Sweet Valley High Super Star: Lila's Story
Sweet Valley High Super Stars: Lila's Story
That's right, bitches! This is Lila's story, so you perfect-size sixes can just scoot your asses over and make way for the top bitch! Aww, yeah. There are two plots in this book but they are all about Lila. One where her father falls for a gold digger and Lila must stop him from marrying her and another where Lila actually falls in love with a boy.
Can I just say I love this cover really very much? Lila's got that look on her face that says, “Yeah, I'm better than you.” And also it's purple which reminds me of the Unicorn Club. I found a picture of it online but I decided it wasn't big enough to do Lila justice so I took a digital photo of my cover. Nice big picture of Lila behind the cut.
It's Summer vacation in Sweet Valley. Really? I'm shocked. This whole book must take place in an alternate time frame or something, as Lila's not been almost-raped, Cara dating Steven/not moved away, and so on. SVH writers do not give two figs about continuity, I guess.
We get reminded of who Lila is, as if you didn't know! She's the only daughter of George Fowler, who is one of the “richest men in California.” Lila has lots of money; she gets $100 haircuts (it actually gives that as an example of how rich she is. I think now days someone like Lila would get $1,000 haircuts or something. Inflation.) Lila and George live at Fowler Crest, a Spanish style mansion in the wealthy neighborhood of Sweet Valley. Her parents divorced and her mother moved out, leaving Lila pretty much alone. But she likes it that way; she gets the limelight to herself.
However, George Fowler has been dating Joan Borden recently. Lila does not like Joan, who lives in Los Angeles and comes up to bother Lila see George. Jessica, Cara, Amy and Lila are at the beach (working on their tans, melanoma be damned) when Amy brings up Joan. Lila is irritated and stalks off. Jessica goes after Lila and is impressed to discover Lila has a car phone. A car phone! Remember them? Isn't Lila just so glamorous that she has a car phone!?
In this passage, Joan's name is alternately spelled “Joan” and “Jean.” I bet the copy editors were like, “eh I'm not gonna bother with this crap. The kids who think who like this series won't notice little things like spelling.”
When Lila gets home she discovers her father is leaving to go to L.A. We meet George who is 45 and has movie-star distinguished good looks. Is it me or does every guy in Sweet Valley look like some movie star or other? Anyway, George got his credit card bill and Lila spent $600 at Lisette's and he's annoyed. She lies and says she never spent that much, hoping he'll forget about it. But he doesn't and he lectures her about lying to him. She feels horrible but doesn't understand why he's being so tight with the purse-strings. George says that Joan's daughter, Jacqueline, doesn't use her mother's credit cards at all. Lila hates Jacqueline already.
The next morning, Eva the housekeeper tells Lila that George is home and he's planning a “luncheon.” Joan and Jacqueline are coming. Worse, when Joan and Jacqueline show up, Jacqueline is wearing a terrible color. It's greenish-beige! Lila can barely stand it. This is just all too much for her.
Joan compliments Lila on how beautiful the house is. There's mention that the Fowler's have an original Picasso in their foyer. Lila snarks back that her mother decorated the place. When George shows up, Joan keeps talking about all kinds of glamorous things she does in L.A., but Lila thinks she seems fake. Jacqueline, on the other hand, turns out to be quiet and meek. She just sort of parrots everything her mother says. Lila hates that even more. Fake < dull.
Liz has invited the whole gang to some concert for the homeless. Lila wears white designer jeans with a suede vest (suede vest!) over a t-shirt to the concert. She is in the height to style. Suede vest! While there, Lila literally bumps into a guy at the concession stand. He's handsome, so naturally she is in love. Jessica recognizes him. His name is Evan Armstrong and he has a steady girlfriend named Sonia. He goes to another school, and Jess only remembers him because he drives the sexiest car on earth. (Hee!)
Lila doesn't think she can break Evan and Sonia up since they've been together a long time. But Jessica is like “Pshaw! I do it all the time!” She tells Lila that Sonia had a crush on Bruce Patman. Lila can't believe anyone who has Evan would like yucky Bruce. She reminds us that the Patmans and the Fowlers hate each other because the Patmans are “old money” and they think the Fowlers are nouveau riche. (Which is why they freakout when Lila and Bruce fall in looove. But that's not this book.)
