Sweet Valley High #99: Beware the Babysitter
Sweet Valley High #99: Beware the Babysitter
Did someone say Crazy Margo, murder, and mayhem?
As you can see, on this cover Liz has forgone barrettes in favor of a big ugly headband. Also, despite his unfortunate hair, that little kid is cute. Too bad Margo’s terrorizing him.
Winston Egbert
Yeah, Winston has a random subplot in this book, so I wanted to get it out of the way first so we can focus on what’s really important. At least it involves terrorists and an abandoned baby. Yes, of course I’m serious.
Winston’s parents are out of town visiting his aunt for a week, and he talks up to everyone how much fun he’s going to have on his own. What he probably means is that he’ll be able to play his Atari without anyone to make him stop and do his homework. I imagine that Winston’s idea of big fun is not the same as, say, Bruce Patman’s. If Bruce’s parents ever went away, he’d lock Roger out of the house and spend his entire allowance on hookers and blow. Someone might even be pushed in a pool.
I’m not far off the mark: as soon as Winston gets back to his unsupervised house, the first thing he does is make a sandwich. But he doesn’t sit at the kitchen table! No, ladies and gentlemen, he eats it in the living room. Not only that, but he doesn’t use a napkin. As he says, “This is radical.”
His new neighbor stops by and asks for Winston’s mom. Winston can only get out that she’s not there, when the woman is all, “Well, my husband is a journalist in Central America, and there’s been one of those coups - you know, where they take over the government?” Ah, yes. One of those coups.
Anyway, terrorists have taken over the husband’s hotel, and his passport was in his room so he can’t get to it, so he’s stuck in customs, and her flight is leaving in an hour so she can go down there and show those “ridiculous customs officials” her husband’s birth certificate. She hands over a baby and is like, “Thank your mom for looking after Daisy overnight. Bye!” and runs away. Winston is befuddled. The baby starts to cry.
The mom doesn’t come back. Winston skips school the next day to stay home and take care of Daisy, but he’s hopeless. She keeps crying, and he can’t figure out how to change her diapers right, no matter how many times he tries. He’s out of formula, and at the end of his rope. Maria Santelli, his girlfriend, comes by to see why he wasn’t in class, and he hides Daisy in the closet. (He puts a coat on the floor and lays her on top of it. He doesn’t just, like, toss her in.) She starts to cry again just as Maria gets inside, so Winston’s cover is blown. Good think Maria knows how to change and feed and hold babies. It’s probably because she’s a girl, and girls are all born baby experts. Because of their ovaries and all.
The next day, Maria comes straight over after school to help Winston. She also brings what seems like every single girl at SVH with her. Winston is not thrilled. For some reason, he’d wanted to keep Daisy a secret. But all the girls are thrilled over the baby, even Lila, who wants to go to the mall and buy Daisy a bunch of new outfits. Hee. I love her. Amy tries to show Winston how to put on a diaper (She’s a natural at it too, in case you were wondering. The ovaries, you know.), but Winston is snotty to her about it, so Amy changes her mind about helping him. They make a bet: if he can be as good a diaperer as she is by Friday, he gets to pick her costume for Olivia’s costume ball (Naturally she's having a costume ball. I had costume balls all the time when I was sixteen. Still do, in fact.). If Winston is still bad at diapering on Friday, Amy will choose what he wears. Winston calls Todd over, because the twenty girls Maria brought to his house are getting on his nerves. He says, “I’ve fantasized about being here in my own house with every girl at school, but somehow, this isn’t what I imagined….” Hee. That’s a slightly off-color joke for an SVH book.
After three days, Winston realizes he can’t miss any more school, so he calls Child Protective Services and turns Daisy’s abandoning mother in to the authorities. No, of course not. He puts the kid in a duffle bag and, with Maria’s help, sneaks her into school. While they’re trying to evade Principal Cooper, Winston calls Maria Agent 99. A Get Smart joke in a YA book written in 1993? That’s 23 years after the show went off the air! Maybe the ghostwriter thought that preteens in the early nineties watched a lot of Nick at Nite. That’s the only reason I knew who Agent 99 is.
A side note: they’re coming out with a Get Smart movie next year, starring Steve Carrell as Max, Anne Hathaway as 99, and the bad guy from Superman II as Siegfried. I am Very Excited. And that means, when they do the modern reissue of the Evil Twin series, they won’t have to update that joke! How convenient!
Anyway, all the girls agree to help Winston watch Daisy in shifts, during their free periods and stuff. Even Lila! (Though she’s unhappy at being seen carrying a duffel bag.) Awfully nice of them. And should we be surprised that no adults ever realize that there’s a freaking baby in the school? Mr. Collins even walks through the Oracle office while Winston is changing Daisy’s diaper right on a desk, and doesn’t notice a thing because Liz and Penny stand in front of the desk. It’s no wonder murderers and rapists and drug dealers are always going after these kids. They’re the least-supervised teenagers in the history of the world. Liz wants to tell a teacher about Daisy, of course, but Winston says no. Who knows what might happen to her if a teacher calls social services?
