(no subject)
I guess in a couple of weeks my mom and I are gonna drive up to Monterey Bay and stay there a couple of days. Check out the aquarium(!!!!!!), other touristy things etc.
I'm kind of mad about it.
Don't get me wrong, I mean, I fucking love the idea of going up there and I've wanted to visit for a long time (note all the exclamation points for the aquarium) but I just...UGHLKDGAkdaergds MY MOM.......dkfjaers there's too much I want to say at once it's hard to start because it's all connected....well let's start with
I AM WORRIED ABOUT OUR/MY MOTHER'S FINANCIAL SITUATION.
Nobody fucking tells me anything and when I asked Ken he didn't really get it either and when I asked my mom she just kind of like 'we have money we're fine' and waved me off like.....UGH FUCK THESE ARE IMPORTANT THINGS BECAUSE WE HAVE NO FUCKING INCOME??? WHAT THE FUCK. WE HAVE A FINITE AMOUNT OF MONEY AND AS FAR AS I KNOW NONE COMING IN SO IT'S ONLY GOING DOWN AND JUST WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON???? I wish she would tell me so I could be more worried or serious or idk MAYBE WE'RE SECRETLY MILLIONAIRES AND IF SHE TOLD ME I SURE WOULD FEEL A LOT BETTER!!! ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU KEEP WANTING TO GO ON THESE STUPID AND EXPENSIVE ~FAMILY VACATIONS~ WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS MONEY COMING FROM IF NOT FROM A SECRET STASH FROM WHEN YOU AND/OR DAD WERE SECRETLY BEING BRUCE WAYNE I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW.
FUCK like I can understand why my mom is doing these things. Dad died really young and unexpectedly and left this big huge hole in our lives. She realizes life is short and you should do things while you can, and we never did many things together as a family so she wants to do all that now especially since she missed her chance doing all these great things with Dad, and let's face it, he made a shit ton empty promises of "Hey let's go to [Really Cool Place] and do [Really Cool Things], I've always wanted to do that. It'll be great. Let's rent a trailer and take the dogs." Fucking ALL THE TIME Dad would talk about this stuff he wanted to do with the family, or just with mom, and we never fucking did anything. So you want to do all the cool things, Mom! That's great! I understand that! But it costs money and we don't have it and it's draining away constantly but we're still living the exact same, in fact BETTER, lifestyle than when Dad was here and we had an actual income.
What the fuck are you going to do about your future? I'm moving in August, Ken talks about moving out soon, what are you going to do? How much money do you have? Can you live the rest of your life with it? You're over 50 years old and you've lived in the States for almost 30 years and you have NEVER had a job here and you have not made a single goddamn friend in all your time here. WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? I just--- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I understand your motives but can we really be spending so much money so often doing all these excursions and shit? I mean I'm not saying not to enjoy life but like--fuck CAN YOU LET ME IN ON YOUR PLANS OR OUR FINANCIAL SITUATION OR SOMETHING SO I WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT YOU CONSTANTLY ONCE KEN AND I ARE OUT OF THE HOUSE????
and the worst part is I feel like if I try to talk to you about this you're just going to shut me out and tell me "everything is fine" like you always do.
FUCK