Double the Love, Double the Pleasure (by which I mean torture) SVH #1
I stumbled across the lovely Dariburger.com and after reading a few of the entries decided that I myself would rip off this idea and post recaps of SVH with my friend that never read them growing up. This plan fell apart after my friend told me that the books were terrible and that she could not voluntarily subject herself to such torture.
A couple of days ago, I discovered the awesomeness that is 1bruce1 and since I already had the first book, Double Love, all typed up and recapped, I figured why not post it here?
Hello, everybody. Welcome to Hell.
We open with Jessica Wakefield and I pretty much have to quote the opening of this book because it really sets the tone for the rest of the series. And because I had a friend that would do this shit in high school and it. Drove. Me. Crazy.
"...'I'm so gross! Just look at me. Everything is totally wrong. To begin with, I'm disgustingly fat...' With that, she spun around to show off a stunning figure without an extra ounce visible anywhere."
She goes on to bitch about her legs, which are "perfectly shaped". Oh god, I have to quote again.
"Jessica, (typo in text) stared at herself in the full length mirror and saw a picture of utter heartbreak and despair. But what was actually reflected in the glass was about the most adorable, most dazzling sixteen year old girl imaginable."
(Was this written by some middle aged pervert? Or a real life Lester Burnham?)
So this should give you a clear idea of what were working with.
Long story short, Jessica complains about her every physical feature while the ghost writer interjects to correct the any reader misconceptions. Her eyes are "the blue green of the Carribean" and she has "silky blond hair".
She is bitching to her sister, Elizabeth. Then we get the big reveal that they are twins. Guys, I wouldn't go into this much detail, I promise, but this is important for later because we will get this "blue-green-eyes-pacific-
ocean-perfect-size-six-beauty-mark-different-but-alike spiel in every last goddamn book and I only want to have to do it once.
They are "blessed with All-American good looks", are "fix feet six on the button" and wore "exquiste identical lavaliere" necklaces. Geddit?
Jessica is mischevious (read: sociopathic attention-whore) and Elizabeth is sincere (read: meddling and self-righteous). The ghost writer makes sure to tell the reader this before acutally demonstrating it. I'm going to stop myself now because if I am going to get hung up on the horrible quaility of the writing, this recap will be 50 pages long. Okay, one last thing. Poor writing, even for a YA book. On the other hand, unintentionally hilarious. So fair is fair, I guess.
So the twins are getting ready for school and the phone rings. Jessica answers. It's Todd Wilkins. Get very, very used to him. He's all, Can I talk to Liz? Jess gets super pissed because she's kind of hot for him and now he likes Liz better. Get used to that theme, as well.
Todd is the "basketball team's hottest star" and my recollection of Todd is hazy, so I guess we'll all get to know him together. Jess starts "purring" into the phone, trying to distract him and Todd's all Yeah great, so can I talk to Elizabeth? which pisses Jess off even more, so she tells him Liz can't come to the phone. Of course, just as Liz shows up Jess is hanging up the phone. She tells Liz that Todd called for Jessica to wish her luck on getting into her high school sorority of choice, Phi Beta Alpha. Who the fuck had sororities in high school? Can you imagine the utter horror that shit would be?
Liz pretends to not be disappointed because she's got a big fat one on Todd. She gets all stupid and nervous round him, spazzing out all over the place. This is done realistically, so you know, not horribly done, ghost writer.
Jessica decides to play a prank on Liz, for the sorority rush, I guess. I don't know. So she sends a pizza to Liz during Chemistry. Apparently, the chemistry teacher is named Mr. Russo and he is brillant and has a "sharp wit". It basically implys that he's an asshole, so Mr. Russo is pretty awesome.
So the pizza gets there and Liz is all embarassed and tells Mr. Russo that she was conducting a science experiment. And since she is Elizabeth Wakefield, Mr. Russo thinks its fun and okay. So much for Mr. Russo being awesome.
We then cut to the twins at home. They are having breakfast. Alice, twin mother, mentions that their father, Ned, nor herself will be home for dinner. She mentions Ned will be working late. (AKA: banging the secretary.)
Alice the tells them that since everyone is so busy, they can drive their red Fiat convertible to school today. Gag. Jess becomes enraged because she isn't allowed to drive it, since she's recently gotten into an accident. She works herself up into a frothy anger and Elizabeth tries to placate her for some unknown reason.