Maybe her sucky mother will face some consequences for abandoning her baby with a teenage boy and going completely MIA for days? Just throwing that out there. Liz and Penny Ayala agree to keep Daisy a secret until the weekend, but if her mom isn’t back by then, they’re going to tell an adult. Winston thinks that’s a fair compromise, even though he’s really not thrilled at the idea of turning Daisy over to the foster care system, where she could be placed with any random psycho. I can’t blame him for that, but it’s kind of a crappy portrait of foster parents. Between this and Margo’s Long Island home, I wonder if the ghostwriter has some kind of unresolved foster issues.
Lila tries to teach Daisy to say, “Put it on Daddy’s credit card.” Love! While she’s watching Daisy outside, Daisy crawls away and unties Bruce’s sneakers. Bruce doesn’t notice, because he’s cutting class to work on his tan and thinks he’s alone. He doesn’t hear the baby gurgling or anything either.
Would you like to know why?
Because he’s listening to his discman, singing along at the top of his lungs and playing enthusiastic air guitar. (“Teen-age waste-land!”)
Let’s just let that image soak in, shall we? He’s such a closet dork!
When Bruce stands up, he trips over his untied sneakers and falls flat on his face. Hot.
Amy loses the bet with Winston, but won’t tell Lila what her costume will be. (It’s a nun. Full-out Sound of Music wimple-wearing nun. Awesome.)
Winston, Todd, and Liz take Daisy to Project Youth so Winston can get baby advice. Winston goes inside and talks to Margo! Margo goes off on a crazy rant about how some babies have nobody to love them and go to foster homes, but others have twin sisters and brothers and dogs, and for some reason this doesn’t scare Winston away. She offers to babysit Daisy for free anytime he needs, because she loves kids. Don’t do it, Winston!
Margo shows up at Winston’s house the morning after Olivia’s costume party. She reminds him that she offered to babysit, but he’s weirded out to see her because he never actually gave her his address. She tells him he has to accept that Daisy’s parents have abandoned her: “A lot of people do terrible things to children.” She tells Winston she’ll take Daisy to Social Services for him, but Winston doesn’t want to let her go. So, Margo offers to babysit to give Winston a break (“Winston, I am a professional day care provider. I am not some psycho baby killer.” Fantastic!) and, against his better judgment, he leaves.
Margo puts Daisy in her crib and is getting ready to smother her with a pillow: “You thought you were going to have it all. You thought you would have all these popular people caring about you. But that’s not the way it happens when your parents leave you. It didn’t happen that way for me, and it’s not going to happen that way for you. I’ll make sure of it.” She’s only had the pillow over Daisy’s screaming face for a second, though, when the doorbell rings.
Margo goes downstairs to answer it, and Elizabeth is standing there. She’s like, “Um…I just came by to…you know…visit the baby?” Margo is so caught off guard that she runs away. Liz is like, “Ooooookay,” and goes upstairs to take care of poor screaming Daisy.
When Winston gets home, he knows it’s time to turn Daisy in to Social Services. He drives her to Project Youth and gives her to Margo, who promises to “give her the kind of care she deserves.” He feels scared, but thinks it’s just because he’s giving Daisy to a stranger, and not because Margo is an insane child murderer.
Winston gets home, and who do you think is in his driveway? Daisy’s useless parents. “You know how those little Central American countries are. Sorry it took so long for us to get back. And also sorry we didn’t call you; the phones were down because of the coup.” Naturally. Winston is all, “DUDE! WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO PROJECT YOUTH RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!” They rush over there, and thank God Margo hasn’t left with Daisy yet. They get the baby back, and Margo is enraged. Winston can tell, and is even more uneasy than ever.
Psychotic Margo, Josh Smith Boy Detective, James the Dirtbike Guy (seriously, I don’t think he has a last name), Enid, Todd, and the Wakefields
Liz hangs out on the beach with Enid and tells her it’s over forever with Todd. Enid freaks out because she glimpsed a girl who looked just like Liz but with dark hair, staring at them creepily. Liz is like, “You’re hallucinating,” but she also feels a little creeped out at how unnerved Enid is, and remembers the nightmare she had in book 95 about a girl with dark hair trying to kill her. Enid and Liz decide to go to Olivia's ball together.
Jess goes hiking with James, who sucks up to her in an hilariously transparent way. She still doesn’t clue in that he’s only with her to get info about the Wakefields to help Margo fit in when she takes over Elizabeth’s life. Jess leans over a cliff to look at some trees and almost falls, but James grabs her. Jess is terrified: for a moment, she felt like James was trying to push her over the side. But then James makes out with her and she knows she can trust him.
