DANGER CAUTION WARNING
I love Korea, I do. But sometimes I seriously doubt the collective intelligence of the Korean people. Here are some of the reasons why, in list form.
1. Complete Lack of Driving Skills. We all know that green means "go", yellow means "slow" and red means "stop." Right? Not Koreans. To Koreans, green means "go." Yellow means "go faster." Red means one of two things: "GO EVEN FASTER!!" or "stop, and then idle through intersection." Most Koreans have their cell phone numbers posted in the corner of their front window. Why? So that when they block you in, you can call them if you need to get out. And don't even get me started with the motorcycles on the sidewalks.
2. Ditto for Pedestrians. Crosswalk signs have three signals: green man, blinking green man, and red man. To Koreans, green man means "stroll along as leisurely as humanly possible across the street." Blinking green man means "run as fast as humanly possible even if you are two blocks away and you only have to wait a few minutes before you can cross again." Red means, "cross one lane of traffic, and then stand in the median among zooming traffic."
3. The Culture of Looking Busy. Everything Koreans do is "bali bali" (fast, fast), yet where the hell are they rushing to all the time? In Korea, the image of being busy is far more important than actual productivity. If they spent less time pretending to be busy and more time doing stuff, maybe they could go home at a decent hour for once.
4. If It's Not Korean, It's Wrong. I was giving sort of an impromptu American geography lesson to a group of 11 year olds. One of the boys raised his hand and asked me if the capital of America was Washington. I said that it was, and told him good job. Then he said, "But it's not the biggest city, right?" I explained to him that no, it's not the biggest city in America, but it is where the government buildings are. "But...teacher....Seoul is the capital of Korea. And it is the biggest city." Well, yes, but it's not like that in America. He argued with me for like 5 minutes that Washington couldn't be the capital of America if it's not the biggest city. Just because Seoul is the biggest city in Korea. This is only one example of many.
5. Sweat the Small Stuff. Koreans are some of the most nitpicky people I have ever met. My boss makes it her personal mission to hunt me down every time I forget to turn off the light in the staff room, which is maybe once a month at most. Today, my boss was really angry with me. Why? Because I signed my name with red ink. There's a superstition that I've never been 100% clear about that equates writing one's name in red ink with death. I don't know why she was freaking out so much, I was the one cursing myself to death, so she needed to chill the fuck out. I understand that every country has their superstitions, but I don't go around flipping out when I see someone open an umbrella inside.
6. What Are They Teaching These Kids Anyway? I had a kid ask me yesterday, in all seriousness, if the moon was really made out of cheese. This is a girl who can express complex opinions about stem cells and global warming. I asked her what cheese was made of. "Milk." "So are there giant cows on the moon?" She got sort of embarrassed and came to the conclusion that the moon is not, in fact, made of cheese.
P.S. Friday I was clowning around with my students and I was sitting in one of their desks, pretending to be a student. I was sort of being an asshole, but they thought it was funny. I kept saying things like, "I AM THE BEST STUDENT IN THIS CLASS." I was in a weird mood. One of my students raised her hand and said, "You can't be the best student in class!!" "Why not?" I asked. "Because you're the best TEACHER in Korea!!!!" Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
P.S.S. Kanye West samples Daft Punk in his new single. Daft Punk is the most sampling-est band in the history of sampling bands. It's like meta-sampling! Weird. I don't know if I like it or not. I can't decide.
P.S.S.S. If you are a Dave's person reading this, kindly identify yourself. It's weird not knowing you the hell you are.
1. Complete Lack of Driving Skills. We all know that green means "go", yellow means "slow" and red means "stop." Right? Not Koreans. To Koreans, green means "go." Yellow means "go faster." Red means one of two things: "GO EVEN FASTER!!" or "stop, and then idle through intersection." Most Koreans have their cell phone numbers posted in the corner of their front window. Why? So that when they block you in, you can call them if you need to get out. And don't even get me started with the motorcycles on the sidewalks.
2. Ditto for Pedestrians. Crosswalk signs have three signals: green man, blinking green man, and red man. To Koreans, green man means "stroll along as leisurely as humanly possible across the street." Blinking green man means "run as fast as humanly possible even if you are two blocks away and you only have to wait a few minutes before you can cross again." Red means, "cross one lane of traffic, and then stand in the median among zooming traffic."
3. The Culture of Looking Busy. Everything Koreans do is "bali bali" (fast, fast), yet where the hell are they rushing to all the time? In Korea, the image of being busy is far more important than actual productivity. If they spent less time pretending to be busy and more time doing stuff, maybe they could go home at a decent hour for once.
4. If It's Not Korean, It's Wrong. I was giving sort of an impromptu American geography lesson to a group of 11 year olds. One of the boys raised his hand and asked me if the capital of America was Washington. I said that it was, and told him good job. Then he said, "But it's not the biggest city, right?" I explained to him that no, it's not the biggest city in America, but it is where the government buildings are. "But...teacher....Seoul is the capital of Korea. And it is the biggest city." Well, yes, but it's not like that in America. He argued with me for like 5 minutes that Washington couldn't be the capital of America if it's not the biggest city. Just because Seoul is the biggest city in Korea. This is only one example of many.
5. Sweat the Small Stuff. Koreans are some of the most nitpicky people I have ever met. My boss makes it her personal mission to hunt me down every time I forget to turn off the light in the staff room, which is maybe once a month at most. Today, my boss was really angry with me. Why? Because I signed my name with red ink. There's a superstition that I've never been 100% clear about that equates writing one's name in red ink with death. I don't know why she was freaking out so much, I was the one cursing myself to death, so she needed to chill the fuck out. I understand that every country has their superstitions, but I don't go around flipping out when I see someone open an umbrella inside.
6. What Are They Teaching These Kids Anyway? I had a kid ask me yesterday, in all seriousness, if the moon was really made out of cheese. This is a girl who can express complex opinions about stem cells and global warming. I asked her what cheese was made of. "Milk." "So are there giant cows on the moon?" She got sort of embarrassed and came to the conclusion that the moon is not, in fact, made of cheese.
P.S. Friday I was clowning around with my students and I was sitting in one of their desks, pretending to be a student. I was sort of being an asshole, but they thought it was funny. I kept saying things like, "I AM THE BEST STUDENT IN THIS CLASS." I was in a weird mood. One of my students raised her hand and said, "You can't be the best student in class!!" "Why not?" I asked. "Because you're the best TEACHER in Korea!!!!" Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
P.S.S. Kanye West samples Daft Punk in his new single. Daft Punk is the most sampling-est band in the history of sampling bands. It's like meta-sampling! Weird. I don't know if I like it or not. I can't decide.
P.S.S.S. If you are a Dave's person reading this, kindly identify yourself. It's weird not knowing you the hell you are.