That makes the top 10

[1sabeau]

So, last Friday during our happy hour at the store (and the cocktails were delicious, miah!) this guy walks in. He seems evidently intoxicated and just gets stuck near the cashier and stares at Freaky Nat. After a while she asks him what he wants and he says:

"I want to buy tickets for your show"
I go: "It's not a show it's a fetish party"
Nat goes, upon seeing that there is smoke coming from his general area: "dude, you can't smoke in here"
Dude: "I'm not smoking"

We look closely, and he's got smoke coming out of his pocket.

Nat, matter of fact-like: "Your pocket is on fire"
Dude, distractingly tapping on his chest: "No, no, I'm not on fire, I just want tickets for the show"
Me: "There's a dresscode you know"
Dude, still casually trying to put out the fire in his pocket: "What's that?"
Me: "You have to wear leather or latex or something like that"
Dude: "No way, I just want to see the show"
Me: "It's not a show!"
Nat: "Really, you're on fire"
Me: "You can't be on fire in the store"

Dude saunters away, thinking of his next beer, still tapping his chest distractingly.

Moral of the story, never tell a fetishist that you want "tickets for the show". We're not monkeys.