I sat on the stairs praying for strength. . .
It’s interesting how I have gone on and on about doubting god’s existence. I label myself agnostic, but what do I really mean by that label? I mean. I rationally credit something for the creation of life. Some process, accident, natural occurrence, or extraordinary intervention must have sparked the runaway game of evolution that eventually produced me. Therefore, in my head, I say there was a Creator. Now, I don’t go as far as to say that the Creator has a consciousness, at least sometimes I don’t go that far. Nevertheless, something started all of this life and what I’m left with is to make meaning out of this life and the Creator.
A lot of times, I don’t feel like making meaning out of the Creator; simply because of laziness. I mean, I choose to care about and invest my consciousness in other things. But when I do think about making meaning out of the Creator, it’s usually political. Like, sometimes I think about conceptualizing the Creator from a follower of Jesus or Christian’s viewpoint purely because this religion was what I was raised in and this religion has such a significant place in the survival and fight of my ancestral African people. Other times, I think about conceptualizing the Creator from the viewpoint of Abrahamic faiths (an integration of Judaism, Islam, and Christianity); again because of the significance of these faiths on my ancestral African people. Still, other times I think of the Creator in a removed way that entertains ancient Egyptian and ancient Yoruban cosmological thought; once again for a sense of cultural-political solidarity with my African ancestors.
However, most of the time, my view of the Creator is politically Western/scientific/existential. Specifically, the Creator means nothing independent from the meaning I ascribe to this yet (scientifically) unknown Creator.
Nevertheless, I consider myself a significantly spiritual person. What that means to me is that I have a strong belief in the connection of all things; things that were, are, will be, living, and not. Further, I believe that meaning can be found everywhere and nowhere. The key element is subjective choice. I choose to see meaning where I chose to see it (or from where my social context has directed me to). I feel fulfilled when I take the time to consider that the same ground, Earth I stand on at any moment, is ground, Earth that billions currently stand on too! It means something to me that when I drink water, I bring into my body particles of every living person in history. It means something to me that the oxygen I breath in or the carbon that composes my body were fashioned in a star too far away from me right now to fathom.
I (what comprises me) am as ancient as anything in creation. Matter is neither created nor destroyed. I (what comprises me) will exist forever.
This describes the sites of the meaning I have chosen to make out of my life. I believe that I could not exist were it not for those who have existed before me and that I will not have existed if it were not for those who will exist after me. This is all from the Pan African traditions/worldview, yet I believe it; not because of political motives. It just makes sense to me. It makes the most sense to me. And, it feels right to me.
So, spiritual programming to me, is watching cosmology shows on the History and Discovery channels! That’s where my soul feels the gravity of Genesis and the Apocalypse. And therefore, religion to me, often feels political. …then again, I change my mind on stuff a lot…
A lot of times, I don’t feel like making meaning out of the Creator; simply because of laziness. I mean, I choose to care about and invest my consciousness in other things. But when I do think about making meaning out of the Creator, it’s usually political. Like, sometimes I think about conceptualizing the Creator from a follower of Jesus or Christian’s viewpoint purely because this religion was what I was raised in and this religion has such a significant place in the survival and fight of my ancestral African people. Other times, I think about conceptualizing the Creator from the viewpoint of Abrahamic faiths (an integration of Judaism, Islam, and Christianity); again because of the significance of these faiths on my ancestral African people. Still, other times I think of the Creator in a removed way that entertains ancient Egyptian and ancient Yoruban cosmological thought; once again for a sense of cultural-political solidarity with my African ancestors.
However, most of the time, my view of the Creator is politically Western/scientific/existential. Specifically, the Creator means nothing independent from the meaning I ascribe to this yet (scientifically) unknown Creator.
Nevertheless, I consider myself a significantly spiritual person. What that means to me is that I have a strong belief in the connection of all things; things that were, are, will be, living, and not. Further, I believe that meaning can be found everywhere and nowhere. The key element is subjective choice. I choose to see meaning where I chose to see it (or from where my social context has directed me to). I feel fulfilled when I take the time to consider that the same ground, Earth I stand on at any moment, is ground, Earth that billions currently stand on too! It means something to me that when I drink water, I bring into my body particles of every living person in history. It means something to me that the oxygen I breath in or the carbon that composes my body were fashioned in a star too far away from me right now to fathom.
I (what comprises me) am as ancient as anything in creation. Matter is neither created nor destroyed. I (what comprises me) will exist forever.
This describes the sites of the meaning I have chosen to make out of my life. I believe that I could not exist were it not for those who have existed before me and that I will not have existed if it were not for those who will exist after me. This is all from the Pan African traditions/worldview, yet I believe it; not because of political motives. It just makes sense to me. It makes the most sense to me. And, it feels right to me.
So, spiritual programming to me, is watching cosmology shows on the History and Discovery channels! That’s where my soul feels the gravity of Genesis and the Apocalypse. And therefore, religion to me, often feels political. …then again, I change my mind on stuff a lot…