round 17 - team future - everything's fine (heartbeat racing down the interstate) - 5/5
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4
part xxvi: 7x70 times
god picked up my heart and helped me though and shined a light on the one thing left to do and that's forgive you i forgive you 7 x 70 times if that's the cost i'll pay the price
--
Stepping off the train, into the cool early morning air of New York, everything felt like a fresh start.
"What do you want to do first?" Harry asked, stretching. "It's, what...one in the morning? Sixteen hours or so until Louis' show."
"I don't know about you, but I want to find a hotel and crash for a few hours," Niall said, yawning. "And shower. A shower would be really nice right about now."
"I second that motion," Liam said, sleepily raising his hand. "Sleep."
"Zayn?"
They all turned to look at Zayn, who appeared to be sleeping while leaning against a lamppost. He didn't stir even when Harry poked him.
"That answers that question, then."
They managed to rouse Zayn with a cup of coffee and found their way to a hotel nearby.
There was only one room, with two queen beds open, but they didn't care. They'd slept in closer quarters on tour, so it wasn't really a problem.
They made it up to the room, piled into the beds and fell sound asleep, not even bothering to change into pajamas.
--
It wasn't until they were all dressed for the show that they all noticed Harry was sitting on the side of his bed, picking at his jeans and looking like he was about to make a run for it.
"What's wrong, Hazmat?" Zayn asked, still fixing his hair in the mirror. He was the most visibly nervous, probably at the fact that he was going to see two of his ghosts tonight, and he had no idea how either would react.
"I think...I shouldn't go," Harry said quietly. "You know how I get when I see Louis perform. And his girlfriend is undoubtedly there, and I just don't think I should go."
"What are you going to do for five hours, then?" Zayn asked.
"There's a movie theatre a block away, I'll go see the new action flick with what's-his-name that just came out, and meet you here afterwards."
Niall and Liam both tried to convince Harry to come with them, but he was resolute. Eventually, they had to leave or be late to the theatre to meet Taylor, and that was something Zayn was adamantly not doing.
Taylor was waiting in the lobby, her hair tucked under a beanie with flat ironed bangs almost long enough to hide her eyes. Like them, she'd dressed down, wearing a cardigan and semi-nice blouse over jeans and converse.
"I figured we'd escape notice if I looked like a grad student doing this for a film study class," she admitted when Zayn commented on her clothes. "I guess we all had the same idea."
"Hopefully we won't get kicked out for dress code."
Taylor rolled her eyes at Niall's comment. "Niall, this is New York. We're not even the least dressy people here. They're not going to comment on us." She took a long look at Liam and his green hair. "They might comment on Liam."
Liam grumbled goodheartedly. "Not my fault it's green and I haven't had time to dye it back yet."
"You secretly like having green hair," Niall teased, and jumped out of reach when Liam swatted at him."Hey!"
They all filed into the theatre, and Taylor frowned. "Where's Danielle and Harry?"
"Danielle didn't come on the trip," Liam said, his tone turning the statement into a question. "And Harry didn't want to come."
"Oh. Well, I've got two extra tickets then."
"That reminds me: how did you get tickets this late? I thought the show was sold-out?" Zayn asked.
"That's the weird part," Taylor said, passing out individual tickets to each person. She looked vaguely guilty. "Three days ago, I got a call from a guy named Peter. Said there were six tickets waiting for me at will call, and to use them wisely. Also, to say hello to Z, which is what convinced me it wasn't a trick. Any idea what's going on there?"
"Not a clue," Zayn said, forehead furrowing in thought. "I thought we might have been banned from the theatre because it would be just like Louis to put us on some sort of Broadway DNA list, but having tickets at will call? That's not something I'd expect."
Taylor reached up and smoothed his forehead with a fingertip. "Hey, we're here, you're seeing Mary Poppins where one of your best friends is performing. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, right?"
"Right." Zayn smiled. "I missed you, Tee."
"And that's why we divorced?"
"We were both responsible for that," Zayn said quietly. "We were too young."
"I'll accept that." Taylor was the one to smile this time, and she tucked her hand into the crook of Zayn's arm. "As long as you don't shut me out again."
"I won't. Come on, let's go find our seats."
It turned out their seats were actually really good, which made Niall's eyebrows raise in confusion.
Taylor shrugged. "Celebrity?" she offered and flopped rather ungracefully into her seat.
It wasn't too long before the show started, and then there was Louis, as Bert, facing the crowd, beaming and proudly belting out his lines. He seemed to make eye contact with Niall and grinned wider--although there were a thousand people in that audience and the lights on stage were bright. There was no way for Niall to be sure it was him Louis was grinning at. But it was clear how much Louis loved this, and that was nice to know.
After the show, when the theatre started to empty and they getting ready to exit--they'd all decided to sit and waited for the majority of the theatre to leave first--an usher came up to them and said something quietly to Niall.
"What do you think's going on?" Taylor asked Zayn softly. She hadn't talked much since they met up in the theatre lobby, only talking quietly to Zayn and watching the show without moving, much less speaking. "You were joking about the Broadway DNA list, weren't you?" She was fighting a smile though, which Zayn chalked up to her finding the whole situation funny.
"I thought I was," Zayn said back, shrugging helplessly at her. "Although. If we were on a DNA list you'd think they'd have stopped us at the door. Or kicked us out at Intermission."
"Lads, we've been requested us to go backstage," Niall said over his shoulder. "Taylor, you don't have to come."
Taylor raised her eyebrows, grinning now. "Are you kidding? I'm the one who invited you to come. I'm going with you."
"We're gonna get chewed out," Liam muttered. Taylor snorted out a laugh that she immediately covered with her hand. "Hang on, let me call Harry, let him know we'll be late. How long do you think it'll take?"
They followed the usher through a side door and down a maze of hallways that seemed to make no logical sense ("we took four left turns, how are we not back where we started?" Zayn asked, but they were all too familiar with confusing backstage layouts to actually dignify his question with a response) until they came across Louis in shorts and a t-shirt, hair and makeup still done, wrestling to get free of two slim brunette pre-teens, the kids who played Jane and Michael, if Niall's memory served.
