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1dkinkmeme
Kink Meme - Round 2
Round 2
IS CLOSED
ALL NEW PROMPTS MUST BE MADE IN
ROUND 3
delicious / flat view
READ THE RULES BEFORE POSTING
!!! if there is another scare like this recent one the meme will be closed again. we ask that you not openly link the meme on twitter or tumblr in order to contain the meme to livejournal. anyone seen posting links to it will be asked to take ( Read more... )
Louis watched him, feeling helpless. He knew sleep was good, sleep was healing, but he also wondered how much of an escape it was. While Harry was asleep, he didn't have to deal with anything.
He skipped lectures to stay in the flat with him, not wanting Harry to wake up alone. He knew the younger boy was having panic attacks, had come home from a foray to the supermarket the day after he'd brought him home, to find Harry crouched shaking in the corner of his room, wedged between the bed and the wall.
Louis wished Harry would let him comfort him more, but after the first night's meltdown he was keeping Louis at arm's reach. There was a stubbornness there somehow, as if Harry felt he had to deal with it all himself.
On one of his hasty trips out for food, Louis bought Harry more clothes in a better size, and presented them to him hopefully.
Harry took them awkwardly. "Thanks," he muttered. "You didn't have to do that. I'll - pay you back, as soon as I can."
"You don't have to do that, don't be silly." Louis waved the offer away. It wasn't as if he would miss the money, and Harry had been wearing the same couple of cast-off outfits for most of the week.
"No, I do." Harry said flatly. "If you want me to accept them, I'm paying for them, okay? When - when I can."
"I just want to help, Harry?" Louis said miserably, wishing that everything he said didn't somehow cause offence.
Harry stood up, shaking his head. "I'm not a project Louis. Or some kind of dress-up pet. You can't fix me, okay, I wish you could, but you can't." He ran out and Louis heard the bedroom door slam.
An hour or so later, Harry came out again, looking sheepish. He sat down next to Louis on the sofa, picking at his fingernails nervously.
"I'm sorry Louis," he said quietly. "I don't mean to be - ungrateful."
Louis sighed. "I'm not doing this for your gratitude, you donkey. I just - I see you hurting, and I wish there was something I could do, but you won't let me in, Harry. So all I can do is try and make things as comfortable as I can for you and hope that in some way I'm not making things worse."
Harry stared at his hands for a while, processing this. His fingers were sore and chapped, from where he'd been obsessively washing them all week, and he sighed.
"I just - feel like I'm waiting to die," he said finally. "Like - I'm under a sentence and there's no escaping from it."
Louis felt a stab of pity, and wished for the hundredth time Harry would let him hug him. He'd spoken to the clinic advisor for the organisation that ran the soup kitchen, and they'd told him that while immediate tests could be run on certain things, Harry would have to wait a month to take an accurate HIV test. And if - when, Louis had amended in his mind - that was clear, he would need to take others after three and then six months. To be sure.
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Now, his fingers traced the shape of something he'd forgotten about in his pocket, and he fished out a small pot. He passed it to Harry gingerly, afraid that offering another unsolicited present might result in another falling out.
"Um, I got you some hand cream," he said quietly.
Harry took it and looked at him in surprise that he'd noticed the state of his hands. "Thanks," he said, simply, and Louis smiled, pathetically happy that Harry had finally accepted something.
Harry opened it and smoothed a little into his cracked skin.
"I just - can't stop washing them," he explained, awkwardly. "Stupid, really. Not like he touched my hands, is it? And it's making them all dry and I know I should stop, but I just - can't."
"If it helps you cope, then don't fight it," Louis advised. "One day, you won't feel the need to, okay? I promise. Until then - well, there's moisturiser. And I could buy some gentler soap, if that helps?"
Harry put his hand to his mouth, stopping either a laugh or a sob, Louis wasn't sure.
"You're implying I'm coping at all," Harry whispered.
"But you are," Louis urged. "You're doing amazing, Harry. I look at you and I think - you are so strong, Harry. If it had been me, if I'd been - I'd be in bits. Seriously."
"You wouldn't have been on the streets in the first place, would you?" Harry pointed out, although it was the gentlest of jibes.
"I don't know," Louis said. "I mean - you're not exactly a typical down and out, are you? What happened, Harry? Why were you out there?"
Harry just shook his head. "I can't tell you, okay?" He looked guilty. "You've been so kind Louis, and I know I owe you an explanation, but - I just can't. Maybe one day, yeah? Right now, I - can't deal with thinking about it. Not on top of everything else."
"You don't owe me anything," Louis promised, rubbing Harry's shoulder gently. "I just - want you to know that I'm here, okay? If you ever do want to talk?"
"Yeah," said Harry softly. "Thanks. That means a lot, and I'm - I'm trying, you know? I am."
"You're doing better than just trying," Louis murmured, and even though Harry didn't believe it was true, he smiled at him.
--
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Oh and Louis buying clothes for Harry was so cute for some reason. I love your descriptions of Harry btw... A little bit too much. (:
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It wasn't as if he had anywhere else to go. Harry found he couldn't face the thought of going back on the streets, and as for going home - well that wasn't an option.