Except she can’t, because James goes home and immediately spills everything to Margo: “I was trying to see if she trusts me completely. And she does. She really thinks I was trying to save her. But I could’ve killed her if I wanted to.” James is creepy. He also tells Margo that Jess is paranoid that her parents like Liz better. Hee. It’s funny because it’s true.
Margo tells him she’s going to apply to be a day care teacher at Project Youth, because kids talk, so she’ll be able to learn about the Wakefields too. Margo bleaches her hair to look like Jess’s and Liz’s, and then chooses a wig and disguise for her job interview. She types up the sickest reference ever, from drowned-Georgie’s mother: “Georgie will never have another babysitter like her…she touched all of our lives forever…even taught him how to swim.”
I love Crazy Margo. I love her even more when she pulls her hair back in barrettes to complete her Elizabeth Look.
She gets the job, of course. The day care woman says she’s going to call Margo’s references, and Margo lies that Mrs. Smith is out of the country for three weeks. Like an idiot, the manager says, “Well, then you can be a temp employee for three weeks, and we’ll switch you to permanent after.” Letting people supervise kids without a background check is so smart! I bet it won’t backfire at all!
Extending the olive branch, Jess offers to drive Liz home from school. Liz almost cries, she’s so happy. Jess tells her the accident wasn’t her fault. Liz quietly says that she shouldn’t have been drinking, and Jess insists, “There’s no way you could’ve known.” Liz thinks that’s weird, but doesn’t pursue. She’s just glad Jess is talking to her again. Jess says that she feels so much better about herself since she met James, because she has crap self-esteem and needs constant male validation. Anyway, both twins seem to think the talk went pretty well.
A girl at the day care lives down the street from the Wakefields, and tells Margo all about them. Margo tells the girl that the conversation has to stay a secret: “You know what happens to little girls who can’t keep secrets? Sometimes, their kittens get drowned. But if they tell a really important secret, little girls can get all burned up!” The kid is justifiably terrified.
Jess goes out with James, but he’s not really talkative and then cuts their date short. She doesn’t understand why, but it’s because he’s starting to have second thoughts about helping Margo. He thinks Jess is a nice enough kid, and feels sorry for her, with the dead boyfriend and then Margo spying on her, but Margo suspects he’s getting cold feet. They meet at Kelly’s bar, and Margo squeezes a glass so hard it breaks and makes a deep cut on her hand, which cracks her up. James is understandably grossed out.
While Jess is out with James, wild Liz decides to do her laundry. Happy to do her sister a favor, since they’re talking now, she goes into Jess’s room to gather up her dirty clothes as well. As Liz picks up a pair of “psychedelic stretch pants” - Fantastic. - what do you think she finds on the floor of Jess’s bedroom?
The letter from Todd. Oh yes. Liz reads it and is both elated that Todd still loves her and horrified at Jessica’s betrayal. How could Jess hurt her like this? So much wasted love! And wasted time! Sob!
For some reason, Liz waits until the next morning to bitch Jess out. Liz says, “I was the one who got [Sam] killed, even if I didn’t kill him myself. People are making sure that I don’t forget that. But this-why would you keep it from me all this time? Why do you want to hurt me even more?” Jess cries and insists, “I don’t! It wasn’t like that, Lizzie, I swear-” but we all know it totally was. Liz storms out, saying that they can’t be friends or sisters anymore.
Jess calls James from the payphone outside school, crying about Liz, and James is sympathetic, but he doesn’t get it. He’s bizarrely reasonable for a Sweet Valley character, all, “Well, of course you didn’t give her the love letter; you were dating the guy yourself.” Jess knows that’s crap, though. She’d forgotten all about the letter, and she didn’t want to ruin the fact that she and Liz were getting along for the first time in ages by telling Liz that Todd still loved her. You know, one of the defining characteristics of sociopathy is the lack of remorse. Jess always seems to feel bad about the things she’s done, but only after getting caught inconveniences her in some way. If Liz had never found the letter and yelled at her, Jess wouldn’t feel a bit guilty about the Todd thing.
Josh Smith, Boy Detective, pretends to be a reporter from the Sacramento Bee. (Though he’s a little dorkily fretful about the legality of this: can he go to jail for impersonating a reporter? HA!) He goes to the police station to ask about any violent crimes in the area, hoping to get a lead on Margo, but the cops say that crimes never happen in Sweet Valley. Indeed. They do mention Sam’s death, and the waitress with the gratuitous baby who was run over in a neighboring town. Josh pretends to take notes, but he’s really just writing MARGO over and over on his notepad. (I’m not making that up. Think how thrilled Roger Barrett Patman would be!)