Liam stayed near the back of the group, talking quietly to Harry, reassuring him that they were in fact alive, they'd just be a little late getting back to the hotel, and then describing the show.
"Hayley, Jake, yes, we made it through another performance, you weren't this bad opening night--Jake, get off me!" Louis sank dramatically to the ground, the kids laughing and sitting on him. "Becky and Claire and James and Andrew aren't this bad after shows!"
"That's because we're better than Becky and Claire and James and Andrew," the boy said proudly. Niall recognized the signs of performance high and how it hadn't quite worn off for the boy yet.
"Are you gonna come watch horror movies with us tonight?" the girl asked, turning puppy eyes on him. "You said you would!"
"Not tonight, I've got plans with Charlie, but I promise I'll come with you after your next rotation. Sound good?"
"It'll do," the two kids chorused together, then helped Louis back to his feet.
"We're watching Kill Bill tonight," the boy said, as if that would change Louis' mind.
"I will never understand why you two watch horror movies after performing in Mary Poppins," Louis said, shaking his head and ruffling a hand through the boy's hair. "Makes no sense to me."
"Why shouldn't we?"
The usher cleared his throat. "Mr Tomlinson?"
The only warning they had was a surprised yelp before Niall and Zayn were tackled into a hug.
"Lads!"
"Harry, I'll call you back," Liam said slowly, and hung up the phone. "Louis? What are you doing?"
"You came! I wasn't sure if you would." Louis wrapped Liam in a hug of his own.
This was such a complete reversal of what they had all been expecting no one was able to reply for a minute. Louis didn't seem to mind, introducing the two kids to them.
"Lads, this is Hayley and Jake, Hayley and Jake, this is Niall, Zayn, Liam and Taylor." He looked around, as if expecting a head of curly hair to pop out of nowhere. "Harry's not here."
"Harry...didn't want to come," Niall said hesitantly. No one really wanted to say it, but someone had to.
"To the show, or backstage?"
"To the show. He said something about wanting closure."
The kids tugged on Louis' sleeve and bid him goodbye after making him promise to watch horror movies with them after their next show.
"They seem nice," Zayn said, for lack of anything else to say.
"They're good kids," Louis said. "Great at what they do, and fun to be around. All six of them, actually. But Hayley and Jake are my favorites." He looked around hurriedly. "Don't tell anyone I said that."
"Louis! There you are, I was wondering where you'd wandered off to!" A slim woman with wildly curly blonde hair came up behind them and threw her arms around Louis' neck. She kissed him on the cheek, beaming widely. She waved at everyone else. "Hi, I'm Charlie, Louis' girlfriend."
Niall and Taylor were the only ones not surprised by this; he stepped forward and shook her hand. "Nice to meet you. Harry mentioned you."
"He did?" Zayn asked, blinking rapidly. "When?"
"On the train. You were on the phone. Liam was snoring."
"I was not!"
"No, but you were pretty sound asleep and making quite frankly terrifying noises," Niall said cheerfully. "He seemed...okay with it, which was what was more weird."
Louis didn't look surprised by that; instead, he looked happy.
"That's great," he said brightly, and proceeded to ask everyone how their lives had gone as if he hadn't ignored all of them for the past four years, happily hugging Taylor and asking after her life as well, although it became increasingly obvious that Taylor and Louis had remained friends after everything fell apart.
Liam's phone buzzed, and he flicked open a text. "Oh, hell. Louis, do you know how to get out the front of the theatre without drawing too much attention?"
"Oh, yeah. I can take you, just let me put on street clothes and sign out first. Charlie, do you mind?"
"Not at all."
There was awkward small talk until Louis reemerged in a battered hoodie and jeans, Toms on his feet and a beanie covering his hair.
Harry was waiting outside and immediately ambushed Liam the second the elder entered his line of sight. "Liam, when you hung up I figured I'd better come and make sure you weren't in police custody or someth--Louis?"
"Hi, Harry."
Harry looked like he was torn between throwing himself at Louis and running as far away as possible. Niall put a hand on his shoulder and held him in place.
"Hi, Louis."
"You didn't come to see the show."
"Nah...I went to go see a film. Action flick." Harry was slowly relaxing but was still obviously on guard.
"Oh come on, movies over Broadway? You don't know what you're missing out on, mate."
Harry sighed, apparently deciding to drop the small talk facade. "I thought you didn't want to talk to me ever again."
Louis looked sheepish. "No, I wanted you to stop bugging me about getting back together. I still wanted to be friends, remember? You sort of...shot that plan to hell when you moved to California." Louis looked at Harry, and then at his girlfriend. He pondered something briefly, then made a decision. "Harry, would you like to go out for dinner, talk some, clear up some misunderstandings? Probably wouldn't be a good idea to talk here."
"Bit late for dinner isn't it?" Harry fired back, but there was a softness to his features alongside the wariness. "More like midnight snacks and dessert, I'd say."
"That's true." Louis adjusted his bag strap. "So...yes, or no?"
"Only if the others come along. Especially Niall and...Charlie, yeah?" She nodded. "Only if the others, but especially Niall and Charlie come along." Harry shrugged. "Middle ground."
"You all in?" There were various nods of agreement in varying degrees of apprehension.
"Great." Louis smiled. "I know this fantastic diner only a few blocks from here. You mind walking a bit?"
No one did, so they all set off into the streets of New York. There was obvious tension the whole way, Harry determinedly not looking at Louis or Charlie. Louis, for his part, looked vaguely hurt and a little confused. Niall and Charlie made awkward small talk, while Liam, Taylor, and Zayn walked behind them, eyeing the rest of the group as if they expected a fistfight to break out.
Which, remembering the last time all five of them had been together, was a definite possibility.