Lila uses her trusty car phone to call Bruce because she's got a scheme a-brewing. She has to leave a message because he's out. This pains Lila because she thinks he will definitely save any messages of her asking for his help for posterity. She's probably right.
Jessica and Lila meet Bruce at the country club the next day. Lila asks Bruce if he can get Sonia interested in him again, even though she has a boyfriend now. Bruce is like, “Pfft. Cakewalk. The guy can't be as great as I am.” Lila is agog at his ego. But then Bruce says he won't just do this because he's a swell guy. “Someday, Lila Fowler, and that day might never come...I will call upon you to do a service for me...”
When at the club, Joan, Jacqueline and George show up and Jessica and Lila are forced to have lunch with them. Lila doesn't approve of how Joan orders for Jacqueline, or the fact that they both got the most expensive thing on the menu. Jessica likes Joan because Joan said she was pretty, and Jessica is a simple, simple person.
Anyway, The trio of plotters plot to break Evan and Sonia up at a place called “Beach Disco” (I know, right?!) to which Lila wears a white jumpsuit. Hee. Lila forces poor Winston to dance with her so she can watch what Sonia and Evan are doing. Bruce, very subtly, just goes over and asks Sonia to dance while she's with Evan. She's like, “Uh, no?” Lila and her white jumpsuit are not impressed with Bruce's mad scheming skillz.
After a night of Lila mocking him, Bruce finally gets Sonia to dance with him. Evan storms out and that's when Lila swoops in to talk to him. They mainly discuss what a creep Bruce is. Hee. And then Evan invites Lila to come see him race his car sometime. What is with all the boys racing cars and dirtbikes?
Lila is about to head out to the car race, when her father asks her about her plans. She lies and says she's going out with Jessica. George says he's taking Joan and Jacqueline to the canyon today (what is with the two of them taking Jacqueline on their dates?! How awkward!) but they intend to have dinner at Fowler Crest that evening. Lila doesn't want to be there, but George insists she attend.
Evan is surprised Lila came to see him race, since Sonia thinks it's boring. Lila decides racing is really glamorous and Evan will be a famous so when they get married she'll get her picture in all kinds of magazines. Wow, she's getting ahead of herself. Evan is so impressed that Lila is actually interested in his racing, unlike Sonia, he invites her out for dinner. Lila remembers she is supposed to have dinner with her father and the girlfriend but she didn't want to do that anyway!
They have a nice dinner. Evan seems to be really sweet. Lila ends up opening up to him about how much she hates Joan, which is unusual for her. He supports her and says she'll be fine because she's a “strong person.” And... that's actually an astute observation from the man-candy!
When Lila returns to Fowler Crest she discovers Jacqueline wearing her brand-new silk robe around the house! It turns out George invited them to stay for the evening and they're helpin' themselves to Lila's stuff. Pretending to make nice, Joan gives Lila a present “from Rodeo Drive” of hair combs that Lila thinks are the ugliest thing she's ever seen. If you're trying to buy Lila Fowler's affections, honey, you're going to have to spend a lot more than that!
Evan tells Lila how unhappy he's been with Sonia for the last few months. So he called her and broke it off. Then he takes Lila to Millers Point and they make with the smooching.
At home, Joan has been buying new things for Fowler Crest. Today she purchased a carpet. Really? Who goes around buying carpet for people as a gift? Unless this is some sort of double entendre that I'm missing.
Anyway, Jacqueline and Joan are around a lot now. And George thinks Lila should take Jacqueline to the race track next time she goes. I guess he's getting sick of her tagging along on his dates so now he wants her to tag along on Lila's! George also wants Jacqueline to be introduced to some of Lila's friends. So Lila rounds of up people and takes them all to the beach the next day.
Jacqueline wakes Lila up asking if she can borrow a bathing suit. Then she starts going through Lila's jewelery and pointing out necklaces she likes. When they go to the beach, Amy, Jessica and Liz have the nerve to actually like Jacqueline, even though Lila thinks she's obviously just kissing up to them.
Lila is irritated that everyone else seems to like Jacqueline. She even complains about her to Evan, but even sticks up for her. Things get awkward and Lila becomes afraid that they're going to break up. It's sort of sweet because she obviously cares about him and she doesn't understand how relationships really work. When he says he can't be in an upcoming race because he doesn't have the money, Lila offers him a loan. At first Evan doesn't want to take her money, but then, since he wants to race so badly, he accepts on the condition that he'll write her an IOU and pay her back as soon as he can.
