SVJH #20 - Wild Child
I confess, at the age of eight/nine, I thought that those flower clips in Larissa's hair were the height of cool. How naive I was.
(By the way, this is like the fifth SVJH book to be published in 2000, and I'm pretty sure the Senior Year series was being published around this time too. They really churned them out, didn't they?)
BUT FIRST! A completely unrelated story! So, okay, we're studying The Great Gatsby in American Prose and we just finished it up, so we started watching the movies. My teacher showed a few scenes from the 1970s one, with Robert Redford as Gatsby, and I SQUEAKED and was like, "So that's what Mr. Collins looks like!" And nobody in my class got what I meant because they suck. Okay, anyway. ONTO THE ACTUAL BOOK.
Larissa. By the way, for those of you who are interested, this is the only book where Larissa gets her own chapters. Which is why I just had to have it as a child. Okay, anyway. She is in math class and thinks the clock is going too slowly. Instead of, say, figuring out the math problem on the board, she is coming up with theories as to the clock's slowness. They include: running out of batteries, the electrical cord was chewed through by a mouse (and the mouse didn't die of electrocution...?), and "maybe we'd entered an alternate universe where the space-time continuum was out of whack." Oh-kay, Larissa!
Larissa doesn't care about math class, though! You see, there are auditions for West Side Story after school and Larissa is absolutely dying to be in them. She thinks that a junior high production of West Side Story is her "big chance" and the part of Maria is "absolutely perfect for her". Yes, the role of a 16-year-old Puerto Rican girl in New York was definitely written with a 13-year-old English girl in SoCal in mind. But whatever. Larissa has forgotten her script, but brushes it off since she "pretty much had the whole thing memorized anyway." Gee, I wonder if this will become a problem for her OR SOMETHING. By the way, also in Larissa's bag: lipstick, hairbrush, and the new Fourteen magazine. What on earth is IN that magazine? What kind of romantic/aesthetic advice could anyone possibly offer to eighth-graders? Good grief.
Larissa babbles on some more about how she will blow everyone away at the audition, and after Maria walks off after Tony gets killed (um, way to spoil the show for anyone who is living under a rock and didn't know the ending, ghostwriter), the crowd will applaud and Larissa will bow and get a standing ovation and reporters from the Sweet Valley newspaper will take her picture as people throw flowers at her feet, etc etc etc. (I did not make one word of that up.)
But alas, life is not a bouquet of roses for Larissa. She just received a D on her math test, and Ms. Upton wants to see her after class. But Larissa has auditions! She can't possibly put her academics above a junior high play, God forbid! She bails on her teacher and heads off to win the role of Maria. I'm going tell you right now, she doesn't get it. But I think you knew that. Also I just checked, and it tells you so right on the back, so...yeah.
The Artist Formerly Known as Toby Meeker. He goes by Toby Martin in this book, and in all the books after it. (I can't believe it only took the writers four books to screw up the continuity -- three of which he wasn't even in. By the way, in two more books, Larissa's going to be a ninth-grader with a nose stud.) Before you ask, no, there is no logical reason for this change of last name, like a divorce or something. But then again, if you're a member of this community, you probably weren't expecting there to be a reason anyway. ANYWAY. If you're curious, Larissa is described as wearing "dark blue jeans and a sleeveless, slim, nylon black shirt with her trademark Dr. Martens boots." I find it odd that Toby can tell the shirt is nylon just by looking at it. Does he have magical Meekermartin powers or something?
Okay, so anyway, Toby too is nervous about the auditions. He and Larissa and Anna are all "obsessed" with the play -- MUSICAL, Toby, it is a MUSICAL -- and they all want big roles, blah blah blah. Larissa assures him that he'll make the "perfect" Tony, etc etc etc. Toby asks her if she's rehearsed a lot and Larissa's all, "Oh, I do better when I don't rehearse as much." aslkghe'gahg'iooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooAAARGH LARISSA I KNOW HOW THIS TURNS OUT, GODDAMMIT.
Ahem. My apologies. Anyway, for real this time. Larissa rants on about math and says, "I mean, really, do we need to know how to calculate driving time and distance? There are motoring clubs that do that. They even give you your own blinking maps." Toby thinks that he loves it when Larissa slips into her "funny Briticisms." Is...that a word...? Tony laments that he is from Sweet Valley, born and raised, so he has no cool accent at all. No, Toby, you have a Sweet Valley accent, and that kicks Larissa's British, Atlantic Ocean, brunette, not-size-six accent any day!
The topic switches to the vocabulary test for Mrs. Serson's class, and Larissa's like "How hard can it be? It's just words!" STOP IT, LARISSA. I HAVE READ THIS BOOK, AND I KNOW WHERE YOUR SLACKING WAYS GET YOU. Toby's like, "Um, pretty hard if you don't know all the words." Larissa's about to make a comment, but cuts off because they have walked into the theater um, apparently they call it an auditorium, and there are "forty or more" kids waiting to audition. Toby thinks that he doesn't even remember seeing half of them around school before. Wow. Who knew SVJH was that huge? I mean, considering Sweet Valley is a small suburb at best, and they're already splitting the 12-14 population with Sweet Valley Middle School. ARGH, WHY IS THIS EVEN IMPORTANT TO ME. Anyway, Larissa and Toby get all sweaty and nervous, and Toby's like, "Don't worry, you're a total natural, blah blah blah" and Larissa is reassured. But Toby is unsure: with so many people auditioning for a few roles, how will he ever be Tony? (He totally gets the role, though. You knew that, right? I hope I'm not spoiling this book for you like the ghostwriter spoiled West Side Story for seven-year-old me, back when I didn't know it was based off Romeo and Juliet. Then again, I'm not sure seven-year-old me knew Romeo and Juliet died either way.)
(By the way, talking about how Toby wants to be Tony is making me really, really confused. Why couldn't he have wanted to be, idk, Officer Krupke?)
Salvador. We open with the line, "Mall rats. That's what they were. Twin mall rats." Jessica and Liz have for some reason invited Salvador along on an exciting trip to...the mall. Oh yeah, it's like a party. They're in a store called "Hot Shots" trying on makeup. Jessica's trying on ridiculously bright shades of red, while Liz says she wants something in "the purple field." Purple lipstick, Liz? Is that really a road you want to go down? Salvador suggests that they do this whole thing online, with "computer imaging." Jessica's like, "Yeah? Is that how you do your makeovers?" Salvador nags a little more, and finally they give up and leave, and Salvador's like, "Wait, you're not even going to GET anything?" and Liz is like, "No. Should we?" And Salvador's like, "Well, it's kind of a waste if you don't buy anything, right?" Dude, I totally empathize. I hate shopping with my friends. I can't shop for crap. Why would you go shopping if you don't know what you want? Someone explain this to me. Anyway.
The next page is a list of things purchased during their trip to Sweet Valley Mall. Liz got a silver bracelet and a silver hair clip, a greeting card to wish Anna luck in getting a part in the play (really? you got a card just to say I hope you get a part in the play that you are trying out for today, and I won't be giving you this card until later?), and socks. Salvador got a pack of gum and a CD. Jessica got a T-shirt, socks, a belt, earrings, and...wait for it..."one pair of bright, multicolored-swirled capri pants that may not actually match any of the above." Ah. It's good to know that whether it's 1983 or 2003, Jessica will always be buying ugly clothes. It's a small comfort.
Larissa. She, Anna, and Toby are all worried over the auditions. There are so many people there! It's horrific! How will they ever get lead roles? Larissa tries to comfort herself, thinking, "We were much better prepared than most of the people here." Um, correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't it be, much more prepared? I mean...nevermind. Maybe it's one of those crazy Briticisms. The drama instructor, Mr. Dowd, gets up on stage to give them pertinent information. He describes the show, and it's a fairly accurate description so I won't waste time on it. Larissa fantasizes about having cast parties. Hey Larissa, I think you need to get a part in the show first. Mr. Dowd goes on to tell them that everyone needs to have at least a C average, or they can't participate. I wonder how this could possibly affect lazy, non-studying Larissa.
