(no subject)
Lindsay's party turned out awesomely!! It was great fun! I was so scared that I had forgotten people(and boy I did) but it didn't turn out like shit I didnt invite that person I'm such an idiot. I was also afraid I invited the wrong people...I kinda did(one person) but it still turned out perfectly. Man hunt was fun. My sister Irene and I went into the woods of Buckingham Pond but it got scary cuz the lights kept turning off, so we snuck out of the wods and into the street where we found a cave made of bushes. We were sitting there forever and then Irene had to leave, so we tried to sneak back and it was taking too long so we just stopped and walked casually home. We danced a bunch too. I'm so shy and I know it, but at least I danced for most of it. When almost everyone had left, it was just Eli, Sam, Adam, my sister, Lindsay and I oh... and Sedric. We threw the frisbee around until and Eli and Sam left. That was fun too. Even Sedric threw the frisbee around it was so adorable!! Hah I'm cooler than Sam! Adam tried to teach us all how to throw a frisbee kinda backwardsish...yea didn't work. If people just stood there without reflexes to jump back I'd be slicing people with the frisbee...yeah didn't quite work. In all, the party was great fun.
I finally watched Virgin Suicides...pretty good CRAZY PARENTS SHUTTING THEM OUT OF THE WORLD! I also watched Girl Interupted...that movie was prety good too. Ginni had to leave so fast!! It was sad! Christy and I helped her with some yardwork and dragged her off to Susan's for the little time she was allowed to be there. That was fun too.
BEING SICK SUCKS THOUGH!! Susan's probably would have been so much more greater if I hadn't been sick. I also would've been able to hang out with Christy and Alcia on Sat...but no instead I get dragged off to an engaement party...not that I really didn't want to be there but you know I don't feel to good I have to walk around with like 3 boxes of tissues and I get dragged off to an engagement party but I couldn't hang out with my friends and then I had to go to the mall...well I didn't have to but I'd be frusttrated going home knowing that I can hang out with Christy and Alicia but I can't because if I stayed home it was because I didn't feel good plus I know that if I was looking for a dress I'd want some help so I stayed and tried my best to help my sister. It's so hard searching for dresses-you have to like it find the size which isnt always there cuz everyone else already bought it or who knows what and so much more to think about while looking like no she has that one so I can't have that one.
Then I come home today, I knew something was going to happen I could feel it. I wanted to go for a walk for a reason. I hate having to deal with everything all at once...damn school can't you just shut down for at least another week to try and fix everything else that is falling apart. I need to stop being so negative about things and stop letting everyone else's problems become mine. I care way too much for others. I stay quiet so I don't hurt anyone, but in the end someone gets hurt and I need to deal with that. Then everything is misunderstood because I don't even understand anymore what I myself am trying to say. Psychiatrists are paid to listen. The person usually solves their own problems we just need to feel as though someone cares when in reality it seems as though they don't because they don't say anything and sometimes I ask how can they do that? When someone else is having a bad time, it affects me. That is what gives me troubles problems and I end up thinking way too deeply so I shut up and don't say anything and then I regret not saying anything and if i do say something i regret saying it. I need to learn to get over it. I know I do, but I've been not doing that for so long that it has become so hard to get over it. I take everything to the extreme when it really didn't have to get that far all because I do care and its hard to find yourself when you society trying to get you to follow what they want...it's hard to be yourself when it's not what society wants you to be. I need to get over that too. I guess it's also being afriad of losing friendships. I shouldn't feel that way I really shouldn't because I know I have friends real friends who don't care about following and they get fed up when I let it affect me too. I need to start letting loose and saying what comes to mind first and not waiting until every single thought possible is formed and then choose.
Other than that and being sick I had fun. The party turned out awesome I finally watched those movies and I got to hang out with friends and figure out what I have to change about myself so I don't keep going off or getting fed up and begin to give up. Thank you you guys. I'm so happy that I have such awesome friends. Oh and by the way I'M NOT THAT SLOW GOD!!! LOL!
I finally watched Virgin Suicides...pretty good CRAZY PARENTS SHUTTING THEM OUT OF THE WORLD! I also watched Girl Interupted...that movie was prety good too. Ginni had to leave so fast!! It was sad! Christy and I helped her with some yardwork and dragged her off to Susan's for the little time she was allowed to be there. That was fun too.
BEING SICK SUCKS THOUGH!! Susan's probably would have been so much more greater if I hadn't been sick. I also would've been able to hang out with Christy and Alcia on Sat...but no instead I get dragged off to an engaement party...not that I really didn't want to be there but you know I don't feel to good I have to walk around with like 3 boxes of tissues and I get dragged off to an engagement party but I couldn't hang out with my friends and then I had to go to the mall...well I didn't have to but I'd be frusttrated going home knowing that I can hang out with Christy and Alicia but I can't because if I stayed home it was because I didn't feel good plus I know that if I was looking for a dress I'd want some help so I stayed and tried my best to help my sister. It's so hard searching for dresses-you have to like it find the size which isnt always there cuz everyone else already bought it or who knows what and so much more to think about while looking like no she has that one so I can't have that one.
Then I come home today, I knew something was going to happen I could feel it. I wanted to go for a walk for a reason. I hate having to deal with everything all at once...damn school can't you just shut down for at least another week to try and fix everything else that is falling apart. I need to stop being so negative about things and stop letting everyone else's problems become mine. I care way too much for others. I stay quiet so I don't hurt anyone, but in the end someone gets hurt and I need to deal with that. Then everything is misunderstood because I don't even understand anymore what I myself am trying to say. Psychiatrists are paid to listen. The person usually solves their own problems we just need to feel as though someone cares when in reality it seems as though they don't because they don't say anything and sometimes I ask how can they do that? When someone else is having a bad time, it affects me. That is what gives me troubles problems and I end up thinking way too deeply so I shut up and don't say anything and then I regret not saying anything and if i do say something i regret saying it. I need to learn to get over it. I know I do, but I've been not doing that for so long that it has become so hard to get over it. I take everything to the extreme when it really didn't have to get that far all because I do care and its hard to find yourself when you society trying to get you to follow what they want...it's hard to be yourself when it's not what society wants you to be. I need to get over that too. I guess it's also being afriad of losing friendships. I shouldn't feel that way I really shouldn't because I know I have friends real friends who don't care about following and they get fed up when I let it affect me too. I need to start letting loose and saying what comes to mind first and not waiting until every single thought possible is formed and then choose.
Other than that and being sick I had fun. The party turned out awesome I finally watched those movies and I got to hang out with friends and figure out what I have to change about myself so I don't keep going off or getting fed up and begin to give up. Thank you you guys. I'm so happy that I have such awesome friends. Oh and by the way I'M NOT THAT SLOW GOD!!! LOL!