Lila decides to take the money from her father's “petty cash” drawer. (He really must be rich if he's got $500 bucks in “petty” cash.) But she thinks he'll miss the money so she decides to blame the theft on Jacqueline, killing two birds with one stone. She plants the key to George's money drawer and a necklace Jacqueline was looking at, in the guest room.
Joan has taken a chair and had it reupholstered without telling anyone. (She gives the weirdest presents ever.) When the delivery guys show up with it they say they only take cash. Of course Joan doesn't have enough on her and George has to pay for his own “gift.” When he goes to get the money, the key is back in his office (to Lila's surprise) but the money is still gone. Lila announces her necklace was stolen too and goes and searches Jacqueline's room, but it's not there. Jacqueline has put it back in Lila's room.
George wants to throw a birthday party for Jacqueline in Sweet Valley, which makes no sense since she knows no one there. Why doesn't she want her party in her own home, you know? But Jacqueline is excited. Jessica calls and says it's really nice of Lila to throw a party for that sweet Jackie, but why didn't Lila and Evan show up last night? Lila is all, “what with the who?” Seems Jessica left a message with Jacqueline about tickets to see a band play but Jacqueline never gave Lila the message. Lila is pissed; it would've been a nice date with Evan.
Jacqueline tells Lila she did take a message. She wrote it on a piece of paper and put it next to Lila's necklace. Lila is like, “Bitch, it is so on.”
Evan comes to dinner at Fowler Crest and is charmed by Jacqueline and Joan. Then George announces that he's going away to Hawaii and taking Joan with him. Which means Jacqueline will be staying in Sweet Valley with Lila for five days. Of course she doesn't have any clothes, she's just going to borrow all Lila's shit. Lila is not excited the prospect of time alone with Jacqueline. Nor is she happy that Evan seems to think she's crazy for not liking her.
The next day, Lila finds Jacqueline in her room wearing the $600 outfit George gave Lila shit for buying. Jacqueline is just helping herself to all Lila's clothing. The mask comes off and Jacqueline reveals herself to be the backstabbing bitch we already knew she was. She says she was surprised Lila didn't buy her act, as normally people do. But that's our awesome Lila for you; she doesn't buy your crap. And she's onto you, so you ought to just pack your bags right now and save yourself some grief, Jackie.
Even Jessica who I thought was more of a pro than this, doesn't believe Lila when she is told the awful truth about Jacqueline. Jess thinks Lila is just jealous. Jealous!? I honestly can't think of a person Lila should be jealous of, certainly not that skank Jacqueline.
Bruce calls to talk to Lila about that ominous favor he was promised. Lila is forced to take the bus (horror!) to meet Bruce because Jacqueline took off with her Triumph. Bruce is calling in his favor. A friend of his named Toby is racing in the same race Evan is in and Bruce has money on him. Bruce wants Lila to get Evan to pull out of the race.
When Lila arrives home, George and Joan are back (surprisingly) and they have an announcement. I bet you can't guess what it is. That's right, they're getting married. Lila is really have a great day, eh?
Lila starts her scheming. She suggests that Jacqueline's silly birthday party and George and Joan's engagement party be combined into one big, super party. Oh, and she wants to help plan it. George is pleased to have such a dutiful daughter and Jacqueline is totally thrown by Lila's newfound interest in helping out. It's a win-win situation.
The party is conveniently planned to be the same night as Evan's big race. Lila goes to Evan and says she's having such a hard time and this is just so difficult for her; she doesn't know how she'll get through the party without him. Oh wait? He has some sort of race that evening? No, nevermind, he doesn't have to come. Oh, well, if you insist on canceling the race and coming to the party instead, yes she'll be very glad to have you. She's so glad you thought of it, Evan.
Later, after going for a swim in her pool, Lila hears Joan and Jacqueline talking. Jacqueline is worried George will find out that Joan is really poor and just in it for his money. Joan is all “poo, poo, I know how to handle him.” But what she doesn't know how to handle is Lila. No one can handle Lila!
Lila tries to tell her father what she overheard but of course he doesn't believe her. He says she's just trying to sabotage them again, like she's been doing since they got there. Very sad. I don't understand how George could've brought up such an awesome daughter like Lila and not have had some of the awesomeness rub off.
