(no subject)
Bullshit fairytales and the tale of miracle coins (Sequent of Baby, Goodnight.) (Part 1)
Author: 1kbig.
Genre: AU, Angst and Romatic
Rating: PG.
Disclaiming: Unfortunately, they are not mine because who would write fic if videos were so much better!
A/N: This took me a hell of time to finish and really, Trevi Fountain, wait for me ok!
Summary: what is the kind of untouched love, like literally untouched, and what if all you need is 2 pennies to find your true love…
YOU CAN FIND 'Baby, Goodnight' fic HERE: http://1kbig.livejournal.com/543.html
Part 1
2 days.
Seunghyun had bought himself 2 busy-at-work days so he wouldn’t have to go home where his heart was hanging on a thin string.
Not seeing that person for 2 days cleared his head plenty.
He tried to sort everything had happened on the first day. Seunghyun had laughed at his stupid heart and silly brain about thinking it was love at first sight, that the guy was his ‘true love’ which now sounded damn ridiculous in his head now. Come on! That was only happened in fiction!
He reasoned with himself that the guy was a beauty and that maybe his fucking bi-curious (which every guy in this Earth also had) was acting up in a fucking wrong time.
He even tried to look at guys in different light so that he could feed his bi-curious inner and when he felt nothing at all staring at every guy in his office, he reasoned that those guys were just not his type. Not giving up, he sought out more guys when he went to the restaurant for lunch. However, as the day dragged by, he felt more and more stupid looking at guys’ asses feeling nothing and the more he felt stupid the more his unconsciousness screamed ‘denial’ at him which Seunghyun just shut it down with the smile he had just saw once yet couldn’t find the way to get it off his brain cells.
Seunghyun talked to his girlfriend everyday even though they couldn’t meet. He looked at their pictures which was taken from their engagement every minute he could. He reminded himself every second that he was engaged, he had a fiancée now, who loved him so much and he loved her just the same…..yeah, he loved her and had decided to spend this life with her…..he had her now. He shouldn’t ever hurt her. He had promised….and 4 more months it would be his vow to her in their wedding.
The first night sleeping at his office, Seunghyun slept with her photo in his arms which did help him slip in and out form sleep from times to times. He woke up when the sun had not even awake itself with a pounding headache and then stayed awake until people filled the office because he was scared to fall asleep again….the face in his mind when he closed his eyes and leaped into sleep was not his fiancée’s...
Seunghyun tried to calm himself down and comforted his lack of sleep brain that tonight would be better. If he could manage some sleep last night maybe tonight we would sleep more soundly. The only problem was trying not to dream about…..
Seunghyun sighed before taking his phone out and called his fiancée.
He gotta try everything he could.
Sitting at his office after done busying with million papers of reports and contacts worth of monthly works so that he didn’t have to think of anything but his works, Seunghyun stared into space and his mind was bland.
Blandness was good, even great.
Bland meant there was no thinking, so remembering, no beating himself at the guilt, no trying to deny anything, no wondering his mind where he shouldn’t, no feeling at all….
No feeling….
Seunghyun winced at the throb in his chest and dashed his eyes at the clock on his wall.
6 hours more until Sunday and he had to go home and face….No more excuses.
Seunghyun dropped his head on his desk with a hard ‘thump’, let the sting took his headache away which didn’t seem to work at all so Seunghyun sighed again before leaning his body back on his chair, reaching for his engagement photo again, Seunghyun hugged it against his chest, willed his mind to go bland and his eyes to sleep.
He didn’t know how long it had passed when he jolted awake with his heart ached in guilt from the dream he was having. He was sweating and shaking with the images still so lively in his mind. He panted and shrived at the sensation ran up and down his body left him hot and cold.
His body was strained …..and fuck, he was hard. Never this hard in his life.
That erotic dream left him nauseous and the picture of his fiancée only made it worse because the person Seunghyun was kissing with passion, touching with want, tasting with hunger in his dream was not her.
First time ever after she had walked into his life.
Seunghyun made it to the toilet before he puked his guts out.
Clinging into the sink for his life, he washed saliva and sweat of his messy face.
He looked at his face in the mirror, saw it red from the strain of vomiting and his pupils still blew wide from the dream he just had.
Seunghyun laughed in agony and it sounded ugly in his ear.
He slumped on the floor with his head between his knees and kept laughing until tears wet his face so that he didn’t have to analysis what kind of tears they were….until they came out too much his eyes no longer see anything….until his chest bubbled with sobs.
Seunghyun didn’t know how long he was sobbing like a baby in the toilet but by the time he dag himself back to his office, he was too exhausted that he felt asleep after he put his back on his chair.
And when every detail of Kwon Jiyong’s face and body flooded into him again, Seunghyun didn’t fight it this time.
He slept soundly with smile on his lips, tears in his eyes, love caressed half of his heart and guilt shattered the other half.
#################
Jiyong was walking on his toes all the time around his new house. His heart leaped to his throat whenever the name ‘Seunghyun’ was mentioned.
The guy had been absent for two days and then when Sunday came, Jiyong took his girlfriend out alone saying that they needed to give the older couple their space and Yoon Ah agreed without a doubt which only made Jiyong’s stomach sunk down lower with guilt.
They stayed out late so when they were back, for Jiyong’s relief, the older couple had already gone to bed.
He pretended to sleep until the older man had gone to work on the next day then made himself as busy as possible with his girlfriend as they wanted to discover every corner of Seoul.
Everytime his beautiful girlfriend smile happily and kissed him all loving, Jiyong felt like he was an ass he was with Yoon Ah even though he really enjoyed her company and because of her he completely forgot about his ‘problem’, which exactly was the big problem here because whenever he was with her, he always felt that he was using her to forget, to escape.