The diner was small and mostly empty--not entirely surprising considering that it was almost midnight. They all clambered into a booth and ordered industrial amounts of coffee, as well as slices of the delicious looking cake sitting on the counter. Louis and Charlie both ordered burgers and fries as well, explaining they hadn't eaten before the show.
They drank coffee and ate the cake (or in Louis and Charlie's case, their food) until finally, Harry set down his coffee cup. "You wanted to talk, Louis. So...talk."
And Louis did. He told them of the way his life had gone, and the things he'd done since he'd seen them last. Charlie smiled and added her own parts, but for the most part, it was Louis who talked. He told of the big things, how his mother had died and only Eleanor had come along to the funeral, of how he'd succeeded at first one small role and then another, until he finally landed a lead role. He told of little things, like how he'd found the little diner where they were eating now, and how Eleanor had introduced him to Charlie at a part. He told of how he'd wake in the morning to hear sirens and the sounds of New York waking up, and how it wasn't the same as waking up on the tour bus with the rest of them.
He talked about being alone and making his own way, and how some days he missed them so much it physically hurt. He talked about days he was alone, and days he had to be medicated. He talked, until there was nothing left to say.
Then it was Harry's turn. He talked about California sunrises and late night tapings. He talked about long days in the studio with his band and concerts that never seemed to last long enough.
He talked about the others, too. How Zayn had seemed so angry, but it was only ever fear. How Niall still fell in love it was practically guaranteed to hurt him but happened so rarely it wasn't ever a problem. How Liam was still Liam, the stupidest in simple matters but somehow the wisest person any of them knew. How they still had secrets, and how easily those secrets were shared. He talked about the Google alerts he'd set up on his phone, one for each of them, so he'd always known when something big was happening for them.
He told them of how he'd always tried to send emails or texts or even make phone calls but had never known what to say, how he felt guilty for destroying the best thing that had happened to any of them. He talked about how his new band wasn't a replacement, but sometimes how Clarisse would look at him with pity and maybe sorrow. How Tyson would make jokes that would sometimes hit a little too close to home, and how Emma kept them all together even though the whole band was falling apart at the seams.
And he finally told them of how it had taken him five years, a roadtrip, seeing old friends and running away from his life for him to realize he was finally ready to begin getting over Louis.
When he was done, he realized that everyone was crammed around the table like old times. Sure, there were two new faces in the form of Charlie and Taylor, but they were still there together, as if nothing at all had changed, as if it hadn't been four years since they'd last been like this together. Louis and his girlfriend, tucked together and smiling, because Louis was never the type to hide his emotions and apparently neither was Charlie; Zayn and Taylor turned into each other, Zayn sealed off and Taylor with her bleeding heart, sharing a mug of coffee although there was another set on the table in front of Zayn; Niall, leaning forward on his elbows and absentmindedly stirring his drink, staring wistfully at his phone as if it would ring even though it was powered off, pressed against Liam, who was signaling a waitress to ask for more cake; and he wondered, why had they ever given this up?
"Because good things give way to make room for better ones," Charlie said softly and kindly, in a way that no one else at the table seemed to have heard, and Harry realized he'd said that aloud. "Feel better?"
"Not really."
"That happens," Charlie said, and looked at Louis, as if to make sure she wasn't overstepping.
"Heartbreak takes a long time to heal." She chuffed, a grin spreading across her face. "I'm sorry I took him from you. He's a catch, and you were always good together."
"It still ended for me," Harry said. He drank from his coffee mug, just to give him something to do.
"And you've got the world and your life ahead of you, don't you?" Charlie pushed the coffee pot towards him when it became clear there was no more liquid in Harry's cup. "So Louis wasn't the one for you--somewhere out there, someone is exactly perfect for you. It'll just take time."
At the end of the night, when it was nearing four in the morning and they've all drunk enough coffee and eaten enough cake that they're nowhere near tired, Harry might be friends with Charlie. They didn't have much in common other than loving Louis, but somehow that's enough. Charlie was more like Hannah than Eleanor and as different from Harry as humanly possible, but she clearly made Louis happy--so Harry made the conscious decision to let her win. He deleted Louis' number but replaced it with Charlie's, and knew he'd never use it. He wasn't over it, but he knew now, he would be.
Niall rested his head on Harry's shoulder as they exited the diner into the pinkish-grey sunrise, much to the relief of the owner.
"You feel like writing a song, don't you?"
"Actually, no. I just want to go home for awhile."
"Fair enough."
Niall hummed a faint tune as they parted way from Louis and Charlie, then started the walk back to their hotel to change clothes and shower. They all pretended not to notice how Taylor and Zayn slowly slipped away from the group and disappeared in the direction of Times Square.
"That didn't go the way you expected it would," Niall said quietly. Harry shook his head.
"Not at all."
"But this was better, wasn't it?" Liam said. He and Louis had clicked right back into their easy friendship, much more easily than the others. "It all worked out."
"More or less," Harry said. "It was...nice."
--
part xxvii: healing begins
there's freedom waiting in the sound when you let your walls fall to the ground we're here now this is where the healing begins this is where the healing starts when you come to where you're broken within the light meets the dark
--
This is Anne Cox! Leave a message at the beep!
"...and I know this is my fifth or sixth voicemail telling you about it, but...mum, it's just. I don't know what to think anymore. Because I don't hate him, but I don't love him and I don't know what to do. I'm going back to California today, but. It's just something I wasn't expecting, I guess. Love you."
--
You've reached Danielle Peazer. I'm unable to take your call at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep!
"Dani, you would not believe the day we've had. I'll tell you all about it when I get back home, but...Jesus Christ. This might top...you know. When everything went to hell."
--
You've reached Annabelle Miller! I'm a bit busy at the moment, but I'll get back to you as soon as possible!
"Annie...it's Niall. I. Um, my roadtrip's coming to an end, I kept my promise and didn't call you until the last day with everyone else. I'll be back in LA in five or six days, I guess. I'll see you then. I hope you're feeling better, and your chemo's going okay. I'll...I'll see you when I get back. I love you, Annie."