Like any good gold-digger, Joan wants to have the wedding in just three weeks. I didn't think it was possible to actually plan a whole wedding in three weeks. Maybe you can if you have money and can hire people.
But then things continue to go downhill for Lila, things with Evan have cooled off. He's acting strangely around her. And then one day she sees him with Jacqueline and her soon-to-be sister is all over him. She overhears him tell Jackie that he likes her a lot better than Li. Lila must really be hurt because she actually cries. Unlike Elizabeth, she doesn't cry every five seconds so this is notable.
Day of wedding: Lila gets the wedding planner (a man, not Jennifer Lopez) to show her how the sound system for the wedding is going to work. He shows her where the microphones are hidden to project all the sound from the ceremony. You should really never tell Lila where microphones are. Because Lila's not going to let this shit go down without a fight, especially considering the bridesmaid dress Joan wants her to wear is peach (horror). Lila sure has had to suffer a lot of indignities.
Lila steals some microphones and hides them in the room where Joan is getting ready to do her big walk. Lila tells Joan that Jacqueline told her everything about the scheme. Joan is furious and starts berating Jacqueline about how much she's done for her, blah blah blah. Lila is all, wow I didn't think you'd crumble that fast. You guys really suck at this.
So, when Joan walks out, all ready to get married, all the guests and George know she's a scheming bitch. And of course they're all his friends because she has none of her own. It is revealed that Lila was behind the hidden microphones and George actually hugs her and thanks her for protecting him. Lila's all, “Do go on praising me, father.”
George announces that this is no longer a wedding-but a big party for Lila and her awesomeness! I think it's a little weird that he's not more ashamed of the scandal he just created but, I can get behind that! Let's boogie down! Yay, Lila!
Evan tries to come talk to Lila after Joan and Jacqueline are banished. But Lila totally throws him under the bus and tells her father that since he was so close with Jacqueline, she took the $500 from his study and gave it to Evan. Lila has the IOU to prove it. (Bet he's glad he insisted on that now.) Then when Bruce shows up with his friend Toby, Lila decides to hit on him and make Evan think she was never really interested in him. She just wanted to help Toby win the race.
So we'll never hear about Lila's love for this Evan person ever again and only those of us who've read this book will know she's not really an ice princess! ... Or something.
That's right, bitches! This is Lila's story, so you perfect-size sixes can just scoot your asses over and make way for the top bitch! Aww, yeah. There are two plots in this book but they are all about Lila. One where her father falls for a gold digger and Lila must stop him from marrying her and another where Lila actually falls in love with a boy.
Can I just say I love this cover really very much? Lila's got that look on her face that says, “Yeah, I'm better than you.” And also it's purple which reminds me of the Unicorn Club. I found a picture of it online but I decided it wasn't big enough to do Lila justice so I took a digital photo of my cover. Nice big picture of Lila behind the cut.
It's Summer vacation in Sweet Valley. Really? I'm shocked. This whole book must take place in an alternate time frame or something, as Lila's not been almost-raped, Cara dating Steven/not moved away, and so on. SVH writers do not give two figs about continuity, I guess.
We get reminded of who Lila is, as if you didn't know! She's the only daughter of George Fowler, who is one of the “richest men in California.” Lila has lots of money; she gets $100 haircuts (it actually gives that as an example of how rich she is. I think now days someone like Lila would get $1,000 haircuts or something. Inflation.) Lila and George live at Fowler Crest, a Spanish style mansion in the wealthy neighborhood of Sweet Valley. Her parents divorced and her mother moved out, leaving Lila pretty much alone. But she likes it that way; she gets the limelight to herself.
However, George Fowler has been dating Joan Borden recently. Lila does not like Joan, who lives in Los Angeles and comes up to bother Lila see George. Jessica, Cara, Amy and Lila are at the beach (working on their tans, melanoma be damned) when Amy brings up Joan. Lila is irritated and stalks off. Jessica goes after Lila and is impressed to discover Lila has a car phone. A car phone! Remember them? Isn't Lila just so glamorous that she has a car phone!?
In this passage, Joan's name is alternately spelled “Joan” and “Jean.” I bet the copy editors were like, “eh I'm not gonna bother with this crap. The kids who think who like this series won't notice little things like spelling.”