Then, in the car on the way to school, Jessica posits that Marianna West, the woman Ned is working with, sounds like a slut on the phone. Next we are introduced to the Fowlers: New Money and Patmans: Old Money dynamic. Jessica then resumes her hissy fit about not driving. Liz placates her some more and Jessica is even more bitchy.
At school, we meet Enid Rollins, Elizabeth's best friend. Jessica thinks Enid sucks. She is probably right. Enid is "pretty" with "shoulder length brown hair and big green eyes.", but not a perfect physical specimin like the twins. Also, she is "smart", "funny" and has a mysterious past. We shall see.
Elizabeth writes a gossip column for the school paper, The Oracle, called Eyes and Ears. Oh lord, I wish our school had a gossip column. "Lindsey R is knocked up, but no word on whether Mark B. or Shane L. is the daddy! So I guess it is SVH tradition for the writer of the column to be anonymous until their identity is found out and they are thrown in the school pool. Again, I wouldn't mention this sort of mundane shit unless it becomes sadly important to the plot later.
I suppose that SVH has not only sororities but fraternities as well. Enid's all excited because Ronnie Edwards (who is quiet and appears to have Asperger's or some other social disorder) asked her to the Phi Epsilon (frat) dance.
Then Jess comes barreling through the parking lot in the Fiat. She stole the keys from Liz earlier. Ha.
So Liz is all gonna let Jessica have it, but then Todd comes by wanting to talk to her. She, of course, drops everything to awkwardly flirt with him. The bell rings and they make plans to meet up after her meeting for The Oracle.
The next scene is the girls finding out who made it into the sorority. Jessica is talking about how Todd is going to ask her to the dance, which makes Liz cry. She starts bawling and is announced as a sister. Everyone thinks its because she's happy. Elizabeth seriously needs to tell Jessica she likes Todd. How hard is a Hey, you're a flake and like lots of dudes and I like just Todd, so please know I like him and I'm going to persue him even though you like him and you think he likes you." How hard is it? But of couse, we wouldn't have a book if Liz didn't insist on martyring herself in the name of Jessica's happiness.
The Phi Beta Alphas also induct Enid Rollins, Lila Fowler and Cara Walker, who are Jessica's friends. They announce Jess last and she is predictiably angry.
Elizabeth is late from her newspaper meeting and sees Jessica taking off with Todd. You know, I guess Jess is somewhat guilty of leaving with Todd (even though Liz refuses to just say she likes him) but she's a super cunt for leaving Liz without a ride.
Cut to Liz at home. She has a brother named Steven and they engage in cliched sibling banter. Steve is, of course, devestatingly handsome. This is apparently his fourth weekend home in a row. He also immediately assumes that thier Dad, Ned, is fucking Marianna West.
Jess comes home just in time to note her horror at the thought of "having anything other than an attractive family". What she doesn't know is that she has a rather plain looking 9 year old sister that lives in storage shed in the backyard. Ned and Alice keep her there to escape the shame of the neighbor's gossip.
After that chilling glimpse inside Jessica's head, she tries to set up Steve with her friend, Cara Walker. When he declines, she busts on him for coming home every weekend to get some poon. Despite what the ghost writer tells you, Jess is oftentimes smarter than Elizabeth.
Cut to Jessica using tears to manipulate Liz. See above paragraph.
So Jess is all, I saw you taking off with a bunch of people. I was so pissed! while Liz throws back, I had to walk home, you bitch! and Jess is like, It's okay. I forgive you.
Later, Liz has a mini-breakdown in front of her mom. She's all I hate being boring ass me ! Todd likes Jess better! Well, she doesn't say that last part, but its implied. I wish I could say that this isn't typical 16 year old girl behavior but it so is.
Now, even Liz thinks Marianna and her Dad are doing it. Because Marianna is "beauiful" and a "divorcee". You know how cock hungry those divorcees are. What a wonderful construct, Liz. If that slut Marianna had been a widow, this whole misunderstanding could have been avoided. (spoiler!) Let's see, this was published in 1983. Pretty sure that the shame of divorce had lost its luster. I hate you, Elizabeth Wakefield.
