli. I will miss coach Mosely completely exaggerating on my abilities and talent. I will miss him being so proud. I will miss Terry and Jay laughing at my ridiculous breaststrike and lack of coordination. I will miss Terry calling me Madame Butterfly, and the feeling I got from knowing I had importance, somewhere. I will miss winning at Southeasterns, being the newcommer and beating them all..hahah....It felt nice. I will miss the nice ones....being able to give atleast one encouraging word to each one. I will miss representing Christ. I will miss Greg, never seeing him anymore, His funny remarks, trying to throw me in the pool. I will miss Them apologizing. Spencer saying he liked my hair. Feeling as though I had done something great, when I hadnt doen anything. I will miss that New Years eve....finally feeling a part of it all. I will miss Eric saying I had potential. Him acting as if I were different. I will miss slipping at GPAC. My legs falling asleep at Auburn. Knitting in Nashville. I will miss having tigger beside me. The cookie Monster. Jimmy's eyes. I will miss always being chlorinated, summers of constant wetness. I will miss being inshape. I will miss Jimmy drawing a smily face on my cap at my first sountheaterns, b/c i wa sso scared. I will miss Jay taking me back, telling me to smile, taking me out to lunch. Teying so hard to help, when in actuality, he was helpless. I will miss it, I really will...Mostly I will miss the feeling after prelims, my body so warm and so tired that it was shaking. Going to sleep with the television on for a 3 hour nap. Driving to wendy's for a quck Pita and going to finals. I will miss sleeping in the Mall on Sundays at southeasterns, people watching with my mom. The german hair dresser saying shell see me in 2004. I will miss buying an article of clothing at every big meet. Having chocolate milk before evry race. Listening to disney music to "pump" myself up. I will miss Christina Aguilaera Latin at finals. Swimming the fastest in the relay. I will miss having an excuse for my biceps. Joel sitting at the end of my lane to watch me swim.. Him leaving me a donaut for having a hard workout. The slyness of it all. The total lack of conversation we had, yet knowing eachothers thoughts. I will miss the water. The feeling when my rythem was just right. The rush of cool around my body. I will miss the splashing, scraping my hands on my turns, being the example. I will miss being considered a "swimmer". I will miss the feeling of complete focus. And the good race when it all came together. i will miss the excitement, and the thrill of it all. I will miss feeling important. I will miss swimming, I really will.The hardest part of the whole thing is admitting that it actually meant something to me. That I did actually love it.
After this weekend, however, I am confident that I will never return. it is my time to leave now. Victory is Christ's. We did it Jesus! You did it! I did it! I actually did what I thought I could never do again. I enjoyed myself. I am going to miss it, but I will have these memories forever. Most of all I miss what I missed out on. Life itself. And why? for some silly race that in reality means nothing. I shouldve known better before. But how could I have? I keep wishing that it had been different. That I could be this greta incredible persn for all of thise who helped me. But it is time to move on. Swimming snt everything. I am so thankful for it though. i know I wish I had been average, ordinary, gone off to college on scholarship and become this athletic idol, but is that what I really wanted, or what they wanted? I know that without this I would never have become who i am today. I know that I have been refined with fire. Wow. I guess this is goodbye, forever. However starnge that is. A peice of me is gone, but Im actually excited. Now it can be filled with the new. The me that I really am, not the they. heh.
Jesus, You are Holy. Praises to Your Holy and Awesome name. It is not about me. It is all about You! I can look forward now to what You are going to do. I am so excited I am practically jumping. Praises praises praises. There is no way I could have done this on my own. Thank You. Thank You for being there, for loving me when everyone else turned away. For smiling at me and telling me it was ok, when everyone else was so angry with me for "messing up my life" Thank you for not caring what anyone else thought. For not caring whether or not I became an Olympic champion. For giving me worth simply in being me, and not in anyting else. Thank You for being my best friend Jesus. Thank You.
Goodbye swimming.
What will I miss?