When Lila gets home she discovers her father is leaving to go to L.A. We meet George who is 45 and has movie-star distinguished good looks. Is it me or does every guy in Sweet Valley look like some movie star or other? Anyway, George got his credit card bill and Lila spent $600 at Lisette's and he's annoyed. She lies and says she never spent that much, hoping he'll forget about it. But he doesn't and he lectures her about lying to him. She feels horrible but doesn't understand why he's being so tight with the purse-strings. George says that Joan's daughter, Jacqueline, doesn't use her mother's credit cards at all. Lila hates Jacqueline already.
The next morning, Eva the housekeeper tells Lila that George is home and he's planning a “luncheon.” Joan and Jacqueline are coming. Worse, when Joan and Jacqueline show up, Jacqueline is wearing a terrible color. It's greenish-beige! Lila can barely stand it. This is just all too much for her.
Joan compliments Lila on how beautiful the house is. There's mention that the Fowler's have an original Picasso in their foyer. Lila snarks back that her mother decorated the place. When George shows up, Joan keeps talking about all kinds of glamorous things she does in L.A., but Lila thinks she seems fake. Jacqueline, on the other hand, turns out to be quiet and meek. She just sort of parrots everything her mother says. Lila hates that even more. Fake < dull.
Liz has invited the whole gang to some concert for the homeless. Lila wears white designer jeans with a suede vest (suede vest!) over a t-shirt to the concert. She is in the height to style. Suede vest! While there, Lila literally bumps into a guy at the concession stand. He's handsome, so naturally she is in love. Jessica recognizes him. His name is Evan Armstrong and he has a steady girlfriend named Sonia. He goes to another school, and Jess only remembers him because he drives the sexiest car on earth. (Hee!)
Lila doesn't think she can break Evan and Sonia up since they've been together a long time. But Jessica is like “Pshaw! I do it all the time!” She tells Lila that Sonia had a crush on Bruce Patman. Lila can't believe anyone who has Evan would like yucky Bruce. She reminds us that the Patmans and the Fowlers hate each other because the Patmans are “old money” and they think the Fowlers are nouveau riche. (Which is why they freakout when Lila and Bruce fall in looove. But that's not this book.)
Lila uses her trusty car phone to call Bruce because she's got a scheme a-brewing. She has to leave a message because he's out. This pains Lila because she thinks he will definitely save any messages of her asking for his help for posterity. She's probably right.
Jessica and Lila meet Bruce at the country club the next day. Lila asks Bruce if he can get Sonia interested in him again, even though she has a boyfriend now. Bruce is like, “Pfft. Cakewalk. The guy can't be as great as I am.” Lila is agog at his ego. But then Bruce says he won't just do this because he's a swell guy. “Someday, Lila Fowler, and that day might never come...I will call upon you to do a service for me...”
When at the club, Joan, Jacqueline and George show up and Jessica and Lila are forced to have lunch with them. Lila doesn't approve of how Joan orders for Jacqueline, or the fact that they both got the most expensive thing on the menu. Jessica likes Joan because Joan said she was pretty, and Jessica is a simple, simple person.
Anyway, The trio of plotters plot to break Evan and Sonia up at a place called “Beach Disco” (I know, right?!) to which Lila wears a white jumpsuit. Hee. Lila forces poor Winston to dance with her so she can watch what Sonia and Evan are doing. Bruce, very subtly, just goes over and asks Sonia to dance while she's with Evan. She's like, “Uh, no?” Lila and her white jumpsuit are not impressed with Bruce's mad scheming skillz.
After a night of Lila mocking him, Bruce finally gets Sonia to dance with him. Evan storms out and that's when Lila swoops in to talk to him. They mainly discuss what a creep Bruce is. Hee. And then Evan invites Lila to come see him race his car sometime. What is with all the boys racing cars and dirtbikes?
Lila is about to head out to the car race, when her father asks her about her plans. She lies and says she's going out with Jessica. George says he's taking Joan and Jacqueline to the canyon today (what is with the two of them taking Jacqueline on their dates?! How awkward!) but they intend to have dinner at Fowler Crest that evening. Lila doesn't want to be there, but George insists she attend.
Evan is surprised Lila came to see him race, since Sonia thinks it's boring. Lila decides racing is really glamorous and Evan will be a famous so when they get married she'll get her picture in all kinds of magazines. Wow, she's getting ahead of herself. Evan is so impressed that Lila is actually interested in his racing, unlike Sonia, he invites her out for dinner. Lila remembers she is supposed to have dinner with her father and the girlfriend but she didn't want to do that anyway!
