(no subject)
so this past week, month ish ive been sitting down wondering why i do the things i do, and living the life i live. its mad stressful, thinking about saving the world and you cant even keep your own life in order. ive been feeling very very small and insignificant. a lot of "who am i" kind of deals, blah blah, that sounds quite adolescent, haha.
once upon a time there was this korean man, well, boy at the time, and he would climb a mountain every morning (koreans are so determined) and pray about how to heal the suffering of the world. and one day when he came down he claimed to have met jesus and received his divine mission to heal Gods heart and unite the world as one family centered on God.
true? hell if i know, i wasnt there. but then this man spent the rest of his life crying for God, for Korea, for America, for Russia, for Christianity, for people. and i mean, its hard for me to cry for someone. i prefer to close my heart before i get to the point of crying for someone. but he just cries and then does what he thinks is best to save the world.
i can respect that. i mean, i do respect that, in all sense of thats what makes me a "moonie." a "church member." a "some other cliche label i dont even know."
but in total honesty, i hate organized religion. like really really i dont like it. i did in high school like with a passion, and then for a time i wondered if that was me or part of a rebellious phase, but now im sure that i do. i hate politics. i hate institutionalized hearts. i hate stereotypes and labels and rules. not just for churches either. for anything. there are too many things in the world that have this beautiful dream, so the people who are working towards it come together. but then you know what happens? because to get things accomplished, you need organization, so you form an organization. but people are so desperate (myself included) to belong somewhere in the world, that they get too much into the point that they belong to an organization, and throw themselves into this afore mentioned organization, and they lose their inspiration/motivation for working towards their dream, the dream that inspired it all in the first place.
use the institution for achieving the dream; dont use the dream just to found the organization.
its just, i think, that we all need to feel like we belong somewhere. because we do, and its not a bad thing, its completely natural. which is why, i think, God gave us the whole idea of family.
and then i could go on about how families are so imperfect so we go looking for love, but i mean, i think we know that all already. actually maybe we dont. i sure as hell know it, lol, you cant live with my parents for 19 years and not know it. bless their hearts and their efforts. but you cant.
im just scared for the future. i really am. im scared of the world getting to the point where we will never understand (myself again included) how incredible we really are, and how incredible each person is, and the state of being in love with everything, and my dreams will never come true. i dont think i can fully explain why, not even in livejournal, but i ammm...
i wish i was a better person all the time. not just when its easy, but all the time.
yeah. so figure, im kinda in a funk these days, and who uses the word "funk?" dated. big long sigh, cue here.
college apps due soon. life keeps rolling. much love and mansei.
*MANSEI "mahn-say" korean word literally translated into "victory for ten thousand years." on STF, you shout it when someone is leaving the van to go fundraising, because you're wishing them victory (for ten thousand years lol). i use it at the end of phone conversations, and journal entries, and whenever im happy with someone or something. so, mansei guys. its the new "see ya." lol.
once upon a time there was this korean man, well, boy at the time, and he would climb a mountain every morning (koreans are so determined) and pray about how to heal the suffering of the world. and one day when he came down he claimed to have met jesus and received his divine mission to heal Gods heart and unite the world as one family centered on God.
true? hell if i know, i wasnt there. but then this man spent the rest of his life crying for God, for Korea, for America, for Russia, for Christianity, for people. and i mean, its hard for me to cry for someone. i prefer to close my heart before i get to the point of crying for someone. but he just cries and then does what he thinks is best to save the world.
i can respect that. i mean, i do respect that, in all sense of thats what makes me a "moonie." a "church member." a "some other cliche label i dont even know."
but in total honesty, i hate organized religion. like really really i dont like it. i did in high school like with a passion, and then for a time i wondered if that was me or part of a rebellious phase, but now im sure that i do. i hate politics. i hate institutionalized hearts. i hate stereotypes and labels and rules. not just for churches either. for anything. there are too many things in the world that have this beautiful dream, so the people who are working towards it come together. but then you know what happens? because to get things accomplished, you need organization, so you form an organization. but people are so desperate (myself included) to belong somewhere in the world, that they get too much into the point that they belong to an organization, and throw themselves into this afore mentioned organization, and they lose their inspiration/motivation for working towards their dream, the dream that inspired it all in the first place.
use the institution for achieving the dream; dont use the dream just to found the organization.
its just, i think, that we all need to feel like we belong somewhere. because we do, and its not a bad thing, its completely natural. which is why, i think, God gave us the whole idea of family.
and then i could go on about how families are so imperfect so we go looking for love, but i mean, i think we know that all already. actually maybe we dont. i sure as hell know it, lol, you cant live with my parents for 19 years and not know it. bless their hearts and their efforts. but you cant.
im just scared for the future. i really am. im scared of the world getting to the point where we will never understand (myself again included) how incredible we really are, and how incredible each person is, and the state of being in love with everything, and my dreams will never come true. i dont think i can fully explain why, not even in livejournal, but i ammm...
i wish i was a better person all the time. not just when its easy, but all the time.
yeah. so figure, im kinda in a funk these days, and who uses the word "funk?" dated. big long sigh, cue here.
college apps due soon. life keeps rolling. much love and mansei.
*MANSEI "mahn-say" korean word literally translated into "victory for ten thousand years." on STF, you shout it when someone is leaving the van to go fundraising, because you're wishing them victory (for ten thousand years lol). i use it at the end of phone conversations, and journal entries, and whenever im happy with someone or something. so, mansei guys. its the new "see ya." lol.