Is this really Sweet Valley? or SVJH #1 Get Real
Tis my first recap so bear with me. So the 411 on this is that Sweet Valley Middle School got rezoned and a portion of the kids get stuck going to Sweet Valley Jr. High. WTF? So this small Californian town has one elementary school, one high school, but two between schools? And to make even less sense the Jr. High school is 7th-9th grade. Do Jr. High’s still even exist? I know all the Jr. High’s where I live (and there are around 15-20) got renamed Middle Schools back in ‘93.
And the twins are 14 and Steven is 16. Now, I wasn’t the greatest math student of all time, but I’m pretty sure 14+2=16, but 8+3=11. So how did they manage to be sixteen in eleventh grade? Must be SV’s greatest mysteries I’m guessing… There’s no mention of what grade Steven’s in yet.
And we meet some new characters central to only this series.
Lacey: A popular girl who’s a lot like Lila, only more bitchy and really doesn’t give a damn what anyone thinks.
Kristen: Her best friend who’s super duper nice. What’s notable about her is she is slightly over weight yet a really pretty and well-liked main character. Remember people, SV hates fat people.
Anna: A quiet Asian girl who likes to write poems about her dead brother.
Salvador: Her best friend who’s outgoing and rude but the most entertaining character in the series. And Hispanic. All this diversity is making me confused…
Ronald: Jessica’s locker buddy who builds ham radios in his basement.
A Plot:
Anyway, so Liz is totally bummed and Jessica’s all excited about the prospects of meeting new people, and more importantly, new guys. Older guys. The day before school starts Lila wakes her up bright and early with a sensational idea. They’re going to buy the same outfit and wear it to their different schools the same day! Wowee! They spend all day searching for this really hideous sounding outfit.
“Lila thrust the Seventeen into my hands. It was one of those back-to-school issues, featuring a cover girl wearing a white blouse, green sweater vest, tan blazer, and kilt.”
Lila, always on the cutting edge of fashion.
They get the outfit. Jessica, unsure of it, wears it to school because of Lila. They get to school. People make fun of Jessica’s outfit, she gets stuck with the dorkiest guy in school (Yes, a million times dorkier than Winston --dorkier’s not a word, by the way--and he compliments her skirt), and she makes no friends. She sits next to two popular girls named Lacey and Kristen, and makes mention of Lila. Kristen apparently knows of her, and Jessica really really wants to make friends with Lacey in the worst way, so every time Jessica’s around either of them she rambles on and on about Lila. With makes Lacey think 1, Lila’s her lesbian lover, or 2, Lila’s her imaginary friend. And this also shows Jessica cannot do anything when left to her own devices as she has no brain. Oh, and Liz and Jess don’t share a single class, study hall, or lunch. Talk about different.
Jessica resorts to eating lunch with her dorky locker partner, Ronald Reece, or when he’s too busy for her, eating it in the bathroom while doing her homework. That Jess. She’s such a wild woman. Lacey continues to snub her. During swimming one day she does the breaststroke, to which the teacher yells, “Nice breaststroke,” and thus, Jessica has a new nickname. The only thing that keeps her going are thoughts of Lila and hanging out with her. But Lila’s made new followers, and would rather play with them. Who can blame her?
But Lila’s having a slumber party that weekend. And that they’re going to see some new movie at the Regency before then. That night Jessica’s parents are going to the Regency, too, so they leave her out front to meet her friends. But they never show. She’s been stood up! She calls Steven for a ride and he tells her Lila just called, they went to a different movie theatre. And it only took them an hour to notice she was missing.
So Steven comes to pick her up. Lacey shows up with her smoker, car-driving high-school boyfriend, Gel, whom she calls John for the one and only time in the series. She sees Steven in the car and mistakes him for her boyfriend (as you know, being clones of their parents they don’t look anything like each other). Jessica plays along as this seems to be impressing Lacey and races into the car and over to Lila’s.
Lila has had her new friend rename themselves with ee ending names, they are now Ashlee, Maree, and Kourtnee. They chatter about the movie and things at school, completely leaving Jessica out and she feels more alone than ever. She realizes Lila doesn’t even miss her at school. None of the them do! I wonder why…
Saturday night Jessica goes out to dinner with her parents because her brother and sister both have dates (not with each other. Steven only has eyes for Jess) and she goes to put a song on the Jukebox. And she runs into Lacey. Again! She tells Jess she understands about the night before, how she has to keep dating a high school guy a secret, and about how cool it is to be dating one. Jessica, wanting to impress her, goes along with it.
The B Plot
Liz has low expectations for her school. Luckily for her in first class she sits by best friends Anna and Salvador. Charlie, the evil editor of the school paper, talks boring stuff about the paper and asks who wants an application. Anna and Salvador do, and at the last minute, Liz raises her hand for one.