They have a nice dinner. Evan seems to be really sweet. Lila ends up opening up to him about how much she hates Joan, which is unusual for her. He supports her and says she'll be fine because she's a “strong person.” And... that's actually an astute observation from the man-candy!
When Lila returns to Fowler Crest she discovers Jacqueline wearing her brand-new silk robe around the house! It turns out George invited them to stay for the evening and they're helpin' themselves to Lila's stuff. Pretending to make nice, Joan gives Lila a present “from Rodeo Drive” of hair combs that Lila thinks are the ugliest thing she's ever seen. If you're trying to buy Lila Fowler's affections, honey, you're going to have to spend a lot more than that!
Evan tells Lila how unhappy he's been with Sonia for the last few months. So he called her and broke it off. Then he takes Lila to Millers Point and they make with the smooching.
At home, Joan has been buying new things for Fowler Crest. Today she purchased a carpet. Really? Who goes around buying carpet for people as a gift? Unless this is some sort of double entendre that I'm missing.
Anyway, Jacqueline and Joan are around a lot now. And George thinks Lila should take Jacqueline to the race track next time she goes. I guess he's getting sick of her tagging along on his dates so now he wants her to tag along on Lila's! George also wants Jacqueline to be introduced to some of Lila's friends. So Lila rounds of up people and takes them all to the beach the next day.
Jacqueline wakes Lila up asking if she can borrow a bathing suit. Then she starts going through Lila's jewelery and pointing out necklaces she likes. When they go to the beach, Amy, Jessica and Liz have the nerve to actually like Jacqueline, even though Lila thinks she's obviously just kissing up to them.
Lila is irritated that everyone else seems to like Jacqueline. She even complains about her to Evan, but even sticks up for her. Things get awkward and Lila becomes afraid that they're going to break up. It's sort of sweet because she obviously cares about him and she doesn't understand how relationships really work. When he says he can't be in an upcoming race because he doesn't have the money, Lila offers him a loan. At first Evan doesn't want to take her money, but then, since he wants to race so badly, he accepts on the condition that he'll write her an IOU and pay her back as soon as he can.
Lila decides to take the money from her father's “petty cash” drawer. (He really must be rich if he's got $500 bucks in “petty” cash.) But she thinks he'll miss the money so she decides to blame the theft on Jacqueline, killing two birds with one stone. She plants the key to George's money drawer and a necklace Jacqueline was looking at, in the guest room.
Joan has taken a chair and had it reupholstered without telling anyone. (She gives the weirdest presents ever.) When the delivery guys show up with it they say they only take cash. Of course Joan doesn't have enough on her and George has to pay for his own “gift.” When he goes to get the money, the key is back in his office (to Lila's surprise) but the money is still gone. Lila announces her necklace was stolen too and goes and searches Jacqueline's room, but it's not there. Jacqueline has put it back in Lila's room.
George wants to throw a birthday party for Jacqueline in Sweet Valley, which makes no sense since she knows no one there. Why doesn't she want her party in her own home, you know? But Jacqueline is excited. Jessica calls and says it's really nice of Lila to throw a party for that sweet Jackie, but why didn't Lila and Evan show up last night? Lila is all, “what with the who?” Seems Jessica left a message with Jacqueline about tickets to see a band play but Jacqueline never gave Lila the message. Lila is pissed; it would've been a nice date with Evan.
Jacqueline tells Lila she did take a message. She wrote it on a piece of paper and put it next to Lila's necklace. Lila is like, “Bitch, it is so on.”
Evan comes to dinner at Fowler Crest and is charmed by Jacqueline and Joan. Then George announces that he's going away to Hawaii and taking Joan with him. Which means Jacqueline will be staying in Sweet Valley with Lila for five days. Of course she doesn't have any clothes, she's just going to borrow all Lila's shit. Lila is not excited the prospect of time alone with Jacqueline. Nor is she happy that Evan seems to think she's crazy for not liking her.
The next day, Lila finds Jacqueline in her room wearing the $600 outfit George gave Lila shit for buying. Jacqueline is just helping herself to all Lila's clothing. The mask comes off and Jacqueline reveals herself to be the backstabbing bitch we already knew she was. She says she was surprised Lila didn't buy her act, as normally people do. But that's our awesome Lila for you; she doesn't buy your crap. And she's onto you, so you ought to just pack your bags right now and save yourself some grief, Jackie.