--
This is Anne Cox! Leave a message at the beep!
"Hi, Anne. I'm pretty sure Harry's already called you, but in case he hasn't...he and Louis had a really long talk, and I think they're better now. Not going to get back together, but they might possibly be friends again. I don't know, haven't really slept for the past three days so my brain's not processing all that quick, but. Yeah, that's what's happened."
--
part xxviii: the time has come for you to leave
i can see it in your eyes that you are restless the time has come for you to leave it's so hard to let you go but in this life i know you have to be who you were made to be
--
Liam's flight wasn't until three that afternoon, while Zayn and Harry didn't leave until five.
So they had a good ten hours to explore New York.
"I'll play tour guide," Louis offered. "I've lived here long enough, I can do it."
They managed the Statue of Liberty and Times Square before Liam had to head to the hotel for his bag and the airport for check-in. They all decided to go with him, exhaustion finally fully setting in from the hectic past two weeks.
"So, this is it, I guess," Liam said, holding a bit too tightly to the strap of his bag before he went through check in. "Until next time?"
"If there is a next time," Niall teased, because if he didn't, he'd probably cry and he was not crying in the middle of the airport where people were already whispering and surreptitiously taking pictures of them. They were all back to looking like themselves--Liam's green hair was back to his normal soft brown, and Harry had finally stopped wearing tourist t-shirts and beanies everywhere.
One Direction in an airport with Taylor Swift was bound to draw public attention.
"Could we get a photo of everyone first?" Louis asked, just before Liam opened his mouth to say goodbyes.
Everyone looked at everyone else half-nervously. None of them were strangers to photos or cameras, but it was a rather different group present today than they'd ever been photographed with before.
"Come on," Louis said. "Just a photo first. Like old times."
"Why not," Harry said, surprising everyone. "Might as well, right? Charlie, Taylor, you too."
Charlie grabbed a passing tourist and instructed them how to use her camera before darting into frame and wrapping her arm around Niall's shoulder. "Come on, all of us."
They all leaned together, Liam and Louis, Niall and Charlie, Zayn and Taylor, Harry in the middle of Liam and Zayn.
The camera flashed and that was that, they were frozen in time, seven people who weren't really sure of who they were to everyone else in the photo.
Not that anyone would know that, with the way they were all smiling.
--
part xxix: starts with goodbye
I guess it's gonna break me down like falling when you try to fly it's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye.
--
You've reached Liam Payne's mobile phone. I'm sorry I missed your call, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. If this is Danielle, I love you. If this is anyone else, leave a message at the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as possible!
"Hey, Liam! It's Danielle. I'm at the airport, waiting in baggage claim and I don't see you anywhere. The flight board says you got in safely and should be at baggage, but you're not here and I'm getting a little--Liam! Oh my God! You're back! How was your trip? ... ... ... Oh, hell. I should probably hang up, I was leaving you a message."
--
You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep.
"Hey, Niall, it's Liam, I'm just calling to say I got in fine. Danielle says to tell you hi and she's sorry you weren't at the wedding. I...I guess I'll call you, sometime. Talk later, bye."
--
You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep.
"Harry here. I just got chewed out, but I'm doing fine. The past two weeks were... really fun. I don't exactly want to do it again, but... it helped. So. Thanks, for everything."
--
You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep.
"Niall, you quite possibly have the weirdest callback message of all of us, and that includes Louis'. But I'm heading back to London now--if you're ever in town, stop by. Or, we could all just pretend that the last two weeks didn't happen. I think that's what Harry's going to be doing. Anyways...it was really great to see you, and maybe we should do it again sometime? Or not. Whatever works. Bye."
--
You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep.
"Hey, it's Louis. I know you guys just left, but I wanted to make sure you knew you're welcome in New York anytime. I was mostly mad because Harry and I were so awkward. But if you're ever in New York, give me a ring and we'll go get a coffee or something. I know you're coming with Ed to the festival in a couple weeks--maybe we could meet up for that? I dunno. Just a thought."
--
You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep.
"It's um. It's Taylor. I just wanted to say thanks--if you hadn't done this roadtrip thing, I still wouldn't have talked with Zayn. And. It's better now, that we've talked. So. Thanks. And maybe you'd like to work together on a song or something? It might be sort of. Interesting. Anyways. Take care!"
--
part xxx: the love that i lost
it's time i put the love that i lost in a cardboard box ship to UPS no return address no no i gotta let go ready for takeoff right into nothing oh there's gotta be something if i crash i'll begin again
--
And that was it. Liam packed up his bags and went home. Harry returned to his TV show and his band, and Zayn went with him for awhile, to make sure Harry didn't vanish again. Niall took the train down to DC, picked up the big orange van--empty and lonely now, with only him in it--and drove back to LA. It took him six days of driving dawn til dusk and five nights of pretending to sleep.
Sometime when he was crossing another nameless state in the middle of the US, he realized--he was probably never going to see any of them ever again. At the very least, he wasn't going to see them together, and never in the same way. Liam, for all he wanted them to be there for his wedding, hadn't waited. Zayn had moved on with his cafe and the X-Factor and the woman he was dating and the possible reconciliation with Taylor. Louis had a new life, in the form of New York and Charlie. Harry was in too much pain to deal with any of them anymore. They might be friends now, but they'd never be friends of the scale they were before.
Somehow, Niall knew it had been a long time coming. They'd done far too much damage to each other, kept too many secrets and put a lifetime of trust into four years of friendship, and they'd been four of the best years Niall could have wished for.
But now they were five people who had nothing in common anymore, save their ghosts and a few memories.
Niall was still thinking along those lines as he pulled into the rental agency. He removed his things from the van, turned in the keys and called a cab.
Back at his flat, he tacked up the photo, phoned his girlfriend, looked at the notebook of songs he'd left behind three weeks ago, picked up his guitar and went to work.
After all, life waited for no one.