Then Cara Walker comes up all Ohmygod! Whoever writes Eyes and Ears needs to mention how Jessica and Todd are mega horny for each other. Liz is predictably devestated. Of course, she "...wishes them the very best". Jesus Christ, get off the cross and attempt to not be a pathetic drama queen about the whole thing, okay? Fucking please? Also, in a just-saying kind of way, isn't this a really unhealthy leasson to be teaching 10 year olds? Elizabeth's main concern seems to be that she can't compete with Jessica. If she feels that she can't compete with a girl who's main asset is her looks, even though she is identical to her, what does that say to young girls that don't have perfect size six figures, blue green eyes of the color of the Pacific Ocean and shoulder length sun streaked blond hair? It's all very gross. I get that it's a fantasy, yet....I can't quite articulate it. Francine Pascal is evil seems to sum it up best.
Okay, back onto the riveting plot: Liz starts crying again in front of her English teacher and Oracle advisor, Mr. Collins. He offers her a hanky and somehow it comes off as vaguely inappropriate. Then some dude comes in talking about Todd so she cries some more and runs out of the room. Am I supposed to feel sorry for her? If the ghost writer was going for disgusted exasperation, then bravo.
By pure coincidence, she runs into Todd and Jessica talking. Jess is trying to railroad him into asking her to the dance. Liz runs away crying, again, some more. Jessica then takes this ripe opportunity to make Liz sound like a cock gobbler to Todd. Sorry, I can only use the words slut and whore so many times, so things are going to have to get graphically descriptive up in here. Todd is obviously not into Jess and it makes her (even more) crazy.
Cut to Sweet Valley ne'er-do-well Rick Andover. He is a year older than the twins and is a big loser dropout. He offers Jessica a ride home and he's described as "a junior Clint Eastwood" and has an "...eagle tattooed against the densley packed muscles of his forearm." Sorry guys, I just rolled my eyes so hard that my contacts fell out. Just a second.
There we go. Anyway, Rick is all Hey, little girl pervy weirdness. Jessica is totally feeling this because she has terrible taste and because Rick only hits on really hot girls, so this must mean that she is really hot. He drops her off and almost crashes into Alice Wakefield on his way out. Alice is all, I know that was that Andover boy! Nothing but trouble! Yet, she fails to make the natural assumption that he might be dropping off her daughter. Alice
Later that night Jess goes on a date with Rick. He calls her "Heaven" instead of her name. For some reason, she does not kick him in the balls. Way to blow it, Wakefield. Seriously, this entire series would benefit from more smashed testicles.
Rick takes her to a bar despite the fact that she is sixteen and he is seventeen. He orders Boilermakers, of all things. No one in the bar blinks an eye at them, nor are they ID'd. I'm all for underage drinking...but...you know what? It's not even worth thinking about. Moving on.
Rick is all like Hey, baby, how do you like hanging out with someone a year older than you that keeps on talking about how exprienced he is, giving him the general air of a 45 year old rapist?
He tries to molest her right off the bat, which is sweet of him. At least Jessica isn't feeling it anymore. She wants to leave and Rick won't and eventually some fat guy offers her a ride home. You should totally take him up on that, Jess. I'm sure its perfectly safe.
Rick and Fat Guy get into a fist fight over Jess. The cops show up and take her home. The cop, who conviently happens to be the father of her classmate, Emily Mayer, who is the drummer for "Sweet Valley's hottest (read: only) band".
Luckily for Jessica, Elizabeth is friends with Emily so the cop is all, I'm going to let you go and give you a second chance, Elizabeth. What an awful police officer. Regardless of whether or not she was in trouble, shouldn't he have taken her ID? Jessica doesn't bother to correct him because she is a bitch.
By another cosmic incident of pure chance, Caroline Pearce, the school gossip, happens to be walking her dog just as Jessica steps out of the police vehicle. Caroline runs home to tell everyone about it.
Next up is Liz, who has a Eugene O'Neill poster in her room. HA! Seems more like a Neil Simon fan to me. She is such a psuedo-intellectual poseur.
She wants to be a writer when she grows up (get in line, bitch) even though her writing is pretty shitty. By shitty I mean "is of the quality of the average Sweet Valley High book",
Next day at school everyone is looking at Liz weird and whispering about her. Bruce Patman comes over and is all Always thought you were lame. Nice job and she's like What? and he replies I know you know I know you know I know.
Enid is there too and as Bruce walks away, she and Liz make fun of him. It is the first truly likeable Liz moment. So then Enid's all Hey, listen...I'll always be your friend blah, blah, blah and runs off to talk to her stupid boyfriend and leaves Liz there to wonder what the fuck is going on. I don't even like Liz, but....shithead move, Enid Rollins. If one of my friends ever did that to me I would punch them directly in the throat.
