Hmmmm...
Everyone in this world longs to belong to something, whether it be their work, their family, friends, or a singular person. Everyone, whether they know it or not, wants to belong somewhere, and more often than not, it's somewhere, or to someone, that they are not in the position to belong.
The grass is always greener on the other side, is what they say. I much rather think, that there is that one patch of grass you've been searching and longing for your whole life, and regardless of the lush greenery around you, you are blind to it, blind to beauty, because the paradise in your mind and your desires, will always be the imaginary pot of gold, the destination for your life's adventure.
I've always been afraid, afraid of what would happen were I to finally reach those greener pastures, afraid of trying and failing to make it. So afraid that I've become tired of watching my own life unfold the way it has and will. And although right here, in this note, I would like to write that I'm tired of it, and I'm ready to make a change in the way I act, I'm tired of my eager willingness to admit this fact, for I have done so without result many times before.
Once I get back to the point in which I'm actually able to make a commitment to what I would like to, that point being the mainland of the U.S., I will play out the hand I've always wanted to. Right now isn't the time to do so, and the only reason that is holding me back from spilling my guts and laying it all out on the table, is that it simply isn't fair to anyone else, or to myself, to do so when I'm thousands of miles away, and unwillingly committed to a career I realize that profits me in no other way than protecting myself from danger.
Danger that comes from being on your own, making your own way, taking chances that could really hurt you, and chances that only the foolish would bet on. Because really, that's all the Navy is, it's an escape from being an adult, all your life, you're told what to do, you do it, and everything is easy because of that, everything becomes non-threatening, like it was when you were a child, and that's why it's such a temptation. Being a child is easy, it's fun, no worries, no true pain, but without taking chances that could truly devastate you, the outcome of any chances you do take are meaningless. Without pain you could never truly see the beauty of what is right in front of your eyes.
I wait now for the sole purpose of not making that selfish jump, the jump that asks an unfair question to the person it is addressed to. How could I ask someone if they would take a chance on me if I'm not there for them to take the chance on.
I'm coming back, I don't know when, but I'll make it as soon as possible, and when I do, it won't be for a visit, an intermission in my life. It will be a permanent course change, for the better or worse, and I'm glad that I can see things this way now. Clarity like this is something I've always wished for, and I hope only that I have the nerve to finally go through with something I always wanted to.
The grass is always greener on the other side, is what they say. I much rather think, that there is that one patch of grass you've been searching and longing for your whole life, and regardless of the lush greenery around you, you are blind to it, blind to beauty, because the paradise in your mind and your desires, will always be the imaginary pot of gold, the destination for your life's adventure.
I've always been afraid, afraid of what would happen were I to finally reach those greener pastures, afraid of trying and failing to make it. So afraid that I've become tired of watching my own life unfold the way it has and will. And although right here, in this note, I would like to write that I'm tired of it, and I'm ready to make a change in the way I act, I'm tired of my eager willingness to admit this fact, for I have done so without result many times before.
Once I get back to the point in which I'm actually able to make a commitment to what I would like to, that point being the mainland of the U.S., I will play out the hand I've always wanted to. Right now isn't the time to do so, and the only reason that is holding me back from spilling my guts and laying it all out on the table, is that it simply isn't fair to anyone else, or to myself, to do so when I'm thousands of miles away, and unwillingly committed to a career I realize that profits me in no other way than protecting myself from danger.
Danger that comes from being on your own, making your own way, taking chances that could really hurt you, and chances that only the foolish would bet on. Because really, that's all the Navy is, it's an escape from being an adult, all your life, you're told what to do, you do it, and everything is easy because of that, everything becomes non-threatening, like it was when you were a child, and that's why it's such a temptation. Being a child is easy, it's fun, no worries, no true pain, but without taking chances that could truly devastate you, the outcome of any chances you do take are meaningless. Without pain you could never truly see the beauty of what is right in front of your eyes.
I wait now for the sole purpose of not making that selfish jump, the jump that asks an unfair question to the person it is addressed to. How could I ask someone if they would take a chance on me if I'm not there for them to take the chance on.
I'm coming back, I don't know when, but I'll make it as soon as possible, and when I do, it won't be for a visit, an intermission in my life. It will be a permanent course change, for the better or worse, and I'm glad that I can see things this way now. Clarity like this is something I've always wished for, and I hope only that I have the nerve to finally go through with something I always wanted to.