Where Are They Now?: Sweet Valley Edition

[otter_pants]

I haven't read the crap-fest that is SVC, based on the reviews from you guys and the reviews on Amazon. I may check it out from the library one day but...meh.

Anyways, this is very similar to

Comments

[melody_power]

What a fantastic post idea! I love it!

Let's see...

After being told for years how much he resembled Robert Redford, teacher Roger Collins headed to Hollywood, where he began an illustrious acting career. However, after an unfortunate incident involving an underage toilet paper model, he returns to Sweet Valley in shame, where he works in a correctional facility, telling anyone who will listen how he once appeared in a Mel Gibson movie.

Maria Slater fell in love with the famous CEO of the social networking site, MyFace, and got married in an elaborate ceremony that was in all the papers. She is now richer than the Fowlers and the Patmans combined, but her husband is a closeted homosexual who is sleeping with the pool boy. She spends her times organizing charity functions and dreaming of a Broadway career.

Conner McDermott (aka Emo McDouche) formed a grunge band and went to Seattle, dreaming of becoming the next Kurt Cobain... but found that he was about ten years too late. For a while he was an in demand wedding singer, but his penchant for hitting on the bride thwarted him. He now spends his time waiting tables at the coffee shoppe by day and singing by night at open mic. All the teenage girls love him.

Amy Sutton became a playboy bunny but was kicked out of the mansion, when she turned 25 and developed cellulite. She is now an exotic dancer.

[otter_pants]

Ha!

Did Amy try to get her own "Girls Next Door" show but was shot down for being too "old" at the tender age of 25?

Tom McKay recently went under a new controversial skin-darkening treatment to become black. He is now known as Miss Jay and teaches wannabe models how to walk the runway.

Lois Waller shed all her ZOMG! fat after high school the healthy non-Robin Wilson way. She trained hard and ate right. Lois now runs a highly successful gym where all the punching bags come adorned with faces of the former Unicorns who mocked her.

Melissa Fox and Will Simmons got married, of course. Will Simmons, naturally, hates his life. His wife is a raging bitch, his young daughter is turning out to be a raging bitch like his mom. Will wants to leave them, but he knows Crazy Melissa will attempt to kill herself the 837th time. So what does Will do? Go on a crazy killing spree starting with Melissa!

[melody_power]

ROFL... did Will change his name to Scott Peterson? Okay that was in poor taste, I suppose.

I love your Tom and Lois ones. Perfect!

[otter_pants]

lol...Will is totes Scott Peterson.

As a not a perfect size six, I like to see the "fat" girl prevail in the end. Though I imagine Lois was probably a whopping size 10. What a whale (in Sweet Valley terms). May Todd wants to date her since he <3's whales. : )

[melody_power]

OMG me too. I'm an imperfect size twelve, ten if I exercise 5-6 hours a day and eat less than 1000 calories a day, and can only manage a size six if I starve myself. Literally. Sweet Valley probably contributed to the eating disorder I developed in high school when I tried to copy the Robin Wilson diet. I even wrote "water" at the top of my written diet, just like she did. Needless to say it didn't work. All I ended up accomplishing was a quick trip to the hospital and a support group full of girls who traded tips on how to stay skinny and fool the counselors. Oh, and they looked down their nose at me because I was the "fat one" (I was a size 8 at the time) who didn't have to drink Ensure under the watch of a pyschiatrist.

I remember an SVT cover with Lois on it and she wasn't fat at all. It was the one where she was competing against Bruce in a bike race. She looked completely normal to me, if a bit nerdy. But not fat. Those kids were insane. Remind me why we loved this stuff again?

[otter_pants]

OMG! I'm an imperfect size 12, too! We're twins! So alike, yet so different.

I totally agree with you that SVH gave me a complex about my weight as a child. It was just so shoved down our throats that a size 6 was perfect! And all other sizes were FAT! (Except with the re-issues when a size 6 was FAT and a size 4 was perfect). I'm sorry you struggled with an eating disorder : ( But I'm glad you're heathly now! Yay, you! : ) And, btw, I would kill to be a size 8, but my love of cheese and pudding (not together) stops that homicidal rage : (

I remember that SVT book! Lois Strikes Back, right? She was thin on the cover, not fat at all. That also messed with my head as a 7/8 year old. If that girl was fat, what was I? : (

[mcsmaria]

Did Amy try to get her own "Girls Next Door" show but was shot down for being too "old" at the tender age of 25?

Amy appeared on the "Girls Next Door" and tried to edge out then girl friends Holly, Bridget and Kendra, but then was beat out by the skankier Shannon twins and the runaway bride du-jour, Crystal Harris.

[otter_pants]

lol...do you think Amy was such a bitch in SVh and SY because Liz treated her like such shit in SVT? That's my theory on it at least...

[design_star_21]

LOVE the Lois one. I can see her as Jillian Michaels. I love the punching bag idea too.