Gashlycrumb Tinies
irinaauthor's post about the death of Louis Miles gave me an idea. The original thought was to do a poem in the style of Edward Gorey's "Gashlycrumb Tinies" about the death of Jessica's many boyfriends. Well--this might shock you--there weren't enough dead boyfriends to complete the poem. But Irina and I worked on it ALL DAY and we finally came up with this ode to death in Sweet Valley:
A is for AJ is he even dead?
B is for Barbara who messed with Nick’s head.
C is for Christian who was pushed in a pool
D is for “Dirtbike Guy” our name for Margo’s tool
E is for Enid who changed her name
F is for Fox, Nick Fox, Jessica’s undercover flame.
G is for Georgie, drowned in a lake.
H is for the Wakefields' house, killed in the 'quake.
I is for Italian count. Jet ski explosions are grim.
J is for John Pfeifer, don’t go home with him!
K is for Ken’s eyesight, gone in the prime of his life
L is for Louis Miles, stabbed by his serial wife.
M is for Margo the evilest twin,
N is for Nora, she just couldn’t win.
O is for Olivia, a refrigerator killed 'er
P is for Paul Patman, Roger’s gilded father
Q is for Quality parenting, it’s a conceptual joke
R is for Regina, dead from the coke!
S is for Sam who drank magical vodka
T is for Tricia Martin, she had leukemia.
U is for Unicorns, those friends all got the axe.
V is for Liz’s V card, she finally gave it to… MAX?!?
W is for William White, we’re not sure he’s done
X is for Xtremely bad decision, replacing 1BRUCE1.
Y is for Gin-Yung, who died so Liz could have Todd.
Z is for nothing, this letter's too odd.
Some of the rhymes are reaches. But, whatever, you try rhyming "magical vodka"!
A is for AJ is he even dead?
B is for Barbara who messed with Nick’s head.
C is for Christian who was pushed in a pool
D is for “Dirtbike Guy” our name for Margo’s tool
E is for Enid who changed her name
F is for Fox, Nick Fox, Jessica’s undercover flame.
G is for Georgie, drowned in a lake.
H is for the Wakefields' house, killed in the 'quake.
I is for Italian count. Jet ski explosions are grim.
J is for John Pfeifer, don’t go home with him!
K is for Ken’s eyesight, gone in the prime of his life
L is for Louis Miles, stabbed by his serial wife.
M is for Margo the evilest twin,
N is for Nora, she just couldn’t win.
O is for Olivia, a refrigerator killed 'er
P is for Paul Patman, Roger’s gilded father
Q is for Quality parenting, it’s a conceptual joke
R is for Regina, dead from the coke!
S is for Sam who drank magical vodka
T is for Tricia Martin, she had leukemia.
U is for Unicorns, those friends all got the axe.
V is for Liz’s V card, she finally gave it to… MAX?!?
W is for William White, we’re not sure he’s done
X is for Xtremely bad decision, replacing 1BRUCE1.
Y is for Gin-Yung, who died so Liz could have Todd.
Z is for nothing, this letter's too odd.
Some of the rhymes are reaches. But, whatever, you try rhyming "magical vodka"!