Margo dresses up like Liz, right down to the barrettes, and goes to Calico Drive to see Alice. She can’t stay away from her wonderful, perfect mother for one more moment. The kid from the daycare center sees her and waves, and Margo almost flips out but then realizes the kid thinks she’s Elizabeth and waves back. Margo figures that, if the kid ever realizes that she’s really the day care lady, she knows a great well where she could toss the girl and she’d never be found.
Margo goes inside and, pausing briefly to admire the Wakefields’ butcher knives and Spanish tiles (Excellent!), gives Alice a hug and then runs away. Alice is weirded out: she thinks Liz seemed disoriented and not at all like herself. Just then, Liz runs downstairs and through the kitchen on her way out. Alice is like, “You changed your clothes?” and Liz is all, “No, I haven’t seen you since breakfast and I’ve been wearing this all day.” This does not raise any warning bells with Alice, though it would with any sane person.
Liz rides her bike away, so Margo hotwires a car and follows her. Of course. Liz pedals all the way to some mansion, and then sits on the steps and waits. Margo is confused, and briefly considers just killing Liz now, but then Todd drives up. He and Liz make out. Everything is all right again. Margo is thrilled by her hot boyfriend and perfect mother. I’m fascinated that, after drawing out the Todd-Liz estrangement for six books, the ghostwriter chose to write their reconciliation from Margo’s point of view.
Josh is positive Margo ran over the waitress, because she’s in the area and somebody died. So it was obviously her. As he gets an ice cream at Casey’s, he overhears Lila and Amy talking about Olivia’s party. Since these girls are the same age as Margo, Josh thinks it can’t hurt to know what’s going on at SVH, so he decides to crash the costume ball. Brilliant plan! As he leaves, he sees Liz getting into Todd’s BMW and thinks it’s Margo. He flips out, but obviously can’t chase down the car. Poor Josh is all frustrated.
James can’t stop thinking about Jess, even though he keeps telling himself that she’s just a job. When Margo calls and wants all the details about Jess’s Cinderella costume, James tells her, even though he feels bad about it. He thinks Margo is just setting Jess up for some psychotic prank, which makes me think that he’s almost as stupid as Todd. He briefly worries that Margo might be hoping to hurt Jess, but puts that thought out of his mind because Margo creeps him out too much. What a great reason!
The twins get ready for Olivia’s party. They open the doors to their shared bathroom at the same time, and Liz turns back to her bedroom, slamming the door in Jess’s face rather than share the mirror. Jess sobs. She has no idea how she can ever be happy again, since Sam is dead and she’s betrayed Liz twice (Todd and the Magical Vodka, I assume). It turns out they’re dressed alike: both in Cinderella gowns, but Liz’s is a slightly lighter color. Jess had planned to wear rhinestone earrings that James bought her, but changes her mind at the last second to pearls that were from Sam.
Adorably, Winston, Maria, and Daisy go to Olivia’s party as Lucy and Ricky Ricardo, and little Ricky. They put a wig on Daisy. So cute! Bruce and Pamela go as a sultan and a harem girl, which is revoltingly appropriate.
Liz wanders away from the party, and thinks she sees Jess, but is weirded out when she notices Jess’s earrings: they’re rhinestones, not Sam’s pearls. Jess (who’s actually Margo) runs away. Margo dances with Todd. She believes he thinks she’s Liz. He actually thinks she’s Jess, and is seriously weirded out when Margo starts trying to feel him up and grinding on him. He runs away as soon as the song is over, wondering what kind of psycho plot Jessica is doing now, and Margo sighs over how romantic the dance was.
Josh shows up dressed like Sherlock Homes. Super creative! He thinks he spots Margo by the refreshment table, but it’s actually Jessica he grabs. When Liz runs over to see what the problem is, Josh is amazed that there are two girls who look so exactly like Margo, and it starts to dawn on him that the twins must be why Margo is in Sweet Valley: she’s going to do something involving looking just like the Wakefields. As the boys all throw him out of the party for manhandling Jessica, Josh realizes that he saw three different pairs of earrings on the Cinderellas at the party: two were the twins (Liz’s random earrings and Jess’s pearls) so the third one must have been Margo (the rhinestones). He just knows the twins are in terrible danger.
Margo sits in her room, consoling herself that she at least got to burn Nina, her foster sister, alive, even though she missed her chance with baby Daisy. She thinks uneasily about Josh, but is confident he won’t be able to mess up her plan. She types up a fake letter to Ned Wakefield, offering him a consulting job in San Francisco. If he and Alice drive up, they have two free nights at the Fairmont for a nice time away during his interview. And, Margo thinks happily, when they get home, they’ll have a new daughter! (She does figure she’ll have to kill Ned eventually; she’s not willing to share Alice’s love for any longer than necessary. I swear to God.)
Ned is thrilled to get Margo’s letter, and he and Alice tells the twins and Steven they’ll be going away for a few days. The kids are all kind of uneasy about it, though they can’t articulate why. So, they pretend to be happy.