So auditions get going. Anna decides to read over her script one last time and Larissa thinks that she doesn't really need her script, it will all just come to her as she's onstage. She thinks, and I quote, "Things just start to come more easily to you when you're an experienced actor." Larissa, you are THIRTEEN YEARS OLD. Unless you were some amazing child actress back in Britainland, you are screwed. I know because I have read this book.
Larissa thinks these really randomly catty thoughts about the girls auditioning. One girl is described as having a okay voice with no major mistakes. Larissa thinks she'll be perfect as an "extra dancer". How rude. From my experience, an okay performance is about all you can ask from high schoolers. Then again, I don't live in Sweet Valley. Another girl has an awful voice, and Larissa bitchily nitpicks her performance. Highlights include: "She looked like a helicopter, not a Maria", "She might feel pretty, but she sounds pretty ugly", and "There was no way either of us could give a performance bad enough to match this one." Wow. I don't remember Larissa being this bitchy the first time I read this.
It's Anna's turn, and she is of course fantastic. How any of them are able to give these outstanding performances without any prior training seems a bit strange to me. After Anna, it's a girl named Bianca, and she nearly brings them all to tears with her voice. How? And then she flawlessly acts out her scene. Larissa panics that Bianca might get Maria over her, though hilariously, before she saw how good Bianca was, she was hoping Bianca would get a big part. Larissa's kind of two-faced.
Anna. It's Larissa's turn. Larissa sings "I Feel Pretty", and her voice is described as "sweet and light, but powerful, too." Anna is jealous of Larissa's talent. But then! It's time for Larissa's scene -- you know, the one she didn't bring for extra studying -- and she doesn't know any of her lines. I'm sure none of you saw that coming. She runs out and Anna follows, but can't find her. Damn, Larissa moves fast, doesn't she? Toby and Anna agree that they have to convince Mr. Dowd to completely play favorites and give Larissa a second chance. Mr. Dowd waffles for a bit, but eventually caves and agrees to make an exception "just this once." Oh, Mr. Dowd, you were so close to being a responsible adult. And then, since he's already going to Bad Teacher Hell, he decides to tell Toby and Anna right then that they're getting called back, instead of making them wait like everyone else. It must be nice to be a main character.
Salvador. Jessica and Liz are done shopping, so now they're eating in the food court. They tease him about shopping with them, and Salvador thinks about how it's easy to tell them apart: "Jessica was the obnoxious one." Oh, Salvador. Liz explains why she doesn't always buy stuff in stores: "Because when you don't think something through enough, you can end up with buyer's remorse...When you buy something that you aren't really sure about. Or you spend way too much money on stuff that isn't worth it. And you have these huge regrets." Oh, so that's what happened with her and Todd. I mean. Jessica gets all horrified and digs out the multicolored-swirl pants and is all, "Why didn't any of you STOP me?" and Liz is just like, "They're fine. Um. Sort of." Jessica asks Salvador for his opinion, and he awkwardly tells her what to wear with it because apparently his grandmother likes to watch Fashion Emergency. I'll bet Salvador's lying, and he likes to watch it and secretly judge everyone on it. BUT THEN! A bunch of guys walk past and hear Salvador giving Jessica fashion advice and humiliate him. Though I myself don't see why he's so embarrassed, because those were some of the worst insults I've ever heard in my life. They're just jealous, Salvador!
Larissa. Her mother asks her if she's going to eat her "mashers". Because they're British. Larissa's like, "How can I eat my mashers when MY LIFE IS OVER?" She devotes a whole paragraph to how NOBODY WILL EVER FORGET HOW SHE HUMILIATED HERSELF! Oh, Larissa. Even at thirteen, I'm pretty sure I knew that no one was paying attention to my screwups. (Cutely, Larissa refers to her mother as "Mum." I don't know why I find this so entertaining. I guess I just wasn't expecting them to remember the difference.) Her parents ask her if she got her math test back. Larissa lies and said Ms. Upton has been too busy to grade them. Gee, I wonder if this will backfire like everything else Larissa has been doing so far. Larissa is all just positive that this is a "bad phase" and that she can make it up, and then goes back to worrying about the show. SIGH. I give up. I warned you Larissa, I warned you!
Anna, Elizabeth, and Salvador exchange emails. Yeah. I like how they write them like they're letters, with commas and indents and proper punctuation. Remember those days? Liz complains about Salvador. Salvador complains about Liz. So. Yeah. That happened.
Anna. She quickly recaps how she got into drama club for those of you just joining us (though why you would start reading a series starting at book #20 is beyond me, but then again, I was totally going to start at book #21 so, uh...I kind of just destroyed my own argument there, ANYWAY), depressed because of her crazy mom (who is now not so crazy), workaholic dad (who is now not so workaholic), dead brother (who is still dead, sorry), etc etc etc. I kind of love how they seem to know that no one is really following these books, so they recap Anna's backstory every time she has a plot to herself. It's both hilarious and extremely annoying.
Anyway, Anna brings news: Larissa can reaudition! She will blow everyone away with her British-ness, and her snazziness, and her pretty voice, and fuck that Bianca chick, it's LARISSA'S TURN! Everything's coming up roses now, bitches! Or something. After that's over with, Larissa and Anna worry more about getting parts. I think it's strange they're so concerned: even in high school, they tend to squeeze everyone that auditions into some role or another, somehow. Larissa hangs up. Anna worries some more.
Larissa. She works on memorizing her script, and is going to do her homework (which she of course has tons of) when the "cordless phone" rings. That detail seems a bit unnecessary, doesn't it? I mean...does it matter? Well, whatever. It's Larissa's friends Toni and Brenda, and they are going to go see a movie with "Mark Sutton, that totally hot guy from -- ". We never find out where Mark Sutton is from, because Larissa is all "I can't! I have homework and auditions and snazz!" and Toni's just like "You're brilliant, fuck that, let's go!" Larissa glances at her script, stares at her textbooks, and checks her vocab list. Then she goes. Because that is the most reliable method of study ever. How does it work? I don't know. Diffusion?
Toby. Who wants to be Tony. Argh, that's annoying. Larissa brings them jellybeans. For breakfast. Truly, these books are champions of nutritious advice. Tony Toby ARGH reminds her about the vocab test. Larissa gets all squirmy. This chapter is like two pages. I don't really see how it has anything to do with anything, other than splitting up two Larissa chapters.
Larissa again. She has no idea what any of the words mean on her vocab test. This is such a shocking plot twist. I thought she had it down FOR SURE! :O!
Salvador. He is getting ready to leave when he overhears Blue Spiccoli, Brian Rainey, and Damon Ross discussing basketball. (By the way, I initially typoed that as 'basketbool.' I'm...not really a fan of sports.) They name-drop some dude named Kobe. Oh, God, you guys, this dude plays for a team in my state and I still don't know who they're talking about. They also use terms like "half-court", and I don't even know where that is. D: Anyway, neither does Salvador. They ask him if he saw the game. Salvador's like, "Uh, what game?" and they're all, "Lakers against Sonics! Only the biggest game of the year!" Who are the Sonics? Why do I fail at sports so much? Salvador is just as confused as me, and ends up kind of bullshitting his way through it, saying his favorite player is Shaq (wait! I know who that is! Go me!) and yeah. Anna pops up and invites Salvador to a movie. In front of his guy friends. :O!! Salvador declines because Anna is a girl and he needs to reaffirm his sexual orientation after the Jessica-fashion-tip-thing. At least, that's what everyone over the age of ten probably inferred from this plot. The guys invite him to play basketball with them. Salvador agrees, even though he has no fucking idea how to play. This will go well.
