Sweet Valley Twins #103: Elizabeth Solves It All
I can see why no one has re-capped this one yet as it’s pretty dull, but I found it while cleaning out my attic last week and the contest has motivated to get re-capping.
The book starts off with this gem:
“To Our Readers,
The Sixers is proud to announce ‘Dear Elizabeth,’ an advice column just for kids. Send in your questions and get great advice from Elizabeth Walkefield. As you all know, Elizabeth Wakefield is a great student, a great writer, and a person who cares about other people’s problems. So write to Dear Elzabeth care of the Sixers, room 204, and take advantage of the wit and wisdom of Sweet Valley Middle School’s very own professional adviser, Elizabeth Wakefield. (Confidentiality respected.)”
Now I’m not sure Elizabeth the sixth grader is the best person to give out advice, but the shocker here is that Elizabeth, while noting how intelligent and mature she is, isn’t sure she’s qualified either. She also doesn’t like how the advertisement is worded because it sounds so *let us pause as Elizabeth searches for the right word* ‘braggadocious’.
Personally, I would have thought she’d be thrilled with people approaching her for condescending shoulder pats. Oh well, I guess the chase is half the fun. Anyway, it appears that the rest of the school isn’t interested in Elizabeth’s help - no one has written in to her. This poses a problem to more than just Elizabeth’s ego because Amy and Maria are counting on Elizabeth to give great advice so they can enter her in Teen Scene Magazine’s contest so she will finally get to write for a real publication the Sixers will win some brand-new desktop publishing software.
After the janitor kicks the girls out of the school for the day they run into the middle of an is not!/is too! argument between the Unicorns at the bus stop. The Unicorns are trying to decide which is the most important thing about a guy (Jessica thinks it’s his clothes, Kimberly thinks it’s music, and Janet thinks it’s the car they want to drive). Elizabeth, never missing an opportunity to butt in, tells them there is no one important thing and Tamara Chase agrees with her using her science partner Bob Hansen as an example. Janet doesn’t think Bob is up to Unicorn standards while Elizabeth advises her to go for it. Janet basically tells Elizabeth no one wants her advice and brings up the lack of responses for her column to prove her point, oh yeah and also she should mind her own damn business. When Elizabeth and Jessica get home, Liz sarcastically thanks Jess for sticking up for her. Jessica grins unmoved and says she can stick up for herself.
Amy and Maria both decide that since no one else is writing in, they will be Elizabeth’s first clients. Amy asks what to get her grandma for her birthday while Maria wants to know what she should wear to a Hollywood party. Elizabeth figures out their plan as soon as she reads the letters and is about to crumple them up (real nice Liz) when she sees a third letter from someone who wants a dog but their dad says “no way”. Elizabeth actually SKIPS CLASS so she can get the column ready for current issue.
After the edition of the Sixers is published Liz finds Janet doing a goody-goody impression of her as she recites the column in the cafeteria in front of the Unicorns, who are all cracking up. Despite the teasing, Elizabeth’s advice to Maria and Amy is spot on and works perfectly - just as we all knew it would. It has also helped the dog-wanter, who turns out to be Denny Jacobson, who enters the Sixers’ office - with the dog - to thank Elizabeth just as Janet was leaving after making fun of her. Janet has a huge crush on Denny so she is pretty demoralized/outraged seeing him thanking Elizabeth and asking for her approval on the puppy’s name - Woolly Booger.
When Janet insists that Elizabeth didn’t do anything Maria says that because of Elizabeth’s advice (wear your favorite outfit) she got offered a part in a movie and because of Elizabeth’s advice to Amy (get a craft project you and grandma can do together) Grandma bought the whole family a trip to Hawaii. Now just as I’m thinking how ludicrous that is even for Sweet Valley standards, Maria runs into Amy at a pharmacy and tells her she tells her that she made up the trip and to play along if anyone asks her.
Motivated by her success, Elizabeth decides to talk to Jessica after she hears Mandy accuse her sister of copying her by wearing her hair in a braid. Elizabeth’s advice to Jessica (knock it off) doesn’t go over as well and she tells Liz to mind her own business. Liz goes to her parents and even they tell her to butt out and that if Jessica wants her advice she’ll ask for it.
The next day there is a huge pile of letters and although Elizabeth is thrilled and wants to shout out loud, when she sees Amy is also happy she can’t help but lecture that these people have problems and they shouldn’t be too happy. Because of the volume of letters Amy offers to help but Elizabeth immediately shoots her down saying “each letter deserves an individual response” as if Amy is less of an individual than she is. Amy isn’t as annoyed by this as I am and just shrugs and heads off to class. Elizabeth SKIPS CLASS to work on the letters. The book says that this is the first time Elizabeth has ever skipped a class, but no more than 50 pages earlier she skipped class to get the first responses ready for that day’s edition of the paper, come on ghostwriters, at least have continuity within your own book!