The End
Next up, #100 THE EVIL TWIN. Aw, yeah.
Did someone say Crazy Margo, murder, and mayhem?
As you can see, on this cover Liz has forgone barrettes in favor of a big ugly headband. Also, despite his unfortunate hair, that little kid is cute. Too bad Margo’s terrorizing him.
Winston Egbert
Yeah, Winston has a random subplot in this book, so I wanted to get it out of the way first so we can focus on what’s really important. At least it involves terrorists and an abandoned baby. Yes, of course I’m serious.
Winston’s parents are out of town visiting his aunt for a week, and he talks up to everyone how much fun he’s going to have on his own. What he probably means is that he’ll be able to play his Atari without anyone to make him stop and do his homework. I imagine that Winston’s idea of big fun is not the same as, say, Bruce Patman’s. If Bruce’s parents ever went away, he’d lock Roger out of the house and spend his entire allowance on hookers and blow. Someone might even be pushed in a pool.
I’m not far off the mark: as soon as Winston gets back to his unsupervised house, the first thing he does is make a sandwich. But he doesn’t sit at the kitchen table! No, ladies and gentlemen, he eats it in the living room. Not only that, but he doesn’t use a napkin. As he says, “This is radical.”
His new neighbor stops by and asks for Winston’s mom. Winston can only get out that she’s not there, when the woman is all, “Well, my husband is a journalist in Central America, and there’s been one of those coups - you know, where they take over the government?” Ah, yes. One of those coups.
Anyway, terrorists have taken over the husband’s hotel, and his passport was in his room so he can’t get to it, so he’s stuck in customs, and her flight is leaving in an hour so she can go down there and show those “ridiculous customs officials” her husband’s birth certificate. She hands over a baby and is like, “Thank your mom for looking after Daisy overnight. Bye!” and runs away. Winston is befuddled. The baby starts to cry.
The mom doesn’t come back. Winston skips school the next day to stay home and take care of Daisy, but he’s hopeless. She keeps crying, and he can’t figure out how to change her diapers right, no matter how many times he tries. He’s out of formula, and at the end of his rope. Maria Santelli, his girlfriend, comes by to see why he wasn’t in class, and he hides Daisy in the closet. (He puts a coat on the floor and lays her on top of it. He doesn’t just, like, toss her in.) She starts to cry again just as Maria gets inside, so Winston’s cover is blown. Good think Maria knows how to change and feed and hold babies. It’s probably because she’s a girl, and girls are all born baby experts. Because of their ovaries and all.
The next day, Maria comes straight over after school to help Winston. She also brings what seems like every single girl at SVH with her. Winston is not thrilled. For some reason, he’d wanted to keep Daisy a secret. But all the girls are thrilled over the baby, even Lila, who wants to go to the mall and buy Daisy a bunch of new outfits. Hee. I love her. Amy tries to show Winston how to put on a diaper (She’s a natural at it too, in case you were wondering. The ovaries, you know.), but Winston is snotty to her about it, so Amy changes her mind about helping him. They make a bet: if he can be as good a diaperer as she is by Friday, he gets to pick her costume for Olivia’s costume ball (Naturally she's having a costume ball. I had costume balls all the time when I was sixteen. Still do, in fact.). If Winston is still bad at diapering on Friday, Amy will choose what he wears. Winston calls Todd over, because the twenty girls Maria brought to his house are getting on his nerves. He says, “I’ve fantasized about being here in my own house with every girl at school, but somehow, this isn’t what I imagined….” Hee. That’s a slightly off-color joke for an SVH book.
After three days, Winston realizes he can’t miss any more school, so he calls Child Protective Services and turns Daisy’s abandoning mother in to the authorities. No, of course not. He puts the kid in a duffle bag and, with Maria’s help, sneaks her into school. While they’re trying to evade Principal Cooper, Winston calls Maria Agent 99. A Get Smart joke in a YA book written in 1993? That’s 23 years after the show went off the air! Maybe the ghostwriter thought that preteens in the early nineties watched a lot of Nick at Nite. That’s the only reason I knew who Agent 99 is.
A side note: they’re coming out with a Get Smart movie next year, starring Steve Carrell as Max, Anne Hathaway as 99, and the bad guy from Superman II as Siegfried. I am Very Excited. And that means, when they do the modern reissue of the Evil Twin series, they won’t have to update that joke! How convenient!
Anyway, all the girls agree to help Winston watch Daisy in shifts, during their free periods and stuff. Even Lila! (Though she’s unhappy at being seen carrying a duffel bag.) Awfully nice of them. And should we be surprised that no adults ever realize that there’s a freaking baby in the school? Mr. Collins even walks through the Oracle office while Winston is changing Daisy’s diaper right on a desk, and doesn’t notice a thing because Liz and Penny stand in front of the desk. It’s no wonder murderers and rapists and drug dealers are always going after these kids. They’re the least-supervised teenagers in the history of the world. Liz wants to tell a teacher about Daisy, of course, but Winston says no. Who knows what might happen to her if a teacher calls social services?