I will miss the connection I had with so many of those people. The feeling after touching the wall, looking up at the clock, and realizing everything you had dreamed of the last few months had been accomplished. I will miss so many friends, even those that I never knew their names. I will miss the smell of chlorine. The fun equipment. The icy chill of the water in January. I will miss the hugs and the "congratualations". I will miss the dreams. The thought that there is something just beyond my reach. I will miss goal sheets, and time sheets. I will miss fun shirts and new swim suits. I will miss the tapering, the heart racing. I will miss my name being called out at finals. I will miss the cheering, the acknowledgement that I meant something to someone. I will miss being there for the team. Knowing my place. I will miss all of those little swimmers, as annoying as they were. I will miss the feeling after winning a race, and the feeling after losing by a hair. I will miss the look on my coaches face. I will miss being young, having the goals, and the anticipation for the future. I will miss the Olympics that I had in my mind. I will miss trying to get my National cuts, working hard, watching as my body becomes a machine. I will miss being able to eat 5,000 calories a day. Working so hard that I fall asleep on the stairs on the way to my room. I will miss christmas music during practice. The jet heaters that burned off all of Ross's leg hair. The Bender boys, my sexy men. I will miss playing water polo in a 70 degree pool. Running through feilds before practice. Getting so thirsty that I could almost drink the pool water. I will miss Jay, his face, his words, the thought that everything he wanted for me is gone. but then again, isnt this what he wanted. I will wishing people luck right before each race...hugging those afterwards. I will miss my pre-race prayers, Veggie Tales in the car on the way to Southeasterns. I will miss the last nigth of finals, so exhausted, so warm, and being pushed in every time by my coach. I will miss Dr. Groome's grin as I gave him a huge hug after the 100 fly. His jokes about me and Ms. Groome. I will miss the Oldies station and Kirsten having so much fun. I will miss my kick pull front snap. I will miss the talent he saw in me, whatever that is. I will miss thinking I had this specific purpose. I will miss having a secret. I will miss the twins thinking I was mormon. Katie's face when she saw me dancing at South Easterns. Her words of encouragement that summer. Knowing that no matter how foolish you are, and how awful of a person, someone loves you. I will miss Christine patting me on the shoulder. Scary Movie night at Chris's house. Getting so scared that his dad thought there was something seriously wrong with me. I will miss the long drives home from pensacola. I will miss being so hungry that i have to stop at burger king after practice. I will miss the drive to Nashville with Jeremy. Him calling me Abigator. Getting lost in the city. Making it there in 4 hours. Him offering me ice cream, me refusing, and him discussing the silliness of diets with me. I will miss me talking about how great the Tracy Caulkins pool is, him walking in there and laughing at me. Tee Hee for the small town girl. I will miss getting kicked in the butt before each championship by Kelli. I will miss coach Mosely completely exaggerating on my abilities and talent. I will miss him being so proud. I will miss Terry and Jay laughing at my ridiculous breaststrike and lack of coordination. I will miss Terry calling me Madame Butterfly, and the feeling I got from knowing I had importance, somewhere. I will miss winning at Southeasterns, being the newcommer and beating them all..hahah....It felt nice. I will miss the nice ones....being able to give atleast one encouraging word to each one. I will miss representing Christ. I will miss Greg, never seeing him anymore, His funny remarks, trying to throw me in the pool. I will miss Them apologizing. Spencer saying he liked my hair. Feeling as though I had done something great, when I hadnt doen anything. I will miss that New Years eve....finally feeling a part of it all. I will miss Eric saying I had potential. Him acting as if I were different. I will miss slipping at GPAC. My legs falling asleep at Auburn. Knitting in Nashville. I will miss having tigger beside me. The cookie Monster. Jimmy's eyes. I will miss always being chlorinated, summers of constant wetness. I will miss being inshape. I will miss Jimmy drawing a smily face on my cap at my first sountheaterns, b/c i wa sso scared. I will miss Jay taking me back, telling me to smile, taking me out to lunch. Teying so hard to help, when in actuality, he was helpless. I will miss it, I really will...Mostly I will miss the feeling after prelims, my body so warm and so tired that it was shaking. Going to sleep with the television on for a 3 hour nap. Driving to wendy's for a quck Pita and going to finals. I will miss sleeping in the Mall on Sundays at southeasterns, people watching with my mom. The german hair dresser saying shell see me in 2004. I will miss buying an article of clothing at every big meet. Having chocolate milk before evry race. Listening to disney music to "pump" myself up. I will miss Christina Aguilaera Latin at finals. Swimming the fastest in the relay. I will miss having an excuse for my biceps. Joel sitting at the end of my lane to watch me swim.. Him leaving me a donaut for having a hard workout. The slyness of it all. The total lack of conversation we had, yet knowing eachothers thoughts. I will miss the water. The feeling when my rythem was just right. The rush of cool around my body. I will miss the splashing, scraping my hands on my turns, being the example. I will miss being considered a "swimmer". I will miss the feeling of complete focus. And the good race when it all came together. i will miss the excitement, and the thrill of it all. I will miss feeling important. I will miss swimming, I really will.The hardest part of the whole thing is admitting that it actually meant something to me. That I did actually love it.
After this weekend, however, I am confident that I will never return. it is my time to leave now. Victory is Christ's. We did it Jesus! You did it! I did it! I actually did what I thought I could never do again. I enjoyed myself. I am going to miss it, but I will have these memories forever. Most of all I miss what I missed out on. Life itself. And why? for some silly race that in reality means nothing. I shouldve known better before. But how could I have? I keep wishing that it had been different. That I could be this greta incredible persn for all of thise who helped me. But it is time to move on. Swimming snt everything. I am so thankful for it though. i know I wish I had been average, ordinary, gone off to college on scholarship and become this athletic idol, but is that what I really wanted, or what they wanted? I know that without this I would never have become who i am today. I know that I have been refined with fire. Wow. I guess this is goodbye, forever. However starnge that is. A peice of me is gone, but Im actually excited. Now it can be filled with the new. The me that I really am, not the they. heh.
Jesus, You are Holy. Praises to Your Holy and Awesome name. It is not about me. It is all about You! I can look forward now to what You are going to do. I am so excited I am practically jumping. Praises praises praises. There is no way I could have done this on my own. Thank You. Thank You for being there, for loving me when everyone else turned away. For smiling at me and telling me it was ok, when everyone else was so angry with me for "messing up my life" Thank you for not caring what anyone else thought. For not caring whether or not I became an Olympic champion. For giving me worth simply in being me, and not in anyting else. Thank You for being my best friend Jesus. Thank You.
Goodbye swimming.