Unicorns # 15 - Too Cool For the Unicorns
First, the cover. I couldn't find a photo of it anywhere, but no-one is missing much. Kimberley looks like an evil clown & just as iffy about the Eight jacket she is trying on as I am. There is a big deal made in this book & also The Best Friend Game about how the Eights always dress the same, but the two girls on the cover, who are both smiling at Kimberley & who I'm guessing are both Eights, are not dressed alike at all.
This is when the books started being written in one person's POV, so we get Kimberley this time. Whoo. She was always my least favourite Unicorn.
We begin at a Unicorn meeting at the Wakefield's, where the other Unicorns are annoying Kimberley with their immaturity. I can't exactly blame her here, since Jessica is calling people to do the 'Is your refrigerator running?' prank & I would have thought the 'coolest girls in school' would have outgrown that at age 7. After Jessica hangs up, the girls, minus Kimberley, crack up laughing. Lila blows on her purple nails & says 'You guys are SO bad!' Really, Lila? Really? Kimberley calls them immature & they're all 'Who died & made YOU the Queen of Maturity?' Kind of stepping on your own argument there, guys. They're interrupted by Elizabeth running in & saying she has news. None of them are interested in any news that excites Elizabeth, until she says that Johnny Buck is coming to SV in 2 weeks, because the venue he was meant to play at in LA has an electrical problem & is going to be closed for awhile. And this can't be fixed in 2 weeks, or another venue found? I guess Sweet Valley IS the next most awesome place to go after LA. The Unicorns get excited & decide they're going to camp out at 5am to get tickets. Then Mandy suggests that they all get t-shirts made saying 'We Love You, Johnny Buck' (one word per shirt). Kimberley doesn't want to, but is vetoed by Jessica, who is happy that everyone will be looking at them.
"I sighed. That was exactly wat I was afraid of. To Jessica, attention was attention. She didn't seem to understand there was such a thing as NEGATIVE attention".
Hehe. Be grateful that you won't be there to experience Jessica's attention seeking attempts in high school, Kimberley.
Lila & Kimberley walk home together & talk about Janet, who left school last year. Kimberley is all sad because Janet has other friends & doesn't keep in touch with the Unicorns any more. She's also worried that there won't be a Unicorn Senior (her words, not mine), for her to join when she graduates middle school. Hahahaha. I wish Janet had tried that. They get to Kimberley's place & her dad comes out & tries to get Lila to guess his card trick. He fails & Kimberley is embarrassed, but relieved when Lila just laughs it off & doesn't make fun of her, because Lila is class all the way.
The next chapter starts with Gretchen, Julia & Amanda, all members of the Eight Times Eight (seriously, what kind of name is that? We are told later that the girls like to play Eight Ball, but I really can't see 12 year old girls being into pool. Where would they play?) Club, in Kimberley's history class, all crying because Amanda is suddenly moving away. It must have been a damn fast decision, because the girls are shocked that she is leaving & she says the moving van is at her house right then. They mention that Amanda will need to be replaced & Kimberley wonders who will fit their mould, as they always dress alike & wear their hair alike. Later, Julia asks Kimberley to meet her & the other Eights in the bathroom near the office after class. Once there, they ask her how she likes their 'office'. AGAIN, these are supposed to be amongst the coolest people in school. Anyway, the Eights invite Kimberley to join their club. The way they go about it is kind of creepy:
"The Unicorns are all seventh graders", Erica said.
"You don't really want to hang around with a bunch of seventh graders, do you?" Gretchen asked.
"Yeah, what are you going to do next year, when you're in high school & they're still back here?" Carmen wanted to know.
"Well, there are former Unicorns at Sweet Valley High", I pointed out.
"Uh huh", Kristin folded her arms across her chest. "And how often do you see them?"
"Face it, Kimberley", Carmen said grimly. "By the time YOU get to high school, they'll have forgotten all about you".
"You won't have any friends", Susan added.
"Unless you join us", Julia smiled sweetly.
Um, is this a Unicorn book, or a Super Chiller?
'They were crowding in on me, pressing closer & closer. I started backing towards the door'. She says "I can't be in your club. I just can't!' - then runs away. Um, dramatic much? Though I can't blamer her for being freaked out.