Anyway, Elizabeth ends up getting lost in writing her letters and misses a couple of classes only realizing the time when Todd is sent to look for her by their fourth period teacher. Todd sees all the letters and offers his help but Elizabeth snaps at him but then feels bad and asks him to go out for sodas after school. She gets annoyed waiting for him to leave her to her work and he reminds her that she has to go to class.
Liz completely forgets about her plans with Todd and stands him up. She catches up to him at school the next day and apologizes, he forgives her and they make plans to meet in fifteen minutes after Elizabeth fills out some paperwork at the Sixers office. She sees a ton of new letters for Dear Elizabeth have arrived but still refuses help from Maria and Amy who fear they’ve created a monster.
Elizabeth actually manages to meet Todd this time but completely ignores him thinking about the column and fingering the letters in her bag, until finally he’s had enough and walks out. Jessica further fuels Liz’s ego by telling her she recognized some of the Unicorns, including Janet, from their letters leading Elizabeth to think she would soon be a legend in her own time. Meanwhile I think she’s a legend in her own mind.
It has gotten to the point where Elizabeth is forgetting to do her chores, has the principal calling her house because she’s skipping classes, and ignoring her friends. Amy actually has to write in to the Dear Elizabeth column for advice on what to do about her forgetful grandmother because Liz doesn’t have time to talk to her. She forgets to give Jessica an important message from her teacher regarding a test.
Elizabeth’s advise also seems to stop working, Denny pawns Woolly Booger off on Janet who takes him to a shelter; Randy Mason’s cookie venture goes horribly wrong; Mandy doesn’t invite Jessica to her slumber party and Jessica stops speaking to her; and Amy tells her grandma she needs to see a psychiatrist and it upsets her so much she ends up driving the wrong way on the freeway.
The next day when Amy sees Elizabeth and the Sixers office and she is all “Dear Elizabeth rules!” Amy doesn’t share in her sentiment. All the people who followed Elizabeth’s advice start turning up and reaming her out; she apologizes and promises to fix everything by tomorrow. Then Jessica comes storming through the door mad at Liz for not telling her about the test. Liz sort of uncharacteristically retorts that Jessica wasn’t exactly a straight A student anyway and since when did she need her help to flunk. Then Jessica starts crying about how Elizabeth has time for everybody else’s problems except hers and she doesn’t understand why Mandy didn’t invite her to her party. Then Elizabeth feels horrible and says she’ll talk to the teacher and Mandy then starts crying and leaves the room. Now that’s the Elizabeth I’m used to.
Maria hears Liz crying in the bathroom and tries to offer help, but Liz tells her she doesn’t want any advise. She SKIPS THE REST OF THE SCHOOL DAY and goes back home where her mother asks her if she’s sick, Liz says no, so her mom confronts her about neglecting her chores rather than skipping class. Liz just goes up to her room and cries about the huge faily failure who fails she has become.
Back at school Maria and Amy, think it’s their fault that Elizabeth thinks everything is her fault. Also, Amy learns that her grandmother doesn’t have alzheimer’s disease like I suspected, or any form of dementia, she just didn’t know her way around town and was not used to the freeways and shopping centers - because there certainly aren’t freeways and shopping centers in Chicago unlike Sweet Valley, and also people don’t get diseases in Sweet Valley, unless they are cured in one book, just ask Mandy.
The next day at school there is an angry mob outside the Sixers office waiting for Elizabeth to make good on her promise to fix everything by the end of the day. When Amy gets there everyone tells her Elizabeth has locked herself in but when they open the door no one is there. This enrages the mob and they want to start a petition to get Liz fired from the paper. Amy shouts over the chaos that’s she’s going to give them some advice. Grow up! She then goes on to tell everyone how Dear Elizabeth gave them good advice they just made bad decisions with it. (Denny told his dad he’d take responsibility for the dog but he never actually took responsibility etc). By the end of Amy’s rant everyone seems satisfied and Maria jokily suggests that maybe they should start a Dear Amy column.
Amy writes Elizabeth, who has SKIPPED SCHOOL again, a letter telling her she’s only human and it’s okay for her to ask for help signing it “The President of the Elizabeth Wakefield Fan Club” and slips it under her bedroom door. Liz reads the letter and shouts HELP! as loudly as she can. Amy, Maria, Mandy and Jessica all get to work on helping Elizabeth with all the things she’s neglected while sending Liz to write her resignation letter then out on a date with Todd.