Anna. Larissa and Toby are doing their callback thing. Toby is fabulous as Tonyargh. Larissa goes up to join him for a scene, and they are, in Anna's words, "flawless." Somehow I doubt that. Anyway, Mr. Dowd is super impressed and Anna relaxes, all sure that Larissa will be Maria, Toby will be Tonyargh, and she will be Anita. I think it's stupid they're dragging this out when it says right on the back that Larissa doesn't get the part. What do you take me for, an utter fool?...what was that you just said? About Francine Pascal rolling in money and poor little me sitting here recapping her books? Shut up.
"Basketball for Beginners: a Preview: Avoid These Three Fatal Mistakes!" Shouldn't that "a" be capitalized? Anyway, the fatal mistakes: traveling, double dribble, and charging. I wonder if Salvador will make any of these? Surely not, he is such an athletic genius.
Blue. Salvador is failing at basketball. He has double dribbled, traveled, and charged. Sigh. Salvador is shamed by his lack of basketball knowledge. If it makes you feel any better, Salvador, the dudes in my eighth-grade class didn't know much about basketball either. On the other hand, the guys in my eighth-grade class mostly spent their time smoking pot and lighting things on fire behind the kindergarten building, so...yeah...okay, anyway. Why did I just tell you that? Blue takes pity on Salvador and they all go inside to play video games.
Larissa. Her parents want to have a ~serious talk~ with her. Whatever could it be about? Larissa, for some reason, thinks they're going to congratulate her on her successful audition. Really? Whenever my parents tell me we need to talk, I immediately assume I'm in trouble. It's simple parent-child logic. Anyway, apparently Larissa has a D in math class. I feel like I should be surprised, but I'm really...not. I'm pretty sure I wasn't surprised even when I first read this book. Her parents tell her she needs to drop out of drama club. Larissa's like, "HOW COULD YOU? ACTING IS MY LIIIIFE! YOU ARE SO CRUEL! I AM THE PERFECT MARIA! EVERYTHING'S COMING UP LARISSA FOR MEEEEE" and her dad's just like, "THAT SHIT DOES NOT MATTER, YOU NEED TO PASS MATH CLASS" and Larissa thinks, "Just because he went to Oxford, he thinks he knows everything." Her dad went to freaking Oxford? And he lives in Sweet Valley? Really, are there any other colleges in Sweet Valley!England? They insist she get a tutor. Larissa argues, because that's what you do when you're thirteen. Or any age, really. Her mother says, "Don't take that tone with us."
You guys. You guys. We may have just witnessed a moment of parenting in Sweet Valley. Try not to pass out, now.
Larissa predictably doesn't take this well (because she's thirteen) and thinks, "They hadn't even asked for details about my audition. They didn't care about anything except my stupid grade point average. They didn't even know who I was." Man, she is totally an eighth-grader. I love it.
How Larissa, Anna, and Toby Killed Time Waiting for Monday (Because I'm Sure You Care): Larissa makes fifteen phone calls: ten to Anna, five long-distance to England. I know when my parents are mad at me, the very next thing I do is run up the phone bill. That always puts me back in their good graces. Anna watches movies and eats popcorn, only she can't make it all the way through the movies because she keeps thinking about whether or not she'd get a part in one of them if she auditions. Jesus, Anna. Tony Toby stares out a window and eats seventy-two strawberry Twizzlers. He goes to the convenience store six times to replenish his Twizzlers supply. This book is awfully detailed.
Larissa. The cast list is up! She is pumped! And psyched! She is perfect as Maria! Everyone says so! Move over, Carol Lawrence and Josefina Scaglione! (I'm really only mentioning Josefina because I think she's adorable. I'm shallow. Shut up.) But alas! Bianca is Maria! Larissa's dreams have been ruined, all in one moment! She shrugs it off and checks to see what role she did get. Only...she didn't get a role. I'm trying to convey the ~drama~ and ~tension~ in this paragraph but...I can't.
On the bright side: Toby Meeker Martin is Tony. Anna is Anita. (Oh Jesus, that one is going to confuse me too.) Some dude named Juan Ernesto Sanchez is Bernardo. I'm thinking they thought of every typical Hispanic name and squished them together to make a character we will never, ever see or hear from again. Not even during rehearsals. Some girl named Skye is Consuelo. I'm only mentioning this because I can never remember if Skye is a girl or boy.
Toby. He and Anna are in "total shock." He has realized his dream of being Toby Tony! Anna has realized her dream of being Anita! And Larissa is nothing! She is a failure! Maybe if she wasn't British. Only native Sweet Valley-people (Sweet Valleians?) can get roles in shows! Larissa is pushing her luck as a secondary character as it is. Toby and Anna head off to go ask Larissa what is up with these shenanigans. But Larissa cares not for their silly junior-high play! She snarks that it's not a high school show or a real world show, and the cast is so untalented that it will suck anyway, so fuck off, Larissa has better things to do. Like eat her mashers. And drink tea. And spell "color" with a "u". And then she walks away. Anna and Toby are like, "...what."
Larissa. It occured to me that it's been like twenty pages since we last heard from Salvador. Anyway. Larissa's dad wants to have a talk with her. You see, it's not that Larissa's untalented, she's just failing like, everything, and that's why she didn't get a part. But she really doesn't care, so...yeah. Her dad's like, "Aren't you just a LITTLE concerned?" and Larissa's like, "No." Wow, Larissa. You're kind of young to be so apathetic, aren't you? I remember in eighth grade, everyone was panicking because we had to apply for high school. Then again, it's not like it's hard to get into SVH. Jessica and Todd managed it, after all. But, there is a ray of hope! Larissa can get a tutor and bring her grades up, and then she can be a backup dancer! For some reason, Larissa doesn't take him up on it. Dude, if you really want to be in that show, you should take what you can get. But no! She is too angry! How dare Mr. Dowd tell her parents about her failing grades! How dare they think she wants to be a lowly dancer! How dare they breathe her air! She storms upstairs and turns on her "most obnoxious techno music" and hopes it will be "loud enough to drown out everything: my father, Mr. Dowd, math class, Bianca...me." Larissa is such a drama queen. I love her.
Anna. She has come to visit Larissa whilst Larissa is in her throes of despair. She offers to change the CD for Larissa and picks a Matchbox Twenty CD. I find this really funny for some reason, so there you go. Larissa is distant and cold and snazz and Anna is like, "So...I'll just...be going...then..." Yeah.
IMing! Between Liz and Anna on Monday Night. I'm not sure why that detail is so important? Like I said, this book is weirdly specific. They chat a bit about Larissa (Good Lord, is even Elizabeth in on this?) and after a while, Anna asks if Liz has seen Salvador. Liz says he's been playing video games. This is only important because Anna responds, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Good one, Elizabeth." Really? No "lol"-ing? You have let me down, Anna. Go to your room.
And after about forty pages, we get back to Salvador. The rest of the dudes are playing video games. Salvador is scared because he cannot play video games for shenanigans. His own grandmother can even beat him at video games, apparently. Oh, Salvador. Eventually he has to play and loses. I'm sure you knew that was going to happen. Blue's brother (named Leaf) comes home with some CDs. Among his selections: Foo Fighters and Korn. And apparently, in spite of their other differences, these are bands that Salvador, Brian, Blue, and Damon all enjoy! In spite of Salvador's dubious sexual orientation lack of skill in basketball and video games, they have bonded through music! They decide to form a band. Blue will play drums, Damon will play guitar, Brian will play saxophone, and Salvador will sing. They'll be bigger than the Droids!
Toby. He has brought gifts for Larissa to appease her! "Of course it's not bread pudding, like the kind you Brits go for. It's not even rice pudding. But it is chocolate pudding!" Larissa rejects his offerings. Forget Larissa, Toby, bring me chocolate pudding. I'm really hungry right now, but it's like one in the morning as I'm writing this, so. Toby tries to get her to open up, but Larissa is all, "There are bigger problems! In this world, I mean. Like starving children. Not like me failing school or anything like that." Toby persists, and Larissa appears to give in because he is so sincere and she is in love with him like shenanigans.