The rumor is that Elizabeth went to Kelly's (the bar) with Rick Andover and started a riot. Wow, it sounds a lot cooler when you put it like that. And, also? DOESN'T ELIZABETH HAVE A IDENTICAL TWIN SISTER WHO IS MUCH MORE LIKELY TO BE INVOLVED IN AFFAIRS OF THIS NATURE????????? This does not seem to occur to anyone. The unfalliable truth of the cop calling her Elizabeth seems to be proof o'plenty to these worthless dumbasses. If I ever lived in Sweet Valley, I'd kill myself.
Then Ronnie Edwards, Enid's boyfriend is all You can't hang out with Liz anymore. Nice, Enid. You have caught yourself a lovely young gentleman.
Liz then confronts Jess. Jessica is all Oh, that little ol' thing? I'll clear that up later. Holy shit, Steve is dating Betsy Martin! This is enough to distract Liz. No wonder Jess gets away with so much.
According to Liz, "Betsy's been doing drugs for years-she sleeps around-..." Hell, I'd be hanging out with Betsy, too, if the rest of the characters were my alternative.
Liz gets back on task and is like Yeah, you have to clear that up like now because this is Sweet Valley and going to a bar with a boy carries a deep shame that can only be rectified through you telling the truth or ritualistic sacrifice at the hands of the powerful cabal that controls this fairy city for the disgrace that I have brought upon our idyllic kingdom. Actually, she's upset at what Todd must think. Jessica replies that she will make Todd be nice to Liz when he picks Jess up for dates. The only thing that could have made that reply better is if she actually knew Liz likes Todd.
Next is Enid, Ronnie and Todd at the beach. Ronnie thinks this would be a good time to talk shit on Liz. He's all Wow, what a whore and Enid defends her. She finally realizes that Ronnie is a controlling douchebag, yet does nothing about it. In fact, she decides that she will hide her past from him so he won't get all judgy with her. Ronnie totally smells like a gossipy old lady. Anyway, we don't get primed on this allegedly horrid past and no one addresses the fact that Enid should just dump him. (Enid's past is actually the main plot of the next book, Secrets. Spoiler!)
Todd and Ronnie keep on talking about Liz and it's pretty obvious that Todd is into her but he's all sad because now she's dirty and tainted.
We get another scene of Jessica manipulating Elizabeth and Jess basically gets away with being crappy to Liz and making the whole school think that she goes to bars with boys....I mean is a jezebel harlot.
The whole rumor mill has died down now that a new, confounding, ridiculous, confusing, poorly explained, impossible crisis has emerged. George Fowler wants to buy the land SVH's football field is located on for a factory and the Patmans blocked the sale of the land and want to turn it into a "formal English garden". Now, let's hold up a second, here. Wouldn't the school own the land? And as big as a football field is....can you really fit either of those things into a football field? The garden, maybe. But a factory? Seriously, though. Did the Sweet Valley school district just plop a football field down and hope that whoever did own the land wouldn't notice? Was the person that owned the land blind and deaf?
So Mr. Collins assigns Liz the story and she gets a big journalism boner. (I took journalism at school, too. AND I was a better high school journalist than Liz. I won an award once and everything. Okay, an honorable mention. Still, suck it, Liz)
The students are all abuzz over the news and begin a rabble, led by the magnificently Aryan football captain, Ken Matthews and Todd. They are caught by the school's "dietician". That one threw me for a minute. I thought that they maybe employed a school dietician that examined all the girls to ensure they had perfect size six figures. Then I realized its a nice word for lunch lady.
All the kids begin to berate Bruce Patman (of the English Garden Patmans) and Lila Fowler (of the factory owning Fowlers) , who is Jessica's best friend. And, from what I can recall, awesome. She was my childhood favorite, after Liz. So Lila and Bruce are all Shut up, our parents are rich.
Jessica sticks her nose in despite the aforementioned best friendhood with Lila. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that Jess is a crappy friend, but still. So Bruce is like What about you sister the bar slut? And the fact that your dad is humping hot divorcee, Marianna West? From the way Bruce is talking, he's totally rubbed out to Marianna. More than once.
Then Liz runs into Todd. He's happy to see her and runs right over. I guess SVH is a small school, with all these people running into each other by chance over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. I didn't write what happens next and I'm too lazy to look, but let's just assume that she runs away and starts crying again.