The book starts off with this gem:
“To Our Readers,
The Sixers is proud to announce ‘Dear Elizabeth,’ an advice column just for kids. Send in your questions and get great advice from Elizabeth Walkefield. As you all know, Elizabeth Wakefield is a great student, a great writer, and a person who cares about other people’s problems. So write to Dear Elzabeth care of the Sixers, room 204, and take advantage of the wit and wisdom of Sweet Valley Middle School’s very own professional adviser, Elizabeth Wakefield. (Confidentiality respected.)”
Now I’m not sure Elizabeth the sixth grader is the best person to give out advice, but the shocker here is that Elizabeth, while noting how intelligent and mature she is, isn’t sure she’s qualified either. She also doesn’t like how the advertisement is worded because it sounds so *let us pause as Elizabeth searches for the right word* ‘braggadocious’.
Personally, I would have thought she’d be thrilled with people approaching her for condescending shoulder pats. Oh well, I guess the chase is half the fun. Anyway, it appears that the rest of the school isn’t interested in Elizabeth’s help - no one has written in to her. This poses a problem to more than just Elizabeth’s ego because Amy and Maria are counting on Elizabeth to give great advice so they can enter her in Teen Scene Magazine’s contest so she will finally get to write for a real publication the Sixers will win some brand-new desktop publishing software.
After the janitor kicks the girls out of the school for the day they run into the middle of an is not!/is too! argument between the Unicorns at the bus stop. The Unicorns are trying to decide which is the most important thing about a guy (Jessica thinks it’s his clothes, Kimberly thinks it’s music, and Janet thinks it’s the car they want to drive). Elizabeth, never missing an opportunity to butt in, tells them there is no one important thing and Tamara Chase agrees with her using her science partner Bob Hansen as an example. Janet doesn’t think Bob is up to Unicorn standards while Elizabeth advises her to go for it. Janet basically tells Elizabeth no one wants her advice and brings up the lack of responses for her column to prove her point, oh yeah and also she should mind her own damn business. When Elizabeth and Jessica get home, Liz sarcastically thanks Jess for sticking up for her. Jessica grins unmoved and says she can stick up for herself.
Amy and Maria both decide that since no one else is writing in, they will be Elizabeth’s first clients. Amy asks what to get her grandma for her birthday while Maria wants to know what she should wear to a Hollywood party. Elizabeth figures out their plan as soon as she reads the letters and is about to crumple them up (real nice Liz) when she sees a third letter from someone who wants a dog but their dad says “no way”. Elizabeth actually SKIPS CLASS so she can get the column ready for current issue.
After the edition of the Sixers is published Liz finds Janet doing a goody-goody impression of her as she recites the column in the cafeteria in front of the Unicorns, who are all cracking up. Despite the teasing, Elizabeth’s advice to Maria and Amy is spot on and works perfectly - just as we all knew it would. It has also helped the dog-wanter, who turns out to be Denny Jacobson, who enters the Sixers’ office - with the dog - to thank Elizabeth just as Janet was leaving after making fun of her. Janet has a huge crush on Denny so she is pretty demoralized/outraged seeing him thanking Elizabeth and asking for her approval on the puppy’s name - Woolly Booger.
When Janet insists that Elizabeth didn’t do anything Maria says that because of Elizabeth’s advice (wear your favorite outfit) she got offered a part in a movie and because of Elizabeth’s advice to Amy (get a craft project you and grandma can do together) Grandma bought the whole family a trip to Hawaii. Now just as I’m thinking how ludicrous that is even for Sweet Valley standards, Maria runs into Amy at a pharmacy and tells her she tells her that she made up the trip and to play along if anyone asks her.
Motivated by her success, Elizabeth decides to talk to Jessica after she hears Mandy accuse her sister of copying her by wearing her hair in a braid. Elizabeth’s advice to Jessica (knock it off) doesn’t go over as well and she tells Liz to mind her own business. Liz goes to her parents and even they tell her to butt out and that if Jessica wants her advice she’ll ask for it.
The next day there is a huge pile of letters and although Elizabeth is thrilled and wants to shout out loud, when she sees Amy is also happy she can’t help but lecture that these people have problems and they shouldn’t be too happy. Because of the volume of letters Amy offers to help but Elizabeth immediately shoots her down saying “each letter deserves an individual response” as if Amy is less of an individual than she is. Amy isn’t as annoyed by this as I am and just shrugs and heads off to class. Elizabeth SKIPS CLASS to work on the letters. The book says that this is the first time Elizabeth has ever skipped a class, but no more than 50 pages earlier she skipped class to get the first responses ready for that day’s edition of the paper, come on ghostwriters, at least have continuity within your own book!