--
A/N: Only thing I have to say here is...yes, Liam's hair was green the whole time.
part xxvi: 7x70 times
god picked up my heart and helped me though and shined a light on the one thing left to do and that's forgive you i forgive you 7 x 70 times if that's the cost i'll pay the price
--
Stepping off the train, into the cool early morning air of New York, everything felt like a fresh start.
"What do you want to do first?" Harry asked, stretching. "It's, what...one in the morning? Sixteen hours or so until Louis' show."
"I don't know about you, but I want to find a hotel and crash for a few hours," Niall said, yawning. "And shower. A shower would be really nice right about now."
"I second that motion," Liam said, sleepily raising his hand. "Sleep."
"Zayn?"
They all turned to look at Zayn, who appeared to be sleeping while leaning against a lamppost. He didn't stir even when Harry poked him.
"That answers that question, then."
They managed to rouse Zayn with a cup of coffee and found their way to a hotel nearby.
There was only one room, with two queen beds open, but they didn't care. They'd slept in closer quarters on tour, so it wasn't really a problem.
They made it up to the room, piled into the beds and fell sound asleep, not even bothering to change into pajamas.
--
It wasn't until they were all dressed for the show that they all noticed Harry was sitting on the side of his bed, picking at his jeans and looking like he was about to make a run for it.
"What's wrong, Hazmat?" Zayn asked, still fixing his hair in the mirror. He was the most visibly nervous, probably at the fact that he was going to see two of his ghosts tonight, and he had no idea how either would react.
"I think...I shouldn't go," Harry said quietly. "You know how I get when I see Louis perform. And his girlfriend is undoubtedly there, and I just don't think I should go."
"What are you going to do for five hours, then?" Zayn asked.
"There's a movie theatre a block away, I'll go see the new action flick with what's-his-name that just came out, and meet you here afterwards."
Niall and Liam both tried to convince Harry to come with them, but he was resolute. Eventually, they had to leave or be late to the theatre to meet Taylor, and that was something Zayn was adamantly not doing.
Taylor was waiting in the lobby, her hair tucked under a beanie with flat ironed bangs almost long enough to hide her eyes. Like them, she'd dressed down, wearing a cardigan and semi-nice blouse over jeans and converse.
"I figured we'd escape notice if I looked like a grad student doing this for a film study class," she admitted when Zayn commented on her clothes. "I guess we all had the same idea."
"Hopefully we won't get kicked out for dress code."
Taylor rolled her eyes at Niall's comment. "Niall, this is New York. We're not even the least dressy people here. They're not going to comment on us." She took a long look at Liam and his green hair. "They might comment on Liam."
Liam grumbled goodheartedly. "Not my fault it's green and I haven't had time to dye it back yet."
"You secretly like having green hair," Niall teased, and jumped out of reach when Liam swatted at him."Hey!"
They all filed into the theatre, and Taylor frowned. "Where's Danielle and Harry?"
"Danielle didn't come on the trip," Liam said, his tone turning the statement into a question. "And Harry didn't want to come."
"Oh. Well, I've got two extra tickets then."
"That reminds me: how did you get tickets this late? I thought the show was sold-out?" Zayn asked.
"That's the weird part," Taylor said, passing out individual tickets to each person. She looked vaguely guilty. "Three days ago, I got a call from a guy named Peter. Said there were six tickets waiting for me at will call, and to use them wisely. Also, to say hello to Z, which is what convinced me it wasn't a trick. Any idea what's going on there?"
"Not a clue," Zayn said, forehead furrowing in thought. "I thought we might have been banned from the theatre because it would be just like Louis to put us on some sort of Broadway DNA list, but having tickets at will call? That's not something I'd expect."
Taylor reached up and smoothed his forehead with a fingertip. "Hey, we're here, you're seeing Mary Poppins where one of your best friends is performing. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, right?"
"Right." Zayn smiled. "I missed you, Tee."
"And that's why we divorced?"
"We were both responsible for that," Zayn said quietly. "We were too young."
"I'll accept that." Taylor was the one to smile this time, and she tucked her hand into the crook of Zayn's arm. "As long as you don't shut me out again."
"I won't. Come on, let's go find our seats."
It turned out their seats were actually really good, which made Niall's eyebrows raise in confusion.
Taylor shrugged. "Celebrity?" she offered and flopped rather ungracefully into her seat.
It wasn't too long before the show started, and then there was Louis, as Bert, facing the crowd, beaming and proudly belting out his lines. He seemed to make eye contact with Niall and grinned wider--although there were a thousand people in that audience and the lights on stage were bright. There was no way for Niall to be sure it was him Louis was grinning at. But it was clear how much Louis loved this, and that was nice to know.
After the show, when the theatre started to empty and they getting ready to exit--they'd all decided to sit and waited for the majority of the theatre to leave first--an usher came up to them and said something quietly to Niall.
"What do you think's going on?" Taylor asked Zayn softly. She hadn't talked much since they met up in the theatre lobby, only talking quietly to Zayn and watching the show without moving, much less speaking. "You were joking about the Broadway DNA list, weren't you?" She was fighting a smile though, which Zayn chalked up to her finding the whole situation funny.
"I thought I was," Zayn said back, shrugging helplessly at her. "Although. If we were on a DNA list you'd think they'd have stopped us at the door. Or kicked us out at Intermission."
"Lads, we've been requested us to go backstage," Niall said over his shoulder. "Taylor, you don't have to come."
Taylor raised her eyebrows, grinning now. "Are you kidding? I'm the one who invited you to come. I'm going with you."
"We're gonna get chewed out," Liam muttered. Taylor snorted out a laugh that she immediately covered with her hand. "Hang on, let me call Harry, let him know we'll be late. How long do you think it'll take?"
They followed the usher through a side door and down a maze of hallways that seemed to make no logical sense ("we took four left turns, how are we not back where we started?" Zayn asked, but they were all too familiar with confusing backstage layouts to actually dignify his question with a response) until they came across Louis in shorts and a t-shirt, hair and makeup still done, wrestling to get free of two slim brunette pre-teens, the kids who played Jane and Michael, if Niall's memory served.