Cut to Jessica and Todd at lunch, she has an unexplained attack of conscience and confesses all to him. Because Todd Wilkins is one of the biggest dipshit dumbfucks in the history of fiction, he thinks that Jessica is covering for Elizabeth. That gets him all horny so he kisses Jess and asks her to the frat dance in front of everyone. Seriously, though. If Todd had a fifth of a brain, wouldn't he recognize that Jess was telling the truth?
Then we go to Liz and Winston Egbert (described as a "nerd" and "class clown", though he is a SVH version of a nerd, which means that he's "well-liked" and not a social paraiah, y'know, like real nerds.) So he comes over to gossip with Liz like a big old girl. Dude, I'm just gonna have to quote him, its ridiculous:
<"Wow," Winston Egbert hooted, stopping Elizabeth as she came out of the school building. "The temperature went up about 50 degrees in here awhile ago."
"What happened, Winston?"
"A certain beautiful cheerleader and a certain handsome basketball player went into a clinch right out in front of the world and the mercury soared!"
"Oh." said Elizabeth. Her heart ached.
"I thought Todd was after you, but now I see it's Jessica. Talk about showing your feelings in public!"
Am I supposed to believe that Winston is straight?
Right then Bruce Patman rolls up in his Porsche and is like So, now that you're slutty, how would you like to go to the dance with me? Then Winston is all She's going with me! and Liz is like Yeah, what he said!
Bruce leaves and Winston tells Liz that she doesn't really have to go with him. She replies Well, everyone thinks I'm a dicksucker whorebag, so why not? and Winston is like Boner City!
Next up is the twins at home where Jessica is all Ohmigod, Liz! Todd asked me to the dance! and Liz pretends to be happy for her. I'm pretty sure that I'm supposed to feel sympathy but she should have just told Jess she liked Todd from the start. Whatever misery that is being incurred on her part is wholly deserved.
So, anyway, Jessica is all Can't wait to tell Mom and Liz reminds her that Alice is working late. Jess gets irate, like Fuck you, Mom, for keeping me in bad 80's clothes and red convertibles.
Then Liz daydreams about Todd kissing her and Jessica gets pissed because Liz isn't listening to her. So Jess throws another tantrum and Elizabeth apologizes to her. Godammit, Liz.
Steven comes home and all the siblings get into a big fight, with Jessica being all Dad's fucking Marianna West and you're fucking some whore! This makes Steve super pissed and slightly awesome as he calls Jessica a "selfish little twerp" and asks Liz if she "ever get[s] tired of defending her".
Turns out Steven is "in love" with Tricia Martin, Betsy's younger, non-boy fucking, non-drug taking sister. Elizabeth approves while Jessica is like Yeah, she still comes from trash.
Steven starts sobbing, all I screwed it up forever! and I would say this is melodramatic and unrealistic but then I remembered that once in high school a boy sat on my couch sobbing because the he found out the girl he liked was not a pristine, pure, innocent, virgin; but was more of Betsy Martin with the boy fucking and drug taking. That was really weird. I didn't even know that he A: liked her or B: That he didn't know that she was kind of slutty) Maybe he would have been better off at SVH. I wasn't even the one that dropped the slut bomb, either....my house was kind of a hang out my freshman/sophomore year, so people came and went. He just showed up on my doorstep, sobbing.
Steven then admits that Tricia called him out on never taking her anywhere because he's ashamed of her family. At least Tricia has some balls, which is more than any of these other broads can say.
Later, Jessica berates Liz for going to the dance with Winston. Liz retaliates with Bruce Patman asked me, so there and Jessica is all jealous. That makes Liz say You'd rather go with Bruce? and Jessica is like No, but Todd drives a shitty car and Bruce drives a Porsche, so there is that consideration. But, of course Liz wouldn't care about something as shallow as that. Because she is perfect.
Next up is the boys picking up the twins for the dance. Everyone keeps on calling Winston "Win". It makes me want to die. Todd interior monologues that Liz looks totally bangin'. Winston asses all over the place about gorgeous Liz. Jessica becomes enraged because she thinks Winston's fawning over Liz ruined her enterance. She is so oblivious. Everyone is this series, except Tricia Martin (for right now, at least), is too stupid to live.
Jess and Todd start to dance and are all grinding on each other. Jessica doesn't notice that he's staring at Liz the whole time. See above paragraph.