He eventually let himself believe the truth of what Louis kept telling him, that he wasn't in the way, that Louis liked having the company - although he had difficulty accepting he was a particularly stimulating companion.
He did make Louis start going to classes again, promising that he'd be okay on his own, now.
"It's not like I even need to pass," Louis had said gloomily. "I just - wanted to achieve something, you know? Something for me. Something that I hadn't bought." He'd studied Harry closely before agreeing to go, accepting with relief that Harry did look a bit better. There was a more healthy colour in his cheeks now, and he would smile more often.
"I've got my phone on me, okay? You need me, you call, promise?"
Harry had laughed, and promised, and let Louis hug him before he went out the door.
His days now were largely a blur of daytime television and endless cups of tea, only leaving the sofa to take a piss or refill the kettle. It was numbing, and he was grateful to be left alone for a while.
One evening, they were sitting in front of a gameshow when Harry asked a question that had been nagging at him.
"Lou? Why do you not work at the soup kitchen any more? I'll be okay, if you want to go out?"
Louis
looked at him with an oddly awkward expression.
"I - can’t get past the idea that - what if I end up serving the person who - hurt you? I wouldn’t even know. Someone like that - doesn’t deserve help."
Harry gave him a sad smile. "So not only do I have to suffer because of what he did, so does everyone else? That hardly seems fair."
Louis gazed at him, wonderingly. "How are you even real?" he breathed, and Harry gave a self-conscious laugh.
"What do you mean?"
"You're just so - " Louis shrugged. "I think if it was me, I'd be angry. Massively so, at everyone. But you, you're so - "
"Broken?" supplied Harry, sighing.
"I was going to say - accepting, I suppose."
"I can’t change what happened Louis. I can only survive it." Harry made a face. "Hopefully, anyway."
Louis took his hand and squeezed it. "You'll be okay," he murmured.
Harry returned the pressure of his hand for a moment before drawing his own away.
"You know what I like about you Louis? Your comforting lies. Please never stop?" he smiled, and Louis smiled back, sighing.
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Harry finally appeared, white faced and clutching the door jamb for support.
"I don't think I can do this," he muttered.
Louis held his hand out coaxingly. He realised perhaps it had been a mistake, to make this Harry's first trip outside the flat in the month since he'd arrived. They should have worked up to it gradually, started with simply going outside, maybe just walking down the street.
"You want to know, don't you?" he asked softly.
Harry looked miserable. "Do I?" He wondered what would happen if his tests came back positive. Would Louis change towards him?
"Come on," Louis murmured encouragingly. "I'll stay with you, okay? Every second. If you want?"
Harry finally let go the door frame and hesitantly took Louis' outstretched hand.
"You don’t have to do this on your own, Harry," Louis promised, holding on tightly.
Somehow, Harry made it to the clinic without throwing up again. At one point in the taxi it was a close run thing, but then Louis whipped a strong plastic bag out of his pocket and offered it to him, and Harry had laughed instead, at Louis' preparedness.
When it was over, they walked all the way home, Harry deciding he couldn't face another car journey. The fresh air helped him feel better, and Louis' hand, still firmly in his, made him feel better still.
They had to wait now for the results, a couple of days that Louis spent more impatiently than Harry, pacing the flat and chewing his fingernails to the quick. Harry watched him with a faint smile. Half of him didn’t want to know the answer, so he found he didn’t care how long it took.
Eventually the excruciatingly slow days went by, and they found themselves back at the clinic, sitting on the hard waiting room chairs, and fretting.
"You go in," Harry urged. "Just - come and tell me."
Louis nudged him with his shoulder. "They won't tell me your results, will they? Man-up, Styles."
Harry smiled at him, oddly grateful for the teasing. It had been the biggest decision he'd taken so far, to trust Louis with his full name. He knew that should he decide to, Louis could probably trace him. He was bound to be on at least one missing persons list, after all. But Louis had promised faithfully that he wouldn’t pry, and Harry - Harry had found that he trusted him.
When they walked into the consulting room, the clinic's volunteer doctor smiled at them, and Louis had the sudden thought that she almost certainly assumed they were together. Maybe assumed that Louis had as much a vested interest in Harry's result as he did.
He found the idea that someone might think of them as a couple strangely warming, and deliberately took Harry's hand in his. The force with which Harry's fingers gripped him back suggested the boy’s outward calm concealed a mess of fear inside, and he squeezed back hard.
--
Outside, afterwards, Harry had to lean against the wall and fight for breath, as Louis rubbed his back soothingly.
"See? Told you it would be alright," Louis murmured.
Harry gave a shaky laugh. "Not an all-clear though is it? Not yet. More a stay of execution."
"And the next one'll be negative too. You'll see," Louis said. Harry straightened up, forcing a smile. He wondered if Louis' conviction sprang more from the fact that such an unpalatable possibility had no place in his cosy middle-class world view.
Louis was beaming at him in relief though. "You know what? We should celebrate."
Harry laughed, biting his lip. "I don't think I'm exactly up for clubbing."
Louis grinned. "I was thinking more a tub of ice cream, a dvd and my duvet?"