Larissa. She actually really wants Toby to go away. Heh. But alas, she cannot tell him that -- he is standing there, "looking at [her] with this deep, soulful expression in his gray eyes." How can she resist? So yeah, she ends up spilling everything. Toby's like, "That thing about the grades can't be true! You had an A in history! And you tutored me! Because you learned all that American history in England that I didn't know about!" Do they seriously teach American history in England? Do they seriously teach more American history there than they do here? Maybe Toby just sucks. Anyway. Toby tells her that tutoring might work and she should go for it. Larissa gets defensive, as she seems to do so often: "Forget it, Toby. I thought you'd understand and support me, but I guess I was wrong. I'm wrong about everything lately, aren't I?" Ahahaha. I love Larissa. Then she storms off in a huff. She's leaving! And you can't stop her! She's thirteen years old and can do whatever the fuck she wants!
Salvador. Brian and Damon are late for their very first band practice. How dare they! Salvador is antsy. Blue's just chillaxin' in the corner, because he is a surfer and cares not for these tardy shenanigans. Brian and Damon show up, and Brian suggests that they "jam" for a while to see what they sound like. Salvador is excited. His musical dreams are finally coming true! Damon's fingers will coax beautiful melodies out of the guitar, and Brian will blow the saxophone to perfection. I shouldn't let myself write these sort of things at two in the morning. They play, and everyone is terrible. Damon breaks two guitar strings, and Blue actually sends one of his drumsticks flying into Salvador's eye. Salvador is shocked, shocked that their eighth-grade band doesn't sound like musical perfection. Shut up, Salvador. I bet you can't even sing.
Anna. She's walking home with Tony Toby. He tells her about Larissa not being in the musical. Anna is surprised that her parents are strict about it, mentioning that her parents love "going to 'the theater,' as her father had said with that slick British accent." I kind of love Anna's obsession with the "funny Briticisms." It's mentioned earlier that she asks Larissa to say "Cheerio" instead of "Goodbye" when they talk. Anna's such a dork. I think I like her better in these later books than the first few, when she wrote sad poetry and was in love with Salvador. Toby reveals that it's not her parents, it's her grades, and "Now she's furious because her parents and the teachers -- including Mr. Dowd -- want her to get a tutor, and she's ~blooming well set against the harebrained idiotic idea." Ahahaha, oh, Tony Toby. Anna comes up with a brilliant idea: she can tutor Larissa! It's better, because they're friends! Larissa will love the idea! Good Lord.
Blue. Salvador has stormed out of rehearsal. Everyone's just like, "Uh, what's his deal?" and Blue's like, "Creative differences. Don't sweat it, the Beatles had them too!" Blue references the Beatles a lot. Is it because he's a surfer? This chapter is about a page and three lines. Good grief.
Larissa. She is studying for her Spanish test, though she does not know why, because "How was I supposed to think about a test that wasn't even until tomorrow?" I sort of envy Larissa's attitude, I usually end up spazzing for days over my tests and studying and then forgetting it all the second I take it. Then again, this method has kept me from failing, UNLIKE LARISSA! She is having an internal rant about her dad when who should show up but Tony Toby and Anita Anna? They talk about how they know about her academic troubles, because Toby has told Anna! Larissa, for SOME REASON, is not thrilled by Toby spilling her shit to Anna behind her back. Anna is confused. After all, she's friends with Liz. Anna, in a very Saint-Elizabeth style, offers to help Larissa, and Larissa completely snaps at her. I have to quote it, so you can get the full gist of it:
"Look. The only reason Toby told me about everything was because we want to figure out a way to help. And I think I have an idea." [Anna] waited for me to look at her before continuing. "I could be your tutor."
"What?" Did she have any idea how absolutely patronizing she was being? Anna to the rescue? Because I wasn't smart enough to figure everything out on my own?
I love her so hard right now. I mean it. Can you imagine if Elizabeth tried to get her meddle on with this girl? Hair clips, I'm sure, would go flying. Larissa storms out of the library. Yeah! Take that, Toby Meekermartin and Anna Wang! SHE'LL JUST GO FAIL ON HER OWN NOW!
Anna. She is so disappointed! She was sure Larissa would love the idea! She decides, fuck this asking shit, I'll make her study with me! It's an attitude that would make Liz proud. Anna catches up with Larissa and makes it a study get-together. Not a tutoring session, OF COURSE NOT! Larissa gives in. Anna is relieved. Yes.
Salvador. He is eating lunch with Liz. It just occurred to me that there are no Jessica or Elizabeth chapters in this book. Anyway, Liz can mysteriously tell that Salvador is upset! Because he's not eating his chips! TRULY, THIS IS A DISASTER OF EPIC PROPORTIONS. He spills all of his problems to Elizabeth. As you do. Liz is like, "Um, haven't you guys only had one day of practice?" She harkens us back to when she joined the volleyball team that Blue is also on. I want to say that's book #18, because I always found it really, really boring and weirdly out of place. Anyway, Blue is a stereotypical Californian surfer (and probably a stereotypical Californian pot-smoker too), and that means that he is laid-back and chill, and Salvador just has to ~chill~ with him (if you know what I mean) and then they'll all be chill and make some great music. I'll bet that's how Mozart did it.
Larissa. She's forgotten her sweater in the English classroom, and goes back up to get it. And guess who is in the English classroom? Bianca! Yes, the girl who got the role of Maria over Larissa. Whatever could she be doing? And who is that strange girl with her? Well, you see, Bianca is failing her classes too! And she wants to be in the show, so she's working with a friend to keep her average up! Larissa asks her how it's going, and Bianca says, "I'd rather be off having fun somewhere. But I guess it's worth it." All the anvils in this scene are making me feel like I'm in an Animaniacs cartoon. Larissa rushes off to prepare to learn with Anna.
Larissa and Anna's Study Schedule. Larissa is a Ricky Martin fan. This both disturbs me and cracks me up at the same time. Also disturbing is how organized they are. Anna has come prepared with practice quizzes and study cards and shenanigans. Dude, I was not this organized when I was thirteen. I didn't even make my own study cards. Larissa passes her second quiz with only two mistakes! Yay! She is prepared now FOR SURE! Let's party! And they do. For about three minutes.
Salvador. Blue has called, and Salvador calls him back. The band is still on! And, and, Blue has even MORE exciting news: he has a name! The story, in his words: "I was down at the skateboard park, and it, like, came to me." I don't even know what to say to that. Have I ever told you how much I love Blue? Well, I'm telling you now. The name? "Big Noise." Salvador is THRILLED! His idea is still on, and creating ~musical fusion~ with three other guys will reaffirm him as heterosexual for sure! And with that, our B plot is over. It was nice seeing you again, Salvador!
Back to Larissa. She is finally going to see Ms. Upton about her math grade. She goes in the early morning so she can study Spanish before first period. See, because after one study session, she is now totes more organized and prepared! It's like a training montage, only shorter because this is a Sweet Valley book. And see, Larissa feels more confident, because she's not alone in the universe anymore! Bianca has problems too! They agree to work on math and Larissa can bring her grade up. She then goes off to Spanish class! She's been studying all weekend and says that "It was nice to be getting along with my mum and dad again." Awwwww. This is actually cute. Larissa takes her test, and holy shit, everything makes sense to her! Nothing is random or weird! She is intelligent! And then she pesters the teacher into correcting her test right after class, and lo, she has gotten an A! And then she has to go rush off and discuss her grades with her other teachers! Because she is dedicated and organized now! Yay! Sparkly!
Tony Toby. Mr. Dowd is late to rehearsal. I WONDER WHAT IS KEEPING HIM. Toby and Anna and Bianca and everyone start dancing and goofing off, and all of a sudden Mr. Dowd and Larissa walk in. Toby is horrified: Larissa has witnessed them having fun! And she can't have fun! How could he do this do her?! But no, Larissa is smiling and happy. She's going to audition to be a dancer in the show! And they all laugh and hug and do a mambo together.
