Mixed up Beyond belief
It's fucking sad how much of a wreck I am, I was the happiest I had ever been yesterday (technically this morning, but whatev), and now...I feel like crap. Not like I'm sick or anything, I just feel horrible, I'm a sad, pathetic individual, and I should have gave up on happiness long ago. Life has always been this way, but there also was always an illusion of hope, of happiness, that If I was nice, worked hard, and did the right thing I might be able to get one thing in life right. Well no more, life sucks, it sucks now, it sucked before, and it always will suck, and I'm a fool for ever thinking contrary. My mother is pissed beyond all belief, she wants me to go live with my dad, but that would mean a change in schools, and I don't think I could deal with that.
I always thought I had good patience, well I don't, I want something to happen so bad right now, it's like I'm at the top of a roller coaster ride, waiting for the plunge, I don't know if I'll scream in fear or excitement when the coaster finally falls, but the anxiety is ridiculous. I want to be able to just sit back and relax, and just let things take their natural course, whatever it may be, but I can't, I wish I could....
I always thought I had good patience, well I don't, I want something to happen so bad right now, it's like I'm at the top of a roller coaster ride, waiting for the plunge, I don't know if I'll scream in fear or excitement when the coaster finally falls, but the anxiety is ridiculous. I want to be able to just sit back and relax, and just let things take their natural course, whatever it may be, but I can't, I wish I could....