(no subject)
I have dealt with this so many times before, but for some reason its different this year.. Like i picked off a scab to an almost healed wound. I cant even control myself. Maybe its the alcohol, maybe its hormones. I miss her so much and i hate this time of year, especially this year. i feel so alone.. and i hate feeling alone. It eats me up inside. I have tried to find so many things to fill the void.. nothing is ever gonna fill her place. Sometimes i drift away and wonder, will i ever be with her again, if heaven really exists. I try to convince myself it does so i can sleep at night knowing i will see her again. I cant eveen begin to explain how much she meant.. she means to me. you just have to know.. you juts had to see it. I adored her. She was my everything. and my everything is just gone.. and never coming back.. its so hard to swallow. Its been 4 years, i should be ok, but im so so far from it. Im scared i will never be ok. i just wish i could talk to her some times. i wish we had more home videos with her so i could watch them... just to see her eyes and her smile.. i wish i could talk about her with fam, but they dodge it, because that is their way of daeling.. i need to let this all out.
....and the worst part about is im drinking... and you wouldnt wnat that....
I miss you so much its killing me inside... i feel like apart of me is dead... or gone.. when you died, i think apart of me went with you...