Now I want to do a mambo. Mambo with me, guys!
(By the way, this is like the fifth SVJH book to be published in 2000, and I'm pretty sure the Senior Year series was being published around this time too. They really churned them out, didn't they?)
BUT FIRST! A completely unrelated story! So, okay, we're studying The Great Gatsby in American Prose and we just finished it up, so we started watching the movies. My teacher showed a few scenes from the 1970s one, with Robert Redford as Gatsby, and I SQUEAKED and was like, "So that's what Mr. Collins looks like!" And nobody in my class got what I meant because they suck. Okay, anyway. ONTO THE ACTUAL BOOK.
Larissa. By the way, for those of you who are interested, this is the only book where Larissa gets her own chapters. Which is why I just had to have it as a child. Okay, anyway. She is in math class and thinks the clock is going too slowly. Instead of, say, figuring out the math problem on the board, she is coming up with theories as to the clock's slowness. They include: running out of batteries, the electrical cord was chewed through by a mouse (and the mouse didn't die of electrocution...?), and "maybe we'd entered an alternate universe where the space-time continuum was out of whack." Oh-kay, Larissa!
Larissa doesn't care about math class, though! You see, there are auditions for West Side Story after school and Larissa is absolutely dying to be in them. She thinks that a junior high production of West Side Story is her "big chance" and the part of Maria is "absolutely perfect for her". Yes, the role of a 16-year-old Puerto Rican girl in New York was definitely written with a 13-year-old English girl in SoCal in mind. But whatever. Larissa has forgotten her script, but brushes it off since she "pretty much had the whole thing memorized anyway." Gee, I wonder if this will become a problem for her OR SOMETHING. By the way, also in Larissa's bag: lipstick, hairbrush, and the new Fourteen magazine. What on earth is IN that magazine? What kind of romantic/aesthetic advice could anyone possibly offer to eighth-graders? Good grief.
Larissa babbles on some more about how she will blow everyone away at the audition, and after Maria walks off after Tony gets killed (um, way to spoil the show for anyone who is living under a rock and didn't know the ending, ghostwriter), the crowd will applaud and Larissa will bow and get a standing ovation and reporters from the Sweet Valley newspaper will take her picture as people throw flowers at her feet, etc etc etc. (I did not make one word of that up.)
But alas, life is not a bouquet of roses for Larissa. She just received a D on her math test, and Ms. Upton wants to see her after class. But Larissa has auditions! She can't possibly put her academics above a junior high play, God forbid! She bails on her teacher and heads off to win the role of Maria. I'm going tell you right now, she doesn't get it. But I think you knew that. Also I just checked, and it tells you so right on the back, so...yeah.
The Artist Formerly Known as Toby Meeker. He goes by Toby Martin in this book, and in all the books after it. (I can't believe it only took the writers four books to screw up the continuity -- three of which he wasn't even in. By the way, in two more books, Larissa's going to be a ninth-grader with a nose stud.) Before you ask, no, there is no logical reason for this change of last name, like a divorce or something. But then again, if you're a member of this community, you probably weren't expecting there to be a reason anyway. ANYWAY. If you're curious, Larissa is described as wearing "dark blue jeans and a sleeveless, slim, nylon black shirt with her trademark Dr. Martens boots." I find it odd that Toby can tell the shirt is nylon just by looking at it. Does he have magical Meekermartin powers or something?
Okay, so anyway, Toby too is nervous about the auditions. He and Larissa and Anna are all "obsessed" with the play -- MUSICAL, Toby, it is a MUSICAL -- and they all want big roles, blah blah blah. Larissa assures him that he'll make the "perfect" Tony, etc etc etc. Toby asks her if she's rehearsed a lot and Larissa's all, "Oh, I do better when I don't rehearse as much." aslkghe'gahg'iooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooAAARGH LARISSA I KNOW HOW THIS TURNS OUT, GODDAMMIT.
Ahem. My apologies. Anyway, for real this time. Larissa rants on about math and says, "I mean, really, do we need to know how to calculate driving time and distance? There are motoring clubs that do that. They even give you your own blinking maps." Toby thinks that he loves it when Larissa slips into her "funny Briticisms." Is...that a word...? Tony laments that he is from Sweet Valley, born and raised, so he has no cool accent at all. No, Toby, you have a Sweet Valley accent, and that kicks Larissa's British, Atlantic Ocean, brunette, not-size-six accent any day!
The topic switches to the vocabulary test for Mrs. Serson's class, and Larissa's like "How hard can it be? It's just words!" STOP IT, LARISSA. I HAVE READ THIS BOOK, AND I KNOW WHERE YOUR SLACKING WAYS GET YOU. Toby's like, "Um, pretty hard if you don't know all the words." Larissa's about to make a comment, but cuts off because they have walked into the theater um, apparently they call it an auditorium, and there are "forty or more" kids waiting to audition. Toby thinks that he doesn't even remember seeing half of them around school before. Wow. Who knew SVJH was that huge? I mean, considering Sweet Valley is a small suburb at best, and they're already splitting the 12-14 population with Sweet Valley Middle School. ARGH, WHY IS THIS EVEN IMPORTANT TO ME. Anyway, Larissa and Toby get all sweaty and nervous, and Toby's like, "Don't worry, you're a total natural, blah blah blah" and Larissa is reassured. But Toby is unsure: with so many people auditioning for a few roles, how will he ever be Tony? (He totally gets the role, though. You knew that, right? I hope I'm not spoiling this book for you like the ghostwriter spoiled West Side Story for seven-year-old me, back when I didn't know it was based off Romeo and Juliet. Then again, I'm not sure seven-year-old me knew Romeo and Juliet died either way.)
(By the way, talking about how Toby wants to be Tony is making me really, really confused. Why couldn't he have wanted to be, idk, Officer Krupke?)
Salvador. We open with the line, "Mall rats. That's what they were. Twin mall rats." Jessica and Liz have for some reason invited Salvador along on an exciting trip to...the mall. Oh yeah, it's like a party. They're in a store called "Hot Shots" trying on makeup. Jessica's trying on ridiculously bright shades of red, while Liz says she wants something in "the purple field." Purple lipstick, Liz? Is that really a road you want to go down? Salvador suggests that they do this whole thing online, with "computer imaging." Jessica's like, "Yeah? Is that how you do your makeovers?" Salvador nags a little more, and finally they give up and leave, and Salvador's like, "Wait, you're not even going to GET anything?" and Liz is like, "No. Should we?" And Salvador's like, "Well, it's kind of a waste if you don't buy anything, right?" Dude, I totally empathize. I hate shopping with my friends. I can't shop for crap. Why would you go shopping if you don't know what you want? Someone explain this to me. Anyway.
The next page is a list of things purchased during their trip to Sweet Valley Mall. Liz got a silver bracelet and a silver hair clip, a greeting card to wish Anna luck in getting a part in the play (really? you got a card just to say I hope you get a part in the play that you are trying out for today, and I won't be giving you this card until later?), and socks. Salvador got a pack of gum and a CD. Jessica got a T-shirt, socks, a belt, earrings, and...wait for it..."one pair of bright, multicolored-swirled capri pants that may not actually match any of the above." Ah. It's good to know that whether it's 1983 or 2003, Jessica will always be buying ugly clothes. It's a small comfort.
Larissa. She, Anna, and Toby are all worried over the auditions. There are so many people there! It's horrific! How will they ever get lead roles? Larissa tries to comfort herself, thinking, "We were much better prepared than most of the people here." Um, correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't it be, much more prepared? I mean...nevermind. Maybe it's one of those crazy Briticisms. The drama instructor, Mr. Dowd, gets up on stage to give them pertinent information. He describes the show, and it's a fairly accurate description so I won't waste time on it. Larissa fantasizes about having cast parties. Hey Larissa, I think you need to get a part in the show first. Mr. Dowd goes on to tell them that everyone needs to have at least a C average, or they can't participate. I wonder how this could possibly affect lazy, non-studying Larissa.
