(no subject)
yo mother !@#$%^&... i always contradict myself. a sense of lonliness has been engraved in my skull. i can be on top of the world and then it is taken away with memories from my past. the past will not seem to let up and it makes me remember the sadness. im better than i have been for the past 4 years of my life... but what if im getting to that state again? what would happen to me this time. i think that if i keep myself busy doing things i love with people i love (uh hum... like people outside of my family) than i will be ok. i am going to try and restore my life but it will take a lot. and i will try to not think about the past anymore but... i cant. i was depressed and i thought it would be the best thing for me to do. but it wasnt. during that time my depression wasnt as great and i brought it fully back on. i want to fix things but i cant. i just cant when i am the only one that wants to bring things back... if only my life wasnt so fucked by this burden. FUCK EVERYTHING!!! i want my life to be perfect but it's not. no one cares about me but i want to care for someone... and i can bet nothing will come my way :'( i need to take something so nothing like this will ever happen again. i think i may talk to my dad. and i want to thank you for helping me get through some pretty hard times... but i miss you soooo much right now. i want you back. i want you to call me. i want you to read this so you know how i feel. i want to be held by you again. i want ... i dont know... just everything to be the way it was and to have depression no longer. it has screwed me over and it needs to stop. i promise depression will never get in the way again, i wont let it. give me a second chance