Im just being a baby right now..
For some reason, i just feel like im being put off to the side, when i need someone the most. I just needed some to actually comfort me this last week. I've never been this sick in my life. I have never felt this horrible. I just wanted some company, or maybe just a favor, but every time i asked something else seems to come up. Maybe im just being a drama queen because im still sick, and a bit stressed, but it just feel pushed to the side. I dont even wanna confront you about the way i feel, because i dont want to push you away from me.
I guess this is the best time to finally admit that i am stressed the hell out. and for once i dont care what other ppl think of me. Everyone already knows, so what is the point? I cant act like everything is ok anymore. I cant act like im happy 100% of the time. I think im sick of lying to everyone, and having to come up with excuses. Or maybe im exhausted from actually being sick, that i cant come up with excuses for things. I really just need a hug, or someone to run to with all of this.
I was in the ER yesterday. I threw up 27 times. I dont think i have ever been that sick. I was given 3 bags of saline. A shot of an anti-nausia med, and a shot of morphine. They told me it was a virus, AKA WE DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. My blood pressure was 167/94 which is way too high.. but of course they came up with another reason why it was high. I have a few appointments this week and we will see what they say next.
I was listening to Avant today, and i thought of you....... i sometimes wonder if youre watching me.....
Remember that time, i tripped up the stairs, and you ribbed me the whole entire night, even when you shouldnt have been??
Christmas is coming so quickly. I feel horrible because i have no money, and that iin itself is enough said.
I just wanna run.... away... from everything....
P.S. http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx10.htm
- Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
- A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
- Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
- Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
- Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
- Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
- Chronic feelings of emptiness
- Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
- Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms
Mary, go read the rest of this article, and let me knwo what you think about all that jazz..
Oh and hey, have i mentioned i miss you a ton?? Cuz i do.. and i need you.. cuz you make life better...
like when we would just sit at home with Patrick and order Pizza Shuttle, and laugh at brenda because she was falling over drunk?? I miss when life was simple, and everynight was a sleep over. I simply just miss you.... :-(
Im fucking 21, and havent done anything about that yet! Fuck this shit, im going out! AND IM GETTING DRUNK, and thats that!
p.s.s Its 54 degrees in my damn house, because our furness is broken, and my window wont fucking close!