is my nose still there?
somtimes i wonder who i am and what my purpose is here in this world. why are we to exisit if all we do is die..we make a mark? do we all? yes i think yes we do, but is it the kind of mark we want to make.
it seems like latley i have been making quite a mark, but im not sure if i like it. i have been assisting others in accomplishing firsts that i feel that with out me doing them they would have never done. and that makes me feel kind of sad.
right now my head keeps spining and it scares me. im not sure if its the meds or if i just need a good cry. thats what i feel like right now. like i just need to cry. i feel so hurt and abused and taken advantage of, but im not sure why. no one has done these things too me (at least that i am aware of) in the last few whatevers, yet i just feel like it is all bundled up in me.
tonight i was supposed to go to jen's , but i doubt i will. i think wehn i get off work tonight i will just go home and sleep (casue i feel sick) and i pray that helps me. Thomas was gonna go after 24 tonight, so i told him to call me if he does and i might go, but that wont be till about 10 i guess. i dont know, maybe i will just lay on the couch and watch a movie.
i have the next 2 days off (yay) and so tomorrow we are gonna get stoned, go to breakfast and then watch "urb your enthusiasm" and other funny stuff and maybe play DDR. who knows. ed we were talking about a group of us going out to the lake. i went out there the other day with princess finkelstein and it was beautiful, water was freezing, but thats okay. i have to remember to buy sunblock. and a hat maybe...and new shades casue i broke my green ones...and maybe a swim suit...maybe i will do that tomorrow too. we will see.
well, this was a lot freakin longer then i thought it was gonna be, and im not sure how i feel about how shallow some of it feels. wanna dig deeper? here:
i have been getting intresting comments about a boy who supposedly likes me but im not sure if he likes me for me or for what he thinks i am. i feel like when i have a ton of ppl over (which has been almost everynight) that i act a lil different. and not because of drug/alchol but becasue i want ppl to like me and to think i am tuff. i dunno....i just want to feel liked and so maybe ppl are getting that vibe bounced off me onto him and thus feel that way, but i dunno. i dunno if i could do anything mroe with this dude casue we work together and i dont want thigs to get more gossipy at work then they already are. maybe i should talk to him...but i am just not feelin that brave.
oooh, one last thing i sware! i thought of the BEST shirt for Kayla or Thomas' brother it will read "VAGINA" in big print and then under read "the only meat i eat" and then on the back in the right bottom corner say "I <3 Vegan Girls" it will be so RAD....dont steal that or i will Kill you!!
i gotta blow my nose, later
it seems like latley i have been making quite a mark, but im not sure if i like it. i have been assisting others in accomplishing firsts that i feel that with out me doing them they would have never done. and that makes me feel kind of sad.
right now my head keeps spining and it scares me. im not sure if its the meds or if i just need a good cry. thats what i feel like right now. like i just need to cry. i feel so hurt and abused and taken advantage of, but im not sure why. no one has done these things too me (at least that i am aware of) in the last few whatevers, yet i just feel like it is all bundled up in me.
tonight i was supposed to go to jen's , but i doubt i will. i think wehn i get off work tonight i will just go home and sleep (casue i feel sick) and i pray that helps me. Thomas was gonna go after 24 tonight, so i told him to call me if he does and i might go, but that wont be till about 10 i guess. i dont know, maybe i will just lay on the couch and watch a movie.
i have the next 2 days off (yay) and so tomorrow we are gonna get stoned, go to breakfast and then watch "urb your enthusiasm" and other funny stuff and maybe play DDR. who knows. ed we were talking about a group of us going out to the lake. i went out there the other day with princess finkelstein and it was beautiful, water was freezing, but thats okay. i have to remember to buy sunblock. and a hat maybe...and new shades casue i broke my green ones...and maybe a swim suit...maybe i will do that tomorrow too. we will see.
well, this was a lot freakin longer then i thought it was gonna be, and im not sure how i feel about how shallow some of it feels. wanna dig deeper? here:
i have been getting intresting comments about a boy who supposedly likes me but im not sure if he likes me for me or for what he thinks i am. i feel like when i have a ton of ppl over (which has been almost everynight) that i act a lil different. and not because of drug/alchol but becasue i want ppl to like me and to think i am tuff. i dunno....i just want to feel liked and so maybe ppl are getting that vibe bounced off me onto him and thus feel that way, but i dunno. i dunno if i could do anything mroe with this dude casue we work together and i dont want thigs to get more gossipy at work then they already are. maybe i should talk to him...but i am just not feelin that brave.
oooh, one last thing i sware! i thought of the BEST shirt for Kayla or Thomas' brother it will read "VAGINA" in big print and then under read "the only meat i eat" and then on the back in the right bottom corner say "I <3 Vegan Girls" it will be so RAD....dont steal that or i will Kill you!!
i gotta blow my nose, later