Maybe her sucky mother will face some consequences for abandoning her baby with a teenage boy and going completely MIA for days? Just throwing that out there. Liz and Penny Ayala agree to keep Daisy a secret until the weekend, but if her mom isn’t back by then, they’re going to tell an adult. Winston thinks that’s a fair compromise, even though he’s really not thrilled at the idea of turning Daisy over to the foster care system, where she could be placed with any random psycho. I can’t blame him for that, but it’s kind of a crappy portrait of foster parents. Between this and Margo’s Long Island home, I wonder if the ghostwriter has some kind of unresolved foster issues.
Lila tries to teach Daisy to say, “Put it on Daddy’s credit card.” Love! While she’s watching Daisy outside, Daisy crawls away and unties Bruce’s sneakers. Bruce doesn’t notice, because he’s cutting class to work on his tan and thinks he’s alone. He doesn’t hear the baby gurgling or anything either.
Would you like to know why?
Because he’s listening to his discman, singing along at the top of his lungs and playing enthusiastic air guitar. (“Teen-age waste-land!”)
Let’s just let that image soak in, shall we? He’s such a closet dork!
When Bruce stands up, he trips over his untied sneakers and falls flat on his face. Hot.
Amy loses the bet with Winston, but won’t tell Lila what her costume will be. (It’s a nun. Full-out Sound of Music wimple-wearing nun. Awesome.)
Winston, Todd, and Liz take Daisy to Project Youth so Winston can get baby advice. Winston goes inside and talks to Margo! Margo goes off on a crazy rant about how some babies have nobody to love them and go to foster homes, but others have twin sisters and brothers and dogs, and for some reason this doesn’t scare Winston away. She offers to babysit Daisy for free anytime he needs, because she loves kids. Don’t do it, Winston!
Margo shows up at Winston’s house the morning after Olivia’s costume party. She reminds him that she offered to babysit, but he’s weirded out to see her because he never actually gave her his address. She tells him he has to accept that Daisy’s parents have abandoned her: “A lot of people do terrible things to children.” She tells Winston she’ll take Daisy to Social Services for him, but Winston doesn’t want to let her go. So, Margo offers to babysit to give Winston a break (“Winston, I am a professional day care provider. I am not some psycho baby killer.” Fantastic!) and, against his better judgment, he leaves.
Margo puts Daisy in her crib and is getting ready to smother her with a pillow: “You thought you were going to have it all. You thought you would have all these popular people caring about you. But that’s not the way it happens when your parents leave you. It didn’t happen that way for me, and it’s not going to happen that way for you. I’ll make sure of it.” She’s only had the pillow over Daisy’s screaming face for a second, though, when the doorbell rings.
Margo goes downstairs to answer it, and Elizabeth is standing there. She’s like, “Um…I just came by to…you know…visit the baby?” Margo is so caught off guard that she runs away. Liz is like, “Ooooookay,” and goes upstairs to take care of poor screaming Daisy.
When Winston gets home, he knows it’s time to turn Daisy in to Social Services. He drives her to Project Youth and gives her to Margo, who promises to “give her the kind of care she deserves.” He feels scared, but thinks it’s just because he’s giving Daisy to a stranger, and not because Margo is an insane child murderer.
Winston gets home, and who do you think is in his driveway? Daisy’s useless parents. “You know how those little Central American countries are. Sorry it took so long for us to get back. And also sorry we didn’t call you; the phones were down because of the coup.” Naturally. Winston is all, “DUDE! WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO PROJECT YOUTH RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!” They rush over there, and thank God Margo hasn’t left with Daisy yet. They get the baby back, and Margo is enraged. Winston can tell, and is even more uneasy than ever.
Psychotic Margo, Josh Smith Boy Detective, James the Dirtbike Guy (seriously, I don’t think he has a last name), Enid, Todd, and the Wakefields
Liz hangs out on the beach with Enid and tells her it’s over forever with Todd. Enid freaks out because she glimpsed a girl who looked just like Liz but with dark hair, staring at them creepily. Liz is like, “You’re hallucinating,” but she also feels a little creeped out at how unnerved Enid is, and remembers the nightmare she had in book 95 about a girl with dark hair trying to kill her. Enid and Liz decide to go to Olivia's ball together.
Jess goes hiking with James, who sucks up to her in an hilariously transparent way. She still doesn’t clue in that he’s only with her to get info about the Wakefields to help Margo fit in when she takes over Elizabeth’s life. Jess leans over a cliff to look at some trees and almost falls, but James grabs her. Jess is terrified: for a moment, she felt like James was trying to push her over the side. But then James makes out with her and she knows she can trust him.