So auditions get going. Anna decides to read over her script one last time and Larissa thinks that she doesn't really need her script, it will all just come to her as she's onstage. She thinks, and I quote, "Things just start to come more easily to you when you're an experienced actor." Larissa, you are THIRTEEN YEARS OLD. Unless you were some amazing child actress back in Britainland, you are screwed. I know because I have read this book.
Larissa thinks these really randomly catty thoughts about the girls auditioning. One girl is described as having a okay voice with no major mistakes. Larissa thinks she'll be perfect as an "extra dancer". How rude. From my experience, an okay performance is about all you can ask from high schoolers. Then again, I don't live in Sweet Valley. Another girl has an awful voice, and Larissa bitchily nitpicks her performance. Highlights include: "She looked like a helicopter, not a Maria", "She might feel pretty, but she sounds pretty ugly", and "There was no way either of us could give a performance bad enough to match this one." Wow. I don't remember Larissa being this bitchy the first time I read this.
It's Anna's turn, and she is of course fantastic. How any of them are able to give these outstanding performances without any prior training seems a bit strange to me. After Anna, it's a girl named Bianca, and she nearly brings them all to tears with her voice. How? And then she flawlessly acts out her scene. Larissa panics that Bianca might get Maria over her, though hilariously, before she saw how good Bianca was, she was hoping Bianca would get a big part. Larissa's kind of two-faced.
Anna. It's Larissa's turn. Larissa sings "I Feel Pretty", and her voice is described as "sweet and light, but powerful, too." Anna is jealous of Larissa's talent. But then! It's time for Larissa's scene -- you know, the one she didn't bring for extra studying -- and she doesn't know any of her lines. I'm sure none of you saw that coming. She runs out and Anna follows, but can't find her. Damn, Larissa moves fast, doesn't she? Toby and Anna agree that they have to convince Mr. Dowd to completely play favorites and give Larissa a second chance. Mr. Dowd waffles for a bit, but eventually caves and agrees to make an exception "just this once." Oh, Mr. Dowd, you were so close to being a responsible adult. And then, since he's already going to Bad Teacher Hell, he decides to tell Toby and Anna right then that they're getting called back, instead of making them wait like everyone else. It must be nice to be a main character.
Salvador. Jessica and Liz are done shopping, so now they're eating in the food court. They tease him about shopping with them, and Salvador thinks about how it's easy to tell them apart: "Jessica was the obnoxious one." Oh, Salvador. Liz explains why she doesn't always buy stuff in stores: "Because when you don't think something through enough, you can end up with buyer's remorse...When you buy something that you aren't really sure about. Or you spend way too much money on stuff that isn't worth it. And you have these huge regrets." Oh, so that's what happened with her and Todd. I mean. Jessica gets all horrified and digs out the multicolored-swirl pants and is all, "Why didn't any of you STOP me?" and Liz is just like, "They're fine. Um. Sort of." Jessica asks Salvador for his opinion, and he awkwardly tells her what to wear with it because apparently his grandmother likes to watch Fashion Emergency. I'll bet Salvador's lying, and he likes to watch it and secretly judge everyone on it. BUT THEN! A bunch of guys walk past and hear Salvador giving Jessica fashion advice and humiliate him. Though I myself don't see why he's so embarrassed, because those were some of the worst insults I've ever heard in my life. They're just jealous, Salvador!
Larissa. Her mother asks her if she's going to eat her "mashers". Because they're British. Larissa's like, "How can I eat my mashers when MY LIFE IS OVER?" She devotes a whole paragraph to how NOBODY WILL EVER FORGET HOW SHE HUMILIATED HERSELF! Oh, Larissa. Even at thirteen, I'm pretty sure I knew that no one was paying attention to my screwups. (Cutely, Larissa refers to her mother as "Mum." I don't know why I find this so entertaining. I guess I just wasn't expecting them to remember the difference.) Her parents ask her if she got her math test back. Larissa lies and said Ms. Upton has been too busy to grade them. Gee, I wonder if this will backfire like everything else Larissa has been doing so far. Larissa is all just positive that this is a "bad phase" and that she can make it up, and then goes back to worrying about the show. SIGH. I give up. I warned you Larissa, I warned you!
Anna, Elizabeth, and Salvador exchange emails. Yeah. I like how they write them like they're letters, with commas and indents and proper punctuation. Remember those days? Liz complains about Salvador. Salvador complains about Liz. So. Yeah. That happened.
Anna. She quickly recaps how she got into drama club for those of you just joining us (though why you would start reading a series starting at book #20 is beyond me, but then again, I was totally going to start at book #21 so, uh...I kind of just destroyed my own argument there, ANYWAY), depressed because of her crazy mom (who is now not so crazy), workaholic dad (who is now not so workaholic), dead brother (who is still dead, sorry), etc etc etc. I kind of love how they seem to know that no one is really following these books, so they recap Anna's backstory every time she has a plot to herself. It's both hilarious and extremely annoying.
Anyway, Anna brings news: Larissa can reaudition! She will blow everyone away with her British-ness, and her snazziness, and her pretty voice, and fuck that Bianca chick, it's LARISSA'S TURN! Everything's coming up roses now, bitches! Or something. After that's over with, Larissa and Anna worry more about getting parts. I think it's strange they're so concerned: even in high school, they tend to squeeze everyone that auditions into some role or another, somehow. Larissa hangs up. Anna worries some more.
Larissa. She works on memorizing her script, and is going to do her homework (which she of course has tons of) when the "cordless phone" rings. That detail seems a bit unnecessary, doesn't it? I mean...does it matter? Well, whatever. It's Larissa's friends Toni and Brenda, and they are going to go see a movie with "Mark Sutton, that totally hot guy from -- ". We never find out where Mark Sutton is from, because Larissa is all "I can't! I have homework and auditions and snazz!" and Toni's just like "You're brilliant, fuck that, let's go!" Larissa glances at her script, stares at her textbooks, and checks her vocab list. Then she goes. Because that is the most reliable method of study ever. How does it work? I don't know. Diffusion?
Toby. Who wants to be Tony. Argh, that's annoying. Larissa brings them jellybeans. For breakfast. Truly, these books are champions of nutritious advice. Tony Toby ARGH reminds her about the vocab test. Larissa gets all squirmy. This chapter is like two pages. I don't really see how it has anything to do with anything, other than splitting up two Larissa chapters.
Larissa again. She has no idea what any of the words mean on her vocab test. This is such a shocking plot twist. I thought she had it down FOR SURE! :O!
Salvador. He is getting ready to leave when he overhears Blue Spiccoli, Brian Rainey, and Damon Ross discussing basketball. (By the way, I initially typoed that as 'basketbool.' I'm...not really a fan of sports.) They name-drop some dude named Kobe. Oh, God, you guys, this dude plays for a team in my state and I still don't know who they're talking about. They also use terms like "half-court", and I don't even know where that is. D: Anyway, neither does Salvador. They ask him if he saw the game. Salvador's like, "Uh, what game?" and they're all, "Lakers against Sonics! Only the biggest game of the year!" Who are the Sonics? Why do I fail at sports so much? Salvador is just as confused as me, and ends up kind of bullshitting his way through it, saying his favorite player is Shaq (wait! I know who that is! Go me!) and yeah. Anna pops up and invites Salvador to a movie. In front of his guy friends. :O!! Salvador declines because Anna is a girl and he needs to reaffirm his sexual orientation after the Jessica-fashion-tip-thing. At least, that's what everyone over the age of ten probably inferred from this plot. The guys invite him to play basketball with them. Salvador agrees, even though he has no fucking idea how to play. This will go well.
