#2 One 2 Many, or Liz Stands up to Jessica (No, I'm not kidding)
Is that a zit on Elizabeth's chin!? And why are they both looking at Jessica like that? More importantly, if I sent my proof of purchase to the address inside, would I still get that limited edition nsync cassette?
Our tale of woe begins with Jessica, who at the end of the previous book has inadvertently led Lacey Frells, the most popular girl in school!, believe Steven's Jessica's high school attending, car driving, boyfriend. Incest! W00t! Jessica reflects on this with disgust as she watches her brother eating breakfast, spitting little bits of scrambled eggs as he talks. Finally, a sixteen year old that actually acts like a sixteen year old! She dreads going to school, but after finally making herself go (she left her lunch at home, btw) Lacey befriends her at school. Kristen's out sick so she wants her and Jess to gossip about their high school boyfriends. Lacey has sun-streaked brown hair, which makes her special, because sun-streaked is a description saved only for the twins. No wonder Jess wants to be her friend so bad. Anyway, Lacey wants her to hang out with her in Eyeball Alley the next morning, which is where the cool kids hang out and make fun of people as they walk by. Jessica doesn't think that sounds like much fun. Yeah. Jessica.
Lacey asks what her boyfriends name is, and Jess can't come up with anything better than Steven Wakeman. What is wrong with you, Jess! And comes up with a stupider story of how they met. She's spent the entire morning intending to tell Lacey the truth but can't seem to find the opportune moment, so she comes up with this clever scheme to tell her at the end of the week that they broke up. Well, this lasts one day. DundunDUN! While in Eyeball Alley the next day, Steven, being a good brother at the worst time, brings her her lunch. Lacey's impressed her boyfriend would do something like that for her, but another SVMS refugee recognizes Steven as her brother, catching Jessica in her lie. Lacey and the others point and laugh and nickname her Lamefield. Yes! Yes! I'm loving this. Jessica runs away in shame. Did I mention Lacey is awesome? Because she is
In class Jessica's asked to point out the Maritine Provinces on the map of the world and everyone laughs at her, especially when she points to Asia. It actually bothered me that I didn't know that so I went and looked it up. They're in Canada. ^_^ But they keep laughing at her, and it really annoys the teacher. That afternoon before she leaves for the bus, two of the boys that had been there for the scene in Eyeball Alley corner her at her locker and are really getting off at the idea of spraying it inside with shaving cream. Personally, I think it would've been more fun to spray Jessica with the shaving cream, but to each his own I guess. Of course, since their popular morons, they tell her they're going to do it instead of just doing it. But superman comes to save the day! An older boy stops them and makes them go away. Jessica thanks her savior and he tells her "No problem, Elizabeth."
Jessica never wants to go to school again and confides in Elizabeth about everything that's happened. And of course Elizabeth has a plan to set everything right! They're going to walk to and from classes together, and they'll have Anna and Salvador with them so no one will dare to bother her. They go to I Scream (guess Casey's isn't good enough for them anymore) and Jess stirs her Sunday into mush. Kristen and her mother stop by and Kristen's really friendly to both of them. Because Kristen's like Liz, only without the hypocrisy streak. Kristen's mother is a model and her name is Margie. Margie? Have you ever heard of a model named fucking Margie?
Anyway. the plan works. At least when Liz is around. The twins even run into Lacey and Kristen and Lacey doesn't say anything to Jess. Jess sees her savior from the day before and he smiles at her. Liz knows him from the Spec. Suddenly Jessica is a lot more interested in journalism.
Anyway, Liz has another great idea (careful there, Liz. You might get an aneurysm.) She invites Salvador and Anna to dinner so Jessica will get a chance to get to know them and make friends with them, too. Salvador picks on Jess all through dinner and Anna and Steven strike up a conversation about used cars. Needless to say, but I'll say it anyway, Jessica doesn't like her friends.
But Jess is really liking being a twins. People are being nice to her. She wants them to dress alike and even goes so far as calling Liz "Twinnie." *gagme* And does up her hair in barrettes like Liz. Jessica wants to hang out that night but Liz has a Spec meeting. Jess invites herself along, promising she'll behave. We all know it's only because she wants to see Damon. Afterwards Liz, Anna, Sal, and Brian have to go to a dance-a-thon that night due to a detention they got earlier in the week (more on that in B Plot). Jessica suckers them into letter her come with them.
Damon's not at the newspaper meeting. In her grief she annoys everybody at the newspaper. Charlie, the stick-shoved-up-her-ass editor, finally makes her type up an article. Afterwards she really really gets on everybody's nerve at the dance-a-thon, She gets in an argument with El Salvador as she calls him and tells Liz to come on, they'll call Steve and go home.
And then Liz does something that actually makes me almost like her. She tells Jessica
"No, Jess. You can go if you want to, but I'm staying here."
Go Liz!!!!!!!!
Jessica leaves in a huff and spends Friday by herself. The next day Mother Alice sends Jessica dear to the butcher to pick up some meat. She goes and runs into Lacey and Kristen, at of all places, THE BUTCHER SHOP. Jessica's through trying to get people to like her and just acts like herself to Lacey and Kristen while they're in line, and they're all a-gigglin and a-gettin' along and a-ridin' their bikes togetha. The moral of this story kids, is if you be yourself people will like you. As long as you're pretty and blond.
Liz is hanging out more and more with Anna and Salvador. She's the first one to actually get an assignment at the paper. She has to interview and old denture wearing lady that spits when she talks because she's retiring this year. Salvador is continuing to crush on her. He stares at her all through lunch and she asks why he's looking at her all funny. I'm pretty sure he told you that he liked you just in the last book, Lizzie. I know you tend to forget things, but really.
He keeps looking at her instead of listening and Anna notices it and it really bothers her. Liz gets a piece of lettuce stuck in her teach. Salvador just can't take it anymore, he reaches over and plucks the lettuce out of her teeth. And eats it! Okay, I made that last part up, but it wouldn't surprise me. Liz says aloud, "So that's why you've been staring at me," and laughs. Damn she is dense.
Liz does get her interview out of the teacher and her recipe for clam dip, which is supposed to be awesome despite how nasty it sounds. Though I am half tempted to try out the recipe just because. They're talking about her interview during volleyball in PE and get detention for not paying attention. Since when do they actually keep score in PE volleyball? And their detention is to participate in a charity dance-a-thon. Why couldn't I ever get detentions like that? No, I had to write papers on why I was bad and pick up trash.
Anyway, Salvador heads over to Anna's house, who's crying about her brother (Anna, not the house) and cheers her up by saying she should write a parody article for the paper, like how Elizabeth wrote for the paper. He includes Elizabeth's name in every sentence and it's really annoying her. And she realizes he kind of handsome. I think we know where this is going. Though there's no further mention of said article but it's in the between chapters includes. It's actually pretty funny. It's called "What Teachers Really Mean" and my favorite is
When teachers say...
"Class will be dismissed ten minutes early today."
They really mean...
"I need a cigarette."
The girls are actually kind of excited about the dance-a-thon but Salvador's dreading it because he's actually been the community club before. Anna mentions the dance to Salvador's grandmother, The Dona, and she insists they have dancing lessons. Immediately they head over to her dance teachers house and he manages to teach them the Box Step. The Dona flirts with Mr. Fox, introducing Salvador as her nephew. Anna thinks they're cute and Salvador fights back vomit.
It's lunch time a couple days later and Liz can't go because because she has to study for a spanish test, and Salvador can't go because he has detention. So Anna goes outside and tries to work on a poem, but doesn't want to write another poem about her dead brother while she's at school. They haven't said the D-word yet, but if you haven't figured out he's dead by now you belong at SVJH. So she goes back to lunch and sees GASP! Liz and Sal eating at their usual table. She thinks they made up those excuses just get rid of her. Reasonable. Anna's not a happy camper.
At this point, Jess confesses to Liz everything that happened with Lacey and Liz comes up with her Ingenious Plan! that I covered in A Plot. The only thing worth mentioning again is that at dinner Liz notes that Anna is pretty comfortable with Steve, and the only friends she's had that are are ones that have older brothers, but that she knows Anna's an only child. Oooh! Thinly-veiled forshadowing!!!
So let's just skip to the dance. Salvador crushes on Liz. Liz crushes on Salvador without realizing it. Anna notices and crushes on Salvador without realizing it. Brian actually dances. Anna calls him out on his crush thing and asks if he's finished acting weird yet. He says he's finished. Sure you are, big boy. *wink*