Harry relented with a genuine smile. "Now that, I could get behind."
--
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Harry's spoon clinked against Louis' and instead of participating in the immediate sword fight Louis attempted to initiate, he sucked his lip and looked thoughtful.
"Don't you - worry? About stuff like this? Sharing with me, I mean?" he asked suddenly.
Louis stopped mucking about and looked pained. "You can't catch it like that, Harry," he said quietly.
"I know. I just - well fear's not always rational, is it?" Harry was staring into the tub with far-away eyes that suggested to Louis he was seeing something else - talking about something else - entirely.
He put down his spoon, and picked up Harry's hand instead, raised it to his lips and kissed him lightly on the back of the hand.
Harry stared at him, jolted out of his funk, and they held each other's eyes for a lingering moment. Then Louis leaned in slowly, and brushed his lips against Harry's, holding them there in the lightest of kisses.
For a whole second Harry didn't pull away, and then he did, jerking back, looking flustered.
"What - what was that for?" he stuttered, and Louis cursed himself.
"Just - proving a point," he said nonchalantly, hoping Harry would believe it was just about him not being afraid of their proximity, rather than anything else.
"Oh." Harry looked almost confused, and seemed to close down a little. "Okay." He pushed away the melting dregs of the ice cream and sighed. "I should go to bed," he said.
"You can stay, if you like?" Louis offered.
Harry looked startled. "Louis, I - I like you, but I'm not - "
"No!" Louis made him jump, and then winced at Harry's reaction. "I mean - I wasn’t - it wasn’t a proposition or anything. I just meant - well, you're all warm and comfy now right? So you could - sleep here. If you wanted. There's plenty of room."
Harry blushed. "Oh. Sorry." He gave an embarrassed laugh. "I keep doing that don’t I? Not like you'd ever want to make a pass at me after all, is it!"
Louis stared at him and didn’t know what to say, but Harry was snuggling down under the bedclothes, and to his amazement seemed happy to stay. He hurriedly switched off the tv and the lamp, and lay down too before Harry could change his mind.
"Louis?" said Harry out of the dark, a few minutes later.
"Yeah?" Louis rolled onto his side, trying to make out Harry's form through the darkness, but he seemed to be mostly swaddled under the duvet.
"Just to warn you - I have nightmares. Sometimes," Harry muttered.
Louis' heart went out to him, and he wanted to bombard Harry with questions, like how long he'd been having them and why he hadn’t told him. He hated to think of Harry maybe lying awake in a strange bed and suffering alone. But he sensed that probing too deeply would only push Harry away, and so he gave a little laugh.
"Okay. So if you accidentally smack me in the face in the middle of the night I won’t hold it against you."
He was rewarded by a quiet giggle from under the bedclothes, and smiled.
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gah
hehe, and still no TBC at the end, which means definitely no more updates so you might still be writing more right now at this very second! so exciting!
you're so wonderful and your writing and unbelievable and alskdjaslkjd and harry's finally opening up (and his oh you'd never make a pass at me to louis sounded so insecure and full of want while louis is like ...) (and them sleeping together gah alskjdslkajdlsakd so much love)
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I've just read a few lines but I thought I would share my stupidity.
I was like 'WTF they have a tv????!'
And then I realize this is homeless Harry not the castle with Princess Louis one
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Telling Louis this later, Louis immediately offered to let him sleep there as often as he wanted, if it made a difference, and blushing, Harry had accepted.
Whether the first night had been a one-off, or Harry had just been more worn out by his emotionally exhausting day, it was about three am in the middle of the second night when Louis was woken by Harry thrashing about next to him, still clearly fast asleep.
He hesitated, wondering what to do. He didn’t want to maybe scare or embarrass Harry by waking him up, but Harry's noises of distress finally got too much, and he reached out, shaking Harry's shoulder gently.
"Haz? Harry, wake up!"
Harry jerked awake, eyes staring in the half-light, and he sat up, breathing hard.
"It's okay. It's okay, it was just a dream," Louis murmured, and before he could stop himself had wrapped his arms around Harry's shaking body.
In his disoriented state Harry didn't seem to mind, and clung to him tightly, letting Louis rub his back and murmur soothing things to him until he calmed down.
They lay back against the pillows, Harry still in his arms and seemingly happy to remain there. Louis stroked his hair and wished they could stay like that forever.
"How long have you been having nightmares?" Louis murmured after a while.
"How long do you think?" Harry sighed.
Louis winced, to think Harry had suffered a month of this on his own. "Why didn’t you tell me?" he chided quietly.
"You worry about me enough as it is," Harry said.
"Oh Harry," Louis sighed, hugging him a bit tighter. Harry gave a hopeless laugh that ended in a sniff, and buried his face against Louis' shoulder.
"I just keep hoping they'll stop," he muttered.
"Maybe you need more of a distraction," suggested Louis. "Maybe staying around the flat all day's not helping. You've got too much time to think about what happened."
"Maybe." Harry yawned. "What would I do though?"
"We'll think of something," promised Louis. "Just going out's got to be a start."
"Will you come with me?" Harry asked in a small voice, and Louis recklessly kissed him on top of his head.
"Just you try and stop me."
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