Except she can’t, because James goes home and immediately spills everything to Margo: “I was trying to see if she trusts me completely. And she does. She really thinks I was trying to save her. But I could’ve killed her if I wanted to.” James is creepy. He also tells Margo that Jess is paranoid that her parents like Liz better. Hee. It’s funny because it’s true.
Margo tells him she’s going to apply to be a day care teacher at Project Youth, because kids talk, so she’ll be able to learn about the Wakefields too. Margo bleaches her hair to look like Jess’s and Liz’s, and then chooses a wig and disguise for her job interview. She types up the sickest reference ever, from drowned-Georgie’s mother: “Georgie will never have another babysitter like her…she touched all of our lives forever…even taught him how to swim.”
I love Crazy Margo. I love her even more when she pulls her hair back in barrettes to complete her Elizabeth Look.
She gets the job, of course. The day care woman says she’s going to call Margo’s references, and Margo lies that Mrs. Smith is out of the country for three weeks. Like an idiot, the manager says, “Well, then you can be a temp employee for three weeks, and we’ll switch you to permanent after.” Letting people supervise kids without a background check is so smart! I bet it won’t backfire at all!
Extending the olive branch, Jess offers to drive Liz home from school. Liz almost cries, she’s so happy. Jess tells her the accident wasn’t her fault. Liz quietly says that she shouldn’t have been drinking, and Jess insists, “There’s no way you could’ve known.” Liz thinks that’s weird, but doesn’t pursue. She’s just glad Jess is talking to her again. Jess says that she feels so much better about herself since she met James, because she has crap self-esteem and needs constant male validation. Anyway, both twins seem to think the talk went pretty well.
A girl at the day care lives down the street from the Wakefields, and tells Margo all about them. Margo tells the girl that the conversation has to stay a secret: “You know what happens to little girls who can’t keep secrets? Sometimes, their kittens get drowned. But if they tell a really important secret, little girls can get all burned up!” The kid is justifiably terrified.
Jess goes out with James, but he’s not really talkative and then cuts their date short. She doesn’t understand why, but it’s because he’s starting to have second thoughts about helping Margo. He thinks Jess is a nice enough kid, and feels sorry for her, with the dead boyfriend and then Margo spying on her, but Margo suspects he’s getting cold feet. They meet at Kelly’s bar, and Margo squeezes a glass so hard it breaks and makes a deep cut on her hand, which cracks her up. James is understandably grossed out.
While Jess is out with James, wild Liz decides to do her laundry. Happy to do her sister a favor, since they’re talking now, she goes into Jess’s room to gather up her dirty clothes as well. As Liz picks up a pair of “psychedelic stretch pants” - Fantastic. - what do you think she finds on the floor of Jess’s bedroom?
The letter from Todd. Oh yes. Liz reads it and is both elated that Todd still loves her and horrified at Jessica’s betrayal. How could Jess hurt her like this? So much wasted love! And wasted time! Sob!
For some reason, Liz waits until the next morning to bitch Jess out. Liz says, “I was the one who got [Sam] killed, even if I didn’t kill him myself. People are making sure that I don’t forget that. But this-why would you keep it from me all this time? Why do you want to hurt me even more?” Jess cries and insists, “I don’t! It wasn’t like that, Lizzie, I swear-” but we all know it totally was. Liz storms out, saying that they can’t be friends or sisters anymore.
Jess calls James from the payphone outside school, crying about Liz, and James is sympathetic, but he doesn’t get it. He’s bizarrely reasonable for a Sweet Valley character, all, “Well, of course you didn’t give her the love letter; you were dating the guy yourself.” Jess knows that’s crap, though. She’d forgotten all about the letter, and she didn’t want to ruin the fact that she and Liz were getting along for the first time in ages by telling Liz that Todd still loved her. You know, one of the defining characteristics of sociopathy is the lack of remorse. Jess always seems to feel bad about the things she’s done, but only after getting caught inconveniences her in some way. If Liz had never found the letter and yelled at her, Jess wouldn’t feel a bit guilty about the Todd thing.
Josh Smith, Boy Detective, pretends to be a reporter from the Sacramento Bee. (Though he’s a little dorkily fretful about the legality of this: can he go to jail for impersonating a reporter? HA!) He goes to the police station to ask about any violent crimes in the area, hoping to get a lead on Margo, but the cops say that crimes never happen in Sweet Valley. Indeed. They do mention Sam’s death, and the waitress with the gratuitous baby who was run over in a neighboring town. Josh pretends to take notes, but he’s really just writing MARGO over and over on his notepad. (I’m not making that up. Think how thrilled Roger Barrett Patman would be!)
Margo dresses up like Liz, right down to the barrettes, and goes to Calico Drive to see Alice. She can’t stay away from her wonderful, perfect mother for one more moment. The kid from the daycare center sees her and waves, and Margo almost flips out but then realizes the kid thinks she’s Elizabeth and waves back. Margo figures that, if the kid ever realizes that she’s really the day care lady, she knows a great well where she could toss the girl and she’d never be found.