In PE their teach, Ms. Sensitivity, asks poor Anna where her sports bra is. She gives a lame excuse of having dropped it in some water. Liz claims she has an extra one and volunteers to give it to Anna. To get attention off of Anna, Salvador exclaims that his feet are itchy. Ms. Sensitivity is also a hygiene freak and has everyone take off their shoes so she can check them for athlete’s foot. In the locker room Anna admits she didn’t really drop her bra, and Liz admits she doesn’t actually have an extra one. So Liz--get this--suggests to skip the rest of school to go buy one. WTF? Did Liz get in a motorcycle accident over the summer or has Margo struck again?
So they skip school and go to the mall. Instead of going to Kmart or Walmart or Target or something they go the lingerie store at the mall. Yeah. Real stealth right there. While Anna’s in the back trying on bra’s Salvador comes in and is extremely rude in an entertaining way to the sales clerk. Anna finally buys the damn bra and they drag him out of there.
The three become bff’s. Salvador’s grandmother, The Dona, has got to be the most entertaining adult in the history of Sweet Valley, and she gives Salvador two tickets to see some band we’ve never heard of for him and Anna. But he doesn’t take Anna. He asks Lizzie to go with him on the night he and Anna always spend together and had already made plans for. He and Liz go out, Liz borrowing Jessica’s apparently really nice crushed velvet green jacket that don’t sound so nice to me.
Anna’s wandering around the video store wondering where the hell Salvador is and as she’s walking back home she sees Salvador with Liz. So she does the first thing a jealous girl can think of. She dumps her Gatorade on the pair of them. I like this Anna chic. She goes home and her parents are in bed listening to a tape of her dead brother singing. Talk about creepy. She’s really depressed. I don’t blame her.
Liz confronts Salvador on why Anna would do that. He admits he was supposed to meet her and Liz gets pissed. She calls Steven to pick her up. My, Steven is the busy chauffer.
Salvador apologizes to Anna with pizza that read in pepperoni “I’m a low sal.” The sal was supposed to be salamander, which she used to call him when he was little, but he ran out of pepperoni. I found this hysterical for no apparent reason. She calls Liz and apologizes and Liz runs over, leaving Jess alone, and they hang out, Salvador and Liz noticing each others elbows as they sit next to each other on the couch. The end.
All and all an entertaining read, but completely different from what we're used to. And I want to mention I think the twins on these covers are really pretty and perfect for Liz and Jess. ^_^
And for shits and giggles, there’s an add to win a free N’Sync cassette! This was ‘99, people. Who still bought cassette’s in ‘99?
And the twins are 14 and Steven is 16. Now, I wasn’t the greatest math student of all time, but I’m pretty sure 14+2=16, but 8+3=11. So how did they manage to be sixteen in eleventh grade? Must be SV’s greatest mysteries I’m guessing… There’s no mention of what grade Steven’s in yet.
And we meet some new characters central to only this series.
Lacey: A popular girl who’s a lot like Lila, only more bitchy and really doesn’t give a damn what anyone thinks.
Kristen: Her best friend who’s super duper nice. What’s notable about her is she is slightly over weight yet a really pretty and well-liked main character. Remember people, SV hates fat people.
Anna: A quiet Asian girl who likes to write poems about her dead brother.
Salvador: Her best friend who’s outgoing and rude but the most entertaining character in the series. And Hispanic. All this diversity is making me confused…
Ronald: Jessica’s locker buddy who builds ham radios in his basement.
A Plot:
Anyway, so Liz is totally bummed and Jessica’s all excited about the prospects of meeting new people, and more importantly, new guys. Older guys. The day before school starts Lila wakes her up bright and early with a sensational idea. They’re going to buy the same outfit and wear it to their different schools the same day! Wowee! They spend all day searching for this really hideous sounding outfit.
“Lila thrust the Seventeen into my hands. It was one of those back-to-school issues, featuring a cover girl wearing a white blouse, green sweater vest, tan blazer, and kilt.”
Lila, always on the cutting edge of fashion.
They get the outfit. Jessica, unsure of it, wears it to school because of Lila. They get to school. People make fun of Jessica’s outfit, she gets stuck with the dorkiest guy in school (Yes, a million times dorkier than Winston --dorkier’s not a word, by the way--and he compliments her skirt), and she makes no friends. She sits next to two popular girls named Lacey and Kristen, and makes mention of Lila. Kristen apparently knows of her, and Jessica really really wants to make friends with Lacey in the worst way, so every time Jessica’s around either of them she rambles on and on about Lila. With makes Lacey think 1, Lila’s her lesbian lover, or 2, Lila’s her imaginary friend. And this also shows Jessica cannot do anything when left to her own devices as she has no brain. Oh, and Liz and Jess don’t share a single class, study hall, or lunch. Talk about different.