Liam stayed near the back of the group, talking quietly to Harry, reassuring him that they were in fact alive, they'd just be a little late getting back to the hotel, and then describing the show.
"Hayley, Jake, yes, we made it through another performance, you weren't this bad opening night--Jake, get off me!" Louis sank dramatically to the ground, the kids laughing and sitting on him. "Becky and Claire and James and Andrew aren't this bad after shows!"
"That's because we're better than Becky and Claire and James and Andrew," the boy said proudly. Niall recognized the signs of performance high and how it hadn't quite worn off for the boy yet.
"Are you gonna come watch horror movies with us tonight?" the girl asked, turning puppy eyes on him. "You said you would!"
"Not tonight, I've got plans with Charlie, but I promise I'll come with you after your next rotation. Sound good?"
"It'll do," the two kids chorused together, then helped Louis back to his feet.
"We're watching Kill Bill tonight," the boy said, as if that would change Louis' mind.
"I will never understand why you two watch horror movies after performing in Mary Poppins," Louis said, shaking his head and ruffling a hand through the boy's hair. "Makes no sense to me."
"Why shouldn't we?"
The usher cleared his throat. "Mr Tomlinson?"
The only warning they had was a surprised yelp before Niall and Zayn were tackled into a hug.
"Lads!"
"Harry, I'll call you back," Liam said slowly, and hung up the phone. "Louis? What are you doing?"
"You came! I wasn't sure if you would." Louis wrapped Liam in a hug of his own.
This was such a complete reversal of what they had all been expecting no one was able to reply for a minute. Louis didn't seem to mind, introducing the two kids to them.
"Lads, this is Hayley and Jake, Hayley and Jake, this is Niall, Zayn, Liam and Taylor." He looked around, as if expecting a head of curly hair to pop out of nowhere. "Harry's not here."
"Harry...didn't want to come," Niall said hesitantly. No one really wanted to say it, but someone had to.
"To the show, or backstage?"
"To the show. He said something about wanting closure."
The kids tugged on Louis' sleeve and bid him goodbye after making him promise to watch horror movies with them after their next show.
"They seem nice," Zayn said, for lack of anything else to say.
"They're good kids," Louis said. "Great at what they do, and fun to be around. All six of them, actually. But Hayley and Jake are my favorites." He looked around hurriedly. "Don't tell anyone I said that."
"Louis! There you are, I was wondering where you'd wandered off to!" A slim woman with wildly curly blonde hair came up behind them and threw her arms around Louis' neck. She kissed him on the cheek, beaming widely. She waved at everyone else. "Hi, I'm Charlie, Louis' girlfriend."
Niall and Taylor were the only ones not surprised by this; he stepped forward and shook her hand. "Nice to meet you. Harry mentioned you."
"He did?" Zayn asked, blinking rapidly. "When?"
"On the train. You were on the phone. Liam was snoring."
"I was not!"
"No, but you were pretty sound asleep and making quite frankly terrifying noises," Niall said cheerfully. "He seemed...okay with it, which was what was more weird."
Louis didn't look surprised by that; instead, he looked happy.
"That's great," he said brightly, and proceeded to ask everyone how their lives had gone as if he hadn't ignored all of them for the past four years, happily hugging Taylor and asking after her life as well, although it became increasingly obvious that Taylor and Louis had remained friends after everything fell apart.
Liam's phone buzzed, and he flicked open a text. "Oh, hell. Louis, do you know how to get out the front of the theatre without drawing too much attention?"
"Oh, yeah. I can take you, just let me put on street clothes and sign out first. Charlie, do you mind?"
"Not at all."
There was awkward small talk until Louis reemerged in a battered hoodie and jeans, Toms on his feet and a beanie covering his hair.
Harry was waiting outside and immediately ambushed Liam the second the elder entered his line of sight. "Liam, when you hung up I figured I'd better come and make sure you weren't in police custody or someth--Louis?"
"Hi, Harry."
Harry looked like he was torn between throwing himself at Louis and running as far away as possible. Niall put a hand on his shoulder and held him in place.
"Hi, Louis."
"You didn't come to see the show."
"Nah...I went to go see a film. Action flick." Harry was slowly relaxing but was still obviously on guard.
"Oh come on, movies over Broadway? You don't know what you're missing out on, mate."
Harry sighed, apparently deciding to drop the small talk facade. "I thought you didn't want to talk to me ever again."
Louis looked sheepish. "No, I wanted you to stop bugging me about getting back together. I still wanted to be friends, remember? You sort of...shot that plan to hell when you moved to California." Louis looked at Harry, and then at his girlfriend. He pondered something briefly, then made a decision. "Harry, would you like to go out for dinner, talk some, clear up some misunderstandings? Probably wouldn't be a good idea to talk here."
"Bit late for dinner isn't it?" Harry fired back, but there was a softness to his features alongside the wariness. "More like midnight snacks and dessert, I'd say."
"That's true." Louis adjusted his bag strap. "So...yes, or no?"
"Only if the others come along. Especially Niall and...Charlie, yeah?" She nodded. "Only if the others, but especially Niall and Charlie come along." Harry shrugged. "Middle ground."
"You all in?" There were various nods of agreement in varying degrees of apprehension.
"Great." Louis smiled. "I know this fantastic diner only a few blocks from here. You mind walking a bit?"
No one did, so they all set off into the streets of New York. There was obvious tension the whole way, Harry determinedly not looking at Louis or Charlie. Louis, for his part, looked vaguely hurt and a little confused. Niall and Charlie made awkward small talk, while Liam, Taylor, and Zayn walked behind them, eyeing the rest of the group as if they expected a fistfight to break out.
Which, remembering the last time all five of them had been together, was a definite possibility.