Margo goes inside and, pausing briefly to admire the Wakefields’ butcher knives and Spanish tiles (Excellent!), gives Alice a hug and then runs away. Alice is weirded out: she thinks Liz seemed disoriented and not at all like herself. Just then, Liz runs downstairs and through the kitchen on her way out. Alice is like, “You changed your clothes?” and Liz is all, “No, I haven’t seen you since breakfast and I’ve been wearing this all day.” This does not raise any warning bells with Alice, though it would with any sane person.
Liz rides her bike away, so Margo hotwires a car and follows her. Of course. Liz pedals all the way to some mansion, and then sits on the steps and waits. Margo is confused, and briefly considers just killing Liz now, but then Todd drives up. He and Liz make out. Everything is all right again. Margo is thrilled by her hot boyfriend and perfect mother. I’m fascinated that, after drawing out the Todd-Liz estrangement for six books, the ghostwriter chose to write their reconciliation from Margo’s point of view.
Josh is positive Margo ran over the waitress, because she’s in the area and somebody died. So it was obviously her. As he gets an ice cream at Casey’s, he overhears Lila and Amy talking about Olivia’s party. Since these girls are the same age as Margo, Josh thinks it can’t hurt to know what’s going on at SVH, so he decides to crash the costume ball. Brilliant plan! As he leaves, he sees Liz getting into Todd’s BMW and thinks it’s Margo. He flips out, but obviously can’t chase down the car. Poor Josh is all frustrated.
James can’t stop thinking about Jess, even though he keeps telling himself that she’s just a job. When Margo calls and wants all the details about Jess’s Cinderella costume, James tells her, even though he feels bad about it. He thinks Margo is just setting Jess up for some psychotic prank, which makes me think that he’s almost as stupid as Todd. He briefly worries that Margo might be hoping to hurt Jess, but puts that thought out of his mind because Margo creeps him out too much. What a great reason!
The twins get ready for Olivia’s party. They open the doors to their shared bathroom at the same time, and Liz turns back to her bedroom, slamming the door in Jess’s face rather than share the mirror. Jess sobs. She has no idea how she can ever be happy again, since Sam is dead and she’s betrayed Liz twice (Todd and the Magical Vodka, I assume). It turns out they’re dressed alike: both in Cinderella gowns, but Liz’s is a slightly lighter color. Jess had planned to wear rhinestone earrings that James bought her, but changes her mind at the last second to pearls that were from Sam.
Adorably, Winston, Maria, and Daisy go to Olivia’s party as Lucy and Ricky Ricardo, and little Ricky. They put a wig on Daisy. So cute! Bruce and Pamela go as a sultan and a harem girl, which is revoltingly appropriate.
Liz wanders away from the party, and thinks she sees Jess, but is weirded out when she notices Jess’s earrings: they’re rhinestones, not Sam’s pearls. Jess (who’s actually Margo) runs away. Margo dances with Todd. She believes he thinks she’s Liz. He actually thinks she’s Jess, and is seriously weirded out when Margo starts trying to feel him up and grinding on him. He runs away as soon as the song is over, wondering what kind of psycho plot Jessica is doing now, and Margo sighs over how romantic the dance was.
Josh shows up dressed like Sherlock Homes. Super creative! He thinks he spots Margo by the refreshment table, but it’s actually Jessica he grabs. When Liz runs over to see what the problem is, Josh is amazed that there are two girls who look so exactly like Margo, and it starts to dawn on him that the twins must be why Margo is in Sweet Valley: she’s going to do something involving looking just like the Wakefields. As the boys all throw him out of the party for manhandling Jessica, Josh realizes that he saw three different pairs of earrings on the Cinderellas at the party: two were the twins (Liz’s random earrings and Jess’s pearls) so the third one must have been Margo (the rhinestones). He just knows the twins are in terrible danger.
Margo sits in her room, consoling herself that she at least got to burn Nina, her foster sister, alive, even though she missed her chance with baby Daisy. She thinks uneasily about Josh, but is confident he won’t be able to mess up her plan. She types up a fake letter to Ned Wakefield, offering him a consulting job in San Francisco. If he and Alice drive up, they have two free nights at the Fairmont for a nice time away during his interview. And, Margo thinks happily, when they get home, they’ll have a new daughter! (She does figure she’ll have to kill Ned eventually; she’s not willing to share Alice’s love for any longer than necessary. I swear to God.)
Ned is thrilled to get Margo’s letter, and he and Alice tells the twins and Steven they’ll be going away for a few days. The kids are all kind of uneasy about it, though they can’t articulate why. So, they pretend to be happy.
The End
Next up, #100 THE EVIL TWIN. Aw, yeah.