Anna. Larissa and Toby are doing their callback thing. Toby is fabulous as Tonyargh. Larissa goes up to join him for a scene, and they are, in Anna's words, "flawless." Somehow I doubt that. Anyway, Mr. Dowd is super impressed and Anna relaxes, all sure that Larissa will be Maria, Toby will be Tonyargh, and she will be Anita. I think it's stupid they're dragging this out when it says right on the back that Larissa doesn't get the part. What do you take me for, an utter fool?...what was that you just said? About Francine Pascal rolling in money and poor little me sitting here recapping her books? Shut up.
"Basketball for Beginners: a Preview: Avoid These Three Fatal Mistakes!" Shouldn't that "a" be capitalized? Anyway, the fatal mistakes: traveling, double dribble, and charging. I wonder if Salvador will make any of these? Surely not, he is such an athletic genius.
Blue. Salvador is failing at basketball. He has double dribbled, traveled, and charged. Sigh. Salvador is shamed by his lack of basketball knowledge. If it makes you feel any better, Salvador, the dudes in my eighth-grade class didn't know much about basketball either. On the other hand, the guys in my eighth-grade class mostly spent their time smoking pot and lighting things on fire behind the kindergarten building, so...yeah...okay, anyway. Why did I just tell you that? Blue takes pity on Salvador and they all go inside to play video games.
Larissa. Her parents want to have a ~serious talk~ with her. Whatever could it be about? Larissa, for some reason, thinks they're going to congratulate her on her successful audition. Really? Whenever my parents tell me we need to talk, I immediately assume I'm in trouble. It's simple parent-child logic. Anyway, apparently Larissa has a D in math class. I feel like I should be surprised, but I'm really...not. I'm pretty sure I wasn't surprised even when I first read this book. Her parents tell her she needs to drop out of drama club. Larissa's like, "HOW COULD YOU? ACTING IS MY LIIIIFE! YOU ARE SO CRUEL! I AM THE PERFECT MARIA! EVERYTHING'S COMING UP LARISSA FOR MEEEEE" and her dad's just like, "THAT SHIT DOES NOT MATTER, YOU NEED TO PASS MATH CLASS" and Larissa thinks, "Just because he went to Oxford, he thinks he knows everything." Her dad went to freaking Oxford? And he lives in Sweet Valley? Really, are there any other colleges in Sweet Valley!England? They insist she get a tutor. Larissa argues, because that's what you do when you're thirteen. Or any age, really. Her mother says, "Don't take that tone with us."
You guys. You guys. We may have just witnessed a moment of parenting in Sweet Valley. Try not to pass out, now.
Larissa predictably doesn't take this well (because she's thirteen) and thinks, "They hadn't even asked for details about my audition. They didn't care about anything except my stupid grade point average. They didn't even know who I was." Man, she is totally an eighth-grader. I love it.
How Larissa, Anna, and Toby Killed Time Waiting for Monday (Because I'm Sure You Care): Larissa makes fifteen phone calls: ten to Anna, five long-distance to England. I know when my parents are mad at me, the very next thing I do is run up the phone bill. That always puts me back in their good graces. Anna watches movies and eats popcorn, only she can't make it all the way through the movies because she keeps thinking about whether or not she'd get a part in one of them if she auditions. Jesus, Anna. Tony Toby stares out a window and eats seventy-two strawberry Twizzlers. He goes to the convenience store six times to replenish his Twizzlers supply. This book is awfully detailed.
Larissa. The cast list is up! She is pumped! And psyched! She is perfect as Maria! Everyone says so! Move over, Carol Lawrence and Josefina Scaglione! (I'm really only mentioning Josefina because I think she's adorable. I'm shallow. Shut up.) But alas! Bianca is Maria! Larissa's dreams have been ruined, all in one moment! She shrugs it off and checks to see what role she did get. Only...she didn't get a role. I'm trying to convey the ~drama~ and ~tension~ in this paragraph but...I can't.
On the bright side: Toby Meeker Martin is Tony. Anna is Anita. (Oh Jesus, that one is going to confuse me too.) Some dude named Juan Ernesto Sanchez is Bernardo. I'm thinking they thought of every typical Hispanic name and squished them together to make a character we will never, ever see or hear from again. Not even during rehearsals. Some girl named Skye is Consuelo. I'm only mentioning this because I can never remember if Skye is a girl or boy.
Toby. He and Anna are in "total shock." He has realized his dream of being Toby Tony! Anna has realized her dream of being Anita! And Larissa is nothing! She is a failure! Maybe if she wasn't British. Only native Sweet Valley-people (Sweet Valleians?) can get roles in shows! Larissa is pushing her luck as a secondary character as it is. Toby and Anna head off to go ask Larissa what is up with these shenanigans. But Larissa cares not for their silly junior-high play! She snarks that it's not a high school show or a real world show, and the cast is so untalented that it will suck anyway, so fuck off, Larissa has better things to do. Like eat her mashers. And drink tea. And spell "color" with a "u". And then she walks away. Anna and Toby are like, "...what."
Larissa. It occured to me that it's been like twenty pages since we last heard from Salvador. Anyway. Larissa's dad wants to have a talk with her. You see, it's not that Larissa's untalented, she's just failing like, everything, and that's why she didn't get a part. But she really doesn't care, so...yeah. Her dad's like, "Aren't you just a LITTLE concerned?" and Larissa's like, "No." Wow, Larissa. You're kind of young to be so apathetic, aren't you? I remember in eighth grade, everyone was panicking because we had to apply for high school. Then again, it's not like it's hard to get into SVH. Jessica and Todd managed it, after all. But, there is a ray of hope! Larissa can get a tutor and bring her grades up, and then she can be a backup dancer! For some reason, Larissa doesn't take him up on it. Dude, if you really want to be in that show, you should take what you can get. But no! She is too angry! How dare Mr. Dowd tell her parents about her failing grades! How dare they think she wants to be a lowly dancer! How dare they breathe her air! She storms upstairs and turns on her "most obnoxious techno music" and hopes it will be "loud enough to drown out everything: my father, Mr. Dowd, math class, Bianca...me." Larissa is such a drama queen. I love her.
Anna. She has come to visit Larissa whilst Larissa is in her throes of despair. She offers to change the CD for Larissa and picks a Matchbox Twenty CD. I find this really funny for some reason, so there you go. Larissa is distant and cold and snazz and Anna is like, "So...I'll just...be going...then..." Yeah.
IMing! Between Liz and Anna on Monday Night. I'm not sure why that detail is so important? Like I said, this book is weirdly specific. They chat a bit about Larissa (Good Lord, is even Elizabeth in on this?) and after a while, Anna asks if Liz has seen Salvador. Liz says he's been playing video games. This is only important because Anna responds, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Good one, Elizabeth." Really? No "lol"-ing? You have let me down, Anna. Go to your room.
And after about forty pages, we get back to Salvador. The rest of the dudes are playing video games. Salvador is scared because he cannot play video games for shenanigans. His own grandmother can even beat him at video games, apparently. Oh, Salvador. Eventually he has to play and loses. I'm sure you knew that was going to happen. Blue's brother (named Leaf) comes home with some CDs. Among his selections: Foo Fighters and Korn. And apparently, in spite of their other differences, these are bands that Salvador, Brian, Blue, and Damon all enjoy! In spite of Salvador's dubious sexual orientation lack of skill in basketball and video games, they have bonded through music! They decide to form a band. Blue will play drums, Damon will play guitar, Brian will play saxophone, and Salvador will sing. They'll be bigger than the Droids!
Toby. He has brought gifts for Larissa to appease her! "Of course it's not bread pudding, like the kind you Brits go for. It's not even rice pudding. But it is chocolate pudding!" Larissa rejects his offerings. Forget Larissa, Toby, bring me chocolate pudding. I'm really hungry right now, but it's like one in the morning as I'm writing this, so. Toby tries to get her to open up, but Larissa is all, "There are bigger problems! In this world, I mean. Like starving children. Not like me failing school or anything like that." Toby persists, and Larissa appears to give in because he is so sincere and she is in love with him like shenanigans.
