today the oncologist called..
i go in on june 15th for my first surgery consultation.
my friend comes out from florida july 12th to visit.
califur is next weekend.
and it all just finally hit me last night and tonight.. *I* have cancer. suddenly it doesnt matter that noone really dies from thyroid cancer. i have cancer, and i have to have surgery again.
I am scared as hell, but i dont get to panic. i have to hold myself together, cause if i dont noone else will.
as it is, i can barely deal with the thinly disguised panic every time Synthia calls me..
my aunt finally got in touch with me over yahoo, and as usual, what the hell does she say, not one f'ing word that is usefull, or supportive "if i were you i would go get drunk, just to say f*** the world" thank f'ing you.. i am diabetic, last time i took a drink it almost made me throw up. followed by "you have a real laundry list of problems" like you're any better.
how about for once in your life "hey, i am sorry to hear that, if there is anything i can do to help, let me know"
oh yeah, i got lots to say right now.. most of it will probably make some people trigger happy, but for once, better you than me.
i got a call from someone telling me my ex BF was having dinenr with them recently, and she apparently had a whole lot of not nice to say about me. BITCH, SHUT YOUR DAMNED MOUTH i backed up your lies and bullshit for 10 f'ing years. i tried, and most of the time i was the one who apologized to you to make things better, when it should have been you on your knees begging me not to turn your ass in to the cops.
last time i talked to you , again it was me apologizing to you, i was making nice, and all i ever wanted to know is if the kids we OK, i dont care where they are, or with who, i just wanted to know they were ok, if it werent for me, they would have taken them a lot sooner.. cause i helped raise them. think long and hard, the state took them when i was gone.
now, let me make one thing VERY clear. i am triggered by people telling me others are talking about me. this is a known quantity.
i am triggered ( obviously) by talking about cancer. but i needed to talk about it somewhere.
and apparenly now, i am triggered by having to still deal with the ex BF's shit. her life isnt part of mine anymore, so let's please not talk to me about her.
now, i also left norcal, to start over, and try to be more than i was. so people , please dont call me asking me about the rumor mill in norcal ( not part of the ex bf's issue) i try like hell to stay out of the norcal rumors and drama. i dont need it following me home now.
i have to deal with it enough between FC and CF.
this has been my bi-yearly rant. nothing left to see here, move along.
my friend comes out from florida july 12th to visit.
califur is next weekend.
and it all just finally hit me last night and tonight.. *I* have cancer. suddenly it doesnt matter that noone really dies from thyroid cancer. i have cancer, and i have to have surgery again.
I am scared as hell, but i dont get to panic. i have to hold myself together, cause if i dont noone else will.
as it is, i can barely deal with the thinly disguised panic every time Synthia calls me..
my aunt finally got in touch with me over yahoo, and as usual, what the hell does she say, not one f'ing word that is usefull, or supportive "if i were you i would go get drunk, just to say f*** the world" thank f'ing you.. i am diabetic, last time i took a drink it almost made me throw up. followed by "you have a real laundry list of problems" like you're any better.
how about for once in your life "hey, i am sorry to hear that, if there is anything i can do to help, let me know"
oh yeah, i got lots to say right now.. most of it will probably make some people trigger happy, but for once, better you than me.
i got a call from someone telling me my ex BF was having dinenr with them recently, and she apparently had a whole lot of not nice to say about me. BITCH, SHUT YOUR DAMNED MOUTH i backed up your lies and bullshit for 10 f'ing years. i tried, and most of the time i was the one who apologized to you to make things better, when it should have been you on your knees begging me not to turn your ass in to the cops.
last time i talked to you , again it was me apologizing to you, i was making nice, and all i ever wanted to know is if the kids we OK, i dont care where they are, or with who, i just wanted to know they were ok, if it werent for me, they would have taken them a lot sooner.. cause i helped raise them. think long and hard, the state took them when i was gone.
now, let me make one thing VERY clear. i am triggered by people telling me others are talking about me. this is a known quantity.
i am triggered ( obviously) by talking about cancer. but i needed to talk about it somewhere.
and apparenly now, i am triggered by having to still deal with the ex BF's shit. her life isnt part of mine anymore, so let's please not talk to me about her.
now, i also left norcal, to start over, and try to be more than i was. so people , please dont call me asking me about the rumor mill in norcal ( not part of the ex bf's issue) i try like hell to stay out of the norcal rumors and drama. i dont need it following me home now.
i have to deal with it enough between FC and CF.
this has been my bi-yearly rant. nothing left to see here, move along.