Jessica resorts to eating lunch with her dorky locker partner, Ronald Reece, or when he’s too busy for her, eating it in the bathroom while doing her homework. That Jess. She’s such a wild woman. Lacey continues to snub her. During swimming one day she does the breaststroke, to which the teacher yells, “Nice breaststroke,” and thus, Jessica has a new nickname. The only thing that keeps her going are thoughts of Lila and hanging out with her. But Lila’s made new followers, and would rather play with them. Who can blame her?
But Lila’s having a slumber party that weekend. And that they’re going to see some new movie at the Regency before then. That night Jessica’s parents are going to the Regency, too, so they leave her out front to meet her friends. But they never show. She’s been stood up! She calls Steven for a ride and he tells her Lila just called, they went to a different movie theatre. And it only took them an hour to notice she was missing.
So Steven comes to pick her up. Lacey shows up with her smoker, car-driving high-school boyfriend, Gel, whom she calls John for the one and only time in the series. She sees Steven in the car and mistakes him for her boyfriend (as you know, being clones of their parents they don’t look anything like each other). Jessica plays along as this seems to be impressing Lacey and races into the car and over to Lila’s.
Lila has had her new friend rename themselves with ee ending names, they are now Ashlee, Maree, and Kourtnee. They chatter about the movie and things at school, completely leaving Jessica out and she feels more alone than ever. She realizes Lila doesn’t even miss her at school. None of the them do! I wonder why…
Saturday night Jessica goes out to dinner with her parents because her brother and sister both have dates (not with each other. Steven only has eyes for Jess) and she goes to put a song on the Jukebox. And she runs into Lacey. Again! She tells Jess she understands about the night before, how she has to keep dating a high school guy a secret, and about how cool it is to be dating one. Jessica, wanting to impress her, goes along with it.
The B Plot
Liz has low expectations for her school. Luckily for her in first class she sits by best friends Anna and Salvador. Charlie, the evil editor of the school paper, talks boring stuff about the paper and asks who wants an application. Anna and Salvador do, and at the last minute, Liz raises her hand for one.
In PE their teach, Ms. Sensitivity, asks poor Anna where her sports bra is. She gives a lame excuse of having dropped it in some water. Liz claims she has an extra one and volunteers to give it to Anna. To get attention off of Anna, Salvador exclaims that his feet are itchy. Ms. Sensitivity is also a hygiene freak and has everyone take off their shoes so she can check them for athlete’s foot. In the locker room Anna admits she didn’t really drop her bra, and Liz admits she doesn’t actually have an extra one. So Liz--get this--suggests to skip the rest of school to go buy one. WTF? Did Liz get in a motorcycle accident over the summer or has Margo struck again?
So they skip school and go to the mall. Instead of going to Kmart or Walmart or Target or something they go the lingerie store at the mall. Yeah. Real stealth right there. While Anna’s in the back trying on bra’s Salvador comes in and is extremely rude in an entertaining way to the sales clerk. Anna finally buys the damn bra and they drag him out of there.
The three become bff’s. Salvador’s grandmother, The Dona, has got to be the most entertaining adult in the history of Sweet Valley, and she gives Salvador two tickets to see some band we’ve never heard of for him and Anna. But he doesn’t take Anna. He asks Lizzie to go with him on the night he and Anna always spend together and had already made plans for. He and Liz go out, Liz borrowing Jessica’s apparently really nice crushed velvet green jacket that don’t sound so nice to me.
Anna’s wandering around the video store wondering where the hell Salvador is and as she’s walking back home she sees Salvador with Liz. So she does the first thing a jealous girl can think of. She dumps her Gatorade on the pair of them. I like this Anna chic. She goes home and her parents are in bed listening to a tape of her dead brother singing. Talk about creepy. She’s really depressed. I don’t blame her.
Liz confronts Salvador on why Anna would do that. He admits he was supposed to meet her and Liz gets pissed. She calls Steven to pick her up. My, Steven is the busy chauffer.
Salvador apologizes to Anna with pizza that read in pepperoni “I’m a low sal.” The sal was supposed to be salamander, which she used to call him when he was little, but he ran out of pepperoni. I found this hysterical for no apparent reason. She calls Liz and apologizes and Liz runs over, leaving Jess alone, and they hang out, Salvador and Liz noticing each others elbows as they sit next to each other on the couch. The end.
All and all an entertaining read, but completely different from what we're used to. And I want to mention I think the twins on these covers are really pretty and perfect for Liz and Jess. ^_^
And for shits and giggles, there’s an add to win a free N’Sync cassette! This was ‘99, people. Who still bought cassette’s in ‘99?