ahh...

[1redvanrider]

soo today was really weird...i dont exactly know how to say it...i mean...so much has gone on through out this school year...that it is hard to believe that it is almost over...i mean from moving down here last july and starting school with no one...to leaving and knowing so many...not only have i gone through alot with things at school and with people...but also with my spirtiuality, i realize that the way that i was living you know...so into the worldy things..so into the drinking and whatnot..that...icant live like that anymore you know...i used to go to church and say hey i am a christian...but then through out the week things would go back to normal...and i would be ajust like everyone else...and then when i moved down here i came to church on sundays and wednesdays and i would call myself a christian...but soon i began to drift there was a time when i thought of suicide because i was going through so much...and i wanted that next vodka on the rocks...because i just didnt care anymore...i realized that i was starting to drift away from who i really am...i realized that i longed for God in my life...but he wouldnt allow the things i was doing in his presence...i was sinning and i knew...and frnakly i liked it...because it was easy...when someona asked if i wanted a drink to just say sure why not...but then i realized that not only should i go to shurch but i need to apply what i learn there to my life everday of the week..and i need to study my life and God while i am at home...now that i have learned about myself i realize my boundries and the things that i can and cannot do because of my personality and because of the things that i know i am capable of...because if i do things i shoudlnt i will find myself in one bug hell hole...that i dont want to be in...i am truly happy now....i have all that i need...because i know that my God will provide for me...if im sad or upset he will provide comfort...if i am lonely he will provide company...he is truley an amazing God...and forever i will praise him for it....

well thats all for now i'll probobly be back on later

<33
mandie