The diner was small and mostly empty--not entirely surprising considering that it was almost midnight. They all clambered into a booth and ordered industrial amounts of coffee, as well as slices of the delicious looking cake sitting on the counter. Louis and Charlie both ordered burgers and fries as well, explaining they hadn't eaten before the show.
They drank coffee and ate the cake (or in Louis and Charlie's case, their food) until finally, Harry set down his coffee cup. "You wanted to talk, Louis. So...talk."
And Louis did. He told them of the way his life had gone, and the things he'd done since he'd seen them last. Charlie smiled and added her own parts, but for the most part, it was Louis who talked. He told of the big things, how his mother had died and only Eleanor had come along to the funeral, of how he'd succeeded at first one small role and then another, until he finally landed a lead role. He told of little things, like how he'd found the little diner where they were eating now, and how Eleanor had introduced him to Charlie at a part. He told of how he'd wake in the morning to hear sirens and the sounds of New York waking up, and how it wasn't the same as waking up on the tour bus with the rest of them.
He talked about being alone and making his own way, and how some days he missed them so much it physically hurt. He talked about days he was alone, and days he had to be medicated. He talked, until there was nothing left to say.
Then it was Harry's turn. He talked about California sunrises and late night tapings. He talked about long days in the studio with his band and concerts that never seemed to last long enough.
He talked about the others, too. How Zayn had seemed so angry, but it was only ever fear. How Niall still fell in love it was practically guaranteed to hurt him but happened so rarely it wasn't ever a problem. How Liam was still Liam, the stupidest in simple matters but somehow the wisest person any of them knew. How they still had secrets, and how easily those secrets were shared. He talked about the Google alerts he'd set up on his phone, one for each of them, so he'd always known when something big was happening for them.
He told them of how he'd always tried to send emails or texts or even make phone calls but had never known what to say, how he felt guilty for destroying the best thing that had happened to any of them. He talked about how his new band wasn't a replacement, but sometimes how Clarisse would look at him with pity and maybe sorrow. How Tyson would make jokes that would sometimes hit a little too close to home, and how Emma kept them all together even though the whole band was falling apart at the seams.
And he finally told them of how it had taken him five years, a roadtrip, seeing old friends and running away from his life for him to realize he was finally ready to begin getting over Louis.
When he was done, he realized that everyone was crammed around the table like old times. Sure, there were two new faces in the form of Charlie and Taylor, but they were still there together, as if nothing at all had changed, as if it hadn't been four years since they'd last been like this together. Louis and his girlfriend, tucked together and smiling, because Louis was never the type to hide his emotions and apparently neither was Charlie; Zayn and Taylor turned into each other, Zayn sealed off and Taylor with her bleeding heart, sharing a mug of coffee although there was another set on the table in front of Zayn; Niall, leaning forward on his elbows and absentmindedly stirring his drink, staring wistfully at his phone as if it would ring even though it was powered off, pressed against Liam, who was signaling a waitress to ask for more cake; and he wondered, why had they ever given this up?
"Because good things give way to make room for better ones," Charlie said softly and kindly, in a way that no one else at the table seemed to have heard, and Harry realized he'd said that aloud. "Feel better?"
"Not really."
"That happens," Charlie said, and looked at Louis, as if to make sure she wasn't overstepping.
"Heartbreak takes a long time to heal." She chuffed, a grin spreading across her face. "I'm sorry I took him from you. He's a catch, and you were always good together."
"It still ended for me," Harry said. He drank from his coffee mug, just to give him something to do.
"And you've got the world and your life ahead of you, don't you?" Charlie pushed the coffee pot towards him when it became clear there was no more liquid in Harry's cup. "So Louis wasn't the one for you--somewhere out there, someone is exactly perfect for you. It'll just take time."
At the end of the night, when it was nearing four in the morning and they've all drunk enough coffee and eaten enough cake that they're nowhere near tired, Harry might be friends with Charlie. They didn't have much in common other than loving Louis, but somehow that's enough. Charlie was more like Hannah than Eleanor and as different from Harry as humanly possible, but she clearly made Louis happy--so Harry made the conscious decision to let her win. He deleted Louis' number but replaced it with Charlie's, and knew he'd never use it. He wasn't over it, but he knew now, he would be.
Niall rested his head on Harry's shoulder as they exited the diner into the pinkish-grey sunrise, much to the relief of the owner.
"You feel like writing a song, don't you?"
"Actually, no. I just want to go home for awhile."
"Fair enough."
Niall hummed a faint tune as they parted way from Louis and Charlie, then started the walk back to their hotel to change clothes and shower. They all pretended not to notice how Taylor and Zayn slowly slipped away from the group and disappeared in the direction of Times Square.
"That didn't go the way you expected it would," Niall said quietly. Harry shook his head.
"Not at all."
"But this was better, wasn't it?" Liam said. He and Louis had clicked right back into their easy friendship, much more easily than the others. "It all worked out."
"More or less," Harry said. "It was...nice."
--
part xxvii: healing begins
there's freedom waiting in the sound when you let your walls fall to the ground we're here now this is where the healing begins this is where the healing starts when you come to where you're broken within the light meets the dark
--
This is Anne Cox! Leave a message at the beep!
"...and I know this is my fifth or sixth voicemail telling you about it, but...mum, it's just. I don't know what to think anymore. Because I don't hate him, but I don't love him and I don't know what to do. I'm going back to California today, but. It's just something I wasn't expecting, I guess. Love you."
--
You've reached Danielle Peazer. I'm unable to take your call at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep!
"Dani, you would not believe the day we've had. I'll tell you all about it when I get back home, but...Jesus Christ. This might top...you know. When everything went to hell."
--
You've reached Annabelle Miller! I'm a bit busy at the moment, but I'll get back to you as soon as possible!
"Annie...it's Niall. I. Um, my roadtrip's coming to an end, I kept my promise and didn't call you until the last day with everyone else. I'll be back in LA in five or six days, I guess. I'll see you then. I hope you're feeling better, and your chemo's going okay. I'll...I'll see you when I get back. I love you, Annie."