Even Jessica who I thought was more of a pro than this, doesn't believe Lila when she is told the awful truth about Jacqueline. Jess thinks Lila is just jealous. Jealous!? I honestly can't think of a person Lila should be jealous of, certainly not that skank Jacqueline.
Bruce calls to talk to Lila about that ominous favor he was promised. Lila is forced to take the bus (horror!) to meet Bruce because Jacqueline took off with her Triumph. Bruce is calling in his favor. A friend of his named Toby is racing in the same race Evan is in and Bruce has money on him. Bruce wants Lila to get Evan to pull out of the race.
When Lila arrives home, George and Joan are back (surprisingly) and they have an announcement. I bet you can't guess what it is. That's right, they're getting married. Lila is really have a great day, eh?
Lila starts her scheming. She suggests that Jacqueline's silly birthday party and George and Joan's engagement party be combined into one big, super party. Oh, and she wants to help plan it. George is pleased to have such a dutiful daughter and Jacqueline is totally thrown by Lila's newfound interest in helping out. It's a win-win situation.
The party is conveniently planned to be the same night as Evan's big race. Lila goes to Evan and says she's having such a hard time and this is just so difficult for her; she doesn't know how she'll get through the party without him. Oh wait? He has some sort of race that evening? No, nevermind, he doesn't have to come. Oh, well, if you insist on canceling the race and coming to the party instead, yes she'll be very glad to have you. She's so glad you thought of it, Evan.
Later, after going for a swim in her pool, Lila hears Joan and Jacqueline talking. Jacqueline is worried George will find out that Joan is really poor and just in it for his money. Joan is all “poo, poo, I know how to handle him.” But what she doesn't know how to handle is Lila. No one can handle Lila!
Lila tries to tell her father what she overheard but of course he doesn't believe her. He says she's just trying to sabotage them again, like she's been doing since they got there. Very sad. I don't understand how George could've brought up such an awesome daughter like Lila and not have had some of the awesomeness rub off.
Like any good gold-digger, Joan wants to have the wedding in just three weeks. I didn't think it was possible to actually plan a whole wedding in three weeks. Maybe you can if you have money and can hire people.
But then things continue to go downhill for Lila, things with Evan have cooled off. He's acting strangely around her. And then one day she sees him with Jacqueline and her soon-to-be sister is all over him. She overhears him tell Jackie that he likes her a lot better than Li. Lila must really be hurt because she actually cries. Unlike Elizabeth, she doesn't cry every five seconds so this is notable.
Day of wedding: Lila gets the wedding planner (a man, not Jennifer Lopez) to show her how the sound system for the wedding is going to work. He shows her where the microphones are hidden to project all the sound from the ceremony. You should really never tell Lila where microphones are. Because Lila's not going to let this shit go down without a fight, especially considering the bridesmaid dress Joan wants her to wear is peach (horror). Lila sure has had to suffer a lot of indignities.
Lila steals some microphones and hides them in the room where Joan is getting ready to do her big walk. Lila tells Joan that Jacqueline told her everything about the scheme. Joan is furious and starts berating Jacqueline about how much she's done for her, blah blah blah. Lila is all, wow I didn't think you'd crumble that fast. You guys really suck at this.
So, when Joan walks out, all ready to get married, all the guests and George know she's a scheming bitch. And of course they're all his friends because she has none of her own. It is revealed that Lila was behind the hidden microphones and George actually hugs her and thanks her for protecting him. Lila's all, “Do go on praising me, father.”
George announces that this is no longer a wedding-but a big party for Lila and her awesomeness! I think it's a little weird that he's not more ashamed of the scandal he just created but, I can get behind that! Let's boogie down! Yay, Lila!
Evan tries to come talk to Lila after Joan and Jacqueline are banished. But Lila totally throws him under the bus and tells her father that since he was so close with Jacqueline, she took the $500 from his study and gave it to Evan. Lila has the IOU to prove it. (Bet he's glad he insisted on that now.) Then when Bruce shows up with his friend Toby, Lila decides to hit on him and make Evan think she was never really interested in him. She just wanted to help Toby win the race.
So we'll never hear about Lila's love for this Evan person ever again and only those of us who've read this book will know she's not really an ice princess! ... Or something.