We then cross to the Unicorns receiving their t-shirts for the concert. Jessica & Lila argue about who gets to wear the shirt that says 'Johnny' & Lila wins. As always. The Unicorns start screaming "We love Johnny Buck!" in the middle of the mall & Kimberley is embarrassed. Then the Eights walk up & say hello to Kimberley & tell her that the 'Offer still stands'. She tells the Unicorns that the offer was to do homework together. They're still not pleased that the Eights dared to say hello to Kimberley & ignore the rest of them. Later that night, Julia calls Kimberley & asks her for a homework assignment she missed that day. Then Julia offers Kimberley a spare front row ticket to the Johnny Buck concert & says Kimberley should just come to the concert with the Eights & see if she likes hanging out with them. Kimberley says OK without thinking, then stresses about how to tell the Unicorns.She ends up telling them at lunch that day, along with how immature they are when they do things without thinking, such as Mandy cracking her gum & Lila going after a high shchool guy. Lila immediately shoots back that Kimberley went after a guy called Herbert (seriously?), who was in college. Kimberley says that was different. It always is when it's you, Kimberley. Thus why I can't stand you. Words are exchanged & Kimberley goes to sit with the Eights. She feels self concious eating her pizzaburger (YUM), while they all have salads (MEH), so she just doesn't eat her lunch. Like 13 year olds eat salad for lunch by choice. She tells the Eights that she will go to the concert with them & there's some talk about how the Unicorns reign at SVMS is nearly over & Kimberley nearly chokes, as do I. No! It can't be!!
Later, Kimberley is shopping alone & runs into Tamara Chase, a former Unicorn (and the only Unicorn who never got a book to herself). She gets all excited & asks what Janet & Grace have been up to & says they should all catch up. Tamara says that she doesn't see them much anymore & that they always talk about hanging out, but never do. She says she & Kimberley should 'Do lunch', & bails. Kimberley thinks this seems like the 'ultimate brush off' & I have to agree. Kimberley then runs into the Eights & they discover that they all wear the exact same tennis shoes. Apparently this is a sure sign that Kimberley should joinj their club. We flash to Kimberley & the Eights playing pool at fun City (ah!), a place in the mall not unlike Timezone, for those of you playing in Aus. Some highschool guys who the Eights know come in & take over the pool tables, without asking the girls if that's ok or if thet want to play. I would have chucked a supreme bitchfit if my guy friends did that. But apprently it's cool, because these guys are damn fine AND in high school.
Then we get this little exchange, to which I give a big WTF. Erica's last name is Wench, which is unfortunate enough. BUT:
Troy was wearing black jeans & a black t-shirt. He shook his curly dark hair out of his face. "Come over here, Wench!" he said coolly.
"I love it when he calls me wench!" Erica whispered to the rest of us. Then she hurried over to him.
Kinky? The ghostwriter must have known how that read. And maybe not so kinky, because Wench is an insult. I just assume Erica like the trash talk.
A couple of chapters I'm going to skim because they're quite boring. The Eights discuss weheter they want to go to Bruce Patman's before-concert party, since it's just a middle school party. Kimberley wonders why that's an issue since the Eights are middle schoolers. They also discuss going to a high shool party afterwards & Kimberley is all sorts of impressed. Then the Eights walk Kimberley home & her dad comes out & attempts another magic trick, which results in milk being poured all over the Eights. They freak out & are all "Ew! My hair!" & leave & Kimberley worries that she's just lost all her chances to join them. The next day at school The Unicorns accost Kimberley & try to say hello & get her to talk to them, but she brushes them off because she wants to go make sure the Eights still want to be friends with her. Mandy asks if she's quitting the Unicorns & Kimberley is all, "I don't know what you're talking about. Bye!" Turns out the Eights still like Kimberley despite her horrendously embarassing father. They talk about announcing that she is the new Eight at Bruce's party & Kimberley freaks out because she's still not sure what she wants to do. She says that it seems so informal to just announce it at someone else's party, so to buy herself some time, she says maybe they should throw her her own party & they agree. Later, The Eights watch the guys play pool & Kimberley asks if they ever get annoyed that the guys don't ask them to play. The Eights just brush it off & say it's more fun to watch the guys play, especially when they get their sexy pool playing faces on. Then Troy asks Erica if they're on for a movie the next night & she gets all excited. He tells her not to be late, or he'll start playing pool with the guys & won't leave till the game is over. She protests that they'll miss the movie if he does that & he says 'So don't be late'. I really want to kick Troy in the crotch of his super-hot black jeans.
Kimberley goes home & decides she's going to tell the Unicorns that she wants to be an Eight.
The book gets quite sad here & will be a bit hard to snark. Kimberley wakes up at around 2:30 am & goes downstairs to find her mother on the phone & her father lying on the floor, clutching his side. Kimberley's mother has called an ambulance, but her dad is trying to convince them that he's fine & to go back to bed. The ambulance arrives & Kimberley & her mother both ride to the hospital. The sirens are blaring & Kiberley is really scared. About an hour & a half later we're told Mr Haver has had a heart attack, but is stable. He's taken to intensive care & as Kimberley & her mother leave to get some rest, he tells Kimberley to take care of her mother. She stresses that he means take care of her for good because something might happen to him. Kimberley's mother talks about how her father eats cheeseburgers every day & isn't as healthy as he should be. We get a bit more hospital talk for awhile & then Kimberley calls Julia to let her know why she hasn't been at school. She tells her about her dad & Julia is all, 'Oh gee, well, uh, that's too bad'. I get when people are confused after hearing about this sort of thing & it's hard to know what to say, but I think you can do a bit better than that, Julia. Then Kimberley goes to talk more about her dad & Julia is like, "Omg, I know, I totally had an awful day too, I completely blew the history test!" Kimberley thinks that she knows EXACTLY what Julia is doing, trying to distract her from feeling bad. Unfortunately, my ex-housemate was exactly like this & I have to tell you Kimberely, Julia isn't being nice - she really IS that selfish.