Then Winston and Liz are talking and Winston is being all pathetic and self-depreciating in a creepy "give me approval!" type of way. Then he's all Todd is giving you the boner-eye and I like Jessica!
Jessica finally notices that Todd isn't paying attention to her and she gets pissed. Again. Because she has borderline personality disorder. When Todd declines to kiss her goodnight, revenge is solemnly vowed.
She proceeds to go inside and cry to Liz about how Todd got all rape-y with her and wouldn't back off. Francine Pascal: teaching healthy lessons to adolescent girls for 25 years.
Steve is still all mopey the next morning and we learn that in addition to crackwhore Betsy, there is Mr. Martin, "the town drunk". So Steve agonizes over the whole deal. He is as bad as Elizabeth. He kvetches that Tricia "never wants to see him again". Ned and Alice tell him that he should own up to being a dick. Since the Wakefields are perfect and all, Ned and Alice have no problem with Steve associating with the trashiest family in town. So, Steven worried for nothing. What a judgemental douche. Maybe him and Ronnie Edwards should hang out.
Then we're at the Martin's. Tricia is all being a saint, taking care of her drunk ass dad. Steve apologizes and they make up. Steven then just so happens to see his Dad driving around on his way home. Steven creepily follows his Dad, rationalizing that he's just going to follow him home. Steve is by far the weirdest Wakefield.
Instead of going home, Ned goes to Marianna West's house. Steven sees his dad and the homewrecker get out of the car and go inside. Y'know, I can understand a person can get suspicious and do strange things but it doesn't explain what happens next. Instead of being rightly freaked out that his dad just went to go bang his assumed mistress and getting the fuck out of there, Steven waits.....for at least a "dozen songs" on the radio. EWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Also? Ned Wakefield is a marathon man, apparently. Steven finally goes home. To mastrubate.
At SVH, Todd is trying to talk to Liz and she's giving him the cold shoulder. Since he tried to rape her sister and all. Can't blame a girl for that.
Mr. Collins tells her that she has to go to the courthouse to further cover the football field scandal. She gets all huffy because she's going to have to talk to Marianna West.
Todd calls her the next morning, all I forgive you for going to a bar with a boy and being a gigantic, shameful, tawdry, whore. Which, regardless of the whole Liz-didn't-do-it aspect, is totally fucking gross of him. They weren't together! Who does Todd think he is to forgive her for something that has NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM? I hate you, Todd Wilkins. Jessica is so better off without you.
Liz goes to the courthouse and gets all pissed because she thinks Marianna (who is acting as lead attourney) is leeching off her Dad's lawyer-ly awesomeness and presenting it as her own. Yes, Elizabeth Wakefield, self-described "feminist", is automatically assuming that a woman can't compently perform at her job and needs to leech off of a man. You and Todd deserve each other, Liz.
So, Marianna wins the case and SVH gets the land, which it should have had in the first place. Liz goes home and Alice tells her that Marianna is coming over and Ned is making an important annoucement. Jessica assumes that Ned will declare that he's leaving Alice. Ha.
Turns out Ned was just helping Marianna get a promotion at his law firm. She's all a partner now. Everyone is satisfied with this explaination, even weirdo Steven.
Then Liz whines about Todd for two pages or so and goes to the Dairi Burger with Jessica. On the way there, Rick Andover starts following them. Eventually they stop and Rick comes over and forces his way into the car. Instead of immediately stepping on the gas the second he went for the door, Liz just sits there like a big dummy. I hate you, Liz. Truly.
Rick starts driving the car and he's drunk. Todd just so happens to see them flying by and takes off in his shitty car after them.
Rick takes the twins to Kelly's. I don't know why but I laughed for about 5 minutes at that. Todd pulls up and beats the shit out of Rick. Jessica goes to kiss Todd and Elizabeth finally grows a pair and kisses him instead. Which is kind of shitty of her. Way shittier than telling Jess she liked Todd from the first. Anyway, congraulations, Liz, on the thick-headed idiot boyfriend.
Finally, Elizabeth exacts her revenge by pretending to be Jessica and telling everyone that Liz writes Eyes and Ears. Jessica gets thrown in the pool in Liz's stead. Other than that, she faces no consequences from accusing Todd of trying to date rape her. Nice.
And that is that. My friend was supposed to do book 2 but, alas, it was not meant to be.