--
This is Anne Cox! Leave a message at the beep!
"Hi, Anne. I'm pretty sure Harry's already called you, but in case he hasn't...he and Louis had a really long talk, and I think they're better now. Not going to get back together, but they might possibly be friends again. I don't know, haven't really slept for the past three days so my brain's not processing all that quick, but. Yeah, that's what's happened."
--
part xxviii: the time has come for you to leave
i can see it in your eyes that you are restless the time has come for you to leave it's so hard to let you go but in this life i know you have to be who you were made to be
--
Liam's flight wasn't until three that afternoon, while Zayn and Harry didn't leave until five.
So they had a good ten hours to explore New York.
"I'll play tour guide," Louis offered. "I've lived here long enough, I can do it."
They managed the Statue of Liberty and Times Square before Liam had to head to the hotel for his bag and the airport for check-in. They all decided to go with him, exhaustion finally fully setting in from the hectic past two weeks.
"So, this is it, I guess," Liam said, holding a bit too tightly to the strap of his bag before he went through check in. "Until next time?"
"If there is a next time," Niall teased, because if he didn't, he'd probably cry and he was not crying in the middle of the airport where people were already whispering and surreptitiously taking pictures of them. They were all back to looking like themselves--Liam's green hair was back to his normal soft brown, and Harry had finally stopped wearing tourist t-shirts and beanies everywhere.
One Direction in an airport with Taylor Swift was bound to draw public attention.
"Could we get a photo of everyone first?" Louis asked, just before Liam opened his mouth to say goodbyes.
Everyone looked at everyone else half-nervously. None of them were strangers to photos or cameras, but it was a rather different group present today than they'd ever been photographed with before.
"Come on," Louis said. "Just a photo first. Like old times."
"Why not," Harry said, surprising everyone. "Might as well, right? Charlie, Taylor, you too."
Charlie grabbed a passing tourist and instructed them how to use her camera before darting into frame and wrapping her arm around Niall's shoulder. "Come on, all of us."
They all leaned together, Liam and Louis, Niall and Charlie, Zayn and Taylor, Harry in the middle of Liam and Zayn.
The camera flashed and that was that, they were frozen in time, seven people who weren't really sure of who they were to everyone else in the photo.
Not that anyone would know that, with the way they were all smiling.
--
part xxix: starts with goodbye
I guess it's gonna break me down like falling when you try to fly it's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye.
--
You've reached Liam Payne's mobile phone. I'm sorry I missed your call, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. If this is Danielle, I love you. If this is anyone else, leave a message at the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as possible!
"Hey, Liam! It's Danielle. I'm at the airport, waiting in baggage claim and I don't see you anywhere. The flight board says you got in safely and should be at baggage, but you're not here and I'm getting a little--Liam! Oh my God! You're back! How was your trip? ... ... ... Oh, hell. I should probably hang up, I was leaving you a message."
--
You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep.
"Hey, Niall, it's Liam, I'm just calling to say I got in fine. Danielle says to tell you hi and she's sorry you weren't at the wedding. I...I guess I'll call you, sometime. Talk later, bye."
--
You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep.
"Harry here. I just got chewed out, but I'm doing fine. The past two weeks were... really fun. I don't exactly want to do it again, but... it helped. So. Thanks, for everything."
--
You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep.
"Niall, you quite possibly have the weirdest callback message of all of us, and that includes Louis'. But I'm heading back to London now--if you're ever in town, stop by. Or, we could all just pretend that the last two weeks didn't happen. I think that's what Harry's going to be doing. Anyways...it was really great to see you, and maybe we should do it again sometime? Or not. Whatever works. Bye."
--
You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep.
"Hey, it's Louis. I know you guys just left, but I wanted to make sure you knew you're welcome in New York anytime. I was mostly mad because Harry and I were so awkward. But if you're ever in New York, give me a ring and we'll go get a coffee or something. I know you're coming with Ed to the festival in a couple weeks--maybe we could meet up for that? I dunno. Just a thought."
--
You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep.
"It's um. It's Taylor. I just wanted to say thanks--if you hadn't done this roadtrip thing, I still wouldn't have talked with Zayn. And. It's better now, that we've talked. So. Thanks. And maybe you'd like to work together on a song or something? It might be sort of. Interesting. Anyways. Take care!"
--
part xxx: the love that i lost
it's time i put the love that i lost in a cardboard box ship to UPS no return address no no i gotta let go ready for takeoff right into nothing oh there's gotta be something if i crash i'll begin again
--
And that was it. Liam packed up his bags and went home. Harry returned to his TV show and his band, and Zayn went with him for awhile, to make sure Harry didn't vanish again. Niall took the train down to DC, picked up the big orange van--empty and lonely now, with only him in it--and drove back to LA. It took him six days of driving dawn til dusk and five nights of pretending to sleep.
Sometime when he was crossing another nameless state in the middle of the US, he realized--he was probably never going to see any of them ever again. At the very least, he wasn't going to see them together, and never in the same way. Liam, for all he wanted them to be there for his wedding, hadn't waited. Zayn had moved on with his cafe and the X-Factor and the woman he was dating and the possible reconciliation with Taylor. Louis had a new life, in the form of New York and Charlie. Harry was in too much pain to deal with any of them anymore. They might be friends now, but they'd never be friends of the scale they were before.
Somehow, Niall knew it had been a long time coming. They'd done far too much damage to each other, kept too many secrets and put a lifetime of trust into four years of friendship, and they'd been four of the best years Niall could have wished for.
But now they were five people who had nothing in common anymore, save their ghosts and a few memories.
Niall was still thinking along those lines as he pulled into the rental agency. He removed his things from the van, turned in the keys and called a cab.
Back at his flat, he tacked up the photo, phoned his girlfriend, looked at the notebook of songs he'd left behind three weeks ago, picked up his guitar and went to work.
After all, life waited for no one.
--
A/N: Only thing I have to say here is...yes, Liam's hair was green the whole time.