Julia cuts Kimberley off to take another call & doesnt come back on the line for awhile. When she does come back she says she had been talking to Carmen & Kimberley is like um, WTF? that she spent so long on the phone to Carmen while Kimberley was sitting in a hospiital phone booth waiting for her. Then she thinks it makes sense because when Julia told Carmen about her dad, Carmen probably wanted to hear all the details. Agaain, no. Julia tells Kimberley that Carmen wants to know if she can get a ride to Fun City with her that night & Kimberley is like, "UM MY FATHER IS IN INTENSIVE CARE, YOU DUMB BITCH. WTF?" & Julia is like "Oh right you just said that so sounds like you can't come to the concert that's ok we can find someone to buy your ticket hope your dad gets better see you in school bye!"
Somebody needs to amp up their social & compassion skills.
The next few pages are Kimberley & her mother at the hospital, learning abour Mr. Haver's new eating plan & what lifestyle changes he will need to make. Then Kimberley & her mother have lunch at the cafeteria & their neighbor comes to see Mrs Haver. Kimberley gets upset that her mother has such good friends who have come to see her & Kimberley hasn't even HEARD from her so-called friends. We then get a really sad paragraph that I'm so ashamed to admit actually made me a bit teary. Kimberley hears a voice behind her & happily turns around to see who she thinks are the Eights, but finds the Unicorns instead. They tell her that they'd been at Bruce's party when someone had asked where Kimberley was & Julia had said her dad had had a heart attack, so they rushed over. They ask all the questions that Julia the Selfish Whore didn't & are genuinely worried about Kimberley & her parents. Things are clearly still a bit awkward between them though & Jessica says that they have to leave to go to the JB concet. They say they still want to be friends even though Kimberley isn't in the club & then get up to leave. Kimberley tries to hold it together but then blurts out "Do you guys HAVE to go?" then bursts into tears. Kimberley has always been my least favourite Unicorn, but I wanted to give her a hug right then. The Unicorns stay with her & miss the concert.
Sunday night, Kimberley is thinking about how her dad is doing better & working on his nutrition, etc. Then it occurs to her that the Unicorns missed the JB concert to be with her, while the Eights acted like selfish losers. She thinks that the Unicorns still haven't grown up, but now she has grown up even more. The next day, she sits with the Eights at lunch & the Unicorns come over to ask how her dad is, while the Eights tell her she looks great & ask her if she can go to Fun City after school. She says probably not, as she wants to get to the hospital by four & the Eights exchange awkward looks & say nothing. They then say that the JB concert was cancelled. I have a feeling Johnny is losing fans pretty fast. That's two cancelled concerts in a row. Kimberley thinks that the concert was cancelled & the Eights STILL didn't come see her at the hospital. Mandy walks by & they make fun of her clothes & the fact that she wears op-shop clothing because she can't afford new clothes. Shut up. Op shops are awesome! Then they say she's lame because she hangs out with losers & Kimberley slams down her tray & yells that the Eights can't talk & basically tells them what selfish bitches they've been all weekend. ie:
"You guys call yourselves friends. But what kind of friends are you? You're there for the good times. But what about the bad times? Where are you then?"
Kristin sighed heavily.
Erica looked bored.
"You're off at some stupid Johnny Buck concert!" I spat out.
The Eights looked confused.
"Excuse me, Kimberley", Gretchen said, blinking. "But we already told you. There was no concert last Saturday".
"Yeah", Marcy chimed in. "And even if he did have a concert, it certainly wouldn't be STUPID!"
So I guess Marcy is the Ellen of the Eights.
Kimberley runs off crying into the toilets & the Unicorns follow her, telling her they still want her to be a Unicorn. All is happy again.
Later, Kimberlety's dad shows her a new magic trick that he can do without fucking up. It's kinda cute. Then she is listening to a Johnny Buck song called 'Friends' with probably the lamest lyrics ever.
"They're always there, they pick you up, they show you that they care..."
She gets all sappy & writes Johnny a letter telling him that he must have written that song about the Unicorns.
The concert is the following weekend & the Unicorns all go in their Johnny t-shirts. Then Johnny pulls out the letter from Kimberley & talks about how awesome the Unicorns are. They, of course get the song dedicated to them & backstage passes, while the Eights sit there & fume.
The last chapter is a follow up to Bon Voyage, Unicorns, which I believe has been re-capped. Sophia Rizzo & Patrick Morris are being all sweet over ice cream & Ellen wants somone to buy her ice cream, but thinks she's just the type of girl who never has a boyfriend. Enter Curtis! I love you, Curtis.