The Daring Young Man on the Flying Trapeze
I am a moron. Not all the time and not about everything. About men, I am a moron.
It's because I want someone dashing. Someone handsome and charming and mischievous. And I will often convince myself that those traits are enough without brains, emotional intelligence, or at least the good sense yer mama gave ya.
Or I will mistake dominance for dashing and derring-do.
Oh Robin Hood, man of fantasy. I was so in love with Robin Hood when I was a little girl. (This would be the cartoon version in which Robin and Marian were portrayed as foxes.) He had it all. He was romantic. He helped the poor. He had a huge problem with authority figures. He was lithe and acrobatic and won more fights through brain than brawn. He took in strays, he had plenty of booze for the friar, and he knew how to treat a vixen.
So this is where my adult vision of romance comes from? A fucking cartoon fox? Jeebus. I'm in trouble deep. I'll be better off dressing up my dog as Robin Hood (she won't know she's cross-dressing) and teaching her how to shoot a bow and arrow. She'll show that dastardly usurper to the throne who's boss (remember the prince who was a lion without a mane and would suck his thumb?), and she'll always be loyal and give me belly after a long day's work.
I think I'd be in much better shape romantically speaking if I had been allowed to watch TV as a kid. At least then I'd be happy with these useless, idiotic, complaining lardasses they show on sitcoms as husbands and fathers. My expectations would be sufficiently low that I would think some nice SoCal bro or Chicago Chad was the catch of all catches.
I wonder if I'd want kids if I'd watched TV as a child? Think of all the socialization I missed. Think of all the cult-like brainwashing I was unfortunately exempted from. Maybe if I'd caught "Small Wonder" when it originally aired, I'd think making babies was as easy as having a robot doll. Or Eight is Enough or the Cosby Show or the Brady Bunch...all those kids everywhere and every problem so easy it could be solved in 23 minutes.
I wonder if anyone's done a survey on why those of us who don't want kids don't want them. I will bet you dollars to donuts (where the hell did that phrase come from, anyway?) it's from a lack of TV. Or whatever the cultural equivalent of TV is in the area being surveyed. TV, church, dominant patriarch, social groups. I grew up without TV, without church, with a dominant matriarch (my Irish grandma ruled with an iron fist--not even a velvet glove to soften it), and lived in the middle of a fucking cornfield so my social groups consisted mainly of imaginary beings.
Well, gotta go. My dog is growling at the mirror again. Girl, I know just how you feel.
It's because I want someone dashing. Someone handsome and charming and mischievous. And I will often convince myself that those traits are enough without brains, emotional intelligence, or at least the good sense yer mama gave ya.
Or I will mistake dominance for dashing and derring-do.
Oh Robin Hood, man of fantasy. I was so in love with Robin Hood when I was a little girl. (This would be the cartoon version in which Robin and Marian were portrayed as foxes.) He had it all. He was romantic. He helped the poor. He had a huge problem with authority figures. He was lithe and acrobatic and won more fights through brain than brawn. He took in strays, he had plenty of booze for the friar, and he knew how to treat a vixen.
So this is where my adult vision of romance comes from? A fucking cartoon fox? Jeebus. I'm in trouble deep. I'll be better off dressing up my dog as Robin Hood (she won't know she's cross-dressing) and teaching her how to shoot a bow and arrow. She'll show that dastardly usurper to the throne who's boss (remember the prince who was a lion without a mane and would suck his thumb?), and she'll always be loyal and give me belly after a long day's work.
I think I'd be in much better shape romantically speaking if I had been allowed to watch TV as a kid. At least then I'd be happy with these useless, idiotic, complaining lardasses they show on sitcoms as husbands and fathers. My expectations would be sufficiently low that I would think some nice SoCal bro or Chicago Chad was the catch of all catches.
I wonder if I'd want kids if I'd watched TV as a child? Think of all the socialization I missed. Think of all the cult-like brainwashing I was unfortunately exempted from. Maybe if I'd caught "Small Wonder" when it originally aired, I'd think making babies was as easy as having a robot doll. Or Eight is Enough or the Cosby Show or the Brady Bunch...all those kids everywhere and every problem so easy it could be solved in 23 minutes.
I wonder if anyone's done a survey on why those of us who don't want kids don't want them. I will bet you dollars to donuts (where the hell did that phrase come from, anyway?) it's from a lack of TV. Or whatever the cultural equivalent of TV is in the area being surveyed. TV, church, dominant patriarch, social groups. I grew up without TV, without church, with a dominant matriarch (my Irish grandma ruled with an iron fist--not even a velvet glove to soften it), and lived in the middle of a fucking cornfield so my social groups consisted mainly of imaginary beings.
Well, gotta go. My dog is growling at the mirror again. Girl, I know just how you feel.