Everyday since that first meeting, Jiyong always took himself an hour to shaking and cursing, to feel the pain deep in his born, to mourn over the buried love, to crying until the pain faded into an uncomfortable ache in his chest, then he would shower to cover the change in him so that when he stepped out of this bathroom, which had become a world for him to live with his bruised heart, he was Kwon Jiyong again who loved Lee Yoon Ah and had chosen her to be his only one, the girl who gave him her everything….but ….there was Choi Seunghyun and JIyong dig his nails into his palm until it bled everytime he thought about that guy when he was with her because asshole like him deserved worse.
Everything he did or said felt like fakes and lies for him now. He did love her and in his heart he still loved her with passion and all adoration…but….there was Choi Seunghyun and Jiyong bit his lip until it bled because cheater deserved worse.
Every loving word she gave him whole heartedly, his heart died a little inside. With every loving word Jiyong spoke to her, he meant each word, with every inch of his heart and the love they shared…..but….there was Choi Seunghyun and Jiyong beat himself with disgust when he was alone because fucker like him deserved worse.
Only think about breaking her heard had him bended in pain.
He just couldn’t….
Looking at her rubbing her cheek in his chest when the light of the night painted golden on her skin, Jiyong just couldn’t think he could hurt her. Just in those quite moments like that he thought maybe this was enough for him. He had felt the pain, he had had his adventure, he had had what he wanted, maybe this was enough.
Not seeing the guy around did do him good to calm his emotions down and get his life back in gear. Jiyong didn’t deny his feeling for the older man, living in US for so long now that he didn’t think his attraction for a man was a big deal, the problem here was that it was more than just attraction which Jiyong accepted it with an easy ache in his chest.
He knew people fall in and out of love to just fall into its arms again sometimes but life was different. He knew better to believe in happy every after.
He knew he loved Yoon Ah and he knew he was in love with Seunghyun. He disgusted at himself less when he at least could face the truth.
In fiction, people lived and died with their love; they fought for their love and for each other so that in the end, spent the rest of their live with each other.
In reality, people didn’t run head first into something they were not sure of, and with love it was just the same.
In reality, sometimes, people didn’t live forever with their loves, they lived with the one they chose to rest their lives on. A certain place.
For Jiyong, Choi Seunghyun was like a garden full of roses where was so beautiful and lurking and attempting but once you got in, they would tear you open with their horns while Lee Yoon Ah was a field of green grass, simple and familiar which was safe.
Choi Seunghyun was the pool of heating love which could catch fire once Jiyong dipped his body inside and in the end would burn him to ashes.
Yoon Ah was the warm bathtub that made him feel like home.
Choi Seunghyun was everything Jiyong wished he could but would never have.
Yoon Ah was everything he thought he wanted and still wanted.
Choi Seunghyun was the love Jiyong had been growing up dreaming and chasing to have with each fictions and movies he had gone through.
Lee Yoon Ah was reality that could be forever.
Jiyong had made his choice.
He knew Choi Seunghyun was a part of his live now, would forever be just like Jiyong’s everyday will have him in his own misery for an hour then the rest of the day he was Yoon ah’s.
If Choi Seunghyun had his heart then Yoon Ah would have Kwon Jiyong himself.
##############
“You seem so busy lately.” Chaerim yawned as she scooped over for her fiancé to join her.
“Works suck.” Seunghyun sighed tiredly. His body was a mess of limps. Stress from works, from his own problem, the caution and the upper awareness, the lack of sleep, the hole in his heart, the guilt heavy in his stomach, everything seemed out to get him at once.
“Poor you, baby.” The girl pressed her body closer to him, wrapped her arms around him and then smoothed his back with them, “Sleep. It can help you to clear your mind and gain you back some energy.”
“Yeah.” Seunghyun hugged her closer, inhaled her familiar scent and thinking that yes, he could do this. Sleeping he could….
Which no surprise, he couldn’t at all.
It had been a week now.
A week of no sleep left Seunghyun drained out and so exhausted.
True as his fiancée had said, he was busy or at least it was what he was trying to be, being away from the house as much of possible.
They caught the gleams of each other here and there. Short greetings if they had to when the girls were around.
No lingering, no eye contact.
Five feet was the nearest they had allowed to get into each other space.
Just the presence of the other enough to spark electric through their veins and the atmosphere around them, they couldn’t even imagine what would happen if they touched….
Seunghyun bit his lip and dig his nail into his palm to stop a shiver consuming his body.
His eyes dashed to the woman in his arms who was sleeping soundly already and a bitter sour wave of emotion chocked him in his throat.
He just couldn’t….embrace her in his arms while all he could think of was the guy who was sleeping in the room crossed the hall from his own room…
If the guilt had been physical, Seunghyun would have been strangled to death by now.
Seunghyun carefully distanced himself from her, as quiet as possible he pushed himself off the bed and walked out of the room.
He headed to the kitchen, wanting water to smooth down the plump in his throat.
He sighed as the possibility of another sleepless night.
Seunghyun stopped and frowned when he saw soft light coming out from the kitchen. Someone was in there and Seunghyun didn’t know why but he was so sure who that ‘someone’ was.
He bit his lip considered to go back to bed but the thought of lying next to his fiancée while thinking about another person made him sick, and the temptation, the pull of his heart, they were too hard to resist and Seunghyun was kind of tired of resisting already. So with a deep inhale, Seunghyun slowly and silently approached the lightened area.
The closer he got to the light, the louder and faster his heart drummed in his chest, the colder his body got while his palms were sweating.
Stood at the border between the light and the dark, Seunghyun let the darkness hid him while the light shone upon the desire of his heart, Kwon Jiyong.
TBC...............