Larissa. She actually really wants Toby to go away. Heh. But alas, she cannot tell him that -- he is standing there, "looking at [her] with this deep, soulful expression in his gray eyes." How can she resist? So yeah, she ends up spilling everything. Toby's like, "That thing about the grades can't be true! You had an A in history! And you tutored me! Because you learned all that American history in England that I didn't know about!" Do they seriously teach American history in England? Do they seriously teach more American history there than they do here? Maybe Toby just sucks. Anyway. Toby tells her that tutoring might work and she should go for it. Larissa gets defensive, as she seems to do so often: "Forget it, Toby. I thought you'd understand and support me, but I guess I was wrong. I'm wrong about everything lately, aren't I?" Ahahaha. I love Larissa. Then she storms off in a huff. She's leaving! And you can't stop her! She's thirteen years old and can do whatever the fuck she wants!
Salvador. Brian and Damon are late for their very first band practice. How dare they! Salvador is antsy. Blue's just chillaxin' in the corner, because he is a surfer and cares not for these tardy shenanigans. Brian and Damon show up, and Brian suggests that they "jam" for a while to see what they sound like. Salvador is excited. His musical dreams are finally coming true! Damon's fingers will coax beautiful melodies out of the guitar, and Brian will blow the saxophone to perfection. I shouldn't let myself write these sort of things at two in the morning. They play, and everyone is terrible. Damon breaks two guitar strings, and Blue actually sends one of his drumsticks flying into Salvador's eye. Salvador is shocked, shocked that their eighth-grade band doesn't sound like musical perfection. Shut up, Salvador. I bet you can't even sing.
Anna. She's walking home with Tony Toby. He tells her about Larissa not being in the musical. Anna is surprised that her parents are strict about it, mentioning that her parents love "going to 'the theater,' as her father had said with that slick British accent." I kind of love Anna's obsession with the "funny Briticisms." It's mentioned earlier that she asks Larissa to say "Cheerio" instead of "Goodbye" when they talk. Anna's such a dork. I think I like her better in these later books than the first few, when she wrote sad poetry and was in love with Salvador. Toby reveals that it's not her parents, it's her grades, and "Now she's furious because her parents and the teachers -- including Mr. Dowd -- want her to get a tutor, and she's ~blooming well set against the harebrained idiotic idea." Ahahaha, oh, Tony Toby. Anna comes up with a brilliant idea: she can tutor Larissa! It's better, because they're friends! Larissa will love the idea! Good Lord.
Blue. Salvador has stormed out of rehearsal. Everyone's just like, "Uh, what's his deal?" and Blue's like, "Creative differences. Don't sweat it, the Beatles had them too!" Blue references the Beatles a lot. Is it because he's a surfer? This chapter is about a page and three lines. Good grief.
Larissa. She is studying for her Spanish test, though she does not know why, because "How was I supposed to think about a test that wasn't even until tomorrow?" I sort of envy Larissa's attitude, I usually end up spazzing for days over my tests and studying and then forgetting it all the second I take it. Then again, this method has kept me from failing, UNLIKE LARISSA! She is having an internal rant about her dad when who should show up but Tony Toby and Anita Anna? They talk about how they know about her academic troubles, because Toby has told Anna! Larissa, for SOME REASON, is not thrilled by Toby spilling her shit to Anna behind her back. Anna is confused. After all, she's friends with Liz. Anna, in a very Saint-Elizabeth style, offers to help Larissa, and Larissa completely snaps at her. I have to quote it, so you can get the full gist of it:
"Look. The only reason Toby told me about everything was because we want to figure out a way to help. And I think I have an idea." [Anna] waited for me to look at her before continuing. "I could be your tutor."
"What?" Did she have any idea how absolutely patronizing she was being? Anna to the rescue? Because I wasn't smart enough to figure everything out on my own?
I love her so hard right now. I mean it. Can you imagine if Elizabeth tried to get her meddle on with this girl? Hair clips, I'm sure, would go flying. Larissa storms out of the library. Yeah! Take that, Toby Meekermartin and Anna Wang! SHE'LL JUST GO FAIL ON HER OWN NOW!
Anna. She is so disappointed! She was sure Larissa would love the idea! She decides, fuck this asking shit, I'll make her study with me! It's an attitude that would make Liz proud. Anna catches up with Larissa and makes it a study get-together. Not a tutoring session, OF COURSE NOT! Larissa gives in. Anna is relieved. Yes.
Salvador. He is eating lunch with Liz. It just occurred to me that there are no Jessica or Elizabeth chapters in this book. Anyway, Liz can mysteriously tell that Salvador is upset! Because he's not eating his chips! TRULY, THIS IS A DISASTER OF EPIC PROPORTIONS. He spills all of his problems to Elizabeth. As you do. Liz is like, "Um, haven't you guys only had one day of practice?" She harkens us back to when she joined the volleyball team that Blue is also on. I want to say that's book #18, because I always found it really, really boring and weirdly out of place. Anyway, Blue is a stereotypical Californian surfer (and probably a stereotypical Californian pot-smoker too), and that means that he is laid-back and chill, and Salvador just has to ~chill~ with him (if you know what I mean) and then they'll all be chill and make some great music. I'll bet that's how Mozart did it.
Larissa. She's forgotten her sweater in the English classroom, and goes back up to get it. And guess who is in the English classroom? Bianca! Yes, the girl who got the role of Maria over Larissa. Whatever could she be doing? And who is that strange girl with her? Well, you see, Bianca is failing her classes too! And she wants to be in the show, so she's working with a friend to keep her average up! Larissa asks her how it's going, and Bianca says, "I'd rather be off having fun somewhere. But I guess it's worth it." All the anvils in this scene are making me feel like I'm in an Animaniacs cartoon. Larissa rushes off to prepare to learn with Anna.
Larissa and Anna's Study Schedule. Larissa is a Ricky Martin fan. This both disturbs me and cracks me up at the same time. Also disturbing is how organized they are. Anna has come prepared with practice quizzes and study cards and shenanigans. Dude, I was not this organized when I was thirteen. I didn't even make my own study cards. Larissa passes her second quiz with only two mistakes! Yay! She is prepared now FOR SURE! Let's party! And they do. For about three minutes.
Salvador. Blue has called, and Salvador calls him back. The band is still on! And, and, Blue has even MORE exciting news: he has a name! The story, in his words: "I was down at the skateboard park, and it, like, came to me." I don't even know what to say to that. Have I ever told you how much I love Blue? Well, I'm telling you now. The name? "Big Noise." Salvador is THRILLED! His idea is still on, and creating ~musical fusion~ with three other guys will reaffirm him as heterosexual for sure! And with that, our B plot is over. It was nice seeing you again, Salvador!
Back to Larissa. She is finally going to see Ms. Upton about her math grade. She goes in the early morning so she can study Spanish before first period. See, because after one study session, she is now totes more organized and prepared! It's like a training montage, only shorter because this is a Sweet Valley book. And see, Larissa feels more confident, because she's not alone in the universe anymore! Bianca has problems too! They agree to work on math and Larissa can bring her grade up. She then goes off to Spanish class! She's been studying all weekend and says that "It was nice to be getting along with my mum and dad again." Awwwww. This is actually cute. Larissa takes her test, and holy shit, everything makes sense to her! Nothing is random or weird! She is intelligent! And then she pesters the teacher into correcting her test right after class, and lo, she has gotten an A! And then she has to go rush off and discuss her grades with her other teachers! Because she is dedicated and organized now! Yay! Sparkly!
Tony Toby. Mr. Dowd is late to rehearsal. I WONDER WHAT IS KEEPING HIM. Toby and Anna and Bianca and everyone start dancing and goofing off, and all of a sudden Mr. Dowd and Larissa walk in. Toby is horrified: Larissa has witnessed them having fun! And she can't have fun! How could he do this do her?! But no, Larissa is smiling and happy. She's going to audition to be a dancer in the show! And they all laugh and hug and do a mambo together.
Now I want to do a mambo. Mambo with me, guys!