(no subject)
I have been suprisingly unenthusiastic about volleyball, maybe bc of all the conditioning we do.... however we are winning games and are a relatively close team---don't worry it hasn't reached cult status
Actually looking forward to the genetics trip..... need a break from school
I did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in english, i check out by 6th (lunch).... except now i have to start my essay
Today was funnnnnnnn, we played with BOXES
I was thinking that if i was more physically fit the military wouldn't be a bad career choice (no sarcasm)
I didn't know she needed a tampooooonnnn
Anybody want to have study parties for BIO?
I like the space bar key!
I just realized i have the same convo with my self everyone 3 months, maybe more: why do ppl tell me i am obnoxious, arrogant, close-minded, an asshole or anything along those lines?
And i bet to the shock of many, i take a lot of time thinking about what i did wrong.
so i come up with, symantics related tiffs. Words really do mean a lot, and using a synonym really can have a totally different message.
I don't think I am close minded, becuase i actually---unlike others- will listen every single word that is spoken to me; i take each word and will think about it and remember it. Just becuase i disagree with someone i feel like ppl jump and say 'oh he always has to be different' 'he tries to be different' 'he just can't accept anybody else's opinions.' ..... Not the case, I really don't think that people are aware that i am BLACK, i don't live near other people, i have a different soci-eco status and my life is unclear, incomprehensible and just unrelatable. My life is so different, as well as my experiences, motivations annd ideals, i am not complaining about my life it is just that when ppl say things they dont realize the reason for my response. I think for the first time segregation might be good, at least you have somethin in common with those around you and no confusion should occur. Maaybe i need to move on..... i finnally feel that i don't belong. This is sad to think about, but i finally realized i don't belong and that is a problem---- time elasped from 'problem' to the next word was approximately an hour. I just understood that everything my mother said right, i just can't get over that it was just all so true, is it psychic powers or just i dont know. I am in an abusive relationship that i just can't seem to get out of: these ppl are destroying and killing me. It has been a long time, since fourth grade to be exact, when that good ol' abuse began. It has persisted through the beginning years unnoticed, and no it hurts. I feel as though i have 'friends' that hold my hand and punch me right in the face with the other hand, doing both actions together. I am truly looking forward to the divorce and starting life anew. It has become digustingly unbearable to see some of these people, the sight of them makes me wanna just die; further more, the abuses of the system just add cyanide to my plate. i may have realized that I AM a nice person, at least as nice as i could be, i am very sympathetic and compassionate..... sounds alot like the advice someone gave when they told me 'i hate everything and everyone' was just a show. Maybe i convinced myself that this show is real, i really am a nice person being raped of their integrity and abused in the worst possible ways. I think i am done, just with it all... being remotely nice and just decent overall. I Am the realization of goods guys finishing last, try to please everyone and neglecting himself. It is even more unreal to write this crap down. I am so done being used and abusseed...... I think i can say we are done and over!