Anyway, Elizabeth ends up getting lost in writing her letters and misses a couple of classes only realizing the time when Todd is sent to look for her by their fourth period teacher. Todd sees all the letters and offers his help but Elizabeth snaps at him but then feels bad and asks him to go out for sodas after school. She gets annoyed waiting for him to leave her to her work and he reminds her that she has to go to class.
Liz completely forgets about her plans with Todd and stands him up. She catches up to him at school the next day and apologizes, he forgives her and they make plans to meet in fifteen minutes after Elizabeth fills out some paperwork at the Sixers office. She sees a ton of new letters for Dear Elizabeth have arrived but still refuses help from Maria and Amy who fear they’ve created a monster.
Elizabeth actually manages to meet Todd this time but completely ignores him thinking about the column and fingering the letters in her bag, until finally he’s had enough and walks out. Jessica further fuels Liz’s ego by telling her she recognized some of the Unicorns, including Janet, from their letters leading Elizabeth to think she would soon be a legend in her own time. Meanwhile I think she’s a legend in her own mind.
It has gotten to the point where Elizabeth is forgetting to do her chores, has the principal calling her house because she’s skipping classes, and ignoring her friends. Amy actually has to write in to the Dear Elizabeth column for advice on what to do about her forgetful grandmother because Liz doesn’t have time to talk to her. She forgets to give Jessica an important message from her teacher regarding a test.
Elizabeth’s advise also seems to stop working, Denny pawns Woolly Booger off on Janet who takes him to a shelter; Randy Mason’s cookie venture goes horribly wrong; Mandy doesn’t invite Jessica to her slumber party and Jessica stops speaking to her; and Amy tells her grandma she needs to see a psychiatrist and it upsets her so much she ends up driving the wrong way on the freeway.
The next day when Amy sees Elizabeth and the Sixers office and she is all “Dear Elizabeth rules!” Amy doesn’t share in her sentiment. All the people who followed Elizabeth’s advice start turning up and reaming her out; she apologizes and promises to fix everything by tomorrow. Then Jessica comes storming through the door mad at Liz for not telling her about the test. Liz sort of uncharacteristically retorts that Jessica wasn’t exactly a straight A student anyway and since when did she need her help to flunk. Then Jessica starts crying about how Elizabeth has time for everybody else’s problems except hers and she doesn’t understand why Mandy didn’t invite her to her party. Then Elizabeth feels horrible and says she’ll talk to the teacher and Mandy then starts crying and leaves the room. Now that’s the Elizabeth I’m used to.
Maria hears Liz crying in the bathroom and tries to offer help, but Liz tells her she doesn’t want any advise. She SKIPS THE REST OF THE SCHOOL DAY and goes back home where her mother asks her if she’s sick, Liz says no, so her mom confronts her about neglecting her chores rather than skipping class. Liz just goes up to her room and cries about the huge faily failure who fails she has become.
Back at school Maria and Amy, think it’s their fault that Elizabeth thinks everything is her fault. Also, Amy learns that her grandmother doesn’t have alzheimer’s disease like I suspected, or any form of dementia, she just didn’t know her way around town and was not used to the freeways and shopping centers - because there certainly aren’t freeways and shopping centers in Chicago unlike Sweet Valley, and also people don’t get diseases in Sweet Valley, unless they are cured in one book, just ask Mandy.
The next day at school there is an angry mob outside the Sixers office waiting for Elizabeth to make good on her promise to fix everything by the end of the day. When Amy gets there everyone tells her Elizabeth has locked herself in but when they open the door no one is there. This enrages the mob and they want to start a petition to get Liz fired from the paper. Amy shouts over the chaos that’s she’s going to give them some advice. Grow up! She then goes on to tell everyone how Dear Elizabeth gave them good advice they just made bad decisions with it. (Denny told his dad he’d take responsibility for the dog but he never actually took responsibility etc). By the end of Amy’s rant everyone seems satisfied and Maria jokily suggests that maybe they should start a Dear Amy column.
Amy writes Elizabeth, who has SKIPPED SCHOOL again, a letter telling her she’s only human and it’s okay for her to ask for help signing it “The President of the Elizabeth Wakefield Fan Club” and slips it under her bedroom door. Liz reads the letter and shouts HELP! as loudly as she can. Amy, Maria, Mandy and Jessica all get to work on helping Elizabeth with all the things she’s neglected while sending Liz to write her